


When We Were Young

by serohtonin



Category: Glee RPF
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Future, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, First Time Blow Jobs, Frottage, Future Fic, Hand Jobs, M/M, Near Future, Slut Shaming, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-02
Updated: 2016-09-02
Packaged: 2018-08-12 10:52:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 92,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7931857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serohtonin/pseuds/serohtonin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After meeting in college and having a few misunderstandings along the way, Darren and Chris share a brief romance which ends when Darren graduates. Over the next decade or so they fall into and out of each other's lives as they take different paths. When they lose touch completely, can they find their way back to each other or will they let their past tear them apart again? Title taken from Adele's song of the same name. Alternate Meeting AU/part college AU/part Future AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the [Crisscolfer Big Bang 2016](http://crisscolferbigbang.tumblr.com/) on tumblr. Thanks so much to the organizer for bearing with me on the progress of this fic and also a huge thanks to [klaineunite](http://klaineunite.tumblr.com/) from tumblr for beta'ing and sticking with me, even after jumping into this sort of late in the process. I'm so excited to finally post this! Art is coming soon btw! I'll include a link here.
> 
> Disclaimer: Though partly based on true events, I own none of the real individuals or other entities mentioned, including the rights to any songs, companies, universities, books or films. I also don't claim the relationships mentioned herein to actually be true.

“Tell me where he is.”

Darren frantically addresses the triage nurse in the emergency room.

“I’m sorry, sir. You’ll need to be more specific,” she casually informs him from her seat behind the desk.

“I believe we spoke on the phone. My fiancé, Chris Colfer, he--where is he?” 

“Okay, sir, Mr.--”

“Criss. Darren Criss.”

Her eyes flicker up and down his frame, no doubt attempting to place the name and remember who he used to be practically a lifetime ago.

“Your fiancé. Right,” she quickly states. “Let me take you to him.”

His heart beats faster as she tells another nurse sitting near her to watch her post. He hates himself and fears the worst, given his unresolved issues with Chris. 

What if he’s gone?

Though he always knew in his heart that they belonged together, it took so much time for them to finally get it right. He made countless mistakes throughout the years and he can’t imagine not having the chance to see Chris again and figure out where he went wrong. But Chris has made mistakes too throughout their relationship and Darren can’t help wondering why he chose today for one of them.

While the nurse leads him down the hall, he thinks of all the missteps that lead them here, starting with the night they first met. 


	2. Everything Just Takes me Back

_Fall 2008_

_“Where the hell are you?”_

Darren held his phone away from the loud voice in his ear and shimmied into his jeans. He sniffed his shirt and figured it smelled okay, although he fell asleep in it last night and wore it half the day.

“Sorry, Joey. I fell asleep studying and I have to get ready. It’s a party. It’s not like I have to be there right now,” he reasoned, buttoning and zipping his fly.

_“Well, everyone’s already here. This place is getting wild. C’mon, it’s the first party of your senior year. Let’s start it off right. You already missed two rounds of shots. What do you have to do to get ready, tame that damn ‘fro?”_ Joey laughed.

Darren patted his hair and frowned. “Ouch. Fuck you. My ‘fro is amazing and you wish you had one. You better apologize to it later.”

_“Maybe if I’m drunk enough, I’ll kiss it and make it better, dude. But I can only do that if you get here.”_

He picked up his cologne and sprayed a bit on the base of his neck, right above his shirt collar. Then he grabbed the key to his apartment and pocketed it before heading out toward the front door. “Alright, alright. You drive a hard bargain. I’ll be there soon.”

_“I knew I could lure you by mentioning a potential makeout. God, you’re so easy.”_

“What can I say? I’m a lover, not a fighter.”

He chuckled as he shut the door behind him and then hung up the phone, preparing for what would hopefully be another epic night.

What he didn’t know was just how much it would change his life.

\----

He arrived a little while later after he walked to another off-campus apartment building, close to the one where he lived with Joey, Joe Walker, and Brian Holden. He’d been friends with Joe and Brian since they met freshman year and when they moved out of their dorms, they eventually invited Joey too, who was a year below them. He had had a lot of fun living with those guys for about a year until he left to study abroad in Italy. That was a different kind of fun, immersing himself in the theater, the music, the language, and the culture, all while meeting great people. But now he was back and ready to take his last year at Michigan by storm. 

First he needed to find Joey among the maze of people that was this party in some fellow student’s apartment. All Darren knew was that the guy was a music major and there was free booze, which he was totally down for. He ran into Lauren before anyone else, hugging her tightly as he greeted her. They caught up on how their first week back to school had been and he learned that she had been dating a new guy for about a month. He congratulated her and hoped it lasted this time. She told him she thought she saw Joey in the kitchen a few minutes ago, looking for the tequila.

“Hey! We could all do shots together! You gotta catch up to us, Dare!” Lauren exclaimed, tugging him by the arm to the kitchen.

Sure enough, they found Joey there, along with Meredith and Julia. He embraced Joey warmly, patting him on the back as he greeted him and then he gave the same reception to Meredith. Julia got a kiss on the cheek and a quick wave. He tried for a smile but faltered; he still had a lot to atone for when it came to her but he didn’t want to focus on that tonight. He wasn’t living in the past anymore.

“So you still got tequila?” Darren asked Joey as he turned away from Julia.

He picked up the half-empty bottle from the counter behind him and waved it in the air. “Hell yeah, man. Let’s do this thing.”

Meredith grabbed red plastic cups from the same place Joey found the tequila and handed them to Joey, who poured a little into each one and passed them down the line to each person until everyone had one.

“On three!” Joey called. “One, two, three!”

“Go Big Blue!” They shouted in unison before raising their drinks and rapidly downing them.

Darren winced at the familiar burn as it coated his throat, the buzz just beginning to flow through him. “Woo!” He exclaimed. “It’s so good to be back, you guys.”

“Please, you couldn’t have missed us that much,” Julia scoffed. “You were in Italy. I’m sure it was beautiful.”

“Not as beautiful as you, Jules.” He smirked.

She glared at him for a moment.

He batted his eyelashes playfully in response but her expression didn’t change. He deserved it, considering they were casually dating when he left. She brought up wanting to get more serious but he never gave her a real response. He really cared about her but he didn’t think he was ready for that. So he took off with barely a goodbye and a vague promise to consider it. They hadn’t spoken since. He wanted to at least get back on good terms with her, considering they would share a few classes. Maybe, with time, she would forgive him and he would figure out what he really wanted. However, that probably wasn’t happening tonight.

He deflated, snatched the bottle from Joey’s grasp and took a swig, holding his gaze on Julia.

“Okay,” Meredith chimed. “How about you put down the bottle and dance with me, Dare? Maybe you can tell me I’m pretty too. Come on!” 

He swallowed and took her advice, eyes still trained on Julia. “Sounds awesome, Mer.”

Then he turned to face his friend and let her lead him into the small living room packed with people where “Just Dance” blasted from someone’s iPod.

“Like the song says, _‘Just dance! Gonna be okay. Spin that record, babe!’”_ She leaned into him and sang, swaying her hips to the music. “We’ll all get over it and be one big happy family again soon. You gotta give her time, Dare.”

“I know.” He sighed, gripping her waist and nodding his head to the beat. “She’ll accept that I’m a jerk and I’ll accept that I screwed up a pretty good thing that I had going.”

“Aww, I’m sure you’ll sort things out eventually. Just don’t wait too long, y’know?”

“It’s already been too long, Mer. Can’t I just get shitfaced and forget about it for now?”

“If you insist but we should keep dancing first!”

He pulled her closer and tucked his chin into the crook of her shoulder, losing himself in the beat for a bit. She fell into sync with him as the song changed to something much more suggestive, their bodies fitting together. He had no other ulterior motive than to feel the song pulsing through his veins with the warmth of another human next to him. After all, a dance didn’t always have to mean something, even if it did more often than not. He squeezed her hips as the chorus arrived and glanced across the room to a boy with a round cherub face and chestnut bangs falling into his clear blue eyes. He held a cup in his hand, looked down into it and took a swig, immediately making the most adorable grimace that Darren had ever seen. 

Darren chuckled in Meredith’s ear, his grip on her slackening. 

“You alright?” Meredith wondered.

“Yeah, I just--Freshmen,” he explained succinctly as he laughed again and looked away before the boy managed to notice him.

“Oh, yeah. I remember those days. I’m sure you do too given that you dated half of them before you know who.”

“Hey, in my defense, they were all particularly cute, even if I can’t remember their names. Shut up and keep dancing with me.”

“Okay, slut.”

One of his hands fell away from her body. “Maybe I don’t want to dance with you anymore, meanie. Besides, who said I screwed all of them?”

Meredith pulled back and raised an eyebrow at him.

“Fine. There may have been some level of sexual activity with most of them, girls and guys alike,” Darren conceded. “But I was single and it was consensual. It was all in good fun.”

“Well, maybe you can get back in the saddle tonight.” She winked.

“You mean you want me to be a slut?”

“Be anything you want to be as long as it’s not with me. I mean, you’re dreamy and all but I am just fine not hitting that.” She pushed him away right as the song morphed to bass pounding hip-hop. “Oh, perfect timing for you to go grind up on someone else.”

“Sounds like a fucking awesome idea.” He hugged her and loudly said, “Thanks for the shoulder. Er, the hips.”

“Don’t mention it. Go get your groove on or go make out with Joey.” 

He laughed and let go of her. “Maybe I’ll do both.”

“Okay. If the latter happens, I might want a front row seat but for now I’m gonna go find Lo,” she replied, affectionately referring to Lauren.

“Hell no. No more peep shows on my sex life. Not after the last time.”

“You were in the kitchen, Darren! How could I not see anything?”

He blushed though she couldn’t tell in the dim light. “Sorry. I didn’t know--Anyway, I’ll see you later.”

“Bye, Dare. Be careful.”

“I will.” 

He watched her head into the crowd for a moment. Then he turned in the opposite direction, looking for a keg or a cooler of cheap beer to help him drown out the leftover regret for how he handled Julia. However, between the girls screaming, the couple feeling each other up in the corner, and the dudes cheering about shots, he couldn’t find anything. He struggled through the throng, finally colliding with another body roughly. When he looked up, he recognized the boy from earlier, who turned out to be even cuter up close, with ruddy cheeks and bright eyes.

“Hey!” Darren smiled. “Sorry about that.”

“I’m sure you are.” He huffed.

Darren raised his hands up in protest. “I’m serious. Didn’t mean to bump into you. I just need some booze.”

The boy’s eyes flickered down to his cup and then back up. “I don’t understand why anyone would drink this swill. It’s terrible.” 

Hmm, swill. So this guy had an extensive vocabulary. Darren liked him a little more already. 

“That’s what college is all about, man. Is this your first rodeo?” Darren asked curiously.

“Yeah. What’s it to you?” The boy challenged, arching his brow.

“Just wondering.” Darren shrugged. “Maybe I could show you the ropes. Everyone deserves a good education.” 

Darren held out his hand while the boy studied him carefully.

“I won’t bite, I swear,” Darren promised. “Unless you want me to.”

The boy bit his own lip in consideration and Darren’s veins stirred with an all too familiar jolt that wasn’t from the alcohol hitting his system. 

“Alright. I’m Chris,” the boy offered, his clammy hand finally taking Darren’s.

“Awesome! Darren,” he told him. “I have so much to teach you.”

\----

In the following hour, Darren convinced Chris to drink a few more beers despite their unpleasant taste. Although Darren could easily drink much more, he kept pace with Chris, who seemed mildly annoyed. He glared at Darren but powered through it, a small smile creeping across his face. They moved to the kitchen where Darren poured a shot of vodka for each of them. They clinked their red cups together and Darren’s heart beat a little faster when he noticed the indecent pucker on Chris’ mouth after they finished.

“Do you want to get some air?” Darren wondered, his hand connecting with Chris’ shoulder, partly to steady himself and partly because he’d been dying to reach out for so long.

Chris nodded. “Isn’t this how every horror movie starts though? Getting the innocent virgin alone?” Then his face flushed as he realized what he said. “Oh my God! This must be what being drunk feels like.”

Darren took a deep breath at this brand new information and filed it away for potential future reference. Chris deserved more than a drunken fumbling one-night stand for his first time. Darren figured he might have to play the long game on this one, if he did at all. He crumbled at the idea that he couldn’t get what he was looking for tonight from Chris. Somehow he didn’t want to search for a quick hookup with anyone else either. Still, Darren handled his response smoothly.

“What? Making an ass of yourself by saying stupid shit?” Darren chuckled. “No worries. I’ve done that sober. C’mon. We’re only going outside. I promise.”

Darren draped his arm across Chris’ shoulder and walked them both to the tiny balcony just outside the sliding doors off the living room. They leaned against the building and Darren reluctantly dropped his hold on Chris to pull the flask out from his jacket.

He took a sip to calm his nerves and stared at the souvenir he bought while overseas, complete with his initials fancily engraved into the metal.

“So, um, now that it’s quiet, care to talk?” Darren asked.

Chris stared straight ahead for a moment and then turned towards Darren thoughtfully before answering, “Yeah, sure.”

He found out that Chris was a freshman who hailed from a tiny town in northern California and majored in Creative Writing and Literature.

“Oh, that’s cool! I’m studying theatre by the way. Graduating in May if everything goes as planned,” Darren commented. “And you’re sort of from around my neck of the woods. I came from San Fran.”

“Trust me. Clovis is nothing like that. I wanted to find a really good writing program as far away from there as possible. That’s why I came here.”

Chris’ eyes darkened subtly and his mouth hardened into a firm line. Darren wanted to delve further into what that look meant but he allowed it to lie there, too heavy for a drunken night with a near stranger.

Darren gave him the flask and Chris took a long swig.

“I’d like to hear about it some time,” Darren provided sincerely.

Chris returned the flask and stiffened as their fingers brushed warmly in the brisk autumn air. Darren caught his wild, oceanic gaze and a spark flickered inside him like he hadn’t felt since the night he had been with Julia the first time. Darren’s hand curled around Chris’ own, a welcome heat spreading throughout his body.

“Sorry, I, um--” Chris started.

“Don’t--Don’t apologize. It’s all good.” He grinned while his thumb grazed Chris’ knuckles soothingly.

Chris’ breath hitched and his pretty pink lips parted, forming a small circle that Darren just wanted to kiss away. Darren stepped closer, his eyes zeroing in on that mouth. Chris gulped audibly.

“You wanna get out of here?” Darren murmured.

Chris nodded. “Yeah. Yes.” 

He took his free hand and cupped Chris’ cheek. “God, you’re so adorable.”

Chris’ eyes fell shut, his hand tightening around the flask underneath Darren’s own. Darren leaned in, his lips ghosting over Chris’ own before he realized he didn’t even know if Chris had ever kissed another boy. A thrill ran through him, knowing he might be the first. If so, he wanted to do this right.

“My place?” Darren asked. “We, um, we don’t have to do anything if you don’t want. It’s just more private than this. No one’s home. We can even--”

“You--You want this? You want me?” Chris wondered with an air of disbelief.

“Of course I do. But if you’re not comfortable--”

“Kiss me. Please,” Chris practically begged.

Darren couldn’t refuse him or deny himself any longer, his mouth finally meeting Chris’ own, which tasted like the remnants of whiskey and stale beer. His lips were wet, soft, and at first unmoving. But Darren pressed on further, Chris kissing back eagerly. He caressed Chris’ cheek and the palm of Chris’ other hand gently tapped Darren’s waist before his whole hand curved around it and rested there. Darren’s tongue swept the seam of Chris’ mouth, asking for permission; even if he was pushing his luck, he didn’t care, he only wanted as much as Chris would give him. Gladly, Chris didn’t shy away, instead allowing him entry and relaxing. Darren’s hand slipped down his neck to his collarbone, brushing against the neckline of his shirt. Heat rose inside Darren, spurred on by the alcohol. Needing to catch his breath, he reluctantly broke away.

“Hey.” Darren smirked once the air returned to his lungs.

“Hi,” Chris said quietly, his lips still wonderfully spit slick.

“I, um, we should go then.”

“Yes,” Chris replied, one of his hands still awkwardly clutching the flask. “But I’m going to need my hand back first.”

“Right.” Darren shifted his hand so that Chris could let go of the flask and Darren could pocket it. Chris’ other hand was still around Darren’s side, tightly holding him while the hand that Darren had near Chris’ neck slipped down the front of his shirt.

“You know, I’m not going to disappear, Chris.”

“Maybe I will. I think it’s close to midnight. My stagecoach will become a pumpkin at any moment.”

“Oh, well, I better look for your glass slipper before I walk you out.”

“Are you saying you’re Prince Charming, Darren?”

“No, but you kind of are. You started this metaphor.”

“Touché.”

Darren took Chris’ hand once more, leading him back inside to the blaring music and drunk people dancing everywhere.

“Wait, aren’t your friends here?” Chris yelled in his ear over the noise. “You’re gonna leave them?”

“It’s totally cool. They’ll understand. Besides, can’t let all the magic fade. We’re running out of time.” Darren winked. “What about you?”

Chris’ face flushed and then he answered, “I came with some girl in my composition class and we’re not really friends so let’s just go.”

They headed down the stairs and for an instant, Darren wondered if Chris had found his own group of people like he had, although it was only the first week of the semester. He supposed there was time for him to find that niche but in any case, he wasn’t about to dwell on it further. No matter what happened, he was bringing home a cute boy and at the very least he would get a fucking awesome makeout session out of it. 

Chris hiccupped and giggled sweetly on the way back, trailing behind him. As soon as Darren opened the door to his apartment, Chris stumbled, connecting with Darren’s back and nearly sending them both to the floor.

When Darren regained his balance, he turned around and put his hands on Chris’ shoulders. “Whoa, you alright there, Chris?”

“Yes, but I would prefer your hands in other places, Darren.”

“I would too, but, uh, you can barely stand, let alone do much else.” 

Plus, Darren was afraid that once he touched Chris, he wouldn’t be able to stop and he didn’t want to take advantage of this beautiful boy.

“Don’t care,” Chris replied, his own hands boldly on Darren’s hips. “Want you to kiss me again.”

Darren raised an eyebrow. “Getting brave now, are we, Cindy?”

Chris’ eyes narrowed in confusion. “Wh--? Huh?”

“Cindy. You know, like Cinderella with your pumpkin stagecoach and your Prince Charming.”

“Oh. Oh! Well, my prince is being a jerk right now because he won’t kiss me and he is a fantastic kisser.”

“Oh yeah?” Darren brought him a little closer but still left a sliver of space between them.

“Mhmm. At least that’s what I’ve heard but I’m going to need more exploration in that area to be sure.”

“You will?”

Chris nodded and bit his lip coquettishly, his blue eyes alight with mischief.

Darren took a deep breath, arousal stirring low in his groin as he remembered their kiss from earlier. 

“Promise me one thing,” Darren proposed, closing the gap between their bodies.

“Y--Yeah?”

“You’ll give me your number before you go.”

“Deal, as long as you stop talking and kiss me already.”

Darren grabbed Chris’ face with both hands and kissed him again, pushing him against the wall by the door. This time, Chris reacted immediately, his hands tentatively sliding around the small of Darren’s back. Darren instinctively rolled his hips, feeling Chris’ cock grow hard against him. Resisting would be a lot more difficult than he imagined and somehow, Darren didn’t think he wanted to anymore. His hands dropped away from Chris’ face and he hooked his fingers in the belt loops of Chris’ jeans while peppering kisses across his jaw.

“Unhh, Darren,” Chris moaned, his fingers rubbing against the hem of Darren’s shirt.

“It’s okay,” Darren encouraged. “You can touch me. Can I--?”

“Yeah. Yes. Ohh, anything. Shit,” Chris cursed, his body trembling as Darren mouthed down his neck, stopping at a scar near his collarbone.

Darren sucked at the spot as Chris slowly reached under his shirt, finally getting at warm skin, which only caused Darren to latch on harder.

“Oh, oh my God, Darren, feels so good. You feel so good. Don’t want to stop,” Chris blabbered on, his touch surer with every stroke.

He sucked a little more and nuzzled at the reddened patch. “We don’t have to stop. We can do whatever you want, sweetheart.”

Chris rucked up Darren’s shirt, his palms flat and hot against Darren’s back. “I want you. Please.”

Darren licked his lips, all the blood in his body rushing south. “We’ll go--We’ll go to my room, okay?”

“That is so okay. Lead the way.”

Chris didn’t let go, his hands at Darren’s waist as Darren carefully walked them backwards down the hallway to his room, kissing the corner of Chris’ mouth. Darren glanced behind them, stepped into his bedroom and shut the door.

Chris smiled at him softly and suddenly Darren wanted to give him everything.

“C’mere,” Darren urged, tangling their fingers together and dragging him further into the room toward his bed. He sat Chris down on the bed and quickly joined him. “If you want to stop at any point, I’ll understand. I mean, I don’t know if--”

Chris laid a hand on Darren’s knee. “Shut up and kiss me again.”

Darren grinned, pressing Chris down against his sheets. “You’re fucking sassy. I like it.”

“What did I say about you talking? Oh, ohh--” Chris groaned as Darren’s knee nudged at his groin.

“I’m a talker. Deal with it, babe. You like that?”

“Mmm, mhmm,” Chris confirmed, his legs parting slightly.

“Good,” Darren whispered and then licked a path down Chris’ neck, his hands snaking under Chris’ shirt. Chris bucked up into the touch and brought their lower halves together deliciously. Darren’s palm landed on Chris’s chest, his heart pulsing rabbit quick.

“Relax, Chris. I got you. Can I--Can I take your shirt off?” 

“Yes. Just do it.”

His hands roamed back down to the edge of Chris’ shirt and he helped Chris out of it. For a moment he stared at the pale expanse of skin on display, pretty and unmarred save for a light smattering of hair under his belly button that undoubtedly lead below his waist.

Darren licked his lips with the thought of tasting anywhere and everywhere on Chris’ body. “You’re--Wow!” 

“I’d say the same but, uh, we’re not exactly even here.” Chris’ fists clenched at his sides, betraying his nonchalant tone. 

“No, we’re not because--Oh, _oh!_ You mean--?” Darren blushed, peeled off his shirt and then rubbed at Chris’ wrist. “It’s okay. I want to see you and let me remind you that you can touch me if you want. In fact, I was kind of hoping you would.”

Darren chuckled nervously as Chris scrutinized every newly exposed inch of him as if he could see right through him. He wasn’t even fully naked and yet he felt the need to cover up. Suddenly he understood Chris’ inclination all too well.

“O--okay,” Chris said quietly, his eyes filled with awe as his fingertips trailed down the middle of Darren’s chest.

Darren shivered, his hands gripping Chris’ hips above his jeans. “How do you--What do you want to do? Blowjobs, handjobs, dry humping, making out?”

Chris’ mouth dropped open for a moment, his tongue peeking out. “Is all of the above an option?”

“Let’s start with making out and see where it goes then, alright?”

Chris nodded as Darren went for the mark he made earlier, sucking there and determined to leave a memory of himself on Chris’ skin. 

“Dare, Darren,” Chris called out. “Wow. You--Your mouth is amazing. Want it all over me.”

“You got it,” he paused to reply, placing little kitten licks around the area that was sure to have a hickey later. Then he gently kissed down Chris’ sternum and across his stomach.

Chris laughed as his eyes fluttered shut. “Sorry, ‘m ticklish.”

Darren nuzzled the fuzz right underneath his belly button. “No worries. It’s adorable. Now let’s get this show on the road.”

Chris breathed heavily, his cock throbbing in his pants, as was Darren’s.

But when he moved to unbutton Chris’ jeans, he looked up to find Chris’ eyes still closed and his whole body relaxed as if he had fallen asleep.

Darren tapped him on his left hip and Chris jolted awake.

“Wh--Huh? I’m not sleeping,” Chris assured him.

“Sure, you’re not.” Darren chuckled. “Y’know, we can call it off and you can just--”

“No, no. Keep going. I’m fine.”

“Alright.” Darren shrugged and kissed above the waistband of Chris’ jeans. Chris reacted immediately, arching up into the touch. “Good. Now we’re getting somewhere.”

Then Darren moved back up Chris’ chest and sucked on the sensitive spot on his neck for good measure.

“Oh, oh, shit,” Chris cursed and breathed out heavily.

Darren was ready to try a different tactic, so he rolled off of Chris in an effort to reach the lube in his nightstand. When he returned, he saw Chris lying still and wondered if he should even continue. Darren sighed frustratedly, his dick reminding him of his unfinished business as he leaned over Chris and cupped his cheek.

“Chris, Chris? Sweetheart?” He patted Chris’ cheek a little more roughly. “Fuck.”

Then he leaned back and admired Chris’ features, his soft, full cheeks and pink mouth, the picture of relaxation, or rather drunken exhaustion. Either way, he was stunning, and if he was really asleep this time, Darren wouldn’t take advantage of him like that.

He decided to let him relax and stood up, searching for a blanket among the piles of clothes in his room. He located a navy blue throw emblazoned with the school’s signature maize colored “M” on it and covered his new companion with it. He kissed Chris’ forehead and turned away from him on his side. Then he debated tending to his neglected arousal while his not-quite partner snored beside him. 

He swallowed, his hand shaking as broke open the button to his jeans. Chris let out a particularly loud snore and Darren startled. He decided to head to the bathroom to jerk off alone, leaving the boy in his bed. He got up and looked back at Chris, a small smile playing across his peaceful face.

Darren couldn’t help smiling softly in return and feeling a little dirty at what he was about to do. Still, he padded down the hallway to his shared bathroom and locked the door. Then he grabbed the lube that he kept in the medicine cabinet, sat on the closed toilet and shimmied his pants and boxers down in one fell swoop.

He squeezed the lubricant into his palm and pictured Chris’ face the moment their fingers brushed on the balcony, so full of awe and lust but still somehow so innocent. He rubbed the substance between his hands and stroked his shaft slowly, biting his lip to keep from yelling Chris’ name and waking him. He cursed, his thumb brushing over the slit in the head of his cock, slick with precome. He thought of the smirk on Chris’ mouth during the party and his sharp retorts despite his inebriation, as his hand sunk back down to the base. Then he went up and down a few more times before daring to graze his balls with his thumb.

“Ahh!” He whispered, the telltale sensation of impending arrival filling him. He wondered what Chris’ face would look like if he was allowed the opportunity to touch or taste the most intimate parts of him like he wanted. Maybe Chris’ mouth would open wide like right before their kiss on the balcony or he would curse and call out Darren’s name breathily.

With that image, Darren sent himself over the edge, spilling over his fist and onto the tiny beige bathroom floor tiles.

He stayed still for a few moments before he returned to the world before him, a mess of come and guilt for indulging himself as yet another freshman slept in his bed. But somehow Chris didn’t seem like the long string of other one or two night stands, or even like his ex, Julia. He was beautiful, witty, intriguing and maybe he didn’t quite know it yet.

Darren couldn’t wait to tell him. 

After he hastily cleaned himself and the bathroom floor, he returned to his bedroom and put on his discarded shirt. Then he took off his shoes and threw his jeans on the floor in the corner. Before he went back to bed, he pulled Chris’ shoes off his feet to make him more comfortable. Though he ached to touch him, he settled for patting Chris’ cheek and turned away once more, ready for an interesting morning and maybe if he was lucky, an interesting semester too.

\----

A shriek awakened Darren at the light of day.

He blinked and his eyes widened at the boy in his bed. “Wh--Huh?”

“Where am I? Oh my God. What happened last night?”

Darren swallowed and studied his face, quickly recalling the events of the last twenty-four hours. “Oh! You’re Chris. Hey, I’m Darren, if you don’t remember. Please tell me that you at least remember that much.”

His eyes narrowed as he looked at Darren. “Um, yeah, I--oh, wow! Did you--? Did we--?”

Darren contemplated exactly what he should say, not wanting to scare the guy off. “We didn’t have sex if that’s what you mean, though not for lack of wanting on both our parts.”

Chris’ face flushed much like last night. “Really? You wanted to, uh, be intimate with me?”

Darren tried not to glance down at Chris’ bare chest but failed. “Very much so. Yeah. I planned on certain events taking place but your body decided otherwise. You fell asleep, I mean.”

“I--I fell asleep in your bed?”

“Yeah, unless we entered an alternate universe where this isn’t my bedroom or you slept walked here or something.”

“Jesus, don’t joke about the latter, Darren. It could happen. I’ve been known to do many things in my sleep.” He closed his eyes and spun away from Darren. “Next, you’re going to tell me I drooled or took advantage of you while in my subconscious state.”

Darren turned on his side, _thisclose_ to spooning Chris from behind. “You might have drooled a little. You were drunk but no one took advantage of anyone, I swear to you. We kissed, took off our shirts and that was it.”

“Wow, I must have been pretty wasted to take my shirt off in front of you.”

Darren snuggled closer, their bodies now touching. “Actually, I took your shirt off and you let me. We both wanted that and I’m not complaining about it. You’re pretty cute.” He wrapped his arms around Chris’ fleshy middle and kissed his shoulder. “So relax and be thankful you’re not throwing up right now.”

Chris stiffened in his embrace and didn’t answer.

“Wait, are you going to throw up?” Darren asked.

“No, I--I’m surprisingly hungry. Do you always cuddle with the boys who wake up in your bed every weekend?”

“Well, there’s only one boy in my bed right now and I like him so yes, we are cuddling, unless that’s not alright with you.”

“It’s--It’s fine,” Chris spit out.

“So?”

“So, um, you--you’re right against me, every inch and I, um, I can feel you.”

Darren realized then that his morning erection poked into Chris’ backside. “You know I’d apologize for it but it’s normal, even more so around someone like you.”

“Because I’m cute?” Chris asked so quietly that Darren could barely hear.

“Exactly. You are very, very cute.” Darren examined Chris’ neck and noticed a dark mark near the base. “Sweet,” he murmured to himself.

“What?”

“Nothing. You should look in the mirror later, just as a reminder.”

“Oookay,” Chris replied, drawing out the first syllable.

Darren almost asked Chris to take care of him but then an important detail came to his mind at the worst time ever: Chris was a virgin and Darren couldn’t be casual with that.

Darren backed away from him dejectedly, ready to get out of bed if not for his little problem.

“Um, maybe we should talk or something in a bit,” Darren suggested, mostly as a distraction. “How about over breakfast?”

He heard the sheets rustle as Chris’ voice seemed closer than before. “You want me to stay for breakfast?”

“Yeah, that’d be nice. No walk of shame required, not that I think it’s shameful to have casual sex or anything.”

“But we didn’t have sex unless--”

“We didn’t,” Darren interrupted, desperate to change the subject from the thought of Chris naked under him to something far less boner-inducing. “So where’s your dorm?”

“From here, I’m not really sure. I’m still learning my way around even though we had orientation before classes started. I didn’t pay attention too well then.”

“Oh man, don’t feel bad. I was the same. I can help you find your way back later.”

“After breakfast?”

“After breakfast.”

“Thank you,” Chris told him, “for not kicking me out or making fun of me for passing out on you.”

“Don’t sweat it. It’s totally fine.” Darren flipped around so he was flat on his back only to find that Chris laid on his side, staring at him. He certainly wouldn’t mind waking up to that face again. 

“No it isn’t. I’m a boring baby-faced freshman and you’re a cool senior who probably does this all the time. I don’t and--”

Darren wondered if Chris remembered more than he let on but he didn’t ask about it. Instead, he pressed a finger to those kissable lips to force him to stop talking. 

“Chris, shut up. It was my choice to take you home and let you stay. It was your choice to come here. I totally won’t judge you if you don’t judge me. Besides, I’m not that cool. I’m just a douchebag with a guitar.”

Chris raised his eyebrows as Darren’s finger slipped down his chin.

“Darren, you play guitar?”

“Yeah. Everyone says it’s annoying. Trust me. If you stick around long enough, you’ll find out.” 

Darren mentally cursed himself for implying a more long-term stay but the adoring gaze he received more than made up for his supposed gaffe. 

“But first, breakfast,” Darren whispered, wishing he broke the silence with a kiss instead of opening his stupid mouth.

Chris blinked and looked away. “Yeah. Breakfast. But I need to find my shirt first.”

“It’s probably on the floor next to you.” Darren politely averted his eyes by covering them with his hand, earning a melodic laugh from Chris. “What? I’m being a gentleman while you make yourself proper again.”

“I appreciate that, Darren. Thank you very much. Can this gentleman you speak of inform me where the bathroom is located?”

“Down the hall, second door on your right.”

The sheets crinkled and turned down a bit, exposing Darren’s thighs to the cool air surrounding them. Darren peeked, heat simmering low in his belly when he caught a sliver of Chris’ back as he changed into his shirt.

“I’m much obliged, good sir.” Chris stood up and turned back to Darren, who tried to cover his face once more just in case Chris had caught him. “Or should I say, douchebag with a guitar?”

Darren gave up and looked at Chris as he answered. “Good sir will do. And if you have to throw up, try not to miss the toilet.”

Chris walked out the door without looking back and returned, “I take that back, douchebag with a guitar it is.”

“What? I’m trying to be helpful,” Darren called. “I’m older and maybe mildly wiser than you.”

“Whatever,” Darren heard him respond faintly before a door down the hallway closed.

Darren flopped back on his bed and hoped this wasn’t the last time he was going to see Chris.

\----

After Darren got up and made his way to the kitchen, he found Lauren at the small dining table there, wearing shorts and a spaghetti strap tank top while she munched on a banana. While not uncommon for one or more of his friends to crash there after a night of partying, he wondered how she was awake so early.

“Morning.” Darren yawned, scratching his stomach and searching the refrigerator for anything resembling food. “What brings you to this lovely abode?”

Her eyes grew wide with alarm but then she relaxed once more. “Y’know, just hanging out, eating phallic shaped fruit as one does after a hangover inducing night. What’s up with you?”

He turned around from the open fridge door and smiled. “I--I met someone last night.”

She swallowed a bite of food and her mouth dropped open, feigning surprise. “Darren Criss, did you get laid?”

For once, he didn’t want to reveal all the details even if he knew he could trust her. “Um, well, he’s still here and I invited him for breakfast. So don’t embarrass me, please.”

“Embarrass you? When have I ever done that?” She scoffed, taking a huge bite of her banana.

“Many, many times. The summer after sophomore year at Sonic Lunch, that time in Stage Combat class, uh, rehearsal for that show spring semester of freshman year when you--”

“Okay, I get it. But you said _he._ Was this guy that good in bed or are you just trying to be nice before you let him down easy, like you’ve done with everyone else? What about Julia?”

His heart skipped a beat at the mention of her name, a subtle reminder of his conflicting feelings. “I don’t know. I think I want to keep him around and we didn’t--Nothing happened.”

Lauren raised an eyebrow. “But he stayed over?”

“Yes.”

“And he’s still here.”

“Yes.”

“Sure. Of course nothing happened.” She shrugged. “I believe you, just like I believe this isn’t a ploy to get over who you really want next to you. No matter your intentions, he’ll probably be gone in like a week until you hook up with someone else.”

“Be quiet. He’s still here,” Darren warned and turned toward the fridge again. “Fuck. There’s nothing to eat. Damn it, Lauren.” He threw an accusatory glare at her.

“Sorry not sorry. I got here first. It’s not my fault you boys don’t know how to stock your fridge.” She held the almost empty peel in her hand with a shit-eating grin. “Oh, and if you want to send him on his way on a good note, take him to the diner down the street. They have awesome waffles, remember?”

“That’s true,” he conceded.

“You’re welcome.”

Then another small voice sounded from the edge of the kitchen. “Am I interrupting something?”

_Chris._

His face looked somehow paler even in the mid-morning glow of the room and his eyes shone with wetness. Darren wanted to ask if anything was wrong but decided to wait until Lauren left.

“Hey there, cutie!” Lauren greeted him, thankfully breaking Darren’s thoughts as she stood up to toss her banana peel in the trash and meet Chris. “And no, you most certainly are not. Are you Darren’s friend?”

“I--I guess I am. Who are you?”

“I’m his friend as well, though not quite in the same manner.” She offered her hand, Darren watching the exchange curiously. “Lauren, by the way.”

Chris looked down at it as if unsure of how to react but then a second later he took it. “I’m Chris.”

“Pleased to meet you. Good luck with this one.”

“Thanks?” Chris said, almost like a question. 

“Well, I’ll leave you two alone.” She looked over her shoulder and addressed Darren. “Talk later?” 

“Sure,” Darren replied. 

She departed toward the guys’ bedrooms and spun on her heel behind Chris, giving Darren two thumbs up and mouthing, _“Don’t screw this one up.”_

Darren rolled his eyes. “See ya, Lo.”

As Chris stepped closer, Darren assured him not to worry about her. “Don’t worry. She’s a good friend. That’s all. But we can talk about that some other time. You okay?”

“Yeah.” Chris nodded and swallowed. “I, um, think I want to take a raincheck on breakfast. My head feels like it’s been rammed with a semi-truck.”

“I might have some Advil in the bathroom and greasy food definitely helps. There’s this diner nearby that has the best bacon. I swear it cures all ills.”

Chris shook his head. “I can’t. I need to get back and finish this paper that’s due soon.”

“But if you’re hungover--Oh, shit. You’re a vegetarian or you’re a vegan, in which case I totally stuck my foot in my mouth big time. I’m so sorry.”

“No, no. It’s not that. I just--I should go,” Chris answered somberly.

“Are you sure? Can I at least help you figure out where you’re going?”

“No, I’m fine. I can find my own way, but thanks for last night.” There was a brief pause before his fingers ghosted across Darren’s elbow. “I’ll see you around, I guess.”

With that, Chris exited the kitchen and ran down the hall in a flash, leaving a baffled Darren standing at the still open refrigerator. 

Chris raced past him a minute later, paralyzing Darren with the abrupt change in his behavior. Darren figured it could be personal and decided not to pry, but his brain chose then to realize that he never got Chris’ number.

Darren stopped him at the front door with a tap to his wrist. “Wait.”

“Bye, Darren.” Chris rushed out before Darren could add any more, escaping the building and Darren’s sight.

He cursed his drunk self for not being more adamant about getting Chris’ contact information last night or even his last name. He didn’t think it would be a big deal and that there would be time but apparently, that wasn’t the case.

Now he wondered how to get the mysterious freshman back into his orbit.

\----

It happened sooner than he thought, a few weeks later at the library as the middle of the semester approached.

Darren’s courses had been going okay, even the ones with a still mildly frosty Julia, who he was determined to remain friends with. Aside from that, he’d been out to parties and had searched around campus for Chris but never found him. Instead, he warmed his bed with forgettable people, the boy with the bright blue eyes always echoing through his mind, so much so that he had written a song about him.

Now, finally, on an otherwise unremarkable Thursday morning, he spotted Chris alone at a table with a bunch of textbooks and notebooks strewn before him. Darren cocked his head and stared, partly to admire the view and partly to make sure the sight before him wasn’t a mirage. He pushed past the ever present flow of people with briefcases and backpacks as he made his way to Chris’ seat.

“Fancy meeting you here,” Darren whispered, laying his hand over Chris’ own.

Chris jumped, shock etching his face. “Jesus, Darren!” He shouted, attracting the attention of several students nearby. “This is the quiet section of the library.”

“Sorry. I’m a little surprised you still remember my name. I was beginning to think you forgot all about me.”

“I can’t have this conversation right now. This area is designated for silent study. It’s why I’m here,” he informed Darren sternly.

A boy a table away on the other side of the room glared at Darren, who shrugged and mouthed an apology.

“Well, can we talk when you’re free?” Darren wondered in a low voice. “Maybe we can grab lunch at the cafe downstairs or something. My treat.”

“I’m busy all day. I have papers to write.” He looked back down at an open book and notebook in front of him and then clicked his pen with his free hand. “If you’ll excuse me--”

“If you’ll excuse _me,”_ Darren repeated quietly, squeezing Chris’ hand. “I’d like to know why you’ve been avoiding me ever since I tried to take you out at the beginning of the semester. I thought we had a good time.”

Chris stilled but didn’t look up. “We did but you never got my number. Also it’s a pretty big campus. It’s kind of easy to miss one individual. It’s not like I actively avoided anything.”

“You ran out on me before I could figure out how to reach you,” Darren reminded him. “That’s pretty much the definition of avoidance.”

“Have you ever heard of Facebook?”

Darren paused, a little disappointed that he didn’t think of that. Regardless, it hadn’t occurred to him that Chris might have a page on the burgeoning website, even if most people did. A lot of his friend requests had gone ignored for months anyway. 

“So I can search through every single Chris with ties to UMich?” Darren retorted instead, even if he knew more information about him than that. “It seems that running into you worked better. Besides I prefer face to face interaction when that’s an option.”

“Of course you do, theatre major.” Chris’ eyes pierced right through him unsettlingly.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Chris crossed his arms. “I’m not talking about anything to you, Darren. You should leave before they kick us both out.”

Darren huffed frustratedly, leaning his elbows on the table and into Chris’ space. “Look, whatever I did or didn’t do, can you at least tell me so I’m less of a douchebag in the future?”

Chris’ serious expression slowly morphed into a smirk as he peeked behind Darren’s back. “I don’t see a guitar. That’s an improvement.”

“How do you know? You’ve never seen me play.” 

Darren smiled at the change in his demeanor, taking it as an opportunity to hopefully return to the easy banter they shared so many weeks ago. Then he thought of inviting him to his show this weekend. 

“Which reminds me I’m playing a gig tomorrow night if you want to come,” Darren added nonchalantly. “It’s gonna be small. Well, actually it’s just me and some of my buddies jamming at my apartment. I’m not sure if you remember how to get there.”

Darren scrambled for a pen and luckily located one in the pocket of his hoodie. He hastily scribbled the building name and apartment number onto a page of Chris’ notebook. “In case you want to come and actually get my number or judge for yourself how much I suck.”

Chris eyed him dubiously. “How many of your friends are coming?”

“Oh, not a lot probably. No doubt they’ll be leaving to go somewhere better after a song or two.” He lied, knowing the party usually grew as the night went on; his large group of friends and acquaintances often landed there as their last stop after other more raucous gatherings at fraternities, sororities or elsewhere.

“Will Julia be there?” Chris asked.

Darren’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head; he didn’t recall ever mentioning her to Chris at all so he couldn’t figure out where he had heard her name. Then he mentally cursed himself and thought that maybe Chris had seen him walking around campus talking to her or worse, at a party trying to woo her back on one of those desperate nights where he had been completely hammered and begged for her forgiveness. He understood how Chris could construe those occasions as more than what they were and why he would have stayed away from Darren if he witnessed them.

Darren stuck his pen in his pocket and shrugged noncommittally. “Oh, um, y’know I’m not really sure. She’s one of those that’ll have another option over my silly bash, no doubt. And she won’t choose mine.” 

Chris stared down at Darren’s handwriting thoughtfully. “I’ll think about it if I’m not busy.”

“Cool.”

Darren awkwardly stood there, his hands in the pocket of his sweatshirt as he watched Chris sit there and hoped to catch a flicker of what he would decide. When met with nothing but silence, Darren bent down, his mouth to Chris’ ear. “It’d be nice to have you there. I have some stuff I’ve been working on that I think you’d want to hear.”

Darren’s enticement must have worked because Chris cleared his throat, that familiar flush returning to his cheeks as Darren pulled back. 

“You write songs too?” Chris questioned.

“Mhmm. I sure do. Please say you'll come.”

“I, um, like I said, I’ll think about it, Darren.”

“Okay. Good.” 

The boy from earlier brushed past Darren exasperatedly on his way out and didn’t apologize for it, breaking the moment.

“Well, I’m gonna go,” Darren added, giving the guy a look. “Before I piss off any more people and actually get you banned from this section ‘cause that would suck.”

“Yeah it would. A lot. Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Bye.” 

He waved at Chris and spun on his heel to leave, glad that he at least made some progress, even if he still didn’t give Chris his number like an idiot. He gave him a far better opportunity, however, and hoped that Chris would take it.

\----

Darren sat on his bed and tuned his guitar nervously a few hours before the party the next night. Then he attempted to strum the opening notes and screwed up three times. 

“Shit,” he cursed, staring down at his notes for the lyrics and melodies. If he played this tonight, he couldn’t fuck up his one chance to win Chris back. It had to be perfect.

He read through the words, scribbled out a couple lines, added some new ones and then tried to play it again. 

_“Wasn’t that a funny day? Gee, you had a funny way,”_ He sang and grinned, finding his rhythm just as Joey burst into his room.

Darren played a few more chords, tapped the body of his guitar, and blew his hair out of his face in a huff. “What do you want, Joe?”

“That’s pretty good. Is it for Jules?”

“Thanks. No, it isn’t. Why would you think that?”

“Because she’s the last person you were jonesing for. I figured you were still trying to get back into her good graces and maybe her pants. It’d be exactly like you to write a song about it.”

He paused, resting his guitar flat on his lap. “Am I that predictable?”

“Well, yeah.”

“I’ve met tons of other people since then and if you listened to the whole thing, you’d realize that it’s about one of them.” 

Chris’ surprised face right after their first kiss flashed in front of him then and his stomach flipped like he reached the first hill of a roller coaster. He still wasn’t sure what would happen but his body thrummed with the anticipation of a wild ride.

Joey looked at him curiously. “Wow. Whoever it is, you must be crazy about her and I don’t remember you mentioning anyone special from Italy. So that means you met her within the last month, which is weird because I haven’t heard a word about it. Guess you know how to keep secrets lately.”

“That’s why my hair is so big. It’s full of secrets,” he joked. “But there’s not much to tell anyway. It was sort of a one night stand and now I can’t get him out of my head.”

“Wait, him?”

“Yeah. Why is that so hard to believe? He’s not the first guy I’ve had a thing for.”

“He’s the first you’ve talked about for more than a day. He’s the first you’ve gotten all cartoon heart eyes over.”

Darren shot him a questioning glare.

“What?” Joey shrugged. “The look on your face just now was pretty much the epitome of that. It’s not a bad thing. A rebound could be exactly what you need to get out of this Jules mess.”

“It’s not a rebound. He’s coming over tonight.”

“That screams booty call, Dare, not happily ever after.”

“I’m working up to that.”

“Sounds like you’re doing it all backwards as always.”

With Julia, it was a friendship and then he stumbled into a romance, so he guessed that Joey was right. But with Chris, Darren knew it was different from the start, even if they had stalled a bit.

“Maybe it’ll all work out,” Darren told him optimistically despite Chris’ noncommittal answer about showing up. “You’ll see.”

“If you say so, which is the perfect time for me to bring up why I interrupted your solo bedroom session. At least it involves a guitar this time.” He chuckled. “Anyway, if your boy toy is going to be here, we’re going to need more tequila. You got any cash to contribute?”

Darren set his guitar down, careful not to crinkle his notes. “Yeah I think so but you’re forgetting one thing.”

“What?”

“You’re too young to buy it.”

“That’s why I’m asking you. Duh. Thanks so much, bud. I knew I could count on you.” Joey patted him on the shoulder and rushed out the door.

“Hey, he’s not my boy toy!” Darren called after him.

“Yeah, sure,” Joey yelled sarcastically.

He didn’t understand why his friends thought this was a fling to get over Julia when all he wanted was to see Chris again. Sure, he had unfinished business with both of them and Julia still occupied a piece of his heart, but he had missed his chance with her. With Chris, he could begin anew and it could be beautiful.

Chris just had to be here for it.

\----

Luckily he was, albeit after a lot of waiting, wondering and drinking on Darren’s part. 

He chatted with Lauren, Meredith and some of their other acquaintances, egged on Joey and Brian, who tried to convince him to play beer pong with them, and did a few shots with the whole gang.

But he checked his watch repeatedly as the hours ticked by and hoped Chris had really listened to him. Sure, Darren could find someone else, get a quick orgasm out of it and feel temporary satisfaction. However, he doubted it would quell his crush on Chris.

The buzz running through him almost quelled his disappointment though; just like every other disappointment, he’d let it go and move on. First he needed his guitar to help him out with that, so he headed toward his bedroom, ready to play the song that was meant for someone who’d probably never hear it. Then a knock on the door stopped him in his tracks. He turned around and opened it, met with a welcome guest on the other side.

“Chris, glad you could make it.”

“Yeah, I--hi.” He smiled and stared at Darren for a moment before looking away.

“Hey.” Darren smiled back and grabbed Chris’ clammy hand. “The party’s already been hopping for a while. Come on in and grab a drink. You gotta catch up.”

“I don’t think I can possibly catch up with you or your friends. I’m still a lightweight. I haven’t been to a party since, well, since we met.”

Darren still held his hand as they stopped at the kitchen where various bottles of alcohol lined the counter and table. “Guess you haven’t been taking lessons from anyone else then, huh?”

Chris shook his head and inhaled sharply, his breath so close that Darren felt it on his cheek.

“No. Nope,” Chris murmured and locked eyes with him once more.

That familiar pitter patter invaded Darren’s heart as he squeezed Chris’ hand.

“Good.” Darren whispered and then cleared his throat, speaking more loudly. “Lesson two: tequila.”

Chris regrettably dropped his hand from Darren’s and grimaced. “Isn’t that a bit advanced?”

“We’re only doing one, I promise. I just want you to have fun.”

Darren tapped Chris on the shoulder, unable to stop himself from touching him. Then he let it linger, dragging his hand down Chris’ bicep. Chris bit his lip and arousal stirred low in Darren’s belly but he remained undeterred from his task.

“So, um, yeah, tequila,” Darren repeated and then searched the counter for two shot glasses which he quickly rinsed and dried since none were clean. He set them down along with the tequila on the counter in front of Chris and slowly poured the alcohol into each glass.

“Don’t take one sip and then stop,” Darren advised and held Chris’ gaze. “The key is to swallow the entire thing down in one go, no matter how horrible it might taste.”

Chris smirked. “Got it. Thanks.”

Darren picked up his glass. “Bottoms up?”

Chris followed suit and nodded, clinking glasses with Darren before he swallowed it down. Darren fell into a brief trance as he watched Chris’ throat work and he thought of instructing Chris in far less innocent ways.

But he said nothing and took his shot quickly enough that Chris didn’t notice.

“Whew!” Chris exclaimed. “That burned more than I remember from last time.”

Darren laughed. “Last time it wasn’t tequila, my friend.”

Chris frowned. “Right.” 

“Maybe no more shots for you then.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Chris shrugged. “I’ll have to figure out what I like.”

“I know what I like.” Darren stepped closer and glanced down at Chris’ wet lips.

“What?”

Darren moved in toward Chris’ mouth, ready to close the gap between them when Meredith bounced into the kitchen with Lauren in tow, their arms linked.

“Oh God, not again, Darren!” Meredith yelled.

A cute blush rose on Chris’ face and he jumped away at the sound.

Darren raised his eyebrows at her as if to say, _“Please, not now.”_

“By all means, don’t stop on our account,” Lauren chimed. 

Meredith nudged her with an elbow. “Sorry,” she apologized to Chris. “We were just gonna go--”

“Get some more drinks,” Lauren finished and strode over to the fridge. She brought Meredith with her, the pair only about a foot away from Chris and Darren. 

“Hello again, Chris.” Lauren smiled.

Meredith looked at her curiously.

“Oh yes, we’ve met,” Lauren explained to her. “He’s been here before but it’s been awhile, hasn’t it?”

“Yeah, well, class is keeping me busy,” Chris replied. “Don’t have a lot of time for extracurriculars.”

“That’s a shame,” Lauren commented. “I’m sure Darren here would help you out with that, if you know what I mean.” 

Meredith scoffed. “Just get our drinks, Laur.”

While Lauren opened the refrigerator and handed two beer bottles to Meredith, Chris silently surveyed Darren, who scratched the back of his neck sheepishly.

Lauren shut the fridge and waved at Chris and Darren. “You two kids have fun and don’t forget about us. Theo’s here, waiting to hear your new stuff. He brought his guitar too.”

“How did you know--?” Darren asked.

“A little birdie who lives with you told me,” Lauren informed him. “Besides when are you not working on new stuff?”

Darren quietly cursed and hoped Chris hadn’t heard; although he had persuaded Chris here with the promise of a serenade, he bounced on his toes nervously with the thought of delivering on it.

“You’re right, Lo. I don’t think I have too much of a captive audience, except for him, and maybe a few others.” Darren glanced at Chris. “I think they can wait a little longer.”

“We’ll hold off all your adoring fans, Dare.” Meredith chuckled and addressed Lauren. “C’mon, let’s go.”

“So I’m guessing that’s the reason you’re here, right?” Darren wondered as soon as the girls left. “Not for the free booze.”

“Free booze helps,” Chris uttered dryly. “I also came to see if these fans exist. Somehow I doubt it.”

“Oh, wow. Is that a challenge?”

“You said all of your friends think you’re acoustically annoying. Why don’t you prove it?”

“Fine. Challenge accepted.”

Darren took Chris’ hand once more and raced down the hall to his bedroom. He slammed the door and pushed Chris against it. 

“Having flashbacks yet?” Darren asked.

“Maybe. The--The song--You--”

“I will, but first, I need to do something.” Darren patted Chris’ sides and then his hips until he found his intended target, reaching into Chris’ right front pocket. “Your phone.” He unlocked the screen with the flick of Chris’ slide out keyboard and expertly found the text messages.

“What if I don’t want your number?”

“I’m sorry but it’s too late. It’s already happening, Cindy.” Darren laughed as he entered his number into the addressee box of a new message and typed, _Hey this is Chris’ number_ to himself. He named his contact info in Chris’ phone as Darren Charming Criss.

“There,” Darren declared and tucked Chris’ phone into his pocket. “I really am sorry if you thought I invaded any personal messages. I swear I didn’t. No other ulterior motives than getting your number.”

Chris blinked at him in surprise. “I--I guess I believe you.”

“Good, ‘cause it’s true. Now I guess I have a song to play,” he breathed against Chris’ lips.

Darren didn’t miss how Chris’ eyes flickered to his mouth.

“Or not,” Darren continued and kissed Chris’ cheek, then the corner of his mouth. “Tell me this is okay. I mean, I know you’re kinda mad but--”

“Oh God, stop talking.”

Darren cupped Chris’ cheeks, kissing him properly for the first time in nearly a month. He had kissed other people since then but not like this. He tingled from his mouth all the way down to the tips of his toes. Then Chris grabbed at the curls on the back of his head and he couldn’t resist deepening it, their whole bodies pressing deliciously against each other.

But Chris pulled back all too soon, his hands still tangled in Darren’s hair.

“We should get out there. Your friends--” Chris started.

“Will understand. So eager to meet the rest of them, are you?” He brushed his mouth against the scar low on Chris’ neck.

Chris threads his fingers tighter into Darren’s hair. “Ohhh, they’re probably cooler than you. Lauren is pretty feisty.” 

“You don’t know the half of it.” Darren laughed as heat ran through him. “But, uh, I thought you wanted me to shut up. Why the change of heart?”

“I just--I don’t want to spend the whole night here.”

“Way to wound a guy, Chris. I was hoping I could enjoy the view a little longer.” Darren nipped at Chris’ skin and grinned up at him. “Maybe we could finish what we started.”

Chris swallowed and dropped his hold on Darren’s hair. “I’m not that easy.”

Darren narrowed his eyes and wondered why Chris’ defenses were suddenly back up. 

“Okay. Sure. Whatever’s cool with you,” Darren replied, trying for casual as his fingers slipped across Chris’ jaw. “I can take it slow.”

Darren let go and turned around to get his guitar, hiding his deflated hopes. He picked up his phone first, reading his message and putting Chris into his contacts as Cindy.

Chris laughed wryly. “Considering the night we met, I’m not sure how true that is.”

Darren threw his phone back onto his bed and picked up his guitar. “Sounds like another challenge. By the way, it takes two, sweetheart. I didn’t force you into coming home with me.”

Chris arched an eyebrow defiantly. “It’s my prerogative to change my mind, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, but here we are again, aren’t we?” Darren countered, moving toward the door where Chris still stood. “I thought we were headed somewhere but maybe not. At least hear me out before you leave this time?”

Darren lifted the guitar strap over his head and carefully held his guitar as he breezed past Chris.

Of course Chris followed him down the hallway. 

“I also have the prerogative to leave if you suck,” Chris commented.

When they approached the living room, Darren spun back around and noticed Chris’ eyes shone with mirth.

“Sorry,” Chris apologized for the second time that night. “I can come off a bit harsh. Just want to be clear on where I stand.”

“And I want to be clear that I wasn’t asking you to do anything if it made you uncomfortable. I know you don’t know me that well but I’m not that kind of guy, okay? I want to have fun but I’m not out to hurt you.”

He stared Chris down to emphasize his point.

Chris eyed him warily but then he smiled. “Well, get out there and prove it, Darren.”

“You won’t know what hit you,” Darren boasted, still a little rattled from the emotional whiplash that this boy gave him.

He headed out into the living room and greeted the new arrivals to the party, his friends Theo, Tomek, and his roommate Joe Walker, who all relaxed on the couch beside one another. He quickly introduced Chris to them as well while Chris waved shyly.

“Anyway, we all know why you guys are here,” Darren reasoned and gestured to his guitar. “I’m about to wow you once again.”

“Shut up and play so we can get back to the party,” Joey yelled from across the room near the long foldaway table that served as the beer pong station.

“Thanks, Joe.” Darren stuck out his tongue and his middle finger at his friend. Then he turned toward Chris. “Don’t listen to him. I’ll knock your socks off.” He sat down on the floor, the only free space left and made eye contact with all his friends on the couch. “I’ll knock all your socks off.”

He winked at Chris, who gingerly parked himself on one arm of the couch.

Darren played the opening notes over the chatter of the party and began to sing.

_“Say, wasn’t that a funny day? Gee, you had a funny way, a way about you, a kind of glow of something new.”_

He locked eyes with a blushing and smiling Chris.

_“Sure, I’ll admit that I’m the same.”_ Darren smiled in return, glad that maybe Chris had softened a bit from earlier. _“Another sucker for a game kids like to play and the rules we like to use.”_

He sang out the chorus as a question repeated over and over to Chris: 

_“Don’t you want the way I feel? Don’t you want the way I feel? Don’t you want the way I feel for you?”_

He made it to the second verse and watched Lauren appear from behind him and claim a spot standing next to Chris. He welcomed the addition to the crowd as he glanced over and acknowledged her, until she whispered in Chris’ ear, covering her mouth so he couldn’t figure out what she said.

By the time he got to the second chorus, she still chatted with Chris and kept staring at Darren.

Darren looked at the two nervously but stayed the course while he passionately reached the bridge.

_“Here we are two strangers in a very different place. Who knows what will happen to us next? Here we are with nothin’ but this little spark,”_ Darren reminded him and wished Chris remembered their first meeting where they talked, laughed and kissed.

_“It’s too cold outside to lay this fire to rest,”_ he emphasized and thought of all the moments they shared tonight alone, which drove the lyric home even more.

The next few lines spoke of Darren’s disappointment and resignation the first time Chris left but still he asked, _“Oh, don’t you want the way I feel for you?”_ several times more to close out the song.

He stayed in his spot as his friends gave their comments on the song; he didn’t really pay attention to any of them and instead waited for the opinion of the person who mattered the most.

Chris’ face remained blank for a moment. Then he beamed at him, his blue eyes bright with awe before he joked, “Oh hey, you’re actually good.”

Lauren nudged him in the side. “Y’know, that’s exactly what I thought the first time I heard him. Eventually it gets old when you’re in the dining hall trying to eat your cornflakes and drink your coffee in peace. Meanwhile this one bursts into song about it.”

“Thank you so much, Lauren,” Darren told her sarcastically.

“Any time.” She walked the short distance over to Darren and leaned down to offer a further opinion. “For the record, it was lovely and maybe you’ll get another hookup out of it.”

“Hey, we did not--” Darren protested but Lauren interrupted him.

“Right.” She uttered in a tone that totally meant she still didn’t believe him. Then she left to join Joey and the small group on the other side of the room.

He decided not to chase after her and stood up to meet Chris as everyone else returned to talking amongst themselves, apparently already disinterested with Darren’s display.

“So--” Darren started.

“I’m not sleeping with you tonight,” Chris cut him off. “I was so drunk when we met and I don’t usually act like that. It was just the novelty of college and all.”

“Which clearly hasn’t worn off because we took shots together.” Darren frowned. “What about that song suggested that I was expecting sex? You pretty much shot me down on that earlier anyway.”

“Well, in case you were hoping I’d magically give in after that public display of affection, I figured I’d reinforce my statement.”

“I was going for sweet, not overtly sexual, Chris.”

“Good because I--I--” he stammered, looked around the room and scooted closer to Darren. “I want my first time to mean something.”

Darren clutched his guitar tight and tried so hard not to think of Chris naked and panting underneath him but his body reacted instantly, a surge of arousal lighting him up.

He held his guitar even tighter, suddenly thankful for its presence as he answered. “Yeah, you said you, um, you hadn’t done that yet the night we met. It sounds nice. I promise I won’t put pressure on you.”

“Noted.” Chris grinned.

“So how about a date tomorrow?” Darren suggested. “I’ll be a gentleman, I swear.”

Chris took a breath, ready to answer, when the front door swung open and another person joined the party.

Darren’s jaw dropped.

“Julia,” Darren muttered.

Chris turned his head toward her and then back to Darren, whose excitement quickly died.

“In the flesh,” she declared from a few feet away over Chris’ shoulder. “We can’t avoid what happened forever.”

Darren vaguely recalled the last time he saw her outside of class, at a party about a week after his encounter with Chris. The events still seemed hazy but he thought he might have come onto her and maybe even kissed her.

“Hello to you too, Jules,” Darren said. “Now’s not really a good time. I’m kinda busy.”

Chris sheepishly focused on Darren. “I should, um, maybe I should go.”

“No, Chris, don’t,” he pleaded.

“I’ll text you tomorrow or something. ‘Night, Darren.” 

With that, Chris hurried out the door once more, like the last time.

Darren stood there, blocked by Julia, helplessly watching as Chris left.

“Gee, what amazing timing you have,” Darren muttered.

She put her hand on her hip and raised her eyebrow at him. “I could say the same for you, Dare. Jetting halfway across the world when I show real feelings for you and then trying to win me over when you come back. Oh, then you’re working on whatever freshman of the week after you tried to kiss me not too long ago.”

“Don’t talk about him like that,” Darren snapped. 

“You have no reason to defend him. He just left,” she fired back. “So why don’t we get back to what happened between us?”

“Fine. I’m sorry for the mixed signals,” he tried more softly. “All I wanted was for us to be on good terms. I may have gotten a little carried away with the drinking but I don’t want to be anything other than a friend.”

“That’s what I told you when you hit on me. I’m not the one striving for more.”

“Then why are you so concerned with whoever I may or may not be dating?”

“Because maybe I could save them from the inevitable heartbreak of a guy who can’t commit to anyone other than himself until it’s convenient for him. And then somehow he expects everyone to love him even after he screws up.”

“Hey, I care about you and maybe I didn’t show it in the right way, but I’m making up for it right now. At least if you let me.”

Julia glared at him and studied his expression.

Darren sighed. 

Now that his future disappeared out into the night, he might as well deal with his past.

\----

He talked with Julia for the remainder of that night while trying not to lament losing yet another chance with Chris. On the plus side, he agreed to stay friends with Julia but to keep his distance from her when he got drunk. After he apologized profusely for all of his reckless and selfish behavior, she tentatively accepted but refused to work with him on any class projects. Though it stung, he understood. Closing the chapter on Julia was bittersweet and more painful than he imagined. But a thrill ran through him at moving on with someone else.

He texted Chris the minute he woke up with:

_Hey, it’s Darren if you couldn’t tell. I was hoping I could explain what happened last night. Meet me at my place?_

He took some ibuprofen for his splitting headache and scarfed down a granola bar while he patiently waited for a response. Still there was nothing. He paced across the kitchen and waited some more. There was only a message from Joey asking him to get milk and a missed call from Lauren that he didn’t bother answering.

He called Chris’ number after that but it went to voicemail. He left a message anyway:

“Um, hi, Chris. I know I texted earlier but I’m calling because I want you to hear what I have to say. I’m sorry about what happened. I--I like you a lot and I’m totally free for that date. I meant every word I sang and said. I didn’t plan on the night ending the way it did. Please can we start over so I can get to know you better? I think we could be great together if you give me another chance. Let me know and we can meet out on the quad. _Honey, I’m still free. Take a chance on me,”_ he sang the last two lines much like the ABBA song they came from and winced. “Anyway, I’ll be waiting.”

Darren placed his phone on the kitchen table and sat there for what felt like hours, met with only silence. He set his forearms on the table too and rested his head there, the pain still throbbing through him. He briefly debated searching for Chris on Facebook and finding out if he listed the dorm he lived in but then realized that might be too creepy. He could just go for a friend request and see what happened. He needed to try everything before he gave up.

He checked his phone one more time but there wasn’t any response except another text from Joey. Then he headed to his room to get his laptop and log on to Facebook. After scrolling through all the freshmen with the name Chris or Christopher who were from California and had a concentration in creative writing, he found one Chris Colfer. The only pictures that Chris posted were one of himself sitting at a table with a younger female beside him, posing in front of a cake and another picture of his dog. There was also a third one of him in a costume consisting of a blanket wrapped around his body, thick, round-framed black glasses and a lightning bolt drawn on his head; Chris captioned the last picture “Invisibility cloak fail.”

Darren laughed out loud, glad for another glimpse into Chris’ personality. He just hoped it wouldn’t be his only glimpse as he quickly went back to Chris’ main page to friend request him. Along with the invitation, he sent a personal message that said, _“Accio cuteness! I’m also a Potterhead if you needed another reason to say yes to a date with me. The Halloween pic is definitely not a fail in my eyes.:).”_

He shut his computer down but Chris stayed on his mind after that, so he picked up his phone. Again, he had no new texts or phone calls and figured he’d give Chris more time, no matter how impatient he felt.

So he did what he always did when someone or something bothered him: he played his guitar. The ache in his head soon dissipated but the one in his heart grew as more time passed without a response from Chris on any front. He wanted to blame Julia, although he knew it was his fault for involving Chris in his life when he still had issues to resolve with her.

He suddenly got why Chris didn’t answer; he probably didn’t want to put up with Darren’s unnecessary drama when he was just starting to figure out his way on this campus. But if Chris gave him just one more chance, then they could make a fresh start and move on together.

Darren wanted that so bad but it turned out that he had to keep waiting longer than he imagined.

\----

Until then, Darren had attempted to move on, living through finals and a painfully long winter break by playing with an idea for a new project that had his fanboy heart soaring.

He started the next semester both excited and a bit melancholy that it would be his last ever here. Still he kicked it off much like the previous one, except this time there was come from a boy whose name he couldn’t even remember streaked across his sheets. Chris’ eyes and smile flashed through his head before he fell asleep that night.

But he drowned it out over the next month or so by preparing for graduation, trying to pass his classes and getting that aforementioned project off the ground. He knocked the idea around with Brian, their friend Nick and some others until they had a solid plan for how to proceed. Then he wrote a few songs for it when he had time and played them for the group.

“That’s fucking amazing, Dare. I worked on the script with Matt and Nick and we should be able to put the finishing touches on it soon,” his roommate Brian informed him one day in the middle of February. “I’ll see when the auditorium is available and we can book the space.”

“That’s fucking great!” Darren exclaimed. “Except for one important detail.”

“What?”

“I totally get to play Harry Potter in this thing.”

“No, I figured we’d hold open auditions for it and then we decide,” Brian suggested.

Darren’s face fell but then Brian playfully punched him in the arm.

“I’m totally kidding. Of course you can. It’s senior year,” Brian added. “Besides if you plan on hitting Hollywood after we graduate, it might be the easiest time you ever have getting a part again.” He laughed.

“Maybe. Man, I can’t wait. Better read the script and revise those lyrics.”

“I’ll email you the rough copy and give you the details about the when and where. Then we can cast everyone else.”

“Yes!” 

Darren rejoiced that his life as a performer might be working out, at least in this small bubble of college, even if his love life was a bummer. There had been an endless string of hookups (sometimes more than one) every weekend since the beginning of the semester and he had a feeling they might continue; there was no point in getting attached when he was about to leave this place. Furthermore he hadn’t connected with anyone like he had with Chris and the thought of trying again reminded him of his crushing rejection.

So he focused on making this really cool musical with his friends and enjoying his last couple of months as a student. Like every performance, he bounced around with nervous energy backstage right before the show. Then he took his mark and the lights went down for the opening number. After that he had hit every line and cue, falling into character perfectly until he looked out into the audience in the middle of Act Two. Jamie Lyn, his Ginny, sang her part in “Not Alone” while he came in at the bridge:

_“I trip and stumble tryin’ to make sense of things sometimes. I look for reasons, but I don’t need ‘em. All I need is to look in your eyes.”_

He briefly looked into the crowd and noticed a face he hadn’t seen in months staring back at him, with wild electric blue eyes and a still very kissable mouth. It had to be him because Chris wore that same awe-filled expression the night that Darren serenaded him, before it all went sideways. Darren blinked for a moment but never missed a beat, finishing out the song and the show to laughs and applause. However, after the curtain call, he skipped the celebration with his friends and searched the departing crowd for Chris.

Luckily, he found Chris near the exit doors and stopped him with a hand to his wrist.

“Chris,” Darren called out.

He turned around at the sound of his name, shock written all over his face. “Darren, I--You were great out there.”

“Thanks. Can we, um, can we talk?”

Chris’ eyes flickered down to where Darren touched him. “I don’t think we have anything to discuss, Darren. I heard all I needed to hear from your ex-girlfriend the last night I saw you.”

“Julia? You don’t know everything. Please just let me explain. We’re friends now. That’s all. I can tell you the whole story if you come to the after party tonight.”

“I--I have class early tomorrow so if you’ll excuse me.” Chris wrenched away from Darren’s grip but Darren gingerly tapped his shoulder. “What?”

“There’s no else, Chris. You’re the only one that I want. I swear. No one else comes close. Not Julia or any other woman or man, Chris. I tried so hard to reach you but you had already made up your mind about me. So I let it go and I lived my life. But you always crossed my mind. Always. I want you--I--I promise if you just--”

“Okay, okay.” Chris interrupted him and threaded his fingers through Darren’s own. “You can tell me the rest tonight.”

Darren smiled and his heart nearly burst out of his chest as his lips met Chris’ own. Chris instantly gave in and melted against him, there in the lobby of the theater while students filed past them. When they parted, Chris gazed up at him with that beautiful blush on his face and Darren felt so close to admitting three words that were definitely too soon to say.

Instead Darren smiled at him and said, “Good. I can’t wait.”

\----

After Darren introduced Chris to his friends (or reintroduced in some cases), they had a round of drinks and lively discussion at Darren’s place. Then Chris gushed over Lauren, Joey and a couple of the other cast members that gathered on the couch.

“Oh God, the whole concept is genius and your Draco was absolutely hilarious, Lauren,” he praised.

“Hey, what about me?” Darren interrupted from where he stood a few inches from Chris.

“I guess I could say that you were totally awesome.” Chris shrugged, offering him a small smile. “But Lauren was quite a scene stealer.”

“Thanks. I don’t mind pulling focus from Darren.” Lauren preened in her spot right beside Chris and leaned over to catch Darren’s eye. “You should keep him around this time.”

“I’m planning to,” Darren returned, reaching his hand out to Chris. “But I’ll need to steal him for a bit.”

“Aww, just when I was getting to hear all about you.” Chris laughed but took his hand anyway. “Lauren told me some pretty good stories when you were off in the kitchen chatting with Brian. Maybe I should stay here instead.”

Darren pulled Chris up from his seat and addressed him. “Don’t listen to her. Everything you hear is a lie.”

“No, it isn’t. But if you’re going to get some, I’ll guess I’ll forgive you for leaving, Darebear.” Lauren raised her eyebrows at Darren while Chris had her back to him.

Darren blushed. “I, um, I’ll see you later, Laur.”

“Maybe you won’t,” she called as Darren dragged Chris down the hallway to his room to have their conversation in private.

“I just want to talk. That’s all,” Darren assured Chris when they both sat on his bed. “And maybe kiss you again.”

“I’d like that.”

Darren’s palm rested against Chris’ cheek and they kissed once more, lost in the taste of each other. Chris moved with practiced ease against Darren’s lips which made Darren wonder what he’d done in their time apart. He couldn’t fault him for being with anyone else given how many people had occupied space in his bed; plus, he wasn’t ever officially with Chris in any sense of the phrase. But he was thankful that Chris’ hand flexed over the outside of his thigh and then gently rubbed Darren’s jeans.

Darren’s arousal stirred at that so he dipped his tongue into Chris’ mouth. Chris met him eagerly, his hand sliding up Darren’s leg to his hip. While Chris’ other hand tentatively settled at the base of Darren’s neck just below his curls, Darren’s free hand clutched Chris’ side and reached under his shirt.

But then Chris broke away.

“Wait, wait. I can’t,” Chris murmured, his face flushed red as he withdrew his hand from Darren’s thigh. “We--We have to talk.”

“Are you sure?” Darren replied cheekily. “‘Cause I kind of liked what we were doing.”

Chris’ other hand trailed down Darren’s shoulder and then his chest. He looked down and swallowed but stuck his hands on top of his own thighs. 

“That’s not why we’re here,” Chris breathed out.

Darren’s thumb grazed the bow of Chris’ wet lips before he dropped his hand from Chris’ face. “Oh really? I could’ve sworn making out was on the agenda.”

Darren zeroed in on Chris’ blue eyes, glazed over with lust, until he blinked and glanced away.

“T--tell me about Julia.” Chris stuttered, the air suddenly still between them.

“Oh. Okay. Fine.” Darren started, his excitement quickly dying as he backed away a bit so that they didn’t touch.

He kept the details to a minimum, explaining that although he cared about Julia a lot, he had hurt her before he left to study abroad for a year.

“So when I came back,” Darren went on, “things were still screwed up and that was basically when I met you.”

“Oh, so I was a rebound then?” Chris asked and shifted his body even further away from Darren.

Darren scooted closer and took his hand. “You were so much more than that, Chris. I--I wanted more from you than that. I asked you out, remember?”

“Of course I do. How could I forget?”

“Then you have to know that I like you. I mean you obviously feel the same way because here we are again, right?” Darren tried for a crooked grin and rubbed his thumb along the web of Chris’ hand.

Chris shivered. “Y--yes.”

“Does this mean you’ll give me another shot?”

“I--I--”

“Please,” Darren begged with a glimmer of hope in his heart and studied Chris’ look of deep contemplation.

“Okay.”

Darren leaned in to kiss Chris and share the utter joy bursting out of him when Chris interrupted him.

“One more thing.”

A slightly deflated Darren stopped short of his intended target and raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“I still have the same condition as before. I want to take this slow.”

Though Darren had basically already agreed to it, he really considered it this time. He had always been one to dive in headfirst throughout his life; he was the first kid in class to volunteer for anything, he’d try a new food when offered without question, and he’d take on creative projects in high school or college without knowing all the details first. He didn’t exercise caution often regarding the physical side of an intimate relationship either, so testing the waters with Chris rather than cannonballing straight in could prove tricky.

But Darren hardly ever backed away from a task because it was difficult. Besides maybe he could find a way to make this interesting. 

“Okay. Let’s do it,” Darren finally answered and mentally facepalmed. “I mean, let’s not do it.”

Chris laughed. Then they sealed the promise with a squeeze of their hands. More making out didn’t hurt either.

\----

Except it kind of did with every passing day of the next month. Darren knew his time on campus would end soon and with it, his opportunity to be with Chris in the way he wanted. He loved spending time with Chris just talking about their lives and sharing geeky interests like Star Wars and Harry Potter (they spent an entire afternoon dissecting Darth Vader’s descent into villainhood and then another sorting each other into wizarding school houses). Still, it had become increasingly difficult to look at Chris’ passion for anything and not want to screw him senseless. 

They kissed a lot and rutted together, sometimes shirtless, but a debauched, perfect Chris with tousled hair and red cheeks would always halt it before he got too close to the edge. Then a frustrated Darren would seclude himself in the bathroom and try to think of anything but Chris lying on his bed half-naked and looking so innocent yet fuckable at the same time. He thought if he asked, Chris might oblige him but he would never push him into it.

So they cuddled as well, fully clothed while uncovering each other’s dreams for the future. Darren was almost okay with being practically celibate, thinking maybe he’d have more time than he thought. But then Chris spoke of his immediate plans for next semester and Darren realized he had no idea where he would be a few months after graduation. He just knew it would be somewhere that probably wasn’t near Chris and somehow that felt simultaneously exhilarating and terrifying.

When Darren stopped carding his fingers through Chris’ hair, Chris lifted his head from Darren’s chest.

“Something wrong, Dare?” Chris wondered on the weekend between their last classes and final exams.

“Nope. Just thinking about planning a kickass party at the apartment when some of us blow this popsicle stand and amazingly get diplomas.” Darren sort of lied, not wanting to worry Chris or hurt him with the truth that freedom lurked around the corner and it looked a lot like leaving his newfound relationship behind.

“Can’t believe you studied enough to get a degree.” Chris joked, seemingly assuaged.

Darren breathed a sigh of relief and easily faked a smile. “If I can do it, anyone can, even you, Mr. I Don’t Think I Can Focus Enough to Finish a Sentence on my Paper.”

“But I always do finish my sentences, eventually.” Chris laughed, content enough to rest his head back down on Darren.

“And they’re perfect, no doubt better than my half-assed work.”

“I’m glad you think so, even if all my professors don’t tend to share the same sentiment.”

“Well, they’re idiots,” Darren countered as he lightly ran his fingers across the back of Chris’ neck.

“Wow. I, um,” Chris stopped, gripping Darren’s shirt in his fist.

“What? What is it?”

Chris didn’t look up but spoke once more. “Nothing. I--I want to hear all about this party.”

Glad for the change in subject since academics would be a world he’d soon leave behind for epic unknown adventures, Darren spouted out party plans for the day after commencement. 

“Wait!” Chris interrupted. “Shit. I completely forgot that I have to move out the day after my last final. I can’t exactly move my stuff into your place.”

Darren frowned. “You don’t want to see me graduate?”

“I would love to but my flight’s been scheduled for over a month.” Chris sighed into Darren’s shirt.

“Then we’ll have a party celebrating your last final. When is it?”

“Thursday morning.”

“Good. We’ll have one Thursday night. You can leave on Friday morning and I have an extra excuse to party.”

“Please. Like you need an excuse.” Chris scoffed as he grinned up at Darren.

“It’ll be great.”

Darren gave him a tight grin in return and realized their lives would change sooner than he was ready for. He wanted to graduate so badly so he could move on to the next phase of his life but he didn’t want to leave Chris behind either. Yet at the same time he needed to decide whether or not having a long-distance relationship was worth the potential hardship. He liked Chris a lot; hell, he loved him, even if he couldn’t admit it out loud yet. Could he endure weeks or maybe months without Chris’ touch or his laugh enveloping the air around them both? When faced with this choice before, Darren selfishly left with barely a look back while he destroyed someone else’s heart in the process. 

This time, he wondered if he would destroy his own.

\-----

Darren distracted himself over the next few days with studying and packing his stuff though he didn’t care much about either. He passed all his classes well enough and he wasn’t leaving until a couple of weeks after graduation since the lease on the apartment wasn’t up until the beginning of June.

So he thought too much about how he might never see Chris again after this party and what that would mean. If he didn’t go back home during the summer and at least try to see Chris in Clovis, their relationship would end. Maybe he could squeeze at least three wonderful months out of it before he moved away somewhere for good and Chris returned to Michigan for the rest of the year. Though he didn’t want only three months (he wanted forever), he also didn’t want Chris to live his college life waiting for him. Besides, what if they both missed out on amazing opportunities because of it?

He decided to talk to Chris at the party and tell him as much. He knew it’d be painful so he spent half the party avoiding it and instead intently watched Chris laugh as he chatted with Meredith, Lauren, Bonnie and Jamie Lyn, much like the night he found Chris after the show and they found their way back to each other. Chris beamed and Darren dragged him away in the same fashion.

With a bright smile, Chris closed and locked Darren’s bedroom door. “Hi.”

“Hey.”

Chris bit his lip and hooked his thumbs in Darren’s belt loops on either side of his body. “Y’know, I don’t have to leave until late morning, possibly early afternoon.”

“Yeah?” Darren asked. His breath hitched at how Chris took initiative and held him close, a reversal of how they usually acted. Darren was often the one to reach out first so it was a welcome change to witness Chris’ bold streak resurface.

“And I was hoping we could make the most of it.” Chris blushed as he gazed up at Darren. “Do you have, um, stuff?”

“Yeah, I do.” Darren cleared his throat and attempted to focus with Chris so dizzyingly close. “But we should talk first.”

“Dare, we’ve talked enough about this. I’m ready and there’s no one I’d want to share this with more than you because I--I really like you and I’m leaving tomorrow and--”

Darren squeezed Chris’ hips, effectively shushing him. “Exactly. You’re leaving and I am too. But I’m not coming back. You are.”

“So? I don’t care about that right now.” Chris kissed Darren’s cheek, scratching against the day old stubble. “I care about you. I care about us. And I want you so bad. C’mon, please.”

“I do too, but Chris.” He ran his hands up and down Chris’ sides, gliding his thumbs along Chris’ hipbones. “We still have so much time. I can come visit you in Clovis and you can--”

Chris froze and buried his face in Darren’s shoulder. “No. I--No, you can’t.”

“Why not?”

“First of all, you know I escaped that place because of homophobic jerks who assumed what I was before I even knew. The memories--I--I don’t want you to be there,” he mumbled into Darren’s shirt. “Secondly, my--my parents have no idea who you are and I haven’t told them that I’m--I’m gay. Besides, I don’t want to have my first time with my sister next door and my parents across the hall.”

One day they had discussed some of Chris’ adolescent troubles with bullying that damaged him so much that he was homeschooled for a year. Darren wanted to kiss all of his scars away but he knew he could never erase the emotional trauma that still lingered. Despite breaking down Chris’ walls in the past month, perhaps the mention of those hometown ghosts haunted Chris too much and he wasn’t ready to face them. Darren would help him try anyway.

So he rubbed his hands across Chris’ back, creating a soothing embrace. “We can deal with all that stuff together, baby. I’ll be right there with you. But as always, I’m not gonna pressure you. If you wanted to wait on it, you can visit me in San Francisco instead while I’m with the ‘rents.”

Chris’ stunning ocean eyes widened in awe when he looked up at Darren. “You’d want me to meet your parents?” 

“Why not? If you’re going to spend time with me in their house, I think they’d appreciate it.” 

“I--I’ve never really seen San Francisco,” he stated quietly, his fingers playing with the hem of Darren’s shirt.

“I’d be happy to be your tour guide. There are so many amazing things about the city I grew up in and I’ll show you every single one.”

Hope blooms in Darren’s chest at the thought that maybe they’ll work out, at least for the summer and that he’ll create some great memories in the process. He didn’t want to think about what would come after.

“Well, that is an enticing offer, Darren, but I’d like it much better if you showed me something else.”

“Oh, really?” 

“Mhmm.” Chris nodded.

Darren kissed him briefly and pulled away with a smile. “You’re not subtle at all, are you?”

“I learned from the master.”

“So show me exactly what you want then.”

Chris took Darren’s hand, led him to the bed and pushed him to sit while Chris stood still in front of him. Then Chris knelt down onto the floor.

“I want you,” Chris simply said, glancing down to the crotch of Darren’s pants. “I--I want to taste you.”

Darren licked his lips as his eyes fell on Chris’ sinful pretty mouth. He imagined what it might feel like so many nights that they slept together fully clothed, but to have the offer right in front of him made his mouth water and his cock twitch with want.

“Hell yes, sweetheart,” Darren replied, one of his hands cupping the back of Chris’ head. “There’s no way I’d say no to that.” 

“Have you ever, um, given?” Chris asked sheepishly, his face flushed a lovely shade of pink.

“Yeah, once,” Darren answered honestly. “But I’ve received more than my fair share and I can tell you what feels good for me. Most importantly, don’t use teeth, okay?”

“Got it.”

“I’m sure you’ll be amazing. You are amazing,” Darren soothed. “C’mere.”

“W--wait,” Chris started before Darren could pull him closer. “Who--How--How many people have you been with?”

“It doesn’t matter. I want you.”

“No, I mean, are you--?” He looked away shyly. “Are you clean? Have you gotten tested or anything?”

“Yeah, I got tested before I went to study abroad last year and then again when I came back. I didn’t screw around while I was there but I just wanted to be sure. I haven’t been with anyone since then,” Darren replied. He realized that maybe they should have discussed that sooner but he supposed it was better late than never.

“Oh. Okay. Sorry to, um, break the moment.”

Darren cupped one of Chris’ cheeks. “Hey, don’t apologize. It’s a totally valid question. If it makes you feel more comfortable, then it’s important to ask. No matter how unsexy, alright?”

“Alright.” 

“So, um, do you still want to?”

Chris nodded. “I want to.”

“Okay. Good.”

Darren smiled and finally brought him in for another kiss. Chris met him softly at first but then he rose up a little higher and pressed their lips together with more urgency. His hands skimmed the outside of Darren’s thighs. But Darren craved more, so he grabbed one of Chris’ hands, holding it tight before moving it closer to the fly of his jeans.

Chris blinked back at him as they broke apart and reverently ran his fingers down the zipper, making Darren shiver.

“Yeah, you--you got this. That’s--that’s good, hon,” Darren tried though words seemed to fail him already.

“I want to--Can I touch you first?” Chris wondered, looking down, his blue eyes even darker than usual.

“You don’t need to ask me that. Just do it, babe.”

With shaking fingers, Chris popped the button open and Darren lifted up to shimmy his jeans down his thighs, his dick stirring. 

Chris traced the outline of Darren through his boxers achingly slow, from the base to the head and back down. Then he reached underneath Darren’s shirt, scratching at the hair trailing up to his belly button.

Darren hummed his appreciation as Chris’ fingers ghosted along the waistband of his boxers and finally peeled the offending material down Darren’s legs.

Chris’ blue eyes widened, nearly blown black with lust while Darren sprung free. Darren barely remembered when he had been in that position, drunk and clouded with arousal for a stranger during his freshman year of college. He was sloppy but it had done the trick sooner than expected and he nearly choked. Still, he knew he might have been feeling similar to what Chris had been, amazed at how alike and yet how very different another man’s body looked, smelled and tasted.

Oh, how Darren couldn’t wait for Chris to taste him. But he let Chris get back down to his knees and cup his balls in each hand, ignoring his cock for a moment. Chris let one hand rest on one of Darren’s inner thighs and he wrapped the other around the base. His grip felt dry and rough but the touch combined with the look of concentration on Chris’ face was enough for him to drip precome.

“Yeah, that’s it,” Darren encouraged. “So good already. Can’t wait for you to put your mouth on me.”

Chris smiled and blushed deeper, stroking the length of Darren a few times before his tongue darted out to lick at the head. Then his sweet mouth took in just the tip of him. Darren clutched at the back of Chris’ head tightly in an effort not to push him down and rock into that wet perfect heat. Instead Chris inched forward a bit little by little, almost meeting his fist.

Chris slowly pulled back and moved forward repeatedly, establishing a rhythm that was certainly more calculated than Darren’s first attempt at a blowjob had been; it made him wonder if Chris had done this before or if he had simply researched a great deal and rehearsed it in his head during the time they had been apart. Either way, it paid off quite well when Chris sucked on the head and swirled his tongue around the slit, sending all of Darren’s blood straight to his cock. 

“Oh, ohh, baby, yes. Fuck, that feels so fucking amazing. ‘M gonna--if you want to pull off, I--I understand. I--”

But Chris stayed where he was, fondling Darren’s balls once more as he continued to mouth at the head. With one final lunge forward and lick that pressed on the vein at the underside of Darren’s dick, Darren flew over the edge and cried out Chris’ name.

“Shit, babe. L--love your mouth so much,” he babbled as he spilled out. His eyes flew open just in time to watch Chris’ throat work, greedily swallowing and then pulling off with an obscene pop. 

Chris jerked him through the aftershocks, apparently not even realizing that come had painted the corner of his mouth. Though Darren softened as he returned to himself, a painful twinge ran through him at the sight.

Darren petted at the back of Chris’ head and his hand drifted across Chris’ cheek to his jaw, his thumb finally landing where the come had been.

“You got a little, uh, something here,” Darren murmured and wiped at the spot. He took his fingertip into his mouth and locked eyes with Chris as he sucked at it, mimicking Chris’ earlier actions. Then he let it slide down his lips. “I could still kiss it and make it better though.”

“Mmm, yeah.” Chris’ spit slick mouth parted slightly and Darren couldn’t help kissing him then.

He bent down toward Chris despite the awkward angle, his pants still halfway down his legs as their mouths met once more. The leftover tang of his own come mixed with Chris’ saliva tasted slightly bitter and strange but he found that he loved it, much like most activities that involved Chris. Darren’s tongue slipped into Chris’ mouth as Chris strained upward and his hand fell away from Darren’s cock. Soon enough Chris got up off his knees and stood between Darren’s legs without halting their kiss. 

But Darren had to break away to catch his breath and study Chris for a minute, sex personified, with the deep red tint of his cheeks that gleamed with sweat, electric blue eyes still hazy, and his brown hair flopped over his forehead.

“You look--wow,” Darren exclaimed, unsure of how to describe the ethereal image before him without sounding too cheesy.

“I could say the same.” Chris giggled. “But you write music. You think you’d come up with a better description than that, Dare.”

“After that mind blowing orgasm, I’m surprised I can even say anything. You are something else, Mr. Colfer.”

“Something good, I hope.”

“Something great.” Darren smiled and brushed the hair off Chris’ forehead. “Now sit your ass down and let me take care of you.”

Chris licked his lips. “Do you want me to, uh, put your clothes back on?”

Darren scoffed. “Not a chance, sweetheart. I got it.” 

Darren pulled Chris down to the bed and flipped him so Chris laid on his back against the mattress. Then he rid himself of his jeans and socks, tossing them onto the floor. He slid his boxers up his legs only because he knew he couldn’t get hard again so fast and having Chris against him like he planned would definitely cause a painful reaction.

“There you are,” Darren continued and turned to face him. “Hey.”

“Hi.”

“So, I’m going to try something and please tell me you’re okay with it.” Darren straddled Chris’ hips, careful not to touch the obvious erection straining in Chris’ pants.

“I--” Chris swallowed. “I’m already okay with it as long as it’s you.”

“Awesome. It’s like what we’ve been doing but more.” He leaned forward, his mouth _thisclose_ to Chris’ own. “This time, I wanna get you off.”

Chris’ hands found Darren’s hips and settled there. “I told you, I’m ready. Touch me, please.”

Darren kissed him again, trying so hard to angle his lower half away from Chris and not just grind until they both reached a sweet release. But this was about Chris’ needs, not his own, so he let Chris relax and melt into the bed as they explored each other’s mouths for an immeasurable amount of time. While Chris rolled his hips, Darren dragged his mouth across Chris’ jaw and down his neck. Darren’s fingers slipped under Chris’ shirt, brushing against a nipple and eliciting a moan from him.

“Can I, um, take off your shirt?” Darren grunted into Chris’ neck.

“Yeah. Yes. That’s--that’d be good.”

Darren laughed and Chris stilled beneath him.

“What’s wrong, babe?” Darren questioned after his lips grazed his favorite spot, the scar at the base of Chris’ neck.

“I don’t--” Chris started. “I don’t look like you, remember?”

“That’s okay. I know you don’t. I wouldn’t want you to.”

“I mean, I’m not--I’m almost nineteen and my baby fat--I have baby fat. Puberty hates me.”

“I don’t care. I still want to see you. I always do.” Darren assured him. “You’re perfect. You look so hot like this underneath me, I promise. I just want to make you feel as good as you’ve made me feel. You have nothing to worry about.”

Darren played with the hem of Chris’ shirt and carefully lifted it up, helping Chris out of it. Though he had seen Chris like this before, it was always in the heated rush of a makeout session and he hadn’t stopped and really looked since the night they first met. This time, he wanted to commit every inch to memory so that he could use it when he was alone in his room, begging for this moment. Chris’ skin was creamy white with the blush from his face radiating down his chest; he wasn’t fat at all, though a bit of flesh hung over the waist of his jeans. Darren’s heart raced at the thought that Chris displayed himself with such vulnerability, only for him.

“You--you’re gorgeous.” Darren whispered. “I got you.”

He reached over Chris and opened his nightstand to retrieve the lube, quickly throwing it onto the bed beside them before he unzipped Chris’ jeans and pulled down his boxers. His statement about Chris was quickly confirmed when he got to see all of him, who was not as thick as Darren but a little longer, which he could totally work with. He flicked open the bottle, squeezed some of the substance into his palm and rubbed his hands together. Then he curled his hand around Chris’ cock and Chris groaned in his ear, increasingly louder as Darren moved over him.

“Yeah, yeah, that’s it,” Darren breathed into his ear. “You feel so good. You look so beautiful. I’ve wanted you like this ever since we met. I haven’t wanted anyone else,” he repeated his sentiment from when they reunited after the show and hoped Chris still believed him.

Chris simply grunted and arched into Darren’s hand, unable to reply further.

“It’s okay, babe,” Darren went on, precome smearing his thumb when he grazed the head of Chris’ dick. “Let go.”

“Dare, Darren, fuck,” Chris cursed quietly, dribbling over Darren’s fist.

Darren stroked him a few more times, his own arousal stirring in his boxers as Chris spilled onto his hand and shirt wordlessly.

Darren kissed his cheek and then his mouth, jerking him as his body relaxed bonelessly into the bed. He collapsed onto Chris’ chest, still holding onto the flaccid base until he couldn’t anymore.

He inhaled, the smell of sex and Chris permeating the air, and listened to the sound of Chris’ heart beating against his own. How could he say goodbye to this after he had just found it?

Chris’ fingers drew lines up and down Darren’s spine as if he read Darren’s thoughts and felt the same way. They laid there without speaking, the faraway sounds of music and chatter echoing from outside the door but not breaking the comfortable bubble surrounding them.

Darren exhaled and blinked, his clean hand tangling with one of Chris’ own. 

“Guess we should clean up,” Darren reasoned though he couldn’t imagine being away from Chris for one second.

“Yeah, it’s your fault.” Chris laughed dreamily, his lips brushing the top of Darren’s head. “It’s only fair.”

“Excuse me? I jerk you off and this is how you treat me?” Darren joked as he pulled away to look at Chris. “You’re obnoxious as fuck.”

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that since my brain isn’t really back quite yet. It’s still somewhere in the glorious land of afterglow.”

“I’m right there with you, man.” He pecked Chris on the lips. “But I kind of need my hand for a second.”

“Sorry.” Chris frowned and dropped his hold on Darren’s hand.

“It’s alright. I told you I got you.” Darren beamed at him and then grabbed tissues from on top of his nightstand, wiping off his dirty hand and then gently cleaning off Chris.

Chris whimpered at the touch and Darren wished he could get him off again. However, they both needed some more recovery time despite their age. Besides, he wanted to cuddle for a little while longer.

So he tucked Chris back into his pants, took off his own messy shirt and curled up next to him, appreciating how Chris’ arm naturally fit around him.

“You want to spend the night?” Darren asked, lazily moving his fingers across Chris’ chest.

“Of course. I can’t imagine being anywhere else.”

“Me too,” Darren returned.

He knew Chris had to leave soon enough and that would bring change that he wasn’t ready to face but until then, he basked in the warmth of the moment and of Chris’ body. For once, he didn’t want to fill the silence with words. But Chris surprised him, quietly humming an unmistakable tune and eventually adding the lyrics.

_“It don’t matter what’ll come to be. Our love is all we need to make it through.”_

Chris’ singing voice was high, much like his speaking voice, but no less beautiful, reaching notes that Darren could only dream of. With the lines that Darren himself had written, it struck him so deeply and differently from when he and his friends had sung the same words barely a month ago. His heart soared to another plane at the mellifluous tone, as if an angel had carried it there. Maybe Chris was an angel and this was all a dream that would end quicker than Darren liked, bringing him back down to the reality of life and adulthood. 

Or maybe he had smoked too much weed earlier tonight.

Either way, Darren waited a few minutes for Chris to finish the rest of the song. But he didn’t so Darren spoke.

“I didn’t know you could sing. God, Chris,” Darren praised without moving from his spot.

Chris’ fingers dug into Darren’s shoulder. “I don’t really. Not anymore. I used to when I was younger.”

“Well, that’s a shame because your voice is astounding. Not that I should be surprised by you anymore. Your range is killer. You should have auditioned for the show.”

“I like theater but it’s not where my heart is, Dare. I’d rather focus on my writing. Anyway, if I knew you were involved, I wouldn’t have done it back then.”

“I’m sorry.” Darren apologized, tipping his head up and setting his chin on Chris’ chest. “I needed to get my shit together and I shouldn’t have gotten you involved. But I’m glad I found you again and convinced you to stay.”

“Don’t flatter yourself. I made a choice to go to the show. I made a choice to listen to you afterwards, just like you made the choice to hurt someone you loved before you met me. It wasn’t fate that led us here. It all comes down to a bunch of choices and now here we are.”

Darren mused on that for a minute. Maybe Chris was right, as wise and mature as he seemed. He couldn’t feel angry at the path they took even if Chris ignored him for months because somehow they still ended up right where they belonged: together and happy, if only for a short while.

“Yeah, here we are.” Darren smiled and rubbed their noses together. “I wouldn’t trade that for anything but we lost so much time.”

“How about we make up for it then, starting now?”

“Sounds like a choice that I’m glad to make.”

Darren spent the rest of the night kissing him and exploring as much of Chris’ skin as he could. If he knew what would happen next, he’d burrow himself there and never leave. But he hoped that having a spot in Chris’ heart would be enough to endure all they had to face.

However, it wouldn’t be since Darren had made yet another choice and it would cost him the best relationship of his life.

\----

Darren blinked awake, shirtless and with his arm draped across a solid mass of warmth. Then he remembered what had happened the previous night. There was a party at his place commemorating the last time he would see Chris on campus with him. Darren was going to suggest taking a break after the summer and letting Chris enjoy the rest of his college years without him. Somehow the conversation had melted away in favor of a long awaited blowjob and a chance to see Chris naked. After that, they had fallen asleep together for what would be the last time for a while, hence the current position of his arm on Chris’ stomach.

Chris hadn’t woken up yet, which afforded Darren the chance to pick his head up and reflect on the gorgeous sight before him. Chris’ chestnut hair stuck up every which way, his full cheeks flushed pink, and his tongue hung out of the corner of his slightly open mouth. When his eyes traveled further down, he noticed the scar on Chris’ neck had darkened a deeper shade of red, no doubt from Darren’s treatment of it. His arousal jolted at the memory of kissing that spot and Chris’ subsequent groans of pleasure. A smile played across Darren’s lips as his fingers traced the raised skin there and Chris still lay asleep. He longed to make a more permanent mark that Chris could remember him by until they would see each other again.

Instead, he laid his head back down on the pillow beside Chris and listened to his exhales while his hand drifted across Chris’ chest, stopping at his heartbeat. Though he lived half his life strumming a guitar and creating new sounds, nothing could compare to the thump of Chris’ heart against his fingers or Chris’ quiet breaths echoing in his ears. He’d spend years drowning this out of his memory if he ever had to let this boy go.

Of course he would have to because Chris was gone after today, back to California until Darren could figure out how to fulfill his promise of seeing him again.

But what came after that? He didn’t like looking any further ahead, especially since he’d be without Chris, though he couldn’t deny that his post-undergraduate future approached at full speed like a freight train that he was powerless to stop. Chris’ life would continue as well and as much as Darren wanted to be in it after he graduated, it would be difficult to survive on phone calls and pixelated video chats alone. If Chris truly experienced college, he probably wouldn’t have the time or energy for either of those anyway. Darren would resent him for it but he wouldn’t blame him. He decided then that he couldn’t live one second like that and he needed to set Chris free before that happened. If he broke up with Chris after the trip to San Francisco, Darren would have to walk around his hometown with memories of their love haunting him every step of the way.

Suddenly the summer getaway that Darren proposed for them felt less like a respite and more like a march toward their inevitable breakdown. 

So when Chris woke up, Darren had to wake up from his dream of extending their time together; he’d have to tell him it was over.

Darren’s fingers trailed down Chris’ side and he tenderly kissed the skin stretched over Chris’ heart. 

“I’ll be right here, okay?” Darren murmured into the still air between them. “So this isn’t goodbye. Not really. It can’t be. I know you’re gonna do great without me, baby. Hell, you already are.”

“I am what?” Chris’ sleepy voice asked.

Darren startled and wondered how much Chris had heard. He lifted his head up to stare into Chris’ now open curious blue eyes. “Brilliant, of course. How long have you been awake?”

“Long enough to catch that you said something about me being great and now brilliant.” Chris smiled. “God, who’s going to stroke my ego around here next semester when you’re off being a famous actor?”

Darren shrugged, throwing off the reminder of his eventual absence from Chris’ life. “There’s always Joey. He’ll still be here. And I’m already famous. We posted the video for the Potter show online and there are thousands of views. Apparently the fandom at large thinks I’m _supermegafoxyawesomehot_ and my stardom is inevitable.”

“Please.” Chris rolled his eyes. “We all know who your number one fan is.”

“Um, my mom?”

Chris pouted. “I’m right here. Don’t forget about me.”

Darren briefly kissed him on the mouth and Chris immediately chased it. 

“I won’t. I promise,” Darren assured him. “But I should say the same to you.”

Chris’ eyebrows narrowed. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m graduating in two days but you--your college life is just starting, babe. You’re gonna have a shit ton of fun without me and I can’t--I’m going to miss all of it. That really sucks but it’ll suck even more if you choose to sit it out and wait for me. I don’t want you to wait, Chris. I want you to live and be happy, even if I’m not with you.”

“Trust me, I won’t be waiting. I’ll be working on my writing and I’ll join some clubs that are probably related to writing.” Chris laughed. “I’ll be just fine without you. I survived eighteen years before you. I’m sure I’ll be okay as long as you check in with me from wherever you are.”

“But what if I forget and then you start to hate me? I mean, maybe we’re just--We should rip the band-aid off now. I’m gonna be off on some crazy adventure in New York or L.A. and I don’t--You shouldn’t have to worry about me.”

“I will worry about you because I care. Just like we talked about last night. If not, then what are we doing here?”

“Maybe we should talk about it over breakfast.”

“Too late. You already brought it up, Dare, so we should probably deal with it.”

“Fine.” Darren sat up and urged Chris to do the same. When Chris joined him, he finally spoke again. “So I don’t know if you coming to San Fran is such a good idea. I’d love it and I’m sure you would too. But maybe it’s better if we enjoy the time we have left and cool down for a bit before we resent each other. That way, we can still have something.”

There was a long pause in which Chris’ eyes narrowed and he stared at Darren in contemplation.

Then Chris thankfully broke the silence. “You’re saying you want to take a break?”

Darren nodded, trying to hold back tears. “Yeah, I--I think that would be best.”

“Oh, I see what this is about,” Chris started, crossing his arms and inching away from Darren. “I understand completely. You don’t really want me. You just wanted another conquest, like Julia and all the other people you’ve been with.”

“No, that’s--that’s not what this is. You’re not a conquest and don’t you dare bring up Julia when I explained to you--”

“Yeah, you explained that you left when you got scared. You hurt her and you’re hurting me now. You destroy everyone who dares to care about you. It took me so long to let you go and now I have to do it again? This is ridiculous, Darren.”

“Well, what else do you think I should do?”

“Not run for starters. You’re always running to Italy or San Francisco or wherever. Running is a part of you. Why should I have expected anything less?”

Darren’s mouth fell open in surprise for being called out. He couldn’t control that he was about to graduate, just like he couldn’t control leaving to study abroad. Yes, he could have handled it differently but he fixed the problems that he created eventually. Wasn’t that what growing up was about?

However, he didn’t defend his behavior out loud but attacked Chris instead. 

“Maybe running is a part of you too, Chris. You saw me and Julia and rather than let me explain, you took off and never looked back. I tried for months to get you to talk to me and you didn’t. So forgive me if I’m a little pissed off at you for assuming shit about me.”

“I don’t need to assume when the evidence is right in front of my face. You take what you need and to hell with what everyone else feels, right? Maybe I shouldn’t have gone to the show at all.”

“What the fuck does that mean? I just--Look, I know this is going to be difficult and I’m starting a new chapter while you’re continuing one. It’s better if you move on now. Life isn’t going to stop either for us and we should face that.”

“You’re right.” Chris climbed over Darren to get out of bed. “I should go so you can start your brand new life. Don’t let me stop you.”

“Chris, no.”

He looked around the room and located his shirt on the floor. Then when he found it, he exclaimed, “God forbid I get in the way of your next adventure.”

“I didn’t mean it like that. I need you to understand me.” He sighed. “I don’t want you to hate me.”

“I don’t hate you. That’s the problem. I--You know what? I’m just going to leave. Why not live up to your expectations? Ugh, where are my shoes?”

Darren stood up and grabbed Chris’ hand. “I’m sorry. I--I love you. I just think--”

Chris swallowed, fixing him with a watery gaze and interrupting him. “Please, don’t do this. Not now.”

“It’s true. I have never cared about anyone more than you and I’m doing this for the both of us,” he explained earnestly, hoping Chris would understand. “I don’t want to be out of your life completely. But I understand if you need time. I think we both need that, Chris. We’re so young and we don’t know what’s going to happen next. We should take a step back for a little while and see what happens. That is what I’m suggesting.”

Tears fell from Chris’ blue eyes, streaking his cheeks. “If you love someone, set them free? Something like that, huh?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

Chris frowned and dropped his hand from Darren’s. “I’ve never been a big fan of clichés.”

“Please don’t go, not like this,” Darren pleaded. 

“Good luck on your next chapter,” Chris said stoically before pecking Darren on the cheek. “Oh, and congratulations on your graduation.”

Then Chris walked away, his footfalls the only sound in the quiet apartment. 

Darren’s heart sped up with the urge to chase after him but he realized that he was the one who pushed Chris into leaving. He shouldn’t have expected Chris to accept a break, especially not after they had spent the night together. But he knew this was the best way for the both of them to let go and move on. Maybe with time, Chris would understand that. They were in different places once again, just like in the song that Darren wrote for him, even if they weren’t strangers anymore. However he hoped that they could revisit their relationship one day when the time was right and that the fire between them wouldn’t be laid to rest forever.

Thankfully, he was right.


	3. A Part of me Keeps Holding on

But until then, he would have to live without Chris and with his own dreams instead. They were what kept him warm at night, not a new relationship or even the L.A. air. After graduation, a few of his fellow classmates asked him if he would be interested in sharing a place there while they pursued acting jobs. He accepted, eager to move on from nights spent with Chris’ sharp wit and sweet smile.

It had been about four months of getting headshots, searching for agents and going to open call after open call only to wind up with nothing. Then Darren remembered the school year at Michigan had probably started by now and with it, Chris’ undergraduate life. He wondered if Chris had taken full advantage of it, like Darren advised. A small cruel part of him hoped that Chris didn’t and that his heart panged with loneliness, just like it had for Darren. Sure, he had spent his free time exploring the nightlife, both straight and gay, networking and flirting alike. He had fun and even hooked up with people but he forgot them as soon as day broke and they left his bed. He felt like he was biding his time, professionally and personally, waiting for a break that would never arrive.

Still, he stayed in Los Angeles, determined to make it somehow. One day, he turned to the Internet, searching for hours for any possible local gigs but none seemed up his alley. Frustrated, he clicked mindlessly until he ended up on Facebook, staring at Chris’ page (he finally accepted the request when he and Darren were on good terms). Sure enough, there were pictures of Chris smiling beside Joey and a dark haired girl named Jenna. In a few of them, a skinny blonde guy that Darren didn’t recognize had his arm around Chris. There were more pictures as well of just Chris and this person where they were facing each other; Chris was caught mid-laugh with that adorable toothy grin and scrunchy nose that Darren loved so much. He had spent many afternoons eliciting the same expression from him so he frowned and wondered if Mystery Man held the same spot in Chris’ life that Darren had not too long ago.

Chris was handsome, smart, witty, and fun to hang out with, so who wouldn’t want to spend time with him? After all, Darren had told him to move on and he would have been a hypocrite for expecting Chris to pine after him. He had pieced together his own life and had been trying to put the time they shared in the past, where it belonged. 

But of course, Darren still treasured that time and couldn’t believe it had vanished so quickly, especially when he looked at the date on the picture of Chris and Mystery Man: September 5th. It was the day he had met Chris the previous year. Darren remembered because it was his first weekend back at Michigan after classes had started and of course, he’d never forget their first night together. He wondered if Chris remembered too. 

Despite being drunk that night, every detail flooded through him: from the moment he laid eyes on that innocent flushed face to when they actually shared conversation and Darren wanted to know not just Chris’ body but his story too. He knew from the beginning that Chris wasn’t a means to forget someone else; he was unforgettable in his own right. So Darren had to pursue him even with the limited time he had left at school. He was glad he did, since those days spent laughing with Chris and nights spent with his warmth beside him could never compare, as he had told Chris himself. It was still true because he had chased the feeling so many times before and since but no one else ever approached the same level. Chris still occupied space in his heart and Darren couldn’t shake him.

He fucked up once again by letting him go and he couldn’t fix it. What he could do, however, was grab a bite to eat, a drink, and contemplate how much of a mistake he had made. At least with Julia, he left their relationship unfinished and one last conversation provided closure. But with Chris, he broke them apart with lame justifications and angry accusations that didn’t deserve forgiveness. 

So with guilt plaguing him, he walked a few blocks to the nearest restaurant and took a seat at the bar. He ordered a shot of bourbon and browsed the menu before settling on lasagna. When he got his meal, he asked for another shot and a beer. Sense memory from his time in Italy told him that red wine would pair better with it but he didn’t exactly care about the nuances of flavor very much at that moment.

Instead, he lost himself in the chattering of customers and the faint noise of a piano playing in the background. He hummed the instrumental piece and looked around the restaurant while he waited for his food. In the corner of the large dining room was an actual baby grand piano with the keys moving of their own accord. He frowned and his fingers twitched as his dinner plate clanked down in front of him. What a waste to have a player piano without a musician in front of it. He ignored the urge for a bit, clutching his fork and knife tightly as he ate and slowly swallowed down his entire beer. Then he finished his second shot and beckoned the bartender toward him. 

“Hey, man, does that piano actually work?” Darren asked.

“Why? Are you looking for a job?” The man chuckled.

“Maybe I’m just curious. Care to humor me?”

“Yeah, if I turn off the player function. Do you know how to play?”

Darren shrugged. “Kinda. I learned as a kid and it’s been a hobby ever since.”

The bartender raised an eyebrow at him. “Put your money where your mouth is, kid.”

Darren pulled a few bills out of his pocket and slammed them onto the bar top. “I’ll pay the rest of my order if you let me play.”

He stared down at the money and then back at Darren. “Alright. I’ll go get the manager.”

Minutes later, a short, slender, middle-aged brunette woman emerged from the _Employees Only_ door and stood in front of Darren with the bar as a barricade between them. She gazed at him questioningly. “So you can play?”

“Yeah.” Darren nodded sheepishly.

“Can you sing too?”

He leaned over the counter and smirked, trying for a more confident approach. “Why don’t I let you be the judge of that?” 

Her eyes narrowed as she considered him for a moment. “I suppose it couldn’t hurt.”

“Awesome.”

She came around the bar and went over to the piano to turn off the automated music. Darren followed her and mentally sifted through his repertoire of songs, figuring out which would be best for his audience. He settled on a classic as soon as his fingers hit the keys.

 _“I can only give you love that lasts forever, and a promise to be near each time you call,”_ he crooned as loud as possible over the noisy crowd, locking the eyes with the woman.

Coincidentally, they were electric blue, much like the boy he had been determined to forget when he walked through the door. 

Still, he sang on, challenging his unsteady heart through the song.

_“The only heart I own is for you and you alone. That’s all, that’s all. I can only give you country walks in springtime and a hand to hold when leaves begin to fall.”_

He thought of how it was nearly fall when he met Chris, the brisk Michigan air hitting his face as took Chris’ warm hand and lead him back to his apartment that first night. He kept singing, closing his eyes and thinking of Chris, laughing and happy with him months later in the springtime. Then he thought of how someone else took that place in Chris’ life now. Somehow he finished a couple more lines of the song and returned to reality, a noisy restaurant with the brunette woman beaming at him.

She quickly schooled her expression into something more serious. “I, um, I’ll have to have you come by when the place is empty so I can hear you better but that was really good. We’ll talk.” 

Darren cleared his throat, shaking the memories off. “Thanks.”

She handed him a business card from her back pocket and a pen. “What’s your name, sweetheart?”

“Darren. Darren Criss, aspiring actor slash musician slash guy trying to pay his rent.” He laughed and took the offered materials from her.

“You and everyone else in this town.” She muttered wryly. “I’m Anna. Could you write your contact info down for me? Or your agent’s info at least?”

He followed her directions and looked up. “Don’t have one. Just got here recently.”

“That’s a shame. Someone should snatch you up soon before you’re a hot commodity.”

He gave the card and pen back to her and nearly guffawed. “Is that an industry term?”

“For a charming young thing like you? You bet your ass it is.” She held out her hand to Darren. “I’ll call you. Be careful out there, alright?”

He stood up and took it. “Okay. I’ll try.” 

When she walked back toward the bartender and stopped to talk with him, Darren hoped that this wasn’t another empty promise and that maybe he could score at least one gig out of it. He took a minute to contain those feelings burning through him and went back to the bar where his half-eaten food still sat. 

The bartender looked over at him while he talked with his boss and nodded at her. Then he came over to Darren with a sigh. 

“Manager says your meal’s comped. You can keep the rest of your money. I’m taking what’s there as a tip though.”

Darren’s eyes widened. That was definitely a good sign.

“Okay. Cool. Fair enough,” Darren agreed. “Thanks, man.”

“Don’t sweat it. She must have liked what she heard. You’re lucky. She’s a tough broad.”

Even if he had lost a fan and a love in Chris, he had gained at least one of those back that night. His romantic life sucked once more but maybe professionally, things were looking up.

\----

That night in the restaurant marked the start of a gig that Darren would play every other week for the next year.

He auditioned, worked on Starkid stuff and wrote songs during the day while he played the restaurant and other random venues for most nights. Sometimes he’d go home with someone at last call and it was almost enough to forget about Chris.

At least he had money to pay the bills and he was never alone, even if he didn’t let anyone get as close to him as Chris had. There was always someone willing to be with him, including the young woman who had been winking at him during his entire set at the restaurant that September. She was blonde and curvy with luminous green eyes. She kept laughing and chatting with her dining companion, a redhead who was very clearly a friend because she didn’t mind how the blonde focused more of her attention on Darren than on her. He smiled politely at the blonde as she came up to the piano and left a few dollars in his tip jar. Still, he continued to play and didn’t even try to talk to her at all. She left dejectedly after finishing her dinner and having a more hushed, serious conversation with her friend. Darren shrugged it off; it felt wrong to get involved with her especially today. It was September 5th and he craved a connection of a different kind.

So after the dinner shift ended and the restaurant closed, he collected his tips and took off to West Hollywood, in search of a boy ( _man_ , he corrected himself. Chris was a little past twenty years old by then) with chestnut hair and burning sea blue eyes. He kept Chris’ phone number and lingered over the Facebook notification of his birthday that year but he didn’t attempt to contact him. Chris was a junior in college, probably thriving without him like Darren had always wanted. With these thoughts in mind, he downed his first drink of the night, a shot of vodka as a nod to the one he shared with a rosy-faced, adorable Chris, who probably didn’t even remember that detail.

He chuckled wryly, barely audible even to himself over the booming dance music of the club, but he felt a tap on his hip.

“What are you laughing at, sweetheart?”

Darren turned around, immediately swept in by blue eyes and a blinding smile. The guy even had brown hair and a slim physique.

“Rough day. That’s all,” Darren answered.

The man’s grin turned wicked. “I can make it better, or rougher if you’d like.”

Still, if Darren narrowed his eyes in the dim lighting, he could maintain the sweet illusion of his lost love, so he nodded and headed to the dance floor with the man. He absently remembered that he never danced like this with Chris, which was a damn shame when he considered how they fit together so well tangled on the couch or in bed. He mentally cursed and brought himself back to reality with a man who wasn’t Chris and never would be. That didn’t stop Darren from spending the night with him, however. The morning left him hungover and empty just like every other one-night stand. Something had to give.

\----

That same year had brought Joey out to Los Angeles to join the crew of his roommates since he became a newly minted Michigan grad as well. He breathed fresh life into all the men, who stagnated while still waiting for their big break. For Darren, when he woke on September 6, 2010, it provided him with an outlet to share his troubles, but not without heavy prompting. After his companion had left, he downed a couple of Advil and dragged his ass out to the couch, too lazy and disgusted with himself to clean up the mess of activities from the previous night. He buried himself under a comforter and closed his eyes for a while until the couch dipped and a heavy weight pressed on his feet.

“Afternoon, Sleeping Beauty,” Joey announced. “Dude, it’s Monday. What the hell happened last night?”

“Don’t want to talk about it,” Darren mumbled from underneath the blanket. “Get off my feet.”

“Why didn’t you invite me to whatever rager you went to? I should be in the trenches fighting this hangover with you.”

“Don’t you have something to do?”

“Other than to listen to you, nope.”

Darren popped his head out to find Joey sitting at the end of the couch on top of his ankles.

“Wow,” Darren said flatly. “What an exciting life.”

“I like to think so. It’s almost like we’re back in college on a lazy weekend afternoon, trading stories over Captain Crunch.”

“Ugh, I can’t think about food right now. Or college.”

He flashed back to blue eyes and a drunken kiss on a porch with an almost stranger who would become so much more. Then he remembered the guy from the bar last night and how hollow he had felt with every touch.

“Okay. Fair enough,” Joey replied. “But did anything awesome like that happen last night?”

“Not quite. I told you I didn’t want to talk about it.” He tucked his head back under the covers.

“Ooh, someone’s being all broody. You haven’t been like this since you broke up with--”

“Don’t say his name, please,” Darren warned.

“That rough still? You had it worse than I thought for him. That’s why I don’t understand what happened between you two.”

“I was an idiot. There’s not much more I care to discuss.”

“Hmm. So this isn’t about someone new or just a hangover?”

“No, not really.”

“We both know you’ll feel better if you talk about it. So talk, man.”

He sighed and sat up, figuring Joey was probably right. “Last night marked the night I first met him two years ago. I was still going through all that shit with Julia so everything was a mess for a while. But wow, he was--he was something. We didn’t talk for a long time after that which was my fault. Then somehow I got him back but I knew I was leaving, so I let him go. It was the right thing to do.”

“Except it clearly wasn’t if you’re still thinking about him and getting drunk out of your mind over it.”

Darren nodded. “I--I loved him. I still do. But as always, I screwed it up.”

“Do you want to fix it?”

“That doesn’t matter anymore. Too much time has passed. He’d never forgive me.”

“You forget I spent a year with him after you left. It’s not my place to say what happened then but you should try talking to him. If nothing else, you can stop wondering about it.” He patted Darren’s knee soothingly. “You’re still here trying to make it after over a year of minor disappointments. C’mon, when have you ever given up on something just because it was tough?”

Darren gave him a tight smile. “Never.”

“So go get your man. Y’know after you brush that hair and chug some Gatorade or something.”

“Thanks for the encouragement.”

“Anytime.”

With renewed vigor, Darren decided to go after what he really wanted, once and for all.

\----

Except he couldn’t exactly afford to drop everything and fly to Michigan. Besides, even if he preferred personal interaction, he didn’t think he’d be too welcome yet. So he settled on a text message that said: 

_Hey, it’s Darren. I know it’s been a while but I’m just wondering how Michigan is treating you._

Then he waited and waited, hoping he wouldn’t be ignored.

But of course he was, so he texted again the next day.

_I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have treated you the way I did. Maybe we can talk?_

Chris still didn’t answer after two more days.

Darren almost gave up then but he made one last ditch effort with a voice message:

“I get it. You don’t want to talk me ever again. I messed up but I still love you. I am so, so sorry for being a dick and letting you walk out of my life so many times. I’m not the best at relationships.” He chuckled. “But if you give me another chance, maybe we can at least be friends. Anyway, if you’re not too busy, please, please call me back. I miss you.”

He sighed and left the rest to Chris. He filled the next few days after that with auditions and songwriting to distract himself from the inevitable heartbreak of Chris disappearing from his life for good. But he took a break, put down his guitar and picked up his phone to find a text from Chris.

_I miss you too._

It was progress.

\----

The next night started a year long process of rebuilding his relationship with Chris, including a phone call where Darren owned up to his mistakes.

 _“Don’t think I was pining for you the whole time you’ve been gone,”_ Chris snapped when Darren answered. _“Just because I said I missed you. I’ve been busy, continuing my chapter and all.”_

“Fine. If you want to gripe at me, then gripe away. I deserve it.”

_“You don’t. I should get back to my paper. I don’t even have time for this.”_

“And yet you called me.”

_“Yeah, because you wouldn’t leave me alone. You think you can just throw me away and then call me up again when you feel like it a year and a half later? That’s not how this works.”_

“You stormed out and never came back. What was I supposed to do?”

_“Fight for me, like you did that night at the show. You swept in with some passionate speech about how no one else can live up to me, even though we were together for a barely a night, and I fell for it so hard. I believed it all but then you didn’t even try when you knew you were graduating. You’re still halfway across the country, living your dream without me. What’s changed?”_

“I made a mistake, okay? I’m only human, Chris, and frankly, I’m miserable.”

_“That’s your problem. Not mine.”_

“But you miss me too, don’t you?”

The line went silent for a moment. Then he heard Chris sigh.

_“Against all odds, yes. I--I miss our debates on who’s the best Ninja Turtle or why some people call sprinkles jimmies. Or why you still haven’t mastered the art of styling your hair.”_

“It’s called hippie chic, Chris.”

_“It’s called stoner who’s too lazy to get a haircut.”_

“How do you know I didn’t?”

_“Please. Like you’d ever do that.”_

“Hey! It could happen. Never say never.”

Chris chuckled and just like that, their easy rapport had returned. But Darren had to break it.

“You know I really am sorry for what I did to you. I should’ve handled it differently. I know what I want. I’ve always known but I got blinded by our circumstances. I didn’t think we could survive on phone calls, text messages and sporadic weekend trips alone. Now I know I’d rather have that with you than date anyone I’ve met here. Seriously, no one holds a candle to you.”

 _“Oh my God.”_ Darren practically heard Chris rolling his eyes. _“What have I said about clichés?”_

“You hate them. But you don’t hate me. At least I hope you don’t.”

_“I told you I never could, Dare.”_

His heart soared high with hope for the first time in over a year but he composed himself enough to reply. “Good. I’m glad because I’d totally hate me if I were you. I don’t know how to get back into your life again but I’d really like to if you’ll let me.”

_“I’ll have to think about it.”_

“Oh, okay. That’s more than I could ever hope for.”

_“Okay. I, um, I’ll text you or something.”_

“Great. Chris?”

_“Yeah?”_

“I love you.”

_“I know.”_

With that, the phone clicked and Darren was left waiting once more but this time, instead of anxiety, he had a cautious optimism that he and Chris could be together again.

\----

It didn’t go quite the way that Darren had planned, not right away at least. Chris texted about a month after their heartfelt phone conversation with a simple _Hi_.

 _Hey what’s up?_

Darren texted back while he waited in the front room of a casting agency with about fifty other actors, each one much more attractive than him and much more likely to get the part. Still, showing up was half the battle and he wasn’t ready to quit yet, not on this and not with Chris. At least now he had enough money to pay an agent to help him find jobs. Chris was sort of back in his life, too, albeit only through text messages.

_Just wondering when this phenomena of blood-sucking creatures will be over. Every other YouTube ad is asking me if I’m Team Jacob or Team Edward. How about Team I Don’t Really Care?_

Darren laughed aloud, earning a strange look from the scruffy, dark-haired guy next to him. 

_To each his own, man. Don’t hate on it because you don’t understand it. We’re fans of a bunch of things that other people don’t like. I’m totally Team Jacob btw._

He shook his leg nervously and stared at the screen of his phone, thankful for any interaction with Chris at all after so long. Two minutes later, Chris answered.

_You would be. You must be part wolf with all that hair._

_Sounds like you were paying attention to those ads more than you let on,_ Darren replied.

_Shut up. Love triangles are the most overused plot device ever. Why can’t she ride off into the sunset happily ever after with herself?_

_Because that’s not the ending people want, Chris. Girl gets undead boy, they break up, and then they eventually get back together and get married. Then she becomes impregnated with a vampire-human hybrid baby that almost kills her. Blah, blah, blah. They live happily ever after with their little family. The end. I don’t know about you but that’s what I expect._

_What the hell? Did you just make that up?_ Chris returned.

_Spoiler alert: there are books based on these films. Sometimes that happens :P Also I was bored in the bookstore waiting to play my set one day so I started reading the series. Surprisingly entertaining._

_Darren, they are geared toward teenage girls and the writing isn’t even that great._

_How would you know?_ Darren countered. 

_I may have tried to read them. Sadly they’re part of my class but I still can’t do it. I have to write a paper on it though so I might need your expertise._

_I’d be happy to help even though I’m not a teenage girl. :)_ Darren tried for flirty and hoped it came across properly. He wasn’t sure if it worked or not but Chris texted him back with:

_Thank you._

Darren smiled, his day brightened by their silly exchange. He typed in response:

_It’s my pleasure. I’d much prefer boy gets boy but we’ll see if that ever happens in mainstream media._

_Or with us,_ he thought but didn’t add.

 _A guy can dream,_ Chris told him.

Until Chris accepted him again, Darren would keep dreaming but at least he had Chris’ humor and his words to hold onto. They would have to be enough.

\----

After a disastrous audition, Darren helped him with his paper over the phone, which consisted mainly of goofing around with Chris like they used to do. He hadn’t remembered the last time he laughed so much, not even with Joey or any of the new so-called friends he had made in Los Angeles. The conversation flowed as easily as it had when he had been with Chris in person. He never asked Chris how the paper turned out. However, between auditions and gigs, he carved out time to talk with Chris at least once a week after that for the next few months. He thought they had grown a whole lot closer, although he still wondered if Chris had anyone else back in school. He couldn’t bring himself to mention it until one fateful day when Chris’ winter break approached.

“You know, you’re totally welcome to come visit little ol’ me. Joey kind of misses you too. I’m not gonna lie.”

All Chris said was, _“Darren, I can’t.”_

“As always, there’s no pressure. I’m not asking you for anything. Just a visit.”

_“Look, Dare, talking to you again has been nice but our circumstances are still the same. I’m not sure what we’re doing or what I even want from this anymore. God, I have another year and a half here and I don’t know what’s next for me.”_

Darren crumbled on the inside. Even if their relationship had improved, he couldn’t expect the rift between them to heal with only a bunch of phone calls and texts. So he tried again with the hope that Chris understood how this visit could change that.

“Well, maybe we can talk about that if you come see me. I’ve been through the same shit. I didn’t know where I was going to be either but I went with what felt like the best option. You have so much time, Chris. You don’t have to plan that far ahead.”

_“Yes, I do. Some people actually think about decisions before they make them.”_

“Hey, I know it looks like I’m making it up as I go, and sometimes I am but not always. You have to be open to whatever life throws at you.”

_“Like an ex-boyfriend inviting you halfway across the country?”_

Darren blushed since it was the first time that Chris had brought up their past in months, but he played it off teasingly.

“Oh, is that what we are? I, um, I don’t remember you ever calling me that before.”

 _“That’s what we were, right? Unless I’m totally off base and you sleep with all your friends before you tell them you can’t commit to any one person or place,”_ Chris told him sharply.

Clearly, they still had issues to work out.

“Okay, wow. I thought we had been over this, Chris, and we were moving forward, which is why I thought you coming here would be the next logical step, ex-boyfriend or not. Yes, that’s what we are but I never defined it that way because I always thought of you as so much more that. I really care about you. And I don’t screw or screw over all my friends despite what you think. You’re so fucking special to me and I just--I want to make this work with you. ”

 _“Oh. Okay.”_ Chris’ voice shook on the other end, an emotional chord obviously struck somewhere inside him. _“I care about you too.”_

“So please let me explain everything in person. I’m not asking you to drop everything for me but it’d be nice if you could stop by on your way home or something. That’s all.”

_“Um, I--I don’t know.”_

“Why not? Is there someone else?” Darren blurted out. “If there is, you can tell me. I can take it. I’ll understand.”

_“No, there isn’t. I--I just need more time.”_

Darren breathed a sigh of relief. He had always been impatient but when it came to Chris, he’d wait as long as necessary. He didn’t push Chris for an explanation either, accepting the situation for what it was. He was responsible for this mess and he was ready to fix it. He just needed Chris to be ready too. 

\----

Sadly it took about five more months for that to happen. During the interim, Darren celebrated the holidays with his family, taking his own break from the grind of pounding the pavement for jobs and working gigs that barely paid enough to finance his lifestyle. The calendar turned to another year, which brought dwindling hopes for his career and his relationship with Chris. They continued talking as Chris went back to Michigan for the spring semester while Darren kept fruitlessly auditioning. He debated whether or not it was even worth it to stay there anymore and thought of making a greater effort with Starkid and his music instead.

Then in the middle of May 2011, his agent actually landed him with an audition for a part on a popular medical drama. There was one catch though: he was advised to cut his hair so he would look less like a surfer dude and more like a young professional. He really didn’t want to compromise himself just for a role; his hair was a major part of him and it would mark a huge transformation in his appearance and how he viewed himself. Still, his method thus far had landed him nothing worthwhile. Maybe he needed to change. After all, it was only a minor alteration compared to more unsavory tasks that other people engaged in to get a role. His hair would grow back and their dignity never would. So after much anguish, he went through with a haircut and hoped that it would pay off. He went into the audition a little uneasy but it turned out okay. All he had to do was wait.

On his way out, he checked his phone and noticed a text from Chris:

_I’m ready. Can we talk?_

He forgot all about the audition in favor of seeing the words that he had been longing for ever since they reopened their lines of communication. He couldn’t believe that Chris had somehow changed his mind and would hopefully let him in a little more. This was definitely a step toward what Darren had wanted all along.

 _Yeah, in a little while,_ he hurriedly messaged while he walked to his car. _I just left an audition and I’m going home. I’ll call you when I get there._

 _Okay. Good luck and be safe,_ Chris replied.

_I will._

Darren drove home, the ride an agonizing twenty minutes too long. As soon as he parked his car, he crossed the lot to his building, turned the keys in the door, and dialed Chris’ number.

“Hey, Chris, what’s going on?”

_“I, um, I’m home for summer break. It’s almost my birthday.”_

“Yeah, I’m aware of that. I know when your birthday is, thanks to Facebook,” Darren answered as he dropped his keys on an end table in the living room.

_“So you might also know that I’m turning twenty-one.”_

“Oh, yeah, that’s right. Dude, that’s awesome!” 

He wondered where their conversation headed since it carried the same lightness as most of their recent exchanges, but he went with it.

_“Yeah, and I told my parents that I wanted to spend it with my friends. So they’re going to give me gas money and I’m using my car to drive to Los Angeles that weekend.”_

Darren sat on the couch in an attempt to process all the information Chris had told him. 

“You--You’re coming here? To hang out with me?”

_“Well, you, Joey and whoever else you crazy kids have made acquaintances with, I guess. But yes, mainly you. I want to see you, Darren.”_

The meaning of their conversation suddenly weighed on him. After two years and a tearful goodbye, Chris still considered Darren important enough to share this milestone with him. Chris wanted to be with _him._ Though he had sent Chris out of his life and pulled him back in like a boomerang, surprisingly, Chris had forgiven him enough to rebuild a friendship, or perhaps maybe more than that. This was the chance that Darren had been looking for.

“That’s--that’s great,” Darren replied, still a bit dumbfounded and awestruck. “Reliving old times, huh? Remember the first time you got drunk with me?”

 _“You mean the first time ever? Yeah, barely.”_ Chris laughed sweetly and Darren wanted to bask in it forever.

“You were adorable, you know.” He shook his head. “I mean, I’d be honored to celebrate with you legally this time. Just let me know all the details.”

_“I--I will. Can I crash there? Like on the couch or something?”_

Darren swallowed, reminded of how different their reality had become. “I, uh, yeah. I’m sure we could work something out.”

_“Great. I’m looking forward to it. My parents are okay and I love my sister, but I cannot wait to get out of this hellhole for at least a few days.”_

“Get ready for a hellhole of a different kind then, Chris.” Darren chuckled. “Just kidding. You’re gonna love it. I’ll be happy to show you around.”

_“Thank you.”_

_No, thank you for allowing me this. You didn’t have to after all this time. You don’t owe me anything,_ Darren wanted to say but he left it hanging in the hundreds of miles between them.

“It’ll be my pleasure,” Darren offered instead.

After Darren agreed to text him the address of his apartment and Chris promised to text when he’d leave, they hung up. Then Darren leapt off the couch with the excitement that Chris would be here with him soon, hopefully in his arms if this all worked out.

\----

It did to a certain extent but not exactly how Darren had wanted.

When Darren opened the door about two weeks later, his breath was immediately taken away at the sight of Chris. He had grown taller and leaner; his jaw had become sharp where it was once soft and his neck somehow seemed longer. Darren just wanted to bite at the pale, nearly unmarred skin save for the scar that he knew existed right below the neckline of his shirt. Chris’ hair was swept back off his forehead, his beautiful blue eyes that much clearer and visible. He wore tighter jeans but they were paired with a familiar Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shirt, one of the few traces of the boy he once knew. Darren couldn’t exactly complain though because Chris looked even more gorgeous than the day he last saw him in person (all those Facebook pictures he sometimes browsed through over the years didn’t do Chris justice either). Twenty-one years old definitely looked good on him.

“Happy Birthday, Chris. It’s--It’s so great to see you.”

Chris stood there, mouth slightly parted, before he finally spoke. “Thanks. It’s great to see you too. You, um, you cut your hair.”

Darren ran his fingers through his curls and ducked his head sheepishly. “Yeah, I did that a couple of weeks ago for an audition. Still waiting to hear back, so it could all be for nothing.”

“It looks good,” Chris quickly comments. “You look good.”

“I have to agree. I mean, um, you look good too.” Darren laughed nervously. “Come in.”

As soon as Chris stepped through the door, Darren couldn’t help wrapping his arms around Chris’ waist, right below where his backpack rested. When he buried his face in Chris’ neck, he realized that he smelled a little different, like his own sweat but also mixed with cologne. Still, it wasn’t unpleasant until Chris stiffened in his embrace and Darren had to pull away.

“Sorry,” Darren apologized, reminded of the distance between them.

Chris’ eyes shifted away from his. “It’s okay. I was just a little caught off guard. That’s all.”

Darren’s shoulders slumped but he tried to hide it with a weak smile. “Right. Well, um, let me give you the grand tour.”

Darren turned around, gestured toward the living room in front of him, and walked toward the couch. “So this is where you’re staying. I ran it by the guys and they’re cool with it. They’re all out doing their own thing for now. You can meet the ones you don’t know later but they’re awesome. Anyway, you’re free to drop your stuff here if you’d like.”

Chris followed, throwing his bag onto the sofa. “Thanks. I really appreciate it.”

They stood awkwardly, less than a foot away from each other, too much space for Darren when what he wanted was right there in front of him. He longed to reach out like before but he was sure Chris wouldn’t be okay with prolonged contact, given his earlier reaction. He settled for tapping Chris on the shoulder and squeezing Chris’ bicep, which seemed a lot firmer since a couple of years ago. Chris looked down at the touch and back at Darren, his blue eyes going wide for a second before he regained his composure and Darren’s hand slipped away.

“It’s no problem. It’s, uh, it’s my pleasure, really,” Darren answered, letting his hand linger in the space between them before he brought it back to his side. Then he cleared his throat and continued.

“So there’s not much else to see. The kitchen’s straight ahead and the bathroom is the second door down the hall.”

“That’s good to know. It certainly looks much nicer than your place in college though.”

Darren shrugged and stuck his hands in his pockets. “It’s about the same, to be honest. Living with a bunch of guys. Shitty furniture, weird smells. A lot of takeout.”

“Well, at least it’s not so cold here.” Chris chuckled. “I doubt you miss the Michigan winter.”

“No, but I--” _I miss you,_ he stopped himself from saying. Though he had said it over the phone and through a text message, for some reason it didn’t feel right to say in person. “I do miss Michigan sometimes. I mean, like the atmosphere and all the memories and shit.” 

Chris sighed and stepped a little closer. “I’m sure I’ll miss it too. Maybe I can give a piece of it back to you this weekend.”

“That--That might be nice.” Darren wondered what exactly he meant and took a deep breath, resisting the urge to close the gap between them. Then he thought of a way to distract himself from it. “Do you want a drink?”

“Yeah, sure. Thanks. I’ll start with water. It’s only the middle of the afternoon, Dare.”

“True. Don’t want to start too early. The night’s a bit young,” Darren replied as he went toward the kitchen. “You can join me.”

Chris fell in step right behind him until they reached their destination. Then he stopped and stood at the kitchen island silently, waiting for Darren to get his drink. There had been quiet moments between them before but Darren had usually felt content, cuddled into Chris’ side or snuggled behind him as they fell asleep together. He savored those moments. This time, however, there was nothing but tension as Darren searched the fridge.

He briefly debated grabbing a beer for himself to take the edge off. Instead he got two water bottles before turning around and handing one to Chris. He took a sip and then swallowed, finally making conversation.

“So, um, how was the drive down, Chris?”

Chris drank his water before he answered with a wry laugh. “Long but other than that, not bad.”

“That’s, uh, that’s good.”

“Yeah, I’ve only been back home for a couple weeks, but like I said on the phone, I couldn’t wait to leave. You know how I feel about Clovis.”

As always, Darren didn’t press Chris for any more details than that; he simply rested his hands on the counter and said, “Yeah, I do.”

Chris still stood by one of the bar stools next to the kitchen island, looking down, while Darren stood next to him, desperately scrambling for something else to say.

“How is school, Chris? How did that paper go?”

They had been talking sporadically for almost a year so Darren had some idea about the former. But still he asked, hoping to break whatever weirdness still lingered between them.

Chris glanced up at that and smiled. “It went well, thanks to you. Apparently your passion for the subject seeped through to me because it met the required length and my professor loved it. She said it was one of the best papers in the class.”

Darren preened. “Turns out this old theatre major is actually good for something.”

“Don’t pat yourself on the back too hard. You might strain a muscle,” Chris teased.

“Oh, I can think of plenty of other more pleasant ways to strain a muscle.” Darren winked and flirted before he could even stop himself. Then he took a sip of water and held Chris’ gaze.

Chris blushed much like the night they met. He took a breath before inching his hand toward Darren’s own but he quickly withdrew when the front door slammed.

“Hi, honey, I’m home,” a familiar voice sounded from the entryway.

Darren turned around with a sigh. “Hey, Joey. What great timing you have. We have a visitor for the weekend, remember?”

Joey walked toward them and set the case of beer he was carrying onto the kitchen countertop in front of Chris and Darren.

“Oh, right! Hey, Chris!” Joey greeted and gripped Chris in a tight hug.

“Hi!” Chris hugged him back. “How’s L.A.?”

He shrugged after pulling back. “It’s okay. I’m keeping busy with Starkid Productions and I’m looking for a day job until I can get anything else. Meanwhile, I’m having fun with Darebear here and my bros.” Joey went over to Darren to ruffle his hair and throw his arm around him. “‘Course you’re my bro, too, y’know. Miss you, man. How’s Michigan?”

“I know. I’ve missed you too, Joe,” Chris answered. “But it’s not bad. I can’t complain. It’s nice to have a break from studying for a while to see you guys.” 

“Yeah, I get that,” Joey told him. “It’s pretty awesome to have a mini vacation, especially on your birthday. Happy twenty-first!”

“Thank you. You guys always know how to have a good time so I was hoping you could show me that while I’m here.” Chris’ eyes flickered between Darren and Joey, settling on Darren for a long moment.

“Sure, we will,” Joey confirmed and turned toward Darren. “Right, Dare?”

Darren kept his own eyes on Chris and replied, “Yeah, we will. It’ll be fucking killer.”

Like the night Darren met Chris, it would be unforgettable.

\----

Darren and Joey’s other roommates returned soon after that and they introduced him to Chris. Then they congratulated Chris on his birthday and insisted on doing shots of the fireball whiskey left over from the last time they had a party at their place. The round of shots turned into a round of beers, which lead to another round of shots. Instead of going out like they originally planned, they ended up staying in and taking more shots.

Chris winced adorably, which made Darren think of the first time they got drunk together. Darren had almost forgotten all about the other drama in his life back then and became wrapped up in Chris for the rest of the night. As they got to know each other, they traded laughter and so many kisses. Darren remembered how eager Chris had been, opening up to him both physically and emotionally in such a beautiful way before their night got cut short by Chris passing out. He wondered how the night would end this time around. They had been flirting for the last couple of hours, much like they had been doing over text messages and phone calls for the last year or so. Their easy rapport had returned with the flow of each drink and he realized just how thankful he was to have Chris back in his life.

In the midst of the party, Chris stood beside Darren in the kitchen with a questioning look in his bright blue eyes.

“What’s up, Dare?” Chris asked.

“Nothing. I just--It’s really cool that you’re here. It’s like déjá vu or something. I like it.”

“Me too.” Then Chris grinned and took Darren’s hand, a welcome touch after a long drought. “You know it’s going to be exactly like the night we met. You’re so not getting laid.”

“Oh, yeah?” Darren raised his eyebrows with a challenge. “I bet you I could make it happen this time. Joey’s always been kind of sweet on me.”

Chris looked toward Joey, who sat on the couch in the living room not too far away from them. Then he looked over to Darren. “Huh, really?”

“Yup,” Darren joked after a sip of his beer.

“Can’t say I blame him.”

He wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or the proximity to Chris but Darren suddenly felt warmth spreading through him. He didn’t want it to end so he pressed further.

“Go on, please,” Darren urged.

“Like you need your ego stroked. I’m sure you’ve gotten enough of that since you’ve been out here.”

“Maybe, but not by you.”

Chris groaned. “What do you want me to tell you? That you’re incredibly charming, that you have a great smile, that you make me laugh and I’ve genuinely enjoyed being around you tonight, even after all you’ve put me through?”

“That’s a pretty good start.”

Chris leaned into Darren’s side, the alcohol evident on his breath. “You’re so pathetic.”

“And yet, you’re still here.”

“To be fair, I’m drunk so I can’t really leave.”

“Yeah, but you’re still _here,_ with me,” Darren emphasized, tapping their joined hands against Chris’ hip.

“You’re right. I am.” Chris looked at him and bit his lip. “And you’re still as devastatingly handsome as the day I met you. The non-hippie hair is growing on me.”

“Well, not literally, I hope.” Darren laughed, his palm suddenly sweaty in Chris’ own. “That would require a shit ton of waxing.”

“True.” Chris laughed too, his nose scrunching up and his teeth showing, like so many other conversations while they were together.

“You’re just as handsome too, Chris. Maybe more.”

Chris’ face flushed a lovely shade of pink. “You don’t have to flatter me, Dare. I’m already here.”

“I’m serious. You look fucking amazing. You also grew, like, a foot, you giant.” He looked over, their slight height difference apparent then.

“It wasn’t a foot. More like a few inches. Maybe you shrank, you hobbit. You know, that happens when you get old.”

“You know how much short jokes hurt me, even if they’re true. And I’m not that much older than you, you jerk.” Darren snatched his hand away from Chris’ grasp as retaliation for the insults.

Chris frowned. “Hey, come back. ‘M sorry. I--I missed holding your hand. I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too, Chris,” he finally admitted out loud. “It’s--I regret every day that I let you go. I was a fucking idiot and I--”

Chris cut him off abruptly, briefly planting his lips on Darren’s without warning. Then he pulled back and averted his gaze. “Sorry. You always talk too much.”

When Darren licked his lips, the taste of beer and Chris still lingered on his tongue. “Then make me shut up.”

Chris grabbed his face and kissed him on the mouth but this time he didn’t shy away. Instead, he sucked on Darren’s bottom lip, deepening the kiss. A thrill ran through him at Chris’ boldness and his hands curled around Chris’ hips. Chris sucked on his top lip before his tongue swept along the seam of Darren’s mouth. Of course, Darren let him in, his whole body alight with a flash of arousal. Chris’ hands drifted to the back of Darren’s neck where his fingers scratched at Darren’s scalp. With that, Darren’s fingers dug into Chris’ waist and he pressed their bodies together, their lower halves meeting deliciously where he could feel Chris’ growing erection.

Chris regrettably broke away then and swallowed, his hands still at the base of Darren’s neck. 

“Don’t--don’t stop,” Darren murmured breathlessly. “Please.”

Chris’ eyes flickered back down to Darren’s mouth. “I don’t want to.”

Darren took the opportunity to kiss him again, softly this time. But he couldn’t help dragging his lips across Chris’ jaw to the spot just behind his ear. 

“Dare?”

“Yeah?”

“Can we, um, can we go to your room? You never finished the tour earlier. I’d like the complete experience.”

“Oh, is that why?”

“Unhh, uh huh,” Chris answered, tilting his neck to allow Darren better access. “‘S exactly why.”

Darren knew they still had a lot to talk about, like how he had pushed Chris away and waited so long to try winning him back. He was self-indulgent and stupid, wanting Chris’ friendship and his heart when he didn’t deserve it. Chris had left and he should have accepted that. Instead, he had begged until Chris had somehow returned. He wouldn’t squander this chance.

“We should--We should talk,” Darren suggested, despite wanting to do anything but that.

Chris pulled Darren’s head up, forcing him to look him in the eyes. “Really? Now?”

“Well, I don’t really want to, but--”

“Then we’ll do it tomorrow. Dare, it’s my birthday. I think we should celebrate,” he whispered in Darren’s ear. “I want to have fun. That’s why I’m here. Don’t you want to enjoy me?”

Chris’ teeth grazed the stubble on the corner of his chin and trailed down his neck to the collar of his shirt. Then he kissed there, his lips brushing the fabric.

“You--You’re drunk,” Darren reminded him.

“We’ve established that. You are too. Maybe we can get a do-over of that first night? I promise I won’t disappoint you.”

“You could never--ohh,” Darren moaned as Chris rolled his hips against him. “You could never disappoint me.”

Chris hooked his fingers into Darren’s belt loops. “Let me prove it.” 

Of course, Darren couldn’t resist this newly confident version of Chris, not when it allowed him to get what he had been craving for months, if not years. Darren looked around the kitchen and then across to the living room where all his friends were busy with their own conversations. 

“Okay. Let’s go,” Darren told him. “I’ll lead the way.”

Darren took one of Chris’ hands in his and started down the hallway while Chris trailed behind him.

“I would hope so.” Chris chuckled, his lips landing on the back of Darren’s neck. 

Darren shivered as he opened the door and then shut it. “Well, it’s not much, but it’s mine and--”

Chris let go of his hand and Darren found himself shoved against the door. Chris’ hands snuck underneath his shirt, tickling the hair underneath his belly button. “I told you, I don’t want to talk, Darren.”

“Point taken.”

Chris kissed him harshly, biting at his top lip while Darren’s hands draped over Chris’ shoulder blades. Chris slotted a leg between Darren’s own, apparently not wasting any time. Darren wasn’t used to Chris behaving like this but he wasn’t going to complain, especially if he was left with a few marks on him by the end of the night. If nothing else, they would be a nice reminder of all that happened between them. Thankfully, Chris continued, nipping at Darren’s bottom lip and then his chin. Darren’s fingers ran down Chris’ arms until he was holding Chris’ wrists. But Chris took control and pinned Darren against the door.

“Fuck,” Darren cursed, his dick stirring at the friction of Chris’ leg rubbing against his crotch. It felt so good but he needed more. “Chris, baby.”

“Yeah? You want more?”

Darren nodded, though Chris had pulled Darren’s shirt aside to mouth at his collarbone. “Y--yes,” Darren managed. “Want you.”

Chris sucked a little harder at the spot, causing Darren to grunt out his pleasure, his cock straining against the fly of his jeans. Chris moved his leg so that their hips lined up and ground against him.

“Want you too,” Chris assured after licking the area he had been working on.

Then, in a flash, Chris brought him away from the door and pushed him down onto the bed. His mouth found Darren’s once more before he pulled away long enough to help Darren out of his shirt. Chris stared for a moment, his hands tracing a path up Darren’s torso and stopping at his nipples. Chris’ thumbs circled there and Darren arched up into the touch while Chris slid down, their legs tangling together.

“Your turn.” Darren encouraged with an arch of his eyebrow, his fingers playing with the hem of Chris’ shirt.

“Go ahead,” Chris challenged with a smirk, no hint of the nervous young man he had been with a few years ago.

Darren relished in it as he took Chris’ shirt off and threw it on the floor. He really did look even more beautiful, his shoulders broader and his stomach flatter than before; Darren wanted to kiss him everywhere. Instead Chris kissed him first, ghosted his fingers down Darren’s sides and settled at his waist. Darren met him eagerly, his own hands splaying out across the muscles of Chris’ shoulders. Chris responded by thrusting downward, their lower halves fitting together perfectly even through their clothes. But there were still too many layers between them, so Darren’s fingers slipped down Chris’ back until he reached under the waistband of Chris’ jeans. Chris squeezed hard at Darren’s sides, his thumbs stroking Darren’s hipbones. Then Darren dipped down further, his fingers gliding over the top of Chris’ ass.

Chris broke away, catching his breath and resting his forehead against Darren’s. “Shit. I--I need to ask you something.”

Darren kissed the corner of his mouth. “Ask away, sweetheart.” The term of endearment slipped out before he could even think but luckily, Chris ignored it.

“You’ve been safe, right?”

“Yes, I have condoms and shit. I got tested again a few months ago. I’m all good. How about you?” Darren asked in return.

“Yeah, I’m clean. I swear,” Chris explained without further detail, which made Darren wonder about what he had been up to. However, Darren wasn’t going to press the issue because Chris hadn’t done that to him; they both knew all they needed to know in order to go ahead with whatever they might do.

“‘Kay. Stuff’s in my nightstand by the way. I’m down for pretty much anything.” 

“I kind of figured, given our positions.” Chris laughed sweetly, an echo of the guy that he met that first night. “Do you mind if I grab everything?”

“No, it’s fine. Just leave the porno mag. I might need that in the future.”

Chris looked at him wordlessly, his eyebrows drawing together.

“Totally kidding, man,” Darren added. “Go for it.”

Chris rolled his eyes but leaned over and opened Darren’s nightstand drawer, rifling around until he found what he needed. Then he tossed it onto the bed while Darren kissed any part of Chris he could reach, his temple, his jaw, the middle of his neck, and then that scar low on his neck.

“So now that we’re clear for takeoff, what do you want to do, ba--Chris?” Darren asked between kisses.

“Mmm, I, uh, I like where we are right now, so maybe I could, um, fuck you?”

Darren grabbed Chris’ face to look at him properly, his electric blue eyes wild and a little unsure. He had never done this activity before with anyone, although he trusted what Chris wanted. Besides he didn’t know if he’d ever have this again.

“Yeah. Okay. Yeah,” Darren agreed. “I’m enjoying the view myself.”

Chris glanced away but grinned as he unbuttoned Darren’s jeans. Then Darren shimmied out of them, left in his boxer briefs for a long moment where Chris studied him, his fingers delicately running along Darren’s thighs before he traced the shape of his cock. Darren throbbed as Chris reached the head, where a wet spot had already formed.

“The feeling’s mutual,” Chris said quietly before he peeled Darren’s underwear down his legs. “Don’t move.”

Chris stood up after that to carefully take off his shoes and socks. Darren did move a little, leaning up on his elbows to watch Chris push down his pants and briefs, his dick springing free. He wondered for a moment what it would feel like inside of him and marveled at the sight.

“Wow,” Darren exclaimed low enough that he hoped Chris didn’t hear.

If he did, he didn’t acknowledge it. He simply stalked back toward the bed and nudged Darren’s legs apart. Darren instinctively bent his knees and planted his bare feet flat onto the mattress.

“Good,” Chris whispered, kneeling between Darren’s legs before taking the bottle of lube and squeezing some onto his fingertips. Then he rubbed his fingers together, Darren mesmerized by the movement as he spread his legs further.

Though he had fingered himself before, it had been a while. So when Chris pressed inside without warning, Darren automatically clenched around him. It felt really tight but not unpleasant, especially when Chris went a little deeper and reached that spot that made him cry out.

“Shh, shh, relax,” Chris soothed, petting the inside of Darren’s thigh with his free hand. 

Darren took a deep breath and then Chris moved forward and back a few times, letting Darren slowly adjust.

“That’s, um, yeah. More,” Darren encouraged.

Soon after, the pressure felt greater, no doubt from a second finger. Darren found himself rocking down on Chris’ fingers every time he pulled back, desperate to get him closer and make him move faster.

“Unhh, come on,” Darren groaned, wrapping his hand around the base of his dick.

“Just a little more. I don’t know--I--I want to be sure,” Chris said, crooking his fingers a couple of times before he pulled out again briefly, added more lube and yet another finger. Chris worked them in and out while Darren continued to chase the movement like before. He began to jerk himself but the touch was just this side of too rough. Chris laid his other hand over Darren’s own, though.

“Let me touch you, Dare,” Chris insisted, stilling his own fingers inside of him. “I’ve got you.”

Then Chris pulled out and wiped his hand on the sheets, leaving Darren feeling empty and wanting. But when Chris reached for the condom and carefully ripped it open with both hands, Darren watched, resting his own hands at his sides. His fingers twitched impatiently with the impulse to touch himself, especially while Chris rolled the condom onto his cock. Still, he waited to give Chris what he wanted.

Chris held onto Darren’s hips and pushed inside a little bit, not nearly enough for Darren.

“It’s okay. You can--More. Fuck,” Darren cursed, gripping the sheets.

Chris thrust in harder two more times before he paused. Then he squeezed Darren’s sides and pressed in one last time.

“Oh, oh, God,” Chris uttered, breathing heavily into Darren’s ear.

Darren finally grasped onto Chris again, his hands landing on the middle of his back. He felt impossibly full as Chris reached that spot inside him, a sensation so intense that Darren could barely speak. But he let himself get accustomed to the thick, hot pressure, building and building until he couldn’t handle it anymore.

“Ugh, move,” Darren pleaded. “Need you.”

With that, Chris pulled out a little and pushed in roughly once, twice and then again, creating a rhythm that he matched with his hand around Darren’s dick. He stroked up toward the head, his thumb swiping at precome as he pulled out and then back to the base as he drove in. Darren grunted out Chris’ name and cupped his face, bringing him closer.

“Fuck, so good. You feel so good,” Darren babbled. “You’re so hot. ‘M gonna--Holy fuck.”

Chris swallowed, his eyes focused on Darren for a second before he kissed him sloppily, attempting to maintain his movements. But he became more and more erratic with each thrust, his hand slowing as he kissed Darren harder. Then Chris slipped his tongue into Darren’s mouth, which sent Darren over the edge, spilling between them. Chris kept kissing him, his hand falling away from Darren’s softening dick while he fucked into Darren’s spent body. Chris dragged his lips across Darren’s jaw and dug his fingers into Darren’s sides almost painfully.

But soon after that, Chris stiffened for a moment and reached his release, collapsing on top of Darren. They laid there silently at first, a mess of stickiness and sweat, until Darren came back to himself and kissed the corner of Chris’ mouth. Chris pulled out completely then, a sigh escaping his lips. 

As a distraction from the loss, Darren laughed. “Happy Birthday, Chris.”

Chris laughed loudly too, the sound vibrating against Darren’s chest. “Thanks, Dare.”

“My pleasure, literally.” Darren pecked Chris on the lips. “Hope this makes up for not getting you a present.”

Chris kissed him back before rolling off of him and onto his side, presumably tossing the condom onto the floor. “You’re lucky you’re cute.”

“Maybe, but you’re cuter.” Darren brushed his lips against Chris’ shoulder and then reached over him to grab some tissues and clean himself off. He threw the dirty ones to the side and got a few more.

Chris turned back to face him. “I won’t argue with that.”

“May I?” Darren gestured with the tissues toward Chris’ body, where a bit of come streaked right above his hip.

When Chris looked down and bit his lip, Darren’s cock twinged with a bit of arousal. Chris looked back up and nodded.

“Thank you,” Darren said as he wiped at the spot on Chris’ skin. Then he gently wiped at Chris’ cock.

“No, thank _you._ Unhh, Dare. I--I can’t. Not yet, anyway.”

“I know. Me neither, sweetheart.” Darren blushed.

Chris blanched, clearly noticing Darren’s choice of words that time. “But I might want to,” he replied anyway.

“Well, I’m not against that. Does that mean you’re staying here with me tonight?”

“For a little while, I guess. I don’t know. Too tired to move.”

“Luckily you don’t have to.” Darren discarded the tissues in his hand and scooted closer. “Please stay.”

“Fine, but only because I know you’re such a cuddle whore.”

“Damn right I am. Glad you could indulge me.” Darren wrapped his arms around Chris’ middle and tucked his face into Chris’ chest, inhaling the scent of him. For the first time since he had moved to L.A., he felt like he was where he belonged. He just wished that he could hold onto it.

\----

Maybe he could for a little bit longer. Except when he woke up, he patted the bed next to him, where there was nothing but an empty space. He sighed, spread out on his mattress, and closed his eyes, hoping for Chris’ return. As he recalled last night, a rush of hope filled his heart. It wasn’t going to fix all their problems but it was a start. Perhaps they could finally figure their shit out in person once and for all, that is, if Chris didn’t leave yet. 

He got up to toss on a clean shirt and boxers so he could find out if Chris was still there. He searched the room quickly and thankfully discovered Chris’ shoes and socks in a pile on his floor. He dressed and sniffed the air, his room still smelling of sex. So he gingerly picked up the used tissues, the used condom, and the condom wrapper, throwing them into his trash. Then he put the bottle of lube that fell on his floor back into his nightstand before he chucked his sheets into the corner of his room. With that, he set out to look for Chris.

He checked out the bathroom, to no avail, and made a quick pit stop along the way. At least his place wasn’t that big because when he didn’t see Chris in the kitchen, there was only one other logical place he’d be. However, he didn’t realize that Chris would be entertaining someone. He still wore his clothes from last night as he sat on the couch next to Joey, who hugged him and patted him on the back.

“Hey, am I interrupting something?” Darren asked once he approached them and stood next to the sofa.

Joey looked up at Darren when they parted. “Oh, yes, we’re running away together after we go get breakfast.”

Darren chuckled. “I love breakfast. Take me with you.”

“Nope. We’ve made up our mind,” Chris added and crossed his arms. “There’s no room for short stacks, unless they’re pancakes.”

Darren glared at Chris. “Screw you, Cindy.”

Chris’ eyes widened and Joey glanced between them.

“What the hell?” Joey wondered. “Is that some weird sex thing?”

Chris’ face flushed and he shook his head. “It’s an inside joke that Darren hasn’t used in years. What made you think it was a sex thing?”

“I don’t know,” Joey answered. “I’ve lived with Darren on and off for a while so I’ve gotten to know some of his kinkiness over the years. And you’re kind of quiet, but you’ve been with him so--”

“Okay, that’s enough, Joe.” Darren squeezed one of his shoulders. “Chris and I have some stuff to talk about. Maybe we can hang out later?”

Joey turned toward Darren and raised his eyebrows. “As long as you don’t do anything on this couch. I’d like to still lay on it.” Then he turned toward Chris again. “You left the party early last night. Don’t think I didn’t figure out what happened. Anyway, I’ll leave you two alone. See you later?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Chris replied while Darren simultaneously said, “Definitely.” 

“Okay. Cool. I’m going to take a nap but if there really will be breakfast, let me know.” Joey stood up and brushed past Darren as he left the room and went toward his own bedroom.

“Will do,” Darren called after him.

Then he took a seat next to Chris and left a tiny sliver of space between them.

“So,” Darren started, “did you, um, did you enjoy your birthday?”

“Yeah. It wasn’t what I expected, but I think I started my twenty-first year off pretty well.” Chris chuckled.

“Glad I could help out with that. I like to bring a little spontaneity to the party.” Darren grimaced as he shifted in his spot, clearly sore from last night’s activities.

“I guess so.”

“Are we gonna actually talk about what happened or...?” Darren trailed off awkwardly.

“How about we go to breakfast first and do it there? We can leave Joey behind. I was kidding. I like my short stack.” Chris ruffled Darren’s hair.

“Well, that’s good to know.” Darren smiled. “I, uh, I’ll go take a shower. Then we can get out of here.”

He scooted over in an effort to stand up but Chris grabbed his hand.

“Dare, wait.”

“What?”

Chris kissed him on the mouth and then he licked his lips. “Take me with you.”

Darren raised an eyebrow. “Isn’t that the opposite of getting ready?”

“Don’t care. We have plenty of time for a second round, you know.”

“In that case, we might have to make that a brunch date instead.”

“I’m open to that,” Chris told him as a blush rose on his cheeks.

“I’ve missed you so much,” Darren admitted once more.

“I’ve missed you too.” Chris squeezed Darren’s hand. “So what are we waiting for?”

Darren dragged Chris down the hallway to the bathroom and slammed the door shut. Then he pushed Chris against it, much like Chris had done to him last night. His lips found Chris’ neck and he sucked at his favorite spot there.

“Is this, uh, is this payback for last night?” Chris wondered breathlessly. 

“Mmm, maybe,” Darren answered after kissing up his neck. “Maybe it’s payback for all your damn short jokes.”

“If that’s true, maybe I should keep making them.” Chris laughed and Darren felt like his heart was going to burst at the sound.

Still, he teased in return. “Oh, I can be less gentle.”

“You call this gentle?” Chris challenged.

“Not anymore.”

Darren kissed Chris’ lips roughly, pressing their bodies together and digging his fingers into Chris’ hips. Chris thrust up into Darren, searching for friction. Darren met him eagerly, already half hard under the thin layer of his boxers. Chris clutched at Darren’s shoulders as Darren deepened the kiss, his tongue dipping into Chris’ mouth. Darren slotted a leg between Chris’, his knee brushing against the fly of Chris’ pants. Darren broke away, his lips ghosting against Chris’ jaw.

“You have, _fuck,_ do you have anything in here?” Chris asked as Darren’s fingers snuck under his shirt.

“Shit, I think I have lotion in the vanity. You really want to--?”

“Yeah. Want you to touch me, Dare. Please.”

“Okay. Yeah.” Darren cupped his face and kissed him. Then he whispered, “Remember Joey and my other roommates are still here. We have to be quiet, babe.”

Chris nodded. “Got it.”

Darren stroked Chris’ hip with his thumb, right at the waistband of his pants. He reluctantly pulled away and bent down to look for the bottle of moisturizer he had kept in the cabinet under the sink. He retrieved it from behind the extra toilet paper rolls and when he looked up, Chris’ pants and underwear were pushed down his thighs, his dick already free.

Chris bit his lip and stared at Darren, his blue eyes wild and electric. He felt himself completely stiffen at the sight so he quickly stripped out of his boxers. He was about to squeeze lotion into his hand but Chris stopped him.

“Hold on, Dare.” Chris snatched the bottle from him and put it down on the sink. Then he peeled Darren’s shirt off and threw it onto the floor. “There. That’s better.”

“You’re--Wow.” Darren’s eyes widened, amazed at Chris’ newfound forwardness. “I think we should be even then. I mean, we’re going to shower anyway.”

“You make a very valid point.” Chris smirked before taking his own shirt off. 

Darren’s eyes roved over his nearly naked body hungrily. For the first time since college, he felt a strong urge to drop to his knees and suck someone off. He wanted to taste him and hear his moans, to have Chris tug at his hair and spill down his throat. But that wasn’t Chris wanted. So he swallowed it down and reasoned that maybe he would get the chance later.

He flicked open the bottle of lotion and rubbed some on his hands before wrapping his hand around Chris. He stroked up to the head, flicked his thumb along the slit and then went back down, running along the bulging vein on the underside. Chris moaned on the next upstroke and Darren pressed his body closer, his cock brushing Chris’ own.

“Baby, shh. Everyone is probably sleeping. But you like that, don’t you? That they can hear you?” Darren asked quietly in Chris’ ear as he continued to jerk him off. “That they’ll know how I make you feel?”

Chris let out a small grunt. “Yeah, yes. L--love it.”

His dick twitched at that and he stroked Chris quicker, his thumb grazing Chris’ balls when he reached down. He stroked back up and spoke again.

“You’re so hot like this. I missed getting you off so much. I always wanted more and I--fuck.” 

He cursed and watched Chris’ eyes fall shut, painfully aware of his own arousal. He needed to see Chris first though, so he kept working him over, faster and harder, until he chanced a featherlight touch to Chris’ asshole with the pad of his thumb. Then Chris cried out Darren’s name and came over his fist. Darren jerked him off through it, kissing the corner of his mouth and letting Chris catch his breath before he dropped his hold.

Darren looked straight at him, his pink cheeks, his hair flopping over his forehead, coated in a sheen of sweat, and those eyes still filled with want. He squeezed some more lotion into his hand and jerked himself a few times, which was all he needed before he spilled over his own hand and onto the floor.

“God, Chris,” Darren exclaimed in a low voice. Then he smiled. “I--That was fucking amazing.”

“Mmm, yeah. Emphasis on fucking.”

“I see you haven’t lost your sense of humor at all.” Darren laughed out loud before pecking Chris on the lips.

“Well, it’s sort of true, isn’t it?” Chris remarked dryly. “I’m not exactly complaining about it though.”

“Me neither. Actually, there is one thing wrong here,” Darren pointed out as he rinsed his hands off in the sink.

“What?” 

“You’re not fully naked yet.”

Darren turned back around to find Chris carefully shimmying out of his pants and underwear.

With his clothes pooled onto the floor, Chris quirked an eyebrow at him. “Problem solved. Only one other problem.”

“Ugh. What now?” Darren groaned.

“You should clean up that mess before we slip on it.” Chris frowned and gestured to the floor. “I don’t want to end up in the hospital.”

Darren rolled his eyes but grabbed some toilet paper and wiped at the mess on the floor. “Hey, it wasn’t just me. We could have done it in the shower.”

“That sounds like a worse option. In any case, I’m not falling on my ass. I want to make it back home in one piece.”

Darren tossed the paper in the waste basket, stalked toward Chris and grabbed his hips. “That’s a good plan because I like you in one piece, babe.”

“I like you too.” Chris kissed him hard on the lips and locked his arms around Darren’s shoulders in a tight embrace.

Darren’s oversensitive cock felt the pang of arousal as their bodies fit together once more, so he backed away to leave a bit of space between them.

“We, um, we should shower,” Darren interrupted, resting his forehead against Chris’. “You’re gonna tire me out for the rest of the day.”

“Oh, is your stamina lacking, old man?” Chris joked.

“Shut up and get your cute ass in the shower with me.” 

Darren picked up a couple of towels from the stand next to the vanity and set them on the closed toilet. Then he pulled Chris across the small bathroom to the tub before turning the water on. 

“Alright. Fine,” Chris retorted. “As long as I’m cute.”

Darren stuck his hand under the spray to test the temperature and once it was hot enough, he stepped into the shower. “Chris, you’re always cute.”

Chris followed him, his cheeks and chest blushing bright red. “You’re not so bad yourself.”

“Even though I’m old?”

Chris grinned at him. “Mhmm.”

“Good to know.” Darren dragged Chris closer to the spray so they could both get wet. “This old man is going to take care of you then, okay?”

Chris swallowed and nodded solemnly and stepped away from the water a bit. Then Darren grabbed the bottle of body wash from the edge of the tub and squeezed some into his hand before reverently running his hands down Chris’ neck and arms, careful to cover every inch. 

Chris closed his eyes and let out a small moan as Darren continued, rubbing small circles down his chest. He paused to get a little more of the substance onto his fingers and then he put down the bottle before he gently cleaned Chris’ cock and balls. His thumb grazed Chris’ asshole, much like earlier. Chris’ eyes flew open at that and he sent Darren a look that said, _“Really? Again?”_

Darren shook his head and pressed a kiss to Chris’ lips. “I told you, no ulterior motives. Just getting clean. I swear.”

Darren knelt down, massaging Chris’ ass and thighs after that and Chris cursed.

“Right,” Chris said dubiously, looking down at him.

Darren stayed true to his word despite his tempting position, lifting Chris’ feet and then pushing him back under the spray. Chris rinsed off and brought Darren to his feet. When Darren stood up, Chris blinked back at him, water dripping from his eyelashes so beautifully. One of Chris’ hands caressed Darren’s cheek, sending him a grateful smile before he kissed him.

“Thank you,” Chris whispered when he pulled away. “I--Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. But I’m not done.” Darren reaches for the shampoo and squirts some into his hand. “Turn around.”

“Dare, what?”

“Let me finish before the water gets cold.” 

He spun Chris around and out of the spray with his free hand. Then he kissed the back of Chris’ neck and stood on his tiptoes to reach the top of his head. After he carefully washed Chris’ hair and rinsed it out under the water, he hugged Chris from the back, his fingers landing around Chris’ middle. Chris’ hand curled around his own and he wanted to cry with how right it all felt. But he held it together and simply stood there, Chris’ wet, clean body against his own for a few moments.

Soon after that, Chris turned around. “Let me do you,” he suggested.

“Sure.” Darren giggled although he knew what Chris meant.

Chris went through the same process as he did, just as tender and sweet in his touches, but he threw in a few random kisses to Darren’s thighs, his chest, his shoulders, and his forehead. Darren wondered if this was how Chris had truly forgiven him, through taking control last night and extending the effort to take care of him today. 

He would find out the truth later but then, as they towel dried off, he felt nothing but love. They raced back to Darren’s room and traded kisses while Darren slowly attempted to get ready. Finally he had to shoo Chris away so Chris could retrieve his own clean clothes from his bag in the living room. Otherwise, Darren reasoned, they’d never leave the apartment.

Chris cheekily replied that he would have been okay with that. Still, he left the room anyway, presumably to change, because when he returned to Darren’s room, he was wearing dark blue jeans with a light blue button down shirt that brought out his eyes beautifully. Darren had changed into grey pants and a black polo shirt, attempting effortless but casual. He realized that after everything they had been through, this would basically be their first official date. It was a fresh start and he had to make the right impression if he wanted to go any further.

Chris studied him carefully, his blue eyes lingering over every detail. “You--You clean up well.”

Darren preened. “Thanks. I mean, you literally cleaned me up, but, you know.”

Chris playfully punched him in the arm. “You’re the worst.”

“And you’re the best.”

“Shut up. You already got laid and I’m starving. Let’s go.”

With that, Chris turned and headed for the door, too quick for Darren to offer his hand. Darren tried to hide his disappointment as he followed Chris. He wanted a sign that more had changed between them and that this wasn’t a temporary layover to the next heartbreak that Darren might endure without Chris.

Until then, they would finally have a date, impromptu as it was, and Darren would do everything he could to make it amazing.

\----

Darren suggested that they take his car, since he knew exactly where he wanted to take him. Besides, Chris didn’t know the streets as well and he knew downtown could be a nightmare on the weekends, especially during the hours of brunch. Thankfully, Chris obliged him and sat in the passenger seat.

Darren hummed an upbeat tune that he made up on the spot. He tapped the steering wheel as he drove out of his neighborhood and thought of recording the simple melody in his phone to expand on later. Then he glanced over at Chris’ profile, his swooped up hair highlighting the sharp cut of his jaw. It was softened by his mouth curved up in a smile. Yeah, Darren definitely needed a soundtrack to remember this moment.

“Oh, shit,” he cursed, looking ahead to the road where he nearly missed stopping at the red light.

“Careful.” Chris laughed. “I want food but we’re not in a rush, you know.”

“I know. I just got a little distracted by the view.”

“My apologies,” Chris remarked dryly.

“Don’t be sorry. You--You’re great.”

Darren blushed, failing so far at his attempt to play it cool while he drove on.

“It’s cute to see you floundering for once,” Chris told him sweetly. “It’s a different side of you. I like it.”

Darren focused on the road and kept his eye out for the restaurant, hidden in a tiny strip mall. “Um, thanks, I think. I guess you have that effect on me.”

“Huh. I never noticed.”

Darren weaved through the streets with a wry chuckle. “How could you not?”

“I don’t know. I just--Maybe you were better at being charming before. I was amazed that you even noticed me.”

Darren finally found the parking lot for the restaurant and pulled in before parking the car. He remembered the night they met so clearly, when he caught sight of the cute, oblivious boy across the room. He was glad that they eventually crossed paths, even if it was by accident.

“I always noticed you,” Darren said simply.

Then it was Chris’ turn to blush. “We should, um, we should get going. This place looks busy.”

“It’s true.” Darren grinned. “You’re pretty adorable. It was hard not to.”

Chris simply shook his head and smiled. “There’s that charm again.”

“Alright. Let’s go. Actually, you don’t move,” Darren advised.

Chris froze in confusion but stayed in his spot. Then Darren came around the passenger side, opened Chris’ door and offered his hand.

“You may exit your chariot, sir,” Darren said.

Chris stared down at Darren’s hand for a second before he took it. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” Darren replied, the touch so warm and welcoming.

There was a clipboard outside to write their names down so they could get seated in the small restaurant. Luckily, Darren’s writing hand was free and he jotted their names onto the list. They waited on the bench outside, still holding hands. 

“So,” Chris started without looking, “is this, like, a date?”

Darren squeezed his hand and shrugged. “If you want it to be. That’s what I was hoping.”

Chris waited a long moment until he answered. “Yeah, it can be. You can make up for not getting me a birthday present, you inconsiderate jerk.”

Darren leaned in, his voice low and flirty. “Hey, don’t last night and this morning count for something?”

“Mmm, maybe. I’ll have to think about it.”

“I also gave you a place to stay,” Darren added. “Not to mention free booze.”

“True,” Chris conceded. 

“If that’s not enough, I’m sure we could work something out.” Darren winked.

Chris raised an eyebrow. “We’ll see about that. But I’m amenable to it.”

“Good.”

Darren moved their joined hands to Chris’ lap, pleased that their rapport remained and the awkwardness between them hadn’t returned. He meant to expand on their conversation but a hostess from the restaurant interrupted and told them that space had become available for them. Sadly, Chris snatched his hand away then.

The seating inside consisted of a few long white picnic tables, which many people occupied. There were bright trinkets accenting the room, including the specials board on the far wall and a record player with a stack of records in the corner. Darren enjoyed the atmosphere almost as much as the food and he couldn’t wait to share it all with Chris.

They took their spot at the end of a table, near the record player, with Darren sandwiched between another person and Chris. Meanwhile, Chris was on the very end. 

“So, what do you think?” Darren asked after the waiter gave them menus. He browsed the food selections, although he had an idea of what he wanted.

Chris looked around. “It’s okay so far. Not a big fan of the seating but the food is the most important part anyway.”

“You’re right,” Darren agreed and wondered if they should have gone somewhere more private. He aimed for casual, however, and didn’t want to put too much pressure on whatever they were. “I really like this place. The churro French toast is to die for.”

Chris licked his lips. “Ooh, maybe I’ll get that.” 

With any luck, even if Darren got something else, he would get the opportunity to taste the sweetness from Chris’ mouth. “Yeah, sounds awesome,” Darren thought out loud absently, already missing Chris’ kisses.

Chris observed him carefully, a dark look in his eyes. He opened his mouth to say something but it got lost when the waiter came by. He ordered what Darren suggested along with a Diet Coke, while Darren decided on a glass of water to go with a galette crepe with egg, chorizo and avocado.

“That was a terrible choice.” Chris groaned. “Chorizo is kind of spicy. I’m not sure I’ll want to kiss you after that.” 

“Damn it.” Darren feigned getting up to change his order.

But then Chris laid a hand over one of his. “I’m kidding. Maybe. I haven’t decided yet.”

“Haven’t decided if you’ll kiss me again after that or if you’ll kiss me at all?”

“Huh.” Chris crossed his arms. “The jury’s still out, I suppose. Anyway, shouldn’t you be ordering something healthier and not filled with grease, like that sausage? Aren’t there a ton of hot people competing for acting jobs here?”

Luckily, the waiter returned with their drinks, allowing Darren a moment of pause.

But when the waiter left again, Darren’s mouth turned downward with the reminder of his struggling career. “Yeah, there are. Don’t judge me, babe. Besides, I chose one of the healthier options. It’s a balanced meal.”

“Sorry if I upset you.” He patted Darren’s arm sympathetically. “I’m not exactly the paragon of health with what I’m getting. But seriously, how is the acting thing going?”

“Pretty fucking horrible,” Darren told him earnestly and glanced away from Chris’ concerned gaze. “I’ve got some regular music gigs, as you know, and I’ve been going to auditions but nothing seems to going right. Shit, I cut my hair and that didn’t even work.”

Chris gave him a tight smile and cupped his cheek for a second before he pulled away. “Aww, I’m sure something great will come up.”

“I don’t know anymore, Chris.” He sighed.

“Well, you’ll figure something out. You’re smart, not to mention resourceful,” Chris assured him. “You’ve been out here this long. You’re still trying.”

“I’m not sure how much longer I can do it though.”

“It’ll happen. It has to. I believe in you, Darren,” Chris encouraged after a sip of his drink. 

“Thanks. It means a lot to me, really.” 

“You know I loved you as Harry Potter. Maybe you should do more stuff like that.”

“Huh. I have been messing around with Starkid on and off. It became a production company that some of the other Michigan theater alumni are working on.” 

“I know. I’ve seen it blow up on YouTube, remember? That’s why I suggested it.”

Darren tilted his head in consideration and drank some of water. Then he swallowed before he spoke. “You’re a fucking genius.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.” Chris laughed. “But seriously, it’s something to think about.”

“Oh my God, what would I do without you?”

Chris frowned at that but Darren couldn’t ask him what it meant, since their meals had arrived and Chris busied himself with eating. Darren shifted to face the table, a wave of uneasiness washing over him as he took the first bite.

The only sounds for a minute or two were the clinking of the utensils and the inane chatter of other patrons, until Chris finally said something.

“In any case, your mini makeover is pretty great. The ‘fro had a certain appeal but this look works too.”

It didn’t explain his earlier reaction but it did make Darren drop his fork onto the table and bump shoulders with Chris.

“So you’ve told me,” Darren commented with a grin.

“Maybe you shouldn’t give up on that job yet. It had to be pretty special for you to chop that off.”

“Or I was desperate,” he said after a mouthful of food.

“Perhaps. But aside from that, you have options, like Starkid or music, or even both.”

“I’ll definitely think about it.”

“It’d be a shame to quit now. Anything’s possible, right?”

As he finished his food, he had to agree. He looked at Chris sitting next to him, here in Los Angeles, which Darren had imagined too many times in the last couple of years. He never thought it would happen and that they had drifted apart for good, their relationship relegated to voices on a telephone or words on a screen that didn’t mean much at the end of the day. Darren had wanted more than that and by some miracle, he got it this weekend. His life with Chris wasn’t over; maybe his career wasn’t over either.

\----

Darren mulled it over as they left the restaurant. He’d endure this city for another year and if he came up empty, he’d move to Chicago, the home base for nearly everyone in Starkid. He’d commit to writing the music for the productions and occasionally starring in them while he worked on his own music, possibly pursuing a record deal or releasing something on his own. It wasn’t set in stone but it was a plan. He had a path, even if he didn’t know what his path with Chris was yet.

He was going to figure it out, though.

Darren proposed extending their date a bit after they got back onto the road. Chris gladly agreed, which allowed them to talk some more.

Chris stared out the window as Darren drove.

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going, Dare?” Chris asked.

“Maybe you’ll figure it out. You’ve been to L.A. before, right?”

“Yeah, once when I was a kid. Somehow we squeezed in a visit here in between all of Hannah’s trips to the hospital.”

“Right.” Darren frowned at the mention of Chris’ sister, even if he recently found out that she was mostly healthy by this point. “So you might remember it from then. It’s pretty iconic.”

“Are you taking me to a tourist destination?”

Darren glanced in Chris’ direction while he continued to drive. “Hey, I prefer to call it a classic.”

Darren left it at that as he turned on the radio and headed for their destination, Griffith Observatory, which was surrounded by a park that led to the Hollywood sign. He knew they weren’t exactly dressed to take the hiking trail and he wanted to do something a little more special than that, but it would mean more conversation; they could clear up what the future held for them. Darren hoped it would be good.

Until then, Chris sang along to the music, causing Darren to do a double take.

“Holy shit,” Darren exclaimed. “There’s that voice again.”

“Who, Beyoncé?”

“You, silly.” Darren laughed. “Your voice is still incredible, you know.”

“Thanks. Now are you going to tell me where we’re going?”

“Nope. You’ll see soon enough,” Darren said. “Keep singing and enjoy the ride.”

“Fine. Guess I have no choice but to trust you.”

“Exactly,” Darren told him confidently. “Will you?”

“I will,” Chris promised.

They let the heaviness of their words lie between them as Lady Gaga blared from the speakers.

_“It’s time to feel the rush, to push the dangerous. I’m gonna run right to, to the edge with you, where we can both fall far in love. I’m on the edge of glory...”_

They were definitely on the edge of something and Darren was about to find out what it was. 

\----

Darren drove a little further until they reached the observatory parking lot.

“We’re going to see the Hollywood sign?” Chris wondered aloud. “How romantic.”

“Well, a walk on the beach is a bit more cliché and I know how much you hate clichés so I went with this on a whim. Even if we don’t hike the entire park to the sign, we can enjoy the scenery and, um, talk.”

“Okay.” Chris gulped. “We should totally do that.”

“So, let’s go.”

They got out and walked the trail side by side, not touching at first, until Darren grabbed Chris’ hand.

“I’m not much of a nature person, Dare, but this is lovely. Thanks for taking me here.”

“No problem. It can get kind of busy but it’s great for people watching or a leisurely stroll with a--with a, uh, special someone.”

“I’m special, huh?”

“Of course. You always have been.”

Chris turned toward him and smiled. “You have, too.”

“So what are we doing here, then?”

“Finally going on a date after nearly three years. Walking a trail to the Hollywood sign in Los Angeles.” Chris chuckled.

“C’mon, Chris. That’s not what I mean. Like, what’s going on with us? You know, last night and then this morning. Now this.”

Chris blushed as a woman and her dog ran by. “Last night was good. This morning was even better. We’ve been having fun, Dare. Can we just leave it at that?”

“Yeah, it’s fun but don’t you think that this is leading to something more? You know exactly how I feel about you.”

“I know that, but I’m not exactly moving to Los Angeles tomorrow. I still have to finish school, not to mention that I’m studying abroad for a semester. You’re not exactly into the whole long distance thing. I get that.”

Darren stopped walking. “You--You’re what?”

Chris still held his hand and stopped beside him. “I got the opportunity to go to London in the fall and I took it. Then I’m going back to Michigan to graduate.”

Darren’s heart sank, though he tried to stay positive. “Oh my God, that’s awesome! So you still have the summer break?”

“Mhmm, and I really wanted to see you. I care about you a lot and--Look, can we just enjoy this weekend and not worry about the future?”

Suddenly Darren remembered the night he had broken up with Chris just two short years ago, on the cusp of graduation. He didn’t want to worry about the future then, either, but he also didn’t want to hurt Chris, or himself. But this time, it wasn’t his decision. Still, he couldn’t ruin this chance to be with Chris, however long it might last.

He knew that they would have to chat again eventually before Chris left, even if it wasn’t going to turn out the way he wanted. Until then, he would prolong the inevitable role reversal when Chris would tell him exactly what he didn’t want to hear and he’d make the rest of this date the best that either one of them ever had.

“Sure, whatever you want,” Darren finally answered as they resumed walking again. “It is your birthday weekend.”

“Thank you, Dare.”

“We’re totally revisiting this later, though. We have to.”

“I--I know, but I want to have some more fun first.”

“Well, that can be arranged. Want to go back to my place?”

Chris nodded. “Screw the Hollywood sign.”

“Fine. I’m completely okay with that.”

Darren chanced pressing a kiss to Chris’ lips and was rewarded with surprised eyes but a bright smile.

As they walked the short distance back to the car, a bundle of nervous energy filled Darren. He had no idea what would happen in the next twenty-four hours but since he would be with Chris, he wasn’t about to waste them.

\----

After they drove back, they stood on the doorstep, and Darren held his keys, poised to enter and get Chris back to his room. But Chris grabbed him by the shoulder and stopped him.

“Ah, ah, ah,” Chris chided. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

Darren stood there, confused, while Chris had an amused expression on his face.

“What are you talking about?” Darren asked.

“It’s our first date. Be a gentleman and kiss me goodnight.”

“Oh, I’m going to do that and much more,” Darren assured with a raise of his eyebrows. “I promise.”

Chris smiled. “I know, but can we just pretend that this is the end to a normal first date for a minute? Let me have this, please.”

“I’ve never given you a proper end of date kiss, have I?”

Chris shook his head.

“Fine.” Darren shrugged. “If that’s what you need.”

“Oh, don’t act like it’s such a--” Chris started.

But Darren cut him off by cupping his cheek and kissing him, softly at first, but then he sucked at Chris’ bottom lip, making a little sigh escape Chris’ mouth. That urged Darren on to suck at Chris’ top lip before slipping his tongue into Chris’ mouth. Then, Chris pressed against him in return and squeezed Darren’s hips. Darren’s other hand found Chris’ cheek, framing the sides of his face. Chris regrettably broke away and rested his forehead against Darren’s.

“Thank you,” Chris murmured.

Darren pecked his lips briefly. “Any time. I mean it.”

“Dare?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m done playing pretend.”

“Okay.”

They stumbled inside together, still holding onto each other, kissing and giggling the entire way to Darren’s room. What followed was one of the quickest orgasms that Darren ever experienced with another person. As soon as they hit the bed, Darren landed on top of Chris. Then they each wrestled their pants off and rutted against each other until Darren came in his boxers. Chris followed soon after and Darren rolled off of him, laying on his back.

Darren threw his shirt off, his skin flushing from his face down to his chest. “Fuck,” he cursed. “Oh my God, that hasn’t happened in so long.”

Chris turned on his side and kissed Darren’s shoulder. “For me, too, Dare, but it was so hot.”

Darren grinned and looked over at him. “Yeah, it was. I just wanted it to last.”

Chris threw a leg over Darren’s own. “That’s okay. We can make it last next time.”

“Next time, eh?”

“Uh huh. Well, then, let’s get started.”

Darren rolled back on top of him despite his oversensitivity and kissed him hard on the mouth, their lower halves connecting. However, he grimaced when he felt the stickiness in his pants. He pulled away with a sigh.

“Hold that thought,” Darren added before kissing Chris’ cheek and getting up off the bed.

As Darren stood and carefully peeled off his boxers, Chris whistled.

“Gladly,” Chris replied, sitting up halfway and leaning up on his elbows. “Thanks for the free show.”

Darren winked and grabbed some tissues from on top of his nightstand, wiping himself off. “For you, it’s always free.”

Then he threw the tissues down, took some clean ones, and kneeled onto the bed. “C’mere, Chris,” he encouraged.

Chris bit his lip and stripped off his shirt and boxers. “Oh, is this what you wanted?” 

Darren studied him for a moment and then straddled his hips. “Perfect.” 

He gently cleaned off Chris’ cock and discarded the mess on the floor.

Chris’ eyes flickered down to Darren’s mouth as he cupped Darren’s face and brought him closer. “Now, where were we?”

\----

They spent at least another hour in Darren’s bedroom, exploring each other and getting off. They cuddled for a little while, too, and traded lazy kisses to random patches of skin before they realized they should both shower, separately this time, and maybe pause to get some more food.

They sat, fully clothed, on the couch in Darren’s living room, as they waited for the pizza they ordered to arrive. Darren couldn’t stop smiling at him.

“What?” Chris asked.

Darren took Chris’ hand from where it rested between them and held it. “I’m having a really good day. That’s all.” 

“Me too.” Chris kissed his knuckles. “So do you wanna do something once the pizza gets here?”

“Uh, eat it and then have sex?”

“That sounds amazing, but I meant besides that. Like, video games or watching a movie or TV. You have a very specific mindset, don’t you?”

“When it comes to you, always.”

“Alright, then, tell me the truth about something.”

“What?”

“When we were together back in school and I wanted to take it slow, were you always thinking about having sex with me? Like, during those hours and hours of conversations we had?”

“Yes,” Darren answered too quickly. “I mean, yeah, I wanted to have sex with you, but I enjoyed our conversations, too. Sex wasn’t the only thing I thought about. I love hearing your opinion on shit because you always come up with something that I never even thought of before. Your brain is just amazing, babe. I can’t wait to see what you’re gonna do with it someday.”

“I’m working on that,” Chris told him proudly. “You’ll see.”

Darren narrowed his eyes in consideration. “So you don’t want to let me know what it is?”

“It’s top-secret.”

“Even for me?”

“Yup.”

“Okay, then,” Darren returned and then pinned Chris down against the couch. “Guess I’ll have to tickle it out of you.”

“No, no, no.” Chris laughed boisterously. “I still won’t--Ahh, no, you can’t make me--Ugh, stop, stop!”

Chris kept squirming while Darren continued tickling him.

“Nope,” Darren said, unrelenting. “I won’t stop until you tell me something.”

“Not--not a chance.” Chris stopped moving, his whole body still shaking with laughter.

Darren kept at it, until the doorbell rang loudly. He stayed on top of Chris but pulled back. “That’s probably the pizza. Don’t think you’re off the hook though, sweetheart.”

Chris’ laughter quieted down and he stared at Darren defiantly, before he strained upward to kiss him for a moment, enough to leave Darren wanting more. “Am I off the hook now?”

Darren blinked in surprise. “I’ll think about it.”

The doorbell rang again, accompanied by a rapid knock.

“You play dirty, Mister,” Darren added as he climbed off of him and then ran to the door.

“I learned from the master,” Chris called after him.

Darren couldn’t help smirking even after he opened the door and paid for the two boxes of pizza. He shut the door and brought it into the living room. Then he left it on the coffee table in front of them.

“Wow, I love you,” Darren exclaimed.

Chris jumped up in his seat. “You--You what?”

“Fuck,” Darren cursed. 

He couldn’t take it back because he knew it was the truth. He had known his feelings soon after they started dating, even if he only said them once they were on the way to breaking up, or after they were broken. He’d been having so much fun during this visit and it only solidified what he had always felt. So he stood there, waiting for Chris to respond further.

When he didn’t, Darren went on. “I love you. I want to be with you. You could forget that I said it and we can eat pizza and go on with our weekend. But I’ll still love you, even when you’re across the ocean or across the country. Anywhere you are, I’ll love you. I--”

“Stop. I--I care about you, too. Come over here.”

Darren nervously sat down and Chris brought him in for a rough, almost bruising kiss. Chris pressed their mouths together and shoved his tongue inside before his hands ran up Darren’s thighs. He stopped at Darren’s waist and pushed him down onto the couch. Then he kissed down Darren’s chin, across his jaw and down his neck.

Though Darren’s body enjoyed it, he figured it was a distraction from his candid admission. Still, Darren arched up when Chris rolled his hips and nipped at his collarbone.

“Shit, Chris, I--Ugh,” Darren groaned. “I thought we were slowing down for a while.”

Chris stopped but still laid on top of Darren. “You’re right. I guess I have only one train of thought where you’re concerned as well.”

Darren caught his breath and pet the back of Chris’ head while he tried not to replay all that just happened between them. Was Chris as serious about him as he was about Chris, or was he trying to make up for their lack of sexual experiences together in the past? Did he want to use him before he went off to Europe and then back to college? Darren’s chest tightened in fear as Chris climbed off of him and took a slice of pizza. Would he break his own heart again?

Darren sat up and drove those thoughts away, instead scarfing down a piece of pizza. In the morning, the future would crash down on him more harshly than he even realized.

But until then, he ate pizza, cuddled with Chris, and watched the first three Harry Potter films. Well, he mostly made out with Chris, thankful that his roommates somehow disappeared for the day, and most of the night. He hoped that Chris would want to try again this time, despite the distance that would lie between them once more.

However, he’d find out that Chris was more like him than he thought.

\----

Maybe Chris was like the old version of him, the college boy about to take on the world who didn’t want to be held back by a relationship. Darren had changed, though, and realized that his heart didn’t care about distance or the amount of time that had passed. He was certain that he loved Chris and wished that he hadn’t fucked up by letting him go. He wanted to hold onto him but Chris didn’t feel the same.

But before he found that out, the morning started off nicely, with Chris in his bed and eagerly kissing him.

“I wish I didn’t have to leave,” Chris murmured between kisses.

“So don’t. Stay a little longer. Maybe I could find a way to convince you.”

Darren pushed Chris flat onto his back and then straddled his hips.

“Ugh, Dare, I--I really have to go. I promised I’d be back before dark.”

“Oh, so you have some time to kill?” Darren asked before he kissed his favorite spot on Chris’ neck.

“Yeah. Y--yes. Oh, my God.” Chris groaned. “I should, um, I should really pack my stuff and we--we should talk.”

Darren stopped long enough to utter, “Later.” Then he returned to kissing Chris’ neck and down his bare chest, trying to quell the fear induced by Chris’ last words.

“Oh--Ohh, fine, you win.”

Darren paused at the waistband of Chris’ boxers and knelt between Chris’ legs. “I think I did.”

Darren slowly nudged Chris’ legs open further and peeled his boxers off for what would be the last time in a long while. If he knew it then, he would have gone even slower, savoring the feel of Chris’ cock in his hand as he reached full hardness and the taste of Chris thick on his tongue, especially as he spilled down Darren’s throat. Darren nearly choked on it, since he hadn’t sucked anyone off in a few years. But he handled it well enough, if the dark look on Chris’ face was any indication.

Chris had returned the favor, blowing him with even more finesse than he had remembered from a couple of years back. He took him deep, all the way to the base while he fondled Darren’s balls. He figured that Chris had gained more experience and he didn’t care, because he reaped the benefits of it. Chris created the perfect rhythm, his tongue hitting underneath the head when he pulled back, and then grazing the vein on the underside when he pushed forward. Once more, Darren came embarrassingly fast, releasing as Chris’ thumb brushed against his asshole.

Chris wiped his mouth and smiled but then he quickly sat up and frowned. “I should, um, I should really go clean up.”

“No, wait,” Darren tried but Chris was out the door after he grabbed his clothes that had scattered across the room between today and last night.

Darren wiped himself off with tissues, threw on a pair of boxers and rushed to the bathroom, only to find the door shut. He knocked on it to make sure he wasn’t interrupting anyone. But he heard Chris answer from the other side when he asked what was wrong.

“N--Nothing. I--I’ll be out in a s-s-second,” Chris stuttered. “We can talk then.”

“Oh, okay,” Darren replied. “I’ll be in my room if you want to do it there.”

“Yeah, I--That might be best.”

Darren paced down the hallway for a few minutes and then went back to his room to put on a clean shirt, since the conversation might be serious. He waited a few minutes more until a fully clothed Chris, complete with shoes and socks, entered his room and shut the door. When Chris looked at him, his eyes were a little red and he was sniffling.

“Was I that bad?” Darren tried to joke. 

“No.” Chris chuckled. “Can I, um, can I have a tissue?”

“Sure.” He grabbed one of the few that were left and handed it to Chris. “Please, sit.”

Chris took a deep breath and sat down on the bed, not touching him at all. Darren remembered his doubts about Chris’ feelings and was suddenly all too aware of where this would be heading.

“Darren, you know I care about you and that--that I’m going away soon, right?”

“Right,” Darren said matter-of-factly.

“I’ll be four hours away for the rest of the summer but then I’ll be across an ocean and after that, I’ll be closer. But I’ll still be far away from you. I don’t want to be, but--But that’s the way it is. And I know that you love me. I might even love you back. What good is that if I can’t have what we’ve had this weekend? If I can’t touch you or kiss you or hold you. I don’t want to miss you anymore, Darren, but I don’t--I don’t know how to say goodbye to you. Especially not now.”

Darren reached for his hand, which Chris thankfully took.

“Fuck, baby. Chris. Don’t--Don’t do this. I’ll follow you,” he pleaded desperately. “I’ll follow you anywhere. I’ll pack up all my shit and I’ll take whatever cash I have. I just don’t want to say goodbye to you either.”

“I can’t--I can’t ask you to do that.” Tears fell down Chris’ face. “It just--It wouldn’t work. You--You need to keep trying out here or in Chicago.”

“Chicago isn’t that far from Michigan, sweetheart. We can make it work.”

Chris took the rumpled tissue and wiped at his face. “L--Let’s face it. We were never going to work. We should’ve r--read the signs in the beginning. The whole thing with Julia--The way you handled graduating. I--I should have known.”

“You’re going to bring up the shit with Julia? I was a jerk to her but that had nothing to do with you. It was just unfortunate that you misread--”

“Oh, so it’s my fault that you screwed up with her and didn’t resolve it before I came into the picture?” Chris accused, snatching his hand from Darren’s grasp.

“That’s not what I meant. I--That doesn’t even matter. That has nothing to do with what’s going on right now.”

“Doesn’t it? It was the first in a long line of bad decisions that you made and that I had to pay the price for. I stupidly gave you way too much too fast without realizing what it would cost me. I gave my heart to someone who had been halfway out the door from the beginning, either with another person or free and single. You weren’t over her and you weren’t above leaving me either. So I’m not giving you a choice this time. It’s me who’s leaving now.”

“Okay. I deserved that. I--I’m sorry. But, tell me, did this weekend mean nothing to you? All the progress we’ve made? At least I thought it was progress. I’ve changed. I’m not running anymore.”

“That might be true but I can’t be sure that I won’t. Maybe you were right about me.”

“What? I was an asshole then. I was just snapping at you because I was pissed. You hurt me with the shit that I couldn’t face. But it was true, Chris. Leaving was all I knew how to do. I don’t want to do that anymore though.”

“Well, you--you don’t have to, because I’m gone.”

“You--No, you--Don’t do that.”

Then Chris shot up. “Why not? I can’t make you wait and I don’t want you to follow me. I don’t see any other way.”

“Wait.” Darren got up and grabbed Chris by the hips. “I know you love me. You’re just doing this so I’ll stay mad at you and this is the last time I ever try to talk to you again. Well, it’s not gonna work, Chris. I’m going to love you and I’m not going to forget about what we had this weekend, what we could’ve had all this time if I didn’t fuck it up. Because I promise you, you will replay all the what-ifs if you walk out that door and leave shit like this. I know, because that’s what I did. But you came back to me because you missed me too, or else we wouldn’t be in this situation right now. You’d be somewhere else, maybe with someone else. Not here, fighting with yourself and with me. So you can’t--You can’t leave like this.”

“Dare, I--I have to--”

“No, you don’t. You can fix what I got wrong.”

“I can’t do that. I’m not--There’s no other way,” Chris whispered, fresh tears on his face.

“Yes, there is.” Darren’s eyes blurred, too, and he could barely see, but he wiped at Chris’ cheeks with one hand. “You can stay a little longer and we can at least be on good terms before you completely go away.”

“It’ll only make things worse. What did you tell me about ripping off the band-aid?”

“It’s overrated and it fucking stings, Chris. The wound doesn’t heal any faster.”

“Maybe I’ll find that out later.”

Chris wrenched himself away from Darren. Then he grabbed his stuff and ran out the door to his car. Darren followed and stood on his lawn near the driveway.

“Wait!” Darren yelled toward him.

But Chris slammed the driver’s side door, threw his bag in the back seat of the car, and stared blankly at Darren as he put the key in the ignition. Then he mouthed, _“I’m sorry,”_ before he drove away.

“Fuck,” Darren cried out hysterically, hands on his knees as he squatted to the ground, his legs shaking. 

Chris’ empty, watering eyes were the only things he could see as he blinked back tears. After all they had been through, Chris couldn’t be so cold. He couldn’t have treated him that way, especially after Darren opened himself up physically and emotionally in ways he never had with anyone else before. He gave up his heart and watched it leave along with Chris, back to Clovis, then London, and in some cruel full-circle twist, back to Michigan. 

_How could that happen?,_ Darren wondered as he collapsed onto the ground. Chris had given him an idea of what their relationship could be and he just took it away, leaving before the bed was barely cold. Chris had smiled at him, joked, and flirted with him. They kissed, touched and even fucked, too, all while Chris knew he’d break up with him when the weekend was over. 

He knew he had behaved similarly before he graduated college but he wasn’t acting malicious then. They had built a relationship before they consummated it and he respected Chris’ decisions. He didn’t toy with Chris’ emotions and then destroy him. Chris had known that Darren would graduate since the night they met, and along with that, there was the possibility that their relationship wouldn’t last.

But Chris had rebuilt what they’d torn apart, giving Darren his friendship and when he agreed to visit Darren, he gave him a glimmer of hope that they could be together again. He thought Chris had forgiven him but instead, he had thrown the past in Darren’s face. Darren wasn’t that person anymore and it hurt to know that Chris still thought that he was. 

But he changed and Chris had, too, apparently, hardened by heartbreak and the inability to completely trust him. He had expected so much more, though, and Chris had disappointed him, just like he had disappointed Chris all those years ago. Maybe they had established a pattern for the way they’d treat each other early on in their relationship: Chris would misunderstand Darren, Darren would screw up. Then Darren would beg for forgiveness and Chris would tentatively accept it, until Darren screwed up again. Maybe Chris had grown tired of waiting for when Darren would irreparably damage them again. But he promised that he was ready to commit this time, no matter the cost.

While he blinked back tears and the bright morning sun hit his eyes, he reasoned that perhaps, Chris wasn’t in the same place as him. He wasn’t ready and Darren didn’t know if he should wait until Chris was. Chris had made himself pretty clear that Darren should move on and forget him; whatever they had that weekend was a fantasy born out of the delusion that Chris had really loved him. But maybe Chris had only wanted sex before he knew he’d be gone for good. Maybe that’s all Darren was good for, anyway. He couldn’t keep a relationship and he couldn’t even find a steady job beyond playing covers of songs where people didn’t even listen to him at all. He didn’t matter to the person he wanted most or to anyone else.

He swallowed, got up, brushed himself off and went inside, in search of something to numb the pain. He hastily dried his tears with his hands but he still couldn’t see very well. His stupid glasses were in his room, too far away and he wasn’t about to revisit the place he last saw Chris, where they were happy until it had all fallen apart. So he opened a cabinet and found a half-empty bottle of vodka that belonged to his roommate. He took a long swig of it straight from the bottle, the burn of it coating his throat. He decided to take one more sip before he slid to the kitchen floor, still holding onto the bottle.

It was stupid to sit there and drink but he didn’t know what else to do. He didn’t want breakfast or sleep; he just wanted Chris. That wasn’t going to happen, though, so forgetting was the best option. He drank another double shot and sighed.

He stayed on the floor in his pajamas for the rest of the morning until he drained the bottle. The world was a perfect blurry haze and he had a bit of a buzz going. However, it wasn’t enough to drown out the sound of Chris’ voice telling him how much he cared or Chris’ smile during their date. Then he remembered the look on Chris’ face as he drove away. Chris had said he was sorry; well, Darren was sorry, too, but mostly because he was almost out of alcohol.

So he pushed himself up off the floor, using his hands as leverage and opened the fridge. He swayed on his feet and held the refrigerator door to keep his balance while he looked for some beer. He jumped when a hand landed on his shoulder and glanced up to find Joey.

“Hey, man? What’s up? Where’s Chris?”

“He, um, he left. He’s never coming back so I’m getting hammered.”

“Wait, what do you mean he’s never coming back? What did I miss?”

“Did he tell you that he was studying abroad before he went back to Michigan?”

“Yeah, we talked about it yesterday before you two skipped out on brunch and didn’t invite me. I let it go because I’m not into being a third wheel and all.”

He couldn’t help recalling just one day ago, where he held hands with Chris, chatted with him, ate with him and exchanged witty banter, like a normal couple who weren’t about to break each other’s hearts again.

“Right, well, you don’t have to worry about that anymore. Did he also tell you that he planned to fuck me over before he left?” Darren blinked, a fresh wave of tears threatening. 

“Shit, I--I don’t know what to say. I wished him luck, we hugged and that was pretty much it. I’m sorry. What the hell happened?”

“He’s gone and we’re done. For good this time. He threw all the past shit in my face and he didn’t take it back, Joe. I--I thought we were getting somewhere but it turns out, he was going to leave all along.”

“Well, that fucking sucks. But I’m not sure if day drinking is the answer, Dare.” His eyes flickered over Darren’s face. “How much have you had?”

“Not enough,” Darren answered as he still stood by the open fridge. “You should join me.”

“You should eat something and sleep it off. I bet we still have some super sugary cereal around here somewhere. Come on.”

“Fuck that.”

Darren bent down to look through the refrigerator but Joey grabbed him by the shirt sleeve and pulled him away.

Joey closed the door of the fridge and steered him toward the cabinet where they kept the few bowls they had. Then he took two out and went over to the next cabinet, where the cereal was.

“Which kind do you want: Captain Crunch or Lucky Charms?” Joey asked, reading the labels on the boxes after he opened the cabinet door.

Darren sighed. “You’re not gonna stop, are you?”

“Nope. So what it’s gonna be?”

“Fine,” he told him flatly. “Captain Crunch.”

“Good choice. I’ll have some too.” He poured cereal into each bowl and looked at Darren. “Clearly, you’re not in the mood to talk, so you’ll eat this, drink some water, take some aspirin, and go to bed. Don’t worry about what comes after yet. You just gotta make it through today, okay?”

Darren nodded, his heart still heavy with the loss of Chris.

Joey hugged him tight and patted him on the back. “Whatever happens, I’m here,” he mumbled into Darren’s shoulder.

“Thanks, man.”

Joey pulled back and walked over to the fridge again to get the milk. “And if you need to, we’ll go out and get drunk this weekend, or whenever you’re ready. Just don’t drink alone.”

Darren watched him pour the milk into their cereal bowls and take the spoons out of the drawer. The wounds were still fresh and he didn’t think that he would recover any time soon after that. But he ate and then sat on the couch with the hope that that would change.

\----

It didn’t.

He fell asleep on the couch that day and stayed there all night, not wanting to be in his bed alone after what he had experienced with Chris. The next few days were pretty much the same. He barely ate and just sat there, staring into space and wondering how everything could have gone so wrong. He thought of texting Chris but it felt useless when he remembered that Chris had said that there was no other way. However, Chris had also apologized as he drove away, and Darren wanted to figure out exactly what he meant. So on the third day, he finally checked his phone, intending to ignore all the other useless notifications so he could call Chris.

Except the top one showed four missed calls from the same number: his new agent. He called him back and hoped he didn’t miss whatever chance this was.

_“Darren, I’ve been trying to call you all day. What’s going on?”_

“Oh, um, I’ve just been a little busy dealing with some stuff.”

_“Are you all set with that?”_

“Sure,” Darren lied. “What’s up?”

_“You know the audition that you went on a couple of weeks ago for that medical drama?”_

_“‘Lifelines?’_ The one I cut my hair for? Yeah.”

_“Well, you got a callback. It’s down to you and two other guys. They’re asking you to read with one of the female leads.”_

He held in his internal cheer and tried to maintain his composure. At least there was some good news in his life, even if it wasn’t certain yet.

“That’s great! When is it?”

_“Tomorrow. Thank God you picked up. Next time answer your phone.”_

“I--I will. Sorry.”

His agent sighed exasperatedly. _“Don’t be sorry. Just answer your phone and go to the audition, okay? You’re lucky I haven’t dropped you yet.”_

“Yes, sir. I’ll go.”

His agent gave him the details of where to show up and then hung up. 

Darren took a deep breath and hoped that this would work out. Otherwise, he’d be headed for Chicago.

\----

But the audition went really well. The casting people loved him and the actress he tested with was pretty nice. He only had to wait another day before he discovered he got the job; they wanted him to start next week to film a couple of scenes for the season finale. He eagerly agreed, glad to put his personal life on the back burner for a small paycheck.

It was nice to lose himself in the role for a couple of days and meet new people. There was an opportunity to play a recurring character next season if they liked him; he only thought of one person he wanted to share the news with, until he realized that he and Chris were broken up, maybe forever. Perhaps the success was a sign that he shouldn’t contact Chris, since the news of getting the audition prevented him from doing it nearly a week ago. Maybe he should move on and let go. 


	4. When You Left me

He spent the rest of the summer trying to do that. He started eating regularly, hanging out with his friends, and decidedly not checking Chris’ Facebook page. Whether or not Chris was sorry about it, he was gone and Darren couldn’t change that.

Instead he focused on playing gigs and waiting on word about that television show. In late August, he even felt okay enough to go on a date. The girl was a gorgeous and curvy brunette with green eyes and they got along great. Still, he didn’t call or text her back. He wasn’t ready for what that might mean, however casual it would have been.

He didn’t worry, though; he’d start something when he was ready. Until then, he got the new script for _Lifelines_ and worked on learning the dialogue for his scenes in the premiere episode of the new season. It was already an established show with four popular seasons, an ever-growing fan base, and a stellar cast. He couldn’t wait to start it up again and have more than one episode on his résumé. 

His character, Dr. Eric Dawes, was already intriguing, a medical intern with ties to a series regular. It was nice to have a more adult role after trying out for stoner college dudes and even high school students. A couple of years ago, he even sent an audition video to this show about a high school glee club, a would-be edgy dramedy and musical; it was a long shot, given that he went for the resident quarterback role, a lead character. He wasn’t surprised when he didn’t get it and he hadn’t heard anything more about the project since then. With that risky concept, maybe it didn’t pass the development phase or get picked up by any network. In any case, he was thankful that the failure lead him to this part.

After he filmed the scenes for the fall 2011 season premiere, he got word that he would be on at least three more episodes. He still played his gig at the restaurant, along with some local bars, clubs, and coffee shops. Music was his outlet to express his personal feelings so he played covers like “One Fine Day” and “I Want You Back,” as well as some new original tunes inspired by Chris (sometimes he still couldn’t stop himself from thinking about him, even if he might have been an ocean away by then). 

He also kept up with Starkid Productions by working on songs for their upcoming musical, and if his schedule permitted, he’d join them for a couple of dates on their national tour next year. Overall, he maintained a busy professional life, which allowed him little time for dating. He enjoyed flirting with strangers when he did go out, and he even flirted with the cast and crew of the show in between takes but it never went anywhere. He was content with that for a while, but he couldn’t stay faithful to a memory.

So a couple of days after he finished filming the scenes for his third episode, one of the cast members, a guy named Michael, who played a nurse on the show, invited him out for drinks. Darren wasn’t sure of the guy’s sexuality, but he was tall and muscular, with tan skin and scruff on his face. He was older than Darren, nearly forty, but really hot. He definitely wouldn’t mind getting to know him better, especially since they might not even be working together anymore.

Darren got the answer to Michael’s preferences when they met up at a gay bar.

“You’re cool with this place?” Michael asked.

Darren shrugged. “I’m totally down for whatever. Is anyone else coming?”

“I sent out one of those mass texts to the people from the cast who I thought would be interested but I haven’t gotten any replies saying yes yet.” He groaned. “Whatever. We can make our own fun.”

They did. Darren even got drunk enough to mention what happened with Chris and Michael shared a story of his own, about breaking up with a guy who was also an actor on the network that his show was on. The guy was in the closet so Michael didn’t mention him by name; having to hide that relationship for a tumultuous two years had taken a toll on him, so he ended it last year. Darren didn’t get any more details than that, but after a few more drinks, they took a taxi to his place. They spent the night together and Darren left in the morning without any expectations for more.

Michael told him that he wasn’t looking for anything serious and Darren was fine with leaving it at that. But then he got a call from the show that they wanted him for four more episodes to continue his character’s burgeoning romance with Sarah, the actress he had screen tested with; she played an attending physician who specialized in pediatrics and was essentially one of his bosses. She was in her early thirties and she had blonde hair, along with beautiful, expressive blue eyes. Of course they had some chemistry but she was happily married in real life and Darren respected that. 

Michael, however, was still single when Darren returned to the set. They didn’t have any scenes together but they talked between takes while Michael waited for his call time. They agreed to stay friends but remained playful and flirty. The writers must have noticed because when Darren read the script for the next episode that he was in, he had scenes with Michael’s character that suggested a flirtation.

A producer called him into his office the next day and asked Darren if it was okay that his character might be bisexual, with a possible love triangle. If not, he could ask for a rewrite but Darren said that he was fine with it, both because he really was and because he didn’t want to cause any unnecessary drama, given his recurring status. The scenes with Michael turned out beautifully, as did the scenes with Sarah. Darren was proud to play such a character, as the love triangle was only a side plot to his struggles with his father, who was a benefactor of the hospital.

But the romance part grew in popularity as more of Darren’s episodes aired, and at the end of the season, they offered him the position of series regular. He gladly accepted.

\----

After he received his first big check in the fall of 2012, he quit his regular singing gigs, hired a publicist and did more press. She asked him how he wanted to handle the inevitable interview questions about his sexuality, or if he was even alright with letting them ask. Darren said his private life was his own but he wouldn’t mind fielding those questions with playfully vague answers. It wouldn’t be fair to Michael, Chris or even himself to cover up the truth, despite his ability to hide it.

Although the latter relationship didn’t work, Chris still meant a lot to him and if there was a chance he’d see or read any of his interviews, he didn’t want to betray that time in his life. So he stayed coy about it, but at times he implied that he might not be straight. It only made him and his character more popular, especially his relationship with Michael’s character, Javier Martinez. 

Darren even scrolled through his Twitter mentions one day and saw that they gained a one word name for their relationship, Jeric. The relationship with Sarah’s character, Dr. Maggie Andrews, also had a following called Meric. Darren welcomed that, too, since his dynamic with her would include an age difference and the power struggle of her having seniority over him. But as for the storyline itself, it didn’t hurt that two beautiful, slightly older people were essentially fighting over him.

His character chose the guy, surprisingly, complete with an epic and passionate kiss. It wasn’t too awkward to film, even with their history. It also meant spending a lot more time with Michael on set. Naturally, their friendship grew as well. They hung out off the set more often, bonding over the crazy following that their characters’ relationship had gained. 

This sparked rumors of a real-life romance, which they laughed about for months, until one day in the spring of 2013, Michael asked him if he could be his boyfriend. Darren thought about what it might mean for his career, and his heart, but it only took a month for him to realize that it was worth the risk. The sex was good, they enjoyed each other’s company, and Michael understood the insanity of his work life.

He learned that Michael was an out and proud gay man, while even at the age of twenty-six, Darren struggled to define himself. He wasn’t even sure he wanted a label; he just knew he liked people and he didn’t give a fuck about gender. It was a novel concept for Michael but he knew Darren was young and had a different interpretation of sexuality. 

So he accepted it as long as he didn’t have to explicitly keep their relationship a secret. They were seen out together but they protected the details of what they were, letting people assume whatever they wanted. They stayed together in real life, while their characters fell in and out of love multiple times during the next three seasons of the show. 

However, their relationship wasn’t as intense off screen as it was on screen. It was light and easy, almost like friends who had sex and cuddled. Darren welcomed it at first but after a while, he no longer felt any passion. It was nothing like the desperate, burning pull he felt for Chris all those years ago. Darren reasoned that maybe that’s what a mature relationship was supposed to be like and he stuck with it. They even met each other’s parents and had drawers of their stuff at each other’s places. For once, he had made a commitment, both personally and professionally.

He had moved a lot of his things into Michael’s house and spent more time there than his own place. But even after three years, he still maintained the condo he bought when they first started dating. It had become a point of contention between them, especially when the network announced that the upcoming 2016-17 season would be the last of the show, due to dwindling ratings. 

Michael said he didn’t need marriage and just wanted Darren to sell his place and move in with him, or at the very least rent it out to someone else. He wanted a sign of commitment, but after living in Los Angeles and dealing with the grind of twenty hour work days, invasive paparazzi, and people who told him he needed to distance himself from his bisexual character, he was tired. He wanted a change from the whole scene, which meant a change in his relationship. It would hurt to say goodbye to Michael, and to Javier and Eric as well, but he needed to start over. So he contemplated plans for when the television series ended.

He was still on the periphery of Starkid after he went on those tour dates a few years back and debated finally making the move to Chicago. Although he loved the growth of his television character and its sociopolitical impact (there were rumblings that Eric and Javier would marry in the final season now that it was legal everywhere), his heart was in the theater and he wanted to be closer to that again. Or maybe he would move to New York to try his hand at Broadway (and be closer to his brother, his sister-in-law, and their young child). He’d work on his music too, which had mostly fallen by the wayside, save for the occasional summer gig. Experiencing some success had given him the freedom to explore his career options, at least for a little while.

\----

But before that, he had the final season of the show to film, and shortly after he went back to work on the second half of it, he had a thirtieth birthday party to plan.

He only wanted to invite those people he was closest to, but he also didn’t want to exclude anyone. He thought of the obvious people, such as his parents, brother, and his former roommates, including Joey and other college buddies from Starkid. He didn’t like using his recent celebrity status too often (he still drove his own car most places even if it was a more expensive one than when he started the show) but he thought that maybe with all the acquaintances he made and events he attended, he might have been able to get some of his more famous idols to come to his party. It was probably a long shot but he figured he’d try. During down time in his trailer one day in early 2017, he scrolled through the people he followed on Twitter and made a list of who he could message and who he’d have to get his people to talk to.

He also decided to check his mentions and reply to some fan tweets about the show. He hoped he had made someone’s day by thanking them or teasing possible spoilers for upcoming episodes. He looked at his watch and realized he had some more time before he had to show up on the set, so he scrolled through his Twitter feed to pass the time. He saw Lauren’s retweet mentioning a news article about Chris Colfer, congratulating him on his upcoming sixth children’s book, the final installment in his New York Times bestselling series. He curiously clicked the link to the article, wondering if this was the top-secret project that Chris had referred to almost six years ago.

Though he never deleted Chris’ phone number, he unfriended him on Facebook and tried to ignore any mention of him from their friends. So he didn’t really know what Chris had done since the day that he broke his heart. 

His jaw dropped at the picture accompanying the article. By Darren’s math, Chris was twenty-six and he aged quite well. His jaw was even sharper, dotted with scruff, his blue eyes swirled with green, like ocean waves or galaxies, and he wore a bright smile. He looked like he enjoyed what he was doing and although Chris had hurt him, he was glad that Chris seemed happy. He had gotten over resenting him a few years ago, since it led Darren to career success and new relationships.

Still, it stung a bit to skim through the article and find out that Chris had had the idea for his fairytale series called The Land of Stories when he was a kid, which he talked to Darren about a few times while they were in school together. Darren had to pry it out of him, though, and Chris would only shyly mention a few details. 

Then he learned that Chris perfected the idea in college and refined it during his time studying abroad in London, the essential cause for the demise of their relationship. He remembered Chris’ face as he drove away and the utter despair he felt when Chris had left him forever. 

It was long ago, of course, but losing someone who might have been the love of his life left a wound that took a long time to heal. He didn’t want to think about whether or not that scar could have been what prevented him from completely moving forward with Michael.

They were still together, but Darren was going to end it shortly after the calamity of filming and airing had finished. It wasn’t working and Darren wasn’t as ready to settle down and commit as he thought. Maybe it had nothing to do with Chris at all. But after Darren finished reading the article, he stared at Chris’ picture for far too long, like a lovesick teenager with a hopeless crush. 

He remembered the night he first saw him and was mesmerized by those eyes, looking back at him curiously as their fingers brushed. They hadn’t kissed yet then but Darren felt the electricity between them; somehow, he had been drawn into Chris’ orbit ever since. They circled around each other and when they collided, it was nothing but explosive. They destroyed each other at times because of it, but looking back now, Darren was sure that he had loved him, the certainty of it only cemented after every time Chris left. He liked to think that Chris loved him, too. They just went about it all wrong and they had lost their chance. He wondered if Chris felt the same way.

But it was Chris’ fault last time, over five years ago. They hadn’t talked since so it didn’t matter anymore. He couldn’t linger on the past, not when he still had a show to do and a boyfriend who loved him. Then there was a knock on his trailer door, breaking his thoughts and calling him to the set. He had closed the chapter of his life involving Chris and it was time to work toward closing this one. 


	5. I Guess I Still Care

After shooting a few more episodes, it was time for his birthday. Luckily, the actual day fell on his day off, so he decided to have it then. It was a star-studded affair at a restaurant that shut down just for him, which he had to admit was a pretty great perk of experiencing some success. A bunch of cast members and some of the crew from _Lifelines_ came, including Sarah, joined by her husband, and of course, Michael, who was still his boyfriend. Michael had his arm around the small of Darren’s back while the four of them talked and Sarah joked about how she always thought they were together.

“I knew it!” She exclaimed, smacking Darren’s upper arm. “Sitting at lunch super close with your heads together, always laughing about something. No wonder you ended up with him on the show. I see how it is.”

“I’m right here!” Her husband, Ben, chuckled and squeezed her hand.

“You know I’m kidding, babe,” she told her husband and addressed Darren. “Totally not bitter about it by the way.”

“Well, we didn’t get together until after Eric and Javier,” Darren explained.

Michael’s arm curled around his side possessively and he reminded Darren, “Technically, no, but there was that one time--”

“Okay, I think we get it,” Ben interrupted. “Happy Birthday, Darren! We should go mingle. Is that Alyssa from the makeup department? She’s one of your best friends, right, dear?”

“Yeah, but I want to hear more about this,” Sarah replied.

“I’m sure Darren has other people to talk to. It is his party, after all.” Ben lightly elbowed her side. “We could at least go get drinks.”

“Alright. Fine, but I’m getting the scoop on Monday, boys!” Sarah insisted.

She hugged Michael and then Darren and kissed their cheeks before she walked toward the bar with her husband.

“She didn’t need to know the details,” Darren said to Michael in a hushed tone.

“Well, I wasn’t going to tell her positions or anything, babe. She works with us and she doesn’t hate us so she won’t spread it around everywhere. It’s fine,” Michael assured him and then snapped. “Unless you’re worried about being official for whatever reason.”

Darren studied him curiously. “No, I’m not. Why would I be?”

“You know why. You still haven’t moved in, Darren.”

Darren rolled his eyes. “Not this again. Please. It’s my birthday, Mike.”

“Michael. It’s Michael. You know that.” His fingers dug into Darren’s side before he pulled away. “I’m going to get a drink. I’ll see you later.”

“I’m sorry, babe,” Darren tried but he was already gone. 

He thought of chasing after him but decided to let him stew for a while. There was no point in arguing when Darren knew he wasn’t going to do what Michael wanted. 

Anyway, Lauren had surprised him, tapping him on the shoulder, along with Joe Walker beside her.

“Hey, Darebear! The big three-oh, huh? I can’t even believe it!”

“I know. Me neither!” Darren remarked and hugged her tight before greeting Joe. “Hey, man, how have you been?”

“Good, good. Chicago’s been great to me,” Joe answered and then hugged Darren briefly as well. “Hanging with everyone from school and getting to work with them is amazing. It’s not the same without you, though, you big TV star. Joey misses you. We all do.”

Joey moved there shortly after Darren moved out of the apartment they shared. Darren missed him, too, but the party offered them a chance to hang out again.

“I’ve been busy, but yeah, the feeling’s mutual. That’s why I’m glad he’s here tonight. We should all chat later,” Darren responded.

“Yeah, sounds awesome!” Joe said.

Then Darren noticed that Lauren and Joe held hands while Lauren had a ring on her left hand. “Anyway, it looks like you’ve been busy, too. Anything you want to tell me?”

Lauren showed off her free hand and wiggled her fingers while Joe beamed at her. “We kind of dated in college and then when he moved out to Chicago from L.A. a couple of years ago, we started talking again and, bam.” She looked over at Joe and grinned. Then she looked back at Darren. “I’m gonna be married in the fall, bitch.”

He recalled seeing her in the kitchen the morning after he had just met Chris, who fell asleep in his bed before they could hook up.

“Oh, wow. That makes a lot of sense,” Darren remarked. “Suddenly I get why you spent so much time at our place.” 

“Exactly.” Lauren blushed. “We were just messing around so we ended it before he graduated that spring. But we stayed friends, and yeah, the rest is history.”

Darren sighed and couldn’t help wondering why his relationship with Chris was never that easy. Then again, they were never just friends. 

“Well, I’m happy for you both,” Darren genuinely told them. “Also, where the hell is my invite?”

“Relax. Lo says the save the date cards will be in the mail soon enough,” Joe informed him.

They both seemed so in love, occasionally catching one another’s gaze as they chatted. Darren was pretty sure he never looked at Michael that way. Sure, he cared about him but there was only one person he ever looked at like that. 

But Darren was done with Chris. He couldn’t go back, even if Lauren and Joe had. Too much had happened and it had been far too long. Or had it?

“So, I was trying to sneak out,” Lauren started, bringing him out of his thoughts. “But then I figured, why not snag some food first, right? It was super early and I saw some kid race by, who yelled towards Darren’s room. Naturally I was curious because--Oh my God, speak of the devil.” 

Lauren’s jaw dropped and Joe’s eyebrows rose.

“What?” Darren questioned. 

“T--turn around,” Lauren simply said.

When he did, he understood their reaction.

Sure enough, it was Chris, looking around and standing near the entrance. The picture that Darren saw online didn’t do him any justice. Somehow he looked even taller and his pale porcelain skin glowed in the dim lighting of the room. In the next moment, Chris caught his eye, a whirlpool of greens and blues gazing back at him.

Darren froze in his spot until Chris walked over to him. 

He thought he had forgiven Chris by then, but a fresh wave of anger had hit him. Chris had left him a long time ago and in turn, he had left Darren broken. Darren wondered how he got there and why he would show up then. 

So he shook himself out of his haze long enough to ask, “What the fuck are you doing here, Chris?”

“I was in town and I, um, I wanted to wish you a happy birthday. I know it’s been awhile. Too long. So I pulled some strings after I heard about this party. We do still have mutual friends, you know.”

“Yeah, I--I know,” Darren said. His hands shook, still reeling from the sight in front of him. 

Of all the methods Chris could have used to contact him, Darren wanted to know why he chose to do it here. They were at a very special event, in front of Darren’s (and some of Chris’) friends, his coworkers and most importantly, his boyfriend of the last three years. He contemplated whether or not Chris knew that last bit of information. 

“How nice of you to finally show your face,” Darren added wryly. “How was London?”

Chris blanched. “I--It was fine. I finished my first novel there. I hear you’ve been successful too.” 

“Yeah, I have. I’m surprised you even noticed.” Darren scoffed. “You could’ve told me that in a card, or maybe a phone call or something. You didn’t have to come. We’re not even friends. It’s been years, Chris.”

“I know that, but I was hoping I could at least apologize. Even if I owe you so much more than that. This probably isn’t the time or the place, although I didn’t know where else to start.”

Darren clenched his jaw and remembered the last day they saw each other in person, when he had fallen onto his front lawn, laid there for far too long and then drank away his sorrow. He didn’t know where to start either, the stitches of his old wound getting torn open for everyone to see.

“You can start by leaving,” Michael snapped, a drink in his hand as he suddenly appeared by Darren’s side. Apparently he cared enough to put their earlier argument on hold. “You must be Chris. I’m Michael, Darren’s boyfriend.”

Lauren gasped from behind them and Joe cursed under his breath.

Chris’ eyes widened. “I--I’ve heard of you. You’re, um, you’re Javier on the show, right?”

“Yes, I am,” Michael confirmed, staring Chris down. “I’ve heard of you too, by the way.”

Chris looked at Darren but then he looked back at Michael and asked, “You have?”

“Uh huh. Darren told me all about you, so you have some nerve coming here.”

Though Michael didn’t know every single detail, he did know that Chris had hurt Darren. Michael had been attempting to repair Darren’s heart ever since, with only some degree of success.

Darren glanced up at Michael. “It’s fine. I’ve got this.”

“Are you sure, honey?” Michael tried sweetly. “I don’t want to leave you alone.”

“I’ll be okay. This is between me and Chris, babe.” He added the term of endearment purposely. “I can handle it. I think Jen just got here.”

Darren nodded his head to where Jen, a coworker of theirs who played a nurse, was standing by a table on the other side of the room.

“I’ll go say hi to her in a few,” Michael offered. “After you introduce me to this cute couple behind us. They’re friends of yours, right?”

Darren nervously looked at Chris and then turned around to Lauren and Joe. “Oh, um, yeah, this is Lauren and this is Joe, old college buddies. They just got engaged. Chris, you remember them?”

“Yeah, of course I do. I already heard the news. Congratulations, you guys!”

Chris hugged Lauren and then shook Joe’s hand. He awkwardly pulled back to let Michael greet them as well. Lauren’s mouth fell open as Michael gingerly examined her ring.

 _“Oh my God! He’s so hot!”_ Lauren mouthed to Darren.

Darren knew she must have seen him in pictures or on television but perhaps her feelings grew stronger at seeing him in person. He couldn’t blame her. Michael wasn’t exactly the worst person to stare at all day.

“That’s some rock,” Michael complimented. “Why don’t you tell me all about the proposal?” Michael looked at Joe then. “How did you snag this cutie?”

“He got damn lucky. That’s how,” Lauren told him, her eyes flitting back to Chris and Darren, and then to Michael. “But, um, yeah, Joe, let’s go get a drink and talk about it with Michael here. We can fill Darebear in later and Michael can tell me how a cutie like him snagged our Darren.”

Joe followed Lauren’s gaze and agreed. “Yeah, sure. C’mon, Mike.”

“I prefer Michael,” he informed them as the three walked off towards the bar, leaving Chris and Darren alone.

“You, um, you have someone. The rumors are true, then,” Chris stated matter-of-factly.

“The ones that say I’m with him, yeah. I don’t have a secret love child anywhere, though.” Darren laughed. “Didn’t know you actually cared enough to pay attention to those trashy tabloids.”

“Only to notice the headlines on the front of them when I’m in the checkout line at the grocery store. I’ve seen pictures of you driving out of his neighborhood,” Chris mentioned casually.

Sometimes Darren couldn’t believe his life, especially then, but he handled the observation with more honesty than he had ever given anyone about the subject, which was more than Chris deserved.

“I don’t give a fuck about those as long as there’s nothing compromising about them. That shit’s private,” Darren explained. “Anyway, I’ve never confirmed or denied it either way. I am capable of moving on, Chris. My life didn’t stop because of you.”

“That’s--That’s good. I didn’t expect it to. I’m happy for you,” Chris said flatly. 

“Sure you are,” Darren replied sarcastically.

“How long have you been with him?”

“Does it even matter?”

“Yes,” Chris answered quickly. “I--I’d like to know.”

Darren stared directly into those gorgeous blue green eyes and told him, “Almost six years, on and off.”

It was actually going on four years in April, but he counted the time they had a one night stand, five or six months after Chris had left. 

Chris’ mouth formed a hard line then. “Oh, I--I see. You didn’t waste much time then.”

“You didn’t exactly give me a choice, sweetheart,” Darren spit out the pet name like an epithet.

“It was for the best, obviously. I told you that you were going to make it big somehow if you stuck it out and you did.”

“It wasn’t your call to make, Chris.” He looked across the room to the bar where Michael, Lauren and Joe were talking and laughing, not paying attention to him and Chris. So he continued in a broken whisper. “I--I would have followed you anywhere. I loved you and you just--You used me and you fucked off.”

“I’m sorry. I was a stupid kid. I was scared and I thought it was the right decision. You can’t judge me for doing the same thing that you did when you graduated,” Chris offered earnestly, his eyes shining brightly.

Darren knew he had a point; in college, Darren had pursued him relentlessly, knowing he’d leave. He also knew that he was Chris’ first relationship and had irrevocably ruined any sense of trust that Chris may have had. 

So when Darren begged to be in his life again and they had finally reunited, they hadn’t rebuilt that trust fully, beyond sex and a few vague promises. Darren thought he was clear, however, that Chris was the only one he wanted. 

But Chris didn’t believe him because he had said those words before, whether it was shortly before they broke up the first time, or even in the very beginning of their relationship, when Chris misunderstood the situation with Julia. There was no denying that Chris made a mess of them a few times, but Darren needed to take responsibility for what he had done as well.

Darren sighed. “I know. I fucked up, too. I started the whole cycle of leaving and not making things right, but the last time, I--I really wanted to change for you.”

“I wanted to believe you. I wanted to be in it but how could I trust you when you always had one foot out the door?”

He wanted to accuse Chris of behaving the same way, but he thought of his relationship with Michael, on the verge of falling apart when Darren felt the walls of commitment closing in, and back in college, when Darren had left Julia out in the cold for the promise of Italy. There was always something bigger and better for him outside of his relationships. Julia had challenged him on that, Michael had as well to a lesser extent, but he defended his actions every time. He repeated the same pattern with Chris. Except then Chris had finally pushed back hard enough to get him to see the issues he had. And if he really wanted Chris, or anyone, he had to show it somehow. But why Chris? Was Chris really the one? If not, why did Darren still care so much after nearly six years? He owed it to Michael, to Chris and to himself to figure it out.

“You’re right, Chris,” Darren finally told him. “That probably hasn’t changed.” He glanced over at Michael and thought of their impending breakup. “I’m sorry. Some of it was my fault but it was yours, too.”

“That’s why I’m here, Dare. I just--I’m admitting that I screwed up. I’d like to make amends.”

“After all this time, though? Why the fuck are you doing it now?”

Chris’ eyes shifted across the room to where Darren’s boyfriend stood. “Can we talk outside? Please.”

Darren knew how it might look, leaving his party with an ex who meant so much to him and had never really left his heart. But that was a secret that he hid well by making it look like he had moved on. As he searched Chris’ pleading face, he realized that maybe he hadn’t. So he agreed to what Chris wanted.

“Okay. Fine. I’ll give you five minutes,” Darren said, knowing that Michael’s eyes might have been on them. He couldn’t bring himself to care.

“Thank you,” Chris replied solemnly. 

Darren led him to a side exit, which led to an alleyway between the restaurant and another building. It was quiet out there, save for the chatter of a few smokers around the corner.

Chris coughed and then started. “This is probably more than I should be allowed after the way I barged in. I’m really, really sorry. Dramatic entrances really aren’t my style but I didn’t expect you to answer any of my calls or emails if I sent them. By the time I thought you would, I graduated and I got really busy working on getting my first book published. Plus, I moved to New York and I saw that you had finally done something here. I--I figured there wasn’t any point. We were broken and I had to accept that the paths we took would never lead us to each other.”

Darren wondered how true that was when they kept finding their way back to sharing the same space again, especially at this point. 

“So, that still doesn’t explain why you decided to come tonight, because here you are, Chris, just showing up uninvited.”

“I thought this was the only way you’d ever accept my apology. I needed to tell you how awful I felt because I can’t--I can’t go on knowing that I caused a person I--I loved so much heartache. You treated me horribly when you left and I think a vicious part of me wanted to do the same to you. But you tried to fix it. I wanted to do that, too, even if things are different now. I couldn’t let you hate me anymore.”

One of Darren’s trembling hands instinctively reached for Chris’ and Chris took it.

“Fuck, I--I--” Darren stammered. “I could never hate you. I was pissed at what you did and I definitely didn’t want to talk to you in those months after you left. But I didn’t hate you, not one second.”

Chris swallowed and squeezed Darren’s hand, but he didn’t speak. So Darren continued.

“Whenever people asked me if I was straight, I could never really say yes because--because you meant so much to me. I couldn’t handle thinking you might see me denying the truth, denying us, even if we were never really official for very long. I still cared what you thought of me after you broke my heart.”

“That wasn’t for publicity or--or because of him?” Chris asked quietly.

Darren shook his head. “Not really, no. It was mostly for you. But also for my own integrity. I just couldn’t lie, knowing how important you had been. Later on, I figured out that I didn’t want to give a definition to that, so I chose not to. And I’ve toed a very thin line ever since. But, um, you were the impetus for that, in the beginning.”

“Oh, okay. What about now? Do you still care what I think?”

“Maybe. Maybe that’s why I’m letting you talk to me and telling you all this shit. Obviously, you still care what I think or you wouldn’t have come all this way.”

Chris chuckled despite his eyes watering. “Yeah, even after traveling thousands of miles, I could never really shake you.”

“Guess I can’t shake you either.” 

Darren stepped closer to him but left a small distance between them, their pant legs brushing. He took a deep breath and licked his lips. It would have been so easy to follow what his heart and body craved so much. Except he couldn’t, not when there was someone else on the other side of the door behind them who cared about Darren and wanted him.

So Darren settled for dropping Chris’ hand and cupping his cheek.

“We still have a lot of stuff to work out,” Darren added. “I have a lot of stuff to work out.”

“I know. This is enough for now.” 

Tears threatened to fall down Chris’ face but Darren caught them and rubbed his thumb under Chris’ eye. Chris blinked against the touch. 

“You should--You should go back inside,” Chris told him. “It is your party.”

Darren reluctantly let go of Chris but replied, “I will, but I need to know something first.” 

“What?”

“Do you still have my number?” 

“Yeah, I do.”

“Good. Will you be in town for a little longer?”

“I--I can be.”

“I have a late call time tomorrow. We should do lunch,” Darren suggested against his better judgment. He needed to be cautious but he wanted to see Chris again.

“I’d like that. Dare?”

“Yeah?”

Chris beamed at him like he used to when they first started dating. Then Darren’s heart flipped in his chest and he realized just how far gone he still was for Chris.

“I--” Chris started. “I’m really glad you listened to me. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too. We could never really get our shit together at the same time, could we?”

Chris shook his head and wiped a few stray tears from his face. “It seems that we’re both idiots.”

“We can catch up and compare notes on that tomorrow.” Darren opened the door for him. “After you.”

Chris went inside and Darren followed.

“You know, you’re welcome to stay,” Darren added. “I’m sure Lauren and Joe and a bunch of other people wouldn’t mind seeing you.”

Chris glanced around the room. Then he frowned for a second before his eyes landed back on Darren. “No, I really can’t. I’ve stayed long enough. We’ll have tomorrow and I can catch up with everyone else another time. I don’t want to take any more time away from your day.”

“Okay. But you’ll be missing out on some fucking awesome cake.” He joked casually to hide his disappointment.

“That’s okay. I think I’ll manage.” Chris laughed. “So I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“Yeah, I’ll text you the details.”

Chris licked his lips and then his mouth fell open as he searched Darren’s face. Darren couldn’t help staring, the world narrowed to just those ethereal eyes focused only on him. But then the moment disappeared as Chris grabbed his hand and shook it awkwardly.

“It was, um, it was good to see you,” Chris said.

“Yeah, you too.”

Chris let go before giving him a small wave. “I should at least say my goodbyes to Joe and Lauren. Then I’ll be out of your hair until tomorrow.”

“Until tomorrow,” Darren promised.

He watched Chris make his way over to Lauren and Joe, who had migrated to a different part of the room and were chatting with a few of their other college friends. Chris smiled and hugged them both while Darren wished he wasn’t leaving again.

Then he jumped, startled by a hand on his shoulder.

“Holy shit. You still love him, don’t you?” Joey asked.

He turned toward him. “I--I haven’t decided,” he admitted.

“Oh, please. You totally do. You’ve always been so fucked over him and you still are. What are you going to do about it?”

Chris left the room and Darren saw Michael once more in a far corner, talking to one of their coworkers.

“Good question,” Darren answered.

Whatever happened, he knew it was about to get messy.

\----

Darren went home with Michael and they did nothing but sleep beside each other. During the ride back, his boyfriend asked what had happened with his ex; Darren said that they discussed some stuff but opted out of giving him any more details than that. Michael huffed and slammed the door when they entered. He was never an aggressive guy despite his size; even when they argued, the atmosphere wasn’t this tense. So Darren knew that the end might be coming sooner than he thought.

Still, Darren didn’t want to hasten anything on a maybe, so he didn’t break up with him then. He did, however, shower, change and leave Michael’s place earlier than usual to meet Chris (on most other days, he’d carpool to work with his boyfriend when their schedules synced up properly).

 _Hey there,_ he texted to Chris in the late morning. _You want to meet up for brunch?_

 _Sure,_ Chris texted back. _Just let me know where._

Darren gave him the address of a diner he frequented after many late gigs or long days on set. Then he took a deep breath and drove.

He didn’t know what to expect from this, besides a long talk and maybe some closure. But he didn’t want that. He wanted to know if Chris was as successful at relationships as he was in his work. Was he dating someone back in New York? Was he happy?

It was only fair, Darren told himself, since Chris knew all about his life. He should know how Chris was doing and if their time apart was worth all the heartache they had suffered.

Soon enough, he reached his destination. Then he parked his car and waited for a few minutes until he realized that he couldn’t remember what Chris’ car looked like or if he even had the same one.

He waited some more; after that, a silver sedan pulled up next to his and Chris came out of it. He was pretty sure this car was less than six years old so it was definitely new. In any case, Darren got out, too, and met Chris.

“Wow, L.A. traffic is more of a bitch than I remember,” Chris remarked. “I had to be careful out there. This car is a rental.”

“Right. You live in New York now. Do you even own a car?”

“Technically, I guess I still have that one from high school and college back in Clovis unless my parents sold it within the last year. They visited me around the holidays so I haven’t gone there in a while.”

“Ahh, okay. So, um, hi.” 

Darren searched Chris’ face and wondered how close he should get before he went for in for a hug. Chris smelled like a different cologne but his waist was just as perfect for Darren to wrap his arms around. Chris stiffened for a second and then his arms encircled Darren’s shoulders. Darren knew that this what he wanted to come back to for the rest of his life. But it was over far too quickly as Chris pulled away. 

“Hi yourself.” Chris grinned. “We should--We should, um, go inside.”

“Yeah.”

When they walked across the parking lot side by side, Darren’s hand twitched with the instinct to reach out and take Chris’, even if he knew he couldn’t. They sat down and a familiar, middle-aged waitress greeted Darren by name.

“Hi! Iced tea for you, Darren?” Sheila asked. 

Darren nodded and she turned toward Chris.

“And what’ll you have, sweetheart?”

Chris ordered a Diet Coke and the waitress looked back toward Darren. 

“Where’s your honey today, Darren? Is everything okay?”

“He’s, uh, he’s alright. He decided to sleep in while I meet Chris for brunch. He’s not from around here so I figured I’d take him to one of my favorite places.” Darren winked at her.

“Okay, dear. Tell him I said hello.”

Darren glanced over at Chris, whose face grew pale. Darren gulped and told her, “I will.”

She said she’d be back in a bit to take their orders and left with a smile.

“So, you come here a lot?” Chris wondered, his eyes on the table.

“Yeah, it’s one of the few places that’s open late. Between playing music gigs and working on the show, I’ve always kept weird hours.”

“Oh. I guess I do too, with my writing.”

Darren used that to hopefully eliminate some of the awkwardness and transition to something that Chris would talk about. “Oh, I heard you became a writer. How is that going?”

“Pretty well,” Chris told him and beamed proudly. “That fairytale I got serious about in college somehow became a series. The sixth book is slated to come out this fall. I’ve been shopping around a screenplay and I’m working on a book with an entirely different subject matter.”

“Wow. That’s great, Chris. I know how important your writing’s always been to you.”

“Yeah, that hasn’t changed,” Chris stated as he met Darren’s gaze.

Darren wanted to know if anything else had changed but he was interrupted with the waitress handing them their drinks and asking them what their orders would be.

Darren got a grilled cheese while Chris ordered French toast, which reminded Darren of their date so many years ago.

He swallowed down the urge to take Chris’ hand that lay on the tabletop. Instead he asked the question he had been wondering about all day.

“So speaking of what’s changed, are you, uh, are you seeing anyone special?”

Chris took the wrapper off his straw and put it in his drink before he took a sip. Then he gulped and said, “I was, for about six months, but it didn’t work out. We were both busy with work.”

“Oh, I see.”

He wanted to say he was sorry about that, but he couldn’t be. Once again the only thing blocking him from Chris was his relationship with someone else. Well, that, thousands of miles, and their lingering trust issues.

“I’ve dated other people, too, before that,” Chris explained. “Some a little longer, some less, but not for much more than a year.”

“Really? Shit, I guess I should be honest then.”

Chris raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

Darren sipped his iced tea before he answered. “I’ve only been in a relationship for about four years, not six. I haven’t dated anyone seriously besides that one person.”

He pointedly left out the lonely, broken months he spent after Chris left, where he tried to move on but couldn’t, not even for a one-night stand (except for Michael). He didn’t want to rehash any more of the past than he had yesterday. But he also wanted to prove that he had changed and held on to his commitments. He wasn’t the same person that Chris knew before. It must have worked because Chris’ jaw dropped in surprise.

“Wow.” Chris swirled his straw in his drink once he gained his composure. “For you, that’s serious enough.”

“True.” Darren chuckled. “But I was being an asshole yesterday and I wanted to be clearer with you since you’ve given me that courtesy.”

“That’s fair,” Chris conceded. “Not lying is always good.”

“Exactly.”

They fell into a brief silence before Chris spoke up.

“The show is ending soon, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you have any plans for what’s next?”

Darren took another sip of his drink so he wouldn’t immediately address what might happen with his relationship. He didn’t want to be that predictable. Also he owed it to Michael to end it properly and honestly before he told anyone else, especially Chris. So he settled on a vague answer.

“No, not really. I have no fucking clue. I’ll be flying blind.”

“But you don’t mind that, do you?”

Darren nodded. “Not really, especially since I’m not flat broke like I was when I came out here. I’m just glad I don’t have to ask my parents for money. But besides that, I still wouldn’t mind. It’s kind of exciting. I might work on my music or do some stuff with Starkid. I’ll start figuring that out in a month or two. It’ll be nice to have some time off.”

“Oh, I bet.” Chris looked at him, opened his mouth, and closed it. But then he continued. “Do you ever get out to New York at all?”

Darren knew that question held a lot of weight that neither of them wanted to mention yet, since that was where Chris lived. It meant Chris wanted to see him again, despite how tentative their relationship was, and if Darren said yes, it meant that he would want to see Chris too.

Still, he knew exactly what to say without seeming too eager. “I might. My brother lives out there with his wife and kid. I’ve enjoyed the city before.”

“Then maybe I can return the hospitality you’ve given me and I can show you my favorite diner.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Darren smiled.

Chris smiled back, the slight dimple in his right cheek showing. Even if Darren already knew, it only confirmed that Joey was right; he was royally fucked over Chris. He had been since he first saw him almost a decade ago.

“Are you okay?” Chris wondered, which brought Darren out of his thoughts.

“Yeah. I--I think so.”

Luckily, the food arrived then, before Darren could blurt out anything stupid, like how gorgeous Chris looked in this light. Instead, he scarfed down a few bites of his sandwich while Chris cut off a piece of his French toast.

After Chris took a bite, swallowed, and chased it with a sip of his soda, he finally started the conversation again. 

“You know, I really appreciate this. You didn’t have to give me any more of your time after what I did yesterday.”

“Chris, don’t. If I really didn’t want to see you, I wouldn’t have extended the invitation. Besides, it’s been nice catching up with you.”

“Yeah, I--I guess it has.”

Chris glanced up at him occasionally as they continued to eat in silence. Darren didn’t know what else to say that wasn’t hollow small talk. He could bullshit his way through more conversation, but he remembered that Chris hated that. So for him to agree to see Darren and ask about work meant that he was really making an effort for him. But to what end? They couldn’t exactly be together when Darren was with someone else and still lived far away from him.

What if Darren didn’t, though? What if he left Michael and Los Angeles behind once _Lifelines_ was over? Between his relationship and his job, Darren had had a lot of steadiness in the past few years, so it would be a leap. He was itching for a change, however, and maybe Chris and New York held the adventure that he had been craving.

Suddenly, he had plans for the future. But he would keep them close to his chest while he spent the rest of their meal enjoying Chris’ company. Chris enjoyed his company, too, because they laughed and joked without any mention of the past, future or other people. Their rapport had returned as if no time had passed at all. Then they fought over the bill; Chris had insisted on paying for it to make up for the day before. After a while, Darren finally relented and let him. It was a small gesture but he hoped Chris understood what it meant.

They walked out together and Darren bumped Chris’ shoulder playfully. Chris grinned but then his smile fell away.

“Well, go have fun at work. You can’t exactly show me your city this time around,” Chris commented. “Remember when we were going to see the Hollywood sign?”

“It was kind of our first date.” Darren absently kicked at the ground and looked down bashfully. Then he looked back up. “I was trying to be romantic but you ruined it.”

“I beg to differ. The rest of that day was pretty amazing.” Chris’ eyes sparkled, no doubt recalling the hours they spent exploring each other’s bodies like they never had before and never would again, and when they ended the night much the same way.

Darren had once more confessed his feelings as well, his heart bursting with so much love even if he knew Chris wasn’t going to stay. Darren wasn’t available yet to do the same thing, even if it was just as true.

The only thing he could say to Chris was, “It was pretty amazing. I don’t regret a single second.”

“I don’t either, except for the part where I let you go.”

Darren’s breath caught in his chest at Chris’ admission. His eyes flickered across Chris’ face, a beautiful blush there. He opened his mouth, so close to his own admission, but then he decided to tell him something else.

“Maybe you won’t have to.” Darren shook his head. “I mean, I’ll definitely try to make the trip out to New York after filming and shit. But, um, speaking of filming, I don’t want to be late.”

“Right.” Chris reached for him then and hugged him tight. 

Darren buried his face into Chris’ neck, resisting the urge to nuzzle against his favorite spot where Chris’ scar lied. Instead, he stood there in Chris’ arms for far longer than he should have and inhaled the fresh and clean scent of him, much lighter than Michael’s. He sighed deeply and broke away, knowing he had to return to someone else.

“This--This isn’t goodbye. I’ll see you soon, okay?” Darren said.

Chris nodded. “Yeah. Can’t wait.”

Darren couldn’t either. Still, he got in his car and sat there, watching as Chris drove away. He told himself it was to make sure that Chris got on the road safely, but mostly it was to grip the steering wheel as he let tears fall down his face. This time, they weren’t because of heartbreak, but because of the relief flooding through him. Chris wasn’t gone forever this time and when his job was over, maybe they would have a chance at a new beginning.

But first, he had to face the end.

\----

He filmed some scenes with Michael, which ran smoothly when the camera rolled, the nurse Javier doting on his third year resident boyfriend and soon-to-be fiancé. They were to be engaged in the next episode so Darren stayed professional and played his part with equal affection. He may have been falling out of love with Michael (if he ever loved him at all) but Eric was still absolutely enamored with Javier. Luckily, that feeling shone through, because when he blinked, he saw Chris on the night they met. Michael must have noticed a difference, since he avoided Darren during their dinner break and even after they wrapped for the day. 

Michael asked him to come over that night and proposed that they should talk. Of course, he was angry since Darren hadn’t even written a note before he left and they had gone to bed angry.

“You saw him, didn’t you?” Michael asked.

“Chris was still in town, if that’s who you mean. And yes, we met at the diner before I came to the set. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“But you’re not sorry that you saw him.”

“I needed to, Mike. It helped me figure out a few things.”

Michael gritted his teeth. “Like how he abandoned you and you were still wrecked over it when we first started. Why would you want to go through that?”

“I--He’s still important to me. I--I had to see him.”

“You want him back, don’t you?”

He wasn’t sure how to respond to that without disrespecting Michael and without acknowledging that he still had feelings for Chris. So he said nothing, which allowed Michael to continue.

“Let’s face it, Darren. You’ve been looking for a way out of being with me for months. Maybe you were waiting for the show to end or maybe you were waiting for some other sign. Well, I guess this is fucking it.”

“I didn’t--I didn’t mean to--Not like this.”

“Oh, so you’re not denying that you still have a thing for him, even after all this time?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“Say that you love me. That you don’t want to talk to someone who broke your heart.”

“It’s--It’s not that black and white. I have history with him.”

“We have history. We’ve been in a relationship for years. A steady relationship, unless you’ve been seeing him the whole time.”

“How dare you fucking accuse me of cheating on you. You saw my reaction at that party. Did that look like I was on good terms with him?”

“No, but I thought we were on good terms for a while until you refused to commit to me in any real way. Now I see why.”

“I’m sorry. Maybe you’re right but I do care about you.”

It was true but it sounded hollow even to Darren. Michael had been great to him but he had never made him feel the way that Chris did. He never experienced those intense highs and lows that only Chris gave him.

“If you care so much, then I deserve honesty and I deserve someone who isn’t in love with idea of someone else.”

“Mike, I--”

“Don’t. Just get out and don’t come back. I’ll bring your things to work so you don’t have to bother coming over anymore. Go start your new life.”

He realized that Michael was right and he really did want to try again with Chris. He would only hurt himself and Michael even more if he stayed. So he left, relief flooding through him the second he stepped out the door. He knew the breakup wouldn’t exactly be amicable. Hell, he had wanted it for quite some time, but for nearly four years of his life to end like this felt surreal. The experiences he had would only exist as memories. He guessed it was fitting now that the show was ending. This had to end, too, and Chris’ unexpected arrival back into his life only hastened it.

Soon, it would be time to get back what he had lost with Chris, but before that, there would be another end. 

For a couple more months, Darren and Michael filmed the last five episodes, ending their characters’ saga with their engagement and their subsequent wedding. Each of those respective episodes had garnered the highest ratings all season, even if they were a nightmare to film. At least he knew how to do his job and act like he was in love. Eric deserved his happy ending with Javier, even if Darren wasn’t getting one with Michael. 

Off camera, Darren was lucky to have other friends to eat with on set, and that he got all his stuff back from Michael’s place intact. It was bittersweet to see the things that he had shared with someone else packed up neatly in a box, and to tuck them away with mementos from his trailer like a time capsule. He had built a life here, created new relationships and experienced some career success. He had grown and for that, he wouldn’t feel too sad. Although he cried at the wrap party and the viewing party when the final episode aired, he was glad it was over. He would carry all he learned into being a better man, both professionally and personally.

He knew exactly how he would do that, now that he was free. 


	6. Do You Still Care?

It was time for him to reach out to Chris again. It had been a few months since his visit and during that time, Darren followed him on various social media. His PR team and his ex could think whatever they wanted of it but he didn’t care; he knew it would make Chris smile. It also wasn’t the most personal interaction but it was another step in their reconciliation of sorts. Besides, he knew he was going to get even closer to Chris.

After the show ended, he was grateful for the time off and rather than moving anywhere right away, he focused on writing and playing music; he worked on his own stuff and a few songs that he’d contribute to the latest Starkid production. In the middle of May, he took a quick break from a writing session and decided to text Chris.

_Hey, just wanted to see what was up. Sorry I haven’t texted or called sooner. I just got a chance to breathe this week, what with all the craziness at work._

He sat on his couch and waited ten anxious minutes. He was about to pick up his guitar when his phone vibrated.

_No worries. I could only imagine how hectic your schedule has been._

_Yeah, you might’ve heard that the final episode just aired last week,_ Darren informed him.

_I know. I’m a writer but I have the Internet and I don’t live under a rock. I actually watched it._

Darren’s jaw dropped. He knew that Chris knew who the characters were, since he referenced them at Darren’s party, but that only required a Google search or perhaps picking up a magazine. This required much more effort.

_Didn’t know you were a medical drama kind of guy,_ Darren texted back.

_Not usually. I had caught a scene or two a while ago, but I couldn’t really watch it. However, since I last saw you, I’m embarrassed to admit that I marathoned the series starting with your episodes. You’re amazing, like I always thought you would be. From what I’ve read, your work is pretty groundbreaking as well._

_Thanks. If you could see me right now, I’d be blushing,_ Darren answered.

_Can I? See you, I mean?_ Chris replied less than a minute later.

Darren wasn’t about to say no to an opportunity like that, so he responded with, _Sure. Do you want to do FaceTime?_

_That works,_ Chris thankfully agreed.

He clicked on the appropriate icon next to Chris’ name in his contacts and then the phone rang a couple times before he was greeted with Chris’ beautiful smile.

_“Hi,”_ Chris simply said.

“Hey stranger. It’s been too long. It’s nice to see you, even if it is through a screen.”

_“You too.”_

He bent his legs up on the couch cushion and crossed them at the ankle Indian style like a little kid so he could get more comfortable. Then he asked, “So, what’s this about binge watching my show? Do I have another fan on my hands? The show’s over, Chris.”

_“Um, better late than never?”_ Chris’ shoulder came into view for a moment, indicating that he shrugged. _“I’ve been a fan since way back when, Harry.”_

Darren blushed. “That’s true. You got me there.”

Chris laughed but then his voice turned serious. _“I meant what I said earlier, Dare. You did a great job.”_

“Thank you. That means a lot to me. Here’s to hoping I can get another job.” He chuckled. “But even if I don’t, that role was pretty special and I’m honored to have had it.”

_“Well, I’m glad you had the chance to do it.”_ Chris beamed with pride from the screen. _“I figured you would shine in anything you did.”_

Darren preened for a minute, but he was dying to ask a question that had been lingering on his tongue since Chris told him that he watched the show.

“Thanks again. Was it--? It wasn’t weird for you to watch me be with someone else?” He wondered. “It was a role to me, but you know, the thing with Michael--”

_“Yes, I do. I’m well aware now. It was a bit strange at first. But after watching a few of the love scenes, I only focused on certain aspects, if you know what I mean.”_ But then Chris stuttered. _“I--I, um, I’m sorry. I hope I’m not crossing a line.”_

“You’re not. I’m actually single now if you didn’t already know.”

Chris raised his eyebrows and his mouth formed a small o shape. _“Oh. I--No, I didn’t know. I mean, I might have seen a few gossipy headlines but I try not to pay attention to those. That’s--I’m not sure what to say. Are you okay?”_

“Yeah, I’m alright. It’s been a couple months. Since right after my birthday.”

_“Was it because of me? Because I showed up?”_ Chris asked honestly.

Darren blanched. “Yes and no. It wasn’t working for a while before that. I was going to end it anyway. You just kind of hastened the process.”

_“I wish I could say that I’m sorry about that but I’m not.”_

“I’m not either. Chris, I--I never imagined we’d get another shot. Maybe in the back of my mind, I hoped but I didn’t think it’d really happen.”

Chris bit his lip and his blue green eyes swirled with uncertainty before he wondered, _“Do you want it to happen? Do you want to try again?”_

“Yeah, I--I’m totally open to it if you are. Never say never, you know?” He grinned and waited to gauge Chris’ reaction.

It didn’t take long for Chris to grin back. 

_“Exactly. I’m done messing around and trying to be without you. You’re who I’ve wanted since I was eighteen and I was so foolish in denying it, in denying us.”_

Darren’s heart soared as he took in Chris’ expression, those eyes fixed on him with such vulnerability and openness that Darren believed him.

“Damn it, Chris,” he cursed quietly.

It might have been the wrong thing to say because Chris’ face instantly fell before he asked, _“What?”_

“I really want to fucking kiss you right now.”

Chris sighed but then his smile returned. _“I wouldn’t exactly be opposed to that.”_

“Good. That’s good to know. You’re the one who asked about trying in the first place, so--”

_“Shut up, smart ass and get to New York already.”_

“I can make that happen. I’ll set it up when we’re done here. Except there’s one small problem.”

_“Ugh, what now?”_

Darren touched the screen reverently. “I don’t want to stop looking at you.” 

Maybe he was wrong all those years ago; they could have survived on keeping in contact like this. It would have been difficult but if they communicated clearly, honestly, and made promises to physically see each other, it could have worked. He would never know that, however. All he could do was resolve to try harder with this new chance that he had been given.

_“Just get off the phone and book a flight already, you sap,”_ Chris teased, interrupting his thoughts.

“Fine.” Darren stuck his tongue out. “Chris?”

_“Yeah?”_

“I can’t wait.”

_“Me neither.”_

With that, Darren once again had the hope that they would make it work.

\----

He was right, for the most part. He showed up at Chris’ door about two weeks later, just in time for Chris’ birthday. After that initial phone call, they had flirted a lot via text message and routinely called each other before bed (Chris always went to sleep late so the time difference really didn’t matter). They’d talk for hours about endless topics as silly as the merits of the recent Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles series reboot, to Chris’ obsession with following people’s pets on social media. 

Then Chris would tell him about his life in the city and bug him about visiting. Somehow, Darren would hold him off since his secret intention was to surprise Chris in New York, six years to the day they had last reunited. It worked because Chris would let it go and they’d shift to the serious and sentimental; they’d confess some of their long-held regrets, until one of them fell asleep, usually Chris. Darren listened to the rise and fall of his breathing for hours until he, too, would succumb to exhaustion. 

But then the date finally arrived. Darren hopped a flight in the middle of the afternoon on May 26 so he’d get to New York in time for midnight of Chris’ twenty-seventh birthday. It was the perfect chance to start again and get things right this time.

He stood outside the door of Chris’ apartment and called him on the phone, hoping that he was actually home. Sure enough, he was, because Darren heard the quiet clicking of keys on a keyboard as the phone rung. Then Chris cursed, the phone ringing a couple more times before Chris finally answered.

_“Hey, Dare. What’s up?”_

“Oh, nothing much. It’s officially May 27th in New York, right?”

_“Uh huh. I was going to call you in a couple hours after I finished this scene I was working on, and after I found my phone. It was stuck in my couch cushion so that’s why I didn’t answer right away.”_

“Cool. That’s not a problem,” he said quietly in an attempt to mask his presence on the other side of Chris’ door. “But it’s your birthday. It makes more sense for me to call you.”

_“You’re right, but um, why are you whispering? What’s going on?”_

“Hang up your phone.”

_“Darren, what? Why?”_ Chris asked with a hint of concern.

“Just do it.”

Chris sighed. _“Okay. I guess we can text or Skype or something.”_

“Sure. Talk to you soon.” Darren chuckled right before the phone clicked.

Then he knocked on Chris’ door.

A minute later, the door swung open to a shocked Chris. His messy chestnut hair flopped over his forehead, he wore silver rimmed glasses and a Star Wars t-shirt with grey sweatpants. He never looked more gorgeous.

Chris’ mouth fell open but then he spoke and gained some composure.

“H--hi.”

“Happy Birthday, Chris.” Darren grinned, towing his rolling suitcase next to him and his carry-on backpack on his back.

“You--You asshole. Is this why you kept changing the subject every time I mentioned a visit?” Chris smacked him on the upper arm.

“Well, hello to you, too. What a nice greeting.”

“Just come in. Please.” Chris said sharply.

Darren walked through the door, set his suitcase beside the doorway, and threw his backpack down. After that, he hugged Chris tight, his senses flooded with the same cologne he smelled a few months ago, along with a clean scent that he thought was Chris’ shampoo, and something else that was just plain Chris.

“It really is good to see you, though,” Chris murmured into Darren’s ear. “I missed you, you know.”

“I missed you too,” Darren echoed, still holding onto Chris. “As I’ve said so many fucking times over the phone. I’m glad to finally be here.”

Chris’ lips brushed across Darren’s cheek. “I’m glad you’re here too. Even if you showed up at my door in the middle of the night.”

Darren’s heart fluttered as he pulled away to smile at Chris. “The night is young, and so are you. You look amazing.”

Chris blushed. “No I don’t, but thanks. I showered a few hours ago but I’ve been in my pajamas writing all day.”

“You still look great. I’m not even kidding.”

“You, um, you do, too.” Chris bit his lip and tentatively ran his fingers along Darren’s jaw. “You’ve got some scruff there. I like it.”

Darren shivered. “It’s my vacation scruff. Whenever I have a break from work, I stop shaving.”

“Well, I hope you take a long break then. It suits you.” 

Chris’ hand fell away but then Darren took it. 

“I plan to,” Darren replied, daring to kiss Chris’ hand.

“Wow, you’re pulling out all the stops tonight, aren’t you?”

“Not quite. I haven’t kissed you yet.”

“What are you waiting for?” Chris smirked.

So Darren accepted the invitation, cupping Chris’ cheek with his free hand and kissing his mouth, softly at first. But then Chris unlinked their joined hands and grabbed one of Darren’s hips, pulling him closer. Darren’s other hand framed Chris’ face as well. Chris sucked on Darren’s upper lip and then his lower one, but he wasn’t done. Chris’ tongue swept across Darren’s parted mouth and delved inside. Heat spread through Darren unlike anything he had felt in months, save for when he was alone in his room thinking about Chris.

Chris took it further and curled his other hand around Darren’s other hip before he finally broke away. Darren huffed out a breath but he gladly would have kept going for much longer. He suddenly felt like he had been barely floating along the last few years without Chris, a shell of who he was supposed to be. Sure, he had some semblance of happiness with his career and former relationship in Los Angeles. But here, in New York, he felt whole again.

“So what’s the verdict?” Darren wondered, resting his forehead against Chris’. “Can I stay over?”

“You can stay as long as you want.”

“Good, ‘cause I brought my stuff and I didn’t book a hotel.”

Chris pecked Darren on the lips. “You’re awfully presumptuous.”

“I figured you wouldn’t mind. Guess I was right.”

“Cheeky bastard. We haven’t discussed sleeping arrangements yet.”

Darren pulled away to look at Chris and raise an eyebrow. “Who says we’ll be sleeping?”

Chris rolled his eyes. “Please. When have I ever been that easy?”

“Then we’ll stay up to talk.” Darren laughed as Chris dragged him over to the couch where they sat, the outside of their thighs touching. “And cuddle. Now who’s being presumptuous?”

“I don’t believe you. I know what’s on your mind. We’ve talked more in these last few weeks than we have in years.”

“C’mon, give me more credit than that. I like our conversations, especially lately. I like falling asleep with you. I always have, except for that one time you passed out on me, when we first met.”

“How dare you,” Chris chided but smiled at him. “It was my first time drinking. It was your fault. I wanted to impress you so I drank way more than I should have. That night didn’t end quite the way I wanted it to either.”

Darren’s eyes flickered to Chris’ spit slick mouth. “Oh, yeah? How did you want it to end?”

“Preferably with a lot less clothes and a bit more action,” Chris joked. “Kind of like my twenty-first birthday. Thank God I held my liquor then.”

“That was a pretty good night.” He studied Chris’ features as he took his glasses off and set them on the coffee table next to his closed laptop. His pale skin illuminated in the lamp light but his cheeks flushed pink, and his bright blue eyes, speckled with green, were as beautiful as ever.

Those eyes grew darker, fixed on Darren, while Chris brought his legs up onto the couch and tucked his feet behind him.

“Chris?” Darren continued.

“Yeah?”

“As much as I enjoy talking with you, I really want to do something else.”

Chris pushed at Darren’s shoulder until Darren lay flat on his back against the couch. “Something like this?”

Darren nodded as he swung his legs up onto the couch and settled his hands on Chris’ waist. “Exactly like this.”

“See? One-track mind.”

“Right now, yes. You know how I-- _ugh, fuck,”_ Darren cursed when Chris’ mouth latched onto his neck. “How I feel about you.”

“Tell me,” Chris whispered against his skin before he returned to sucking on Darren’s neck.

“Since my birthday, I--I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I haven’t been with anyone else. I wanted to come see you here from that time we had lunch together. I--I want you. I need you.”

Chris pulled back to gaze into Darren’s eyes. “You have me. I promise. I’m not going anywhere.”

Darren leaned up to kiss him then, too overcome to respond with words. Chris gladly met him, his body weight pressing Darren down deliciously. Darren spread his legs apart a bit and his hips thrust up, seeking friction as his cock stirred in his jeans. Chris obliged, one of his legs slotting between Darren’s own.

Chris’ hands snuck under Darren’s shirt, grazing his stomach while Darren found the small of Chris’ back. When Chris broke away with a groan and ground his hips down, Darren felt him already half hard against him. He didn’t want to waste any more time but he wanted to do this right.

He hitched up Chris’ shirt, his fingers tracing along Chris’ spine. 

“Are we gonna--? Do you want to--?” Darren started.

“I should be asking you that,” Chris told him after kissing the side of his face, his lips ghosting over the scruff on Darren’s jaw. “Are you ready?”

“Fuck, I’ve never been more ready, sweetheart.” Though he had been careful during their recent phone conversations, the term of affection just slipped out then and he didn’t want to take it back.

Thankfully, Chris didn’t bat an eye and said, “Yeah. Yeah, okay,” as if it was a natural occurrence that happened every day.

Darren’s heart swelled with affection and he chuckled wryly. 

“It’s been six years, Chris. I think that’s long enough, but thanks for asking.”

Chris laughed nervously. “I, um, yeah, you’re right. I just want to be sure.”

Darren kissed Chris’ temple. “I’ve never been more sure of anything. However you want to do this, I want it. I want you.”

“Good. I’m glad that hasn’t changed.” Chris took a deep breath. “Hmm. I kind of like where we are now.”

“Yeah, but our options are limited, if you know what I mean.” Darren dragged his blunt nails down Chris’ back.

“Unhh.” Chris grunted. “Guess we’ll have to make the best of it.”

Then Chris’ warm hands slipped out from under his shirt as he sat up and kneeled between Darren’s legs. Darren swallowed, his hands dropping to his own thighs.

“Sounds good to me, but, um, I want--I want more. Want you to fuck me. I want to be yours again,” Darren declared.

Chris stared at him for a moment and his mouth fell open. “Oh. Okay. I can--Yeah, I can do that.”

Darren slowly lifted himself up until he was eye level with Chris. Darren’s heart beat rabbit quick with anticipation as he squeezed Chris’ hand.

“Relax. It’s us,” Darren assured him with a smile.

Chris nodded and walked them down the hall to his bedroom.

But fear coursed through him too. He wanted to know Chris like this again but so much had changed. What if all the buildup wasn’t worth it and the magic they had once had disappeared? What if the sex was horrible?

It was probably a stupid fear but Darren wanted everything to be perfect and he didn’t want to ruin it. But even if he did, they’d make the best of it. Sex was important but it wasn’t all he needed to be with Chris.

Chris opened the door to his room, allowing Darren to briefly notice the furnishings. There were dark hardwood floors with a black dresser, a black armoire, and a modern steel framed bed with a grey bedspread. It was sparse with cream colored walls but it seemed mature and appropriately Chris. Darren hoped he’d spend a lot of time in this room while he was here, getting to know Chris again.

“Are you done?” Chris teased and licked his lips. “Because I can think of better things to be looking at than my interior decorating.”

Chris kissed him again then and played with the hem of Darren’s shirt. They kept kissing as Chris walked him backwards toward the bed. Chris stripped Darren’s shirt off and suddenly Darren was flat on his back on the mattress.

Chris stood over him and studied him, those blue eyes hungry with want. Darren had missed that look so much and arousal coursed through him at the sight. 

“Yeah, definitely better things to be looking at,” Chris stated, his eyes still roving over Darren’s body.

Darren leaned upward on his elbows and smirked at Chris. “I’d say the same but I think I need to see a little more.”

“Oh, like the rest of my place?”

Darren played along. “Sure, why not?”

“I have a better idea.” 

Chris peeled off his own shirt and Darren took in the newly exposed skin. Chris was a bit leaner than the last time he had seen him like that; his stomach was flat but his shoulders were still broad and his biceps seemed more muscular, perfect for gripping onto. The blush on his face also trailed down his chest, along with a light smattering of hair around his nipples and down the middle of his chest. Darren couldn’t wait to see the rest of him.

“Wow. Yeah, I, um, I can always take a tour later,” Darren remarked absently.

Chris looked at him with a soft smile. Then he unlaced Darren’s shoes and threw them onto the floor. “God, I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you, too. Come over here and show me.”

“Wait, I’m not doing this while you still have socks on.” Chris laughed and took off Darren’s socks.

“You too. Fair is fair.”

Chris rolled his eyes and followed suit, left in only his sweatpants before he crawled on top of Darren.

“You’re right. Now where were we?”

“Right about here,” Darren said quietly before he kissed Chris once more.

Chris deepened it, his hands settling on Darren’s hips, right above the waistband of his jeans. Chris rolled his hips and Darren rose up to meet him so their lower halves fit together perfectly, like they had every other time they’d done this.

Darren’s hands dipped into Chris’ sweats, underneath his boxers. So Chris dug his fingers into Darren’s skin and Darren hoped it would leave marks that he could look at and remember what they did. 

Chris broke away to catch his breath and cursed when Darren’s fingers trailed lower, over the curve of his ass. “Fuck, Dare.”

“Yeah. Mhmm,” Darren agreed and kissed the corner of his mouth while he squeezed Chris’ ass. “That would be nice.”

“You are so ridiculous.” 

“But you still want to be with me, right?”

“Yes. Oh God, yes,” Chris answered. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

Darren sighed and gulped, his hands stroking up Chris’ back. “So be with me.”

“I--I will,” Chris brokenly told him as Darren’s hands fell away. 

Then Chris’ lips brushed Darren’s collarbone and he continued kissing down Darren’s chest achingly slow until he reached the trail of hair below Darren’s belly button. He nuzzled there affectionately and Darren wanted to cry with how tender he was. Instead, he breathed out, his fingers combing through Chris’ hair.

Chris looked up at him, his eyes shining. “Will you--Will you let me?”

Darren nodded, unsure what Chris meant, but he dropped his hands to his side in preparation. Whatever it was, he’d allow it.

Chris sat up and reached for the fly of Darren’s jeans, unbuttoning it with shaking hands. Then he unzipped it and Darren lifted his hips, letting Chris shimmy the pants down his legs until they pooled at his ankles. He pulled down Darren’s boxers as well and his eyes roved over every inch of skin.

Darren blinked back at him, not wanting to break the moment by saying anything, even if his cock felt neglected. He simply smirked and glanced downward.

Chris sniffled and chuckled before he stood up and finished removing Darren’s clothing completely. After that, he took off his own pants and underwear, his dick springing free. He was as gorgeous as he had been five years ago, exactly like Darren remembered, not as thick as himself but a little longer. Darren thought about how Chris had felt inside of him then and he had to wrap his hand around himself reflexively.

“Hold on there,” Chris said quietly. “Lube is in the nightstand. Let’s do this right.”

Darren spread his legs and kept his hand steady around the base, waiting patiently as Chris came back to the bed. Then Chris climbed over him and rummaged through his nightstand for the aforementioned items.

Chris threw a condom onto the bed and with a bottle a lube in hand, he knelt between Darren’s legs once more. “Let me do this, okay? Can you lift up a little?”

Darren did, so Chris grabbed the spare pillow next to Darren’s head and placed it under his ass. To get even more comfortable, Darren bent his knees and planted his feet flat on the bed. 

Chris froze, his eyes widening as Darren lied there, fully exposed. Of all the positions that Darren had been in over the years, he never felt more vulnerable than when Chris gazed at him then. Darren had to look away and close his eyes for a second.

About a minute later, Chris pressed inside of him and Darren’s eyes flew open. Chris rubbed the inside of Darren’s knee with his free hand.

“Look at me. It’s okay, Dare. I’ve got you.”

Chris slowly moved his finger back and forth while Darren tightened around him. Darren breathed out.

Chris stilled his movements and repeated Darren’s earlier words. “Relax. It’s us.”

So Darren calmed down a little and let Chris stretch him, adding two fingers and then three, just to be careful. Darren resisted jerking himself off and focused on the pleasure of it rather than the slight pain. That was until Chris pulled out and left him empty.

“C’mon, babe,” Darren urged, nearly snatching the lube from where it sat next to his hip. 

But Chris picked it up first.

“Ah, ah, ah,” Chris chided. “You would deprive me of this? How selfish of you.”

Darren lifted his head and rose an eyebrow at him. “I beg to differ.”

Chris squeezed more lube into his palm and wrapped his hand around Darren’s cock, right above where Darren’s was. He messily stroked, his thumb swiping at the head. Darren shivered at how cold the substance felt.

“I’m joking, Dare. Kind of. I just want to touch you, so let me,” Chris said.

“Mmm, yeah. Okay,” Darren uttered and let go. “Not--Not too much. Not yet. Fuck me, please.”

“I can do that too,” Chris promised. “Give me a second.”

Chris tossed the lube off the bed and picked the condom up, dropping his hand from Darren. Darren’s fingers twitched at his sides as he watched Chris rip open the condom and roll it onto himself. Chris threw the wrapper somewhere on the floor, hastily wiped his fingers on the sheets, and gripped Darren’s hips. Then he finally pushed inside Darren, which made Darren cry out.

“Oh, ohh, fuck, babe. I can--I can take it,” Darren told him.

“Yeah?” Chris asked, breathing hard as he pushed in a little more.

“Uh huh,” Darren affirmed.

With that, Chris thrusted a few more times until he was fully seated, his balls flush to Darren’s ass. Darren felt so full, as if he was being split open, but when he looked into Chris’ eyes, staring back at him with so much love, he felt like he was also being put back together again.

Darren swallowed and held eye contact Chris before he spoke.

“Chris, just--just move, okay?”

Chris bit his lip and his eyes flickered shut. “Yes, um, yeah.”

His eyes opened again when he pulled out a bit and pushed back in, grunting as he created a rhythm. He pulled out almost all the way, his head catching on the rim before he fucked back in. Darren clenched his fist, not caring that he was barely touched as Chris kept up with his ministrations. After all they had done, he was already close.

But then one of Chris’ hands stroked up and down his cock, like he had before. Darren wasn’t sure whether to thrust up when Chris’ hand reached the head or to grind down when he nearly pulled out. Instead, his hands scrambled across Chris’ sweaty back, bringing him as close as he could. Chris’ lips brushed the corner of Darren’s mouth and then their lips met in a sloppy kiss. 

One of Darren’s hand slid up Chris’ back until he cupped Chris’ cheek so they could kiss properly. Chris’ tongue slipped in, mimicking the movement of their bodies. Then, Chris drove himself in deeper, hitting that perfect spot inside Darren, so Darren had to break away.

“Chris,” he whispered as he spilled between them and over Chris’ fist.

Chris stroked him through the aftershocks until he softened, his hand returning to Darren’s hip afterward. He fucked into Darren’s spent body, until he, too, met his release with a quiet curse.

Chris collapsed on top of Darren and buried his face into the crook of Darren’s neck. Darren felt the rise and fall of Chris’ chest against his own as he caught his breath. Once he did so, he kissed Chris’ temple. Then a huge exhale escaped Chris when he pulled out completely. However, he still stayed where he was.

While Darren traced lines up and down Chris’ back and glanced down at their positions, he wondered how they ever managed to let each other go.

Chris pulled back enough to look at him with a small grin. “Hey.”

“Hi there,” Darren returned, holding back the wave of relief he felt at their reunion. He gave Chris a quick kiss instead. “That was, um--that was--I feel like I can’t even come up with an accurate description for how good that was. ‘Good’ doesn’t fucking cut it.”

“Hmm, that’s strange because I feel the same way,” Chris murmured, resting his forehead against Darren’s with a sigh. “You should feel accomplished.”

“Huh?”

Chris pecked him on the lips and then explained. “You reduced a writer to not having words. Not an easy feat.”

Darren playfully pushed at Chris’ shoulder until Chris rolled off of him.

“Hey!” Darren exclaimed and turned on his side, facing Chris. “I’m a writer too, y’know.”

Chris pursed his lips in consideration and Darren just wanted to kiss him again, although he didn’t.

“Yeah, I guess that counts,” Chris retorted without malice and lied on his side as well.

“You’re damn right it does.” Darren stroked Chris’ shoulder, unable to resist touching him. “Remember that song I wrote in college? I played it for you at that party.”

Chris blushed and smiled as his eyes shut for a second. “Ah, yes. The douchebag with a guitar. How could I forget?”

“Jerk. Thanks for bringing that back.”

Chris’ eyes opened and he chuckled. “Anytime, Darebear.”

He thought of telling Chris that he had been playing and writing a lot more songs like that lately, if only when he was practicing alone in his room. But he didn’t think Chris needed to hear that, at least not yet, because everything they did tonight said it all. He’d share that soon enough because they were together and nothing was going to stand in their way again.

\----

Except they still had to figure out the distance between them, a recurring theme in their relationship. Darren didn’t have anything tying him down to any specific place anymore, however, besides his condo in L.A. He was free to settle anywhere. So after a few blissful days filled with sex, love, and sweet promises in New York, where he and Chris christened nearly every surface of his apartment, he asked Chris for some advice.

They settled in on Chris’ couch, where Chris was the little spoon, his back snug against Darren’s front. After ordering takeout from Chris’ favorite Chinese restaurant down the street, they decided on watching “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone,” the first in the marathon they would have. But Darren’s thoughts strayed to his plans for the future as he ran his fingers through Chris’ hair.

“Hey, babe?” Darren wondered, staring at the screen as Harry wrapped himself in the invisibility cloak and became a floating head.

“Yeah?” Chris asked.

Darren’s hand fell to his side. “You like having me here, right?”

“Of course I do.” Chris turned in Darren’s embrace, the movie forgotten for a moment. “Why are you asking?”

“Because I like it here. Being with you these past few days has been amazing. I want you to know that it’s not just a vacation for me. It’s real this time,” Darren admitted sincerely.

Chris sat up to look at him. “I know that. I believe you, Dare.”

“But, um, I’d like to prove it.”

“What do you mean?”

“What if I bought a place here? I can always sell the condo in L.A.”

Chris’ eyes widened for a moment before he spoke. “That’s--That’s up to you. I appreciate the gesture but I don’t want you to do it because of me.”

“Why wouldn’t I want to do it because of you? I’ve done a lot of things because of you. This would actually be on the list of good ones. Besides, there are other factors too.”

“Like what?”

“My brother lives here with his family. I could play gigs and do theatre. It would be selfish really. Another excuse to expand my career and to be closer to you, of course.” He smiled and pecked Chris on the mouth.

“Hmm, I see what you mean. That is really selfish,” Chris said and kissed him again. “How dare you.”

“Mmm. Uh huh. I’m the worst,” Darren replied with kisses between each word before he continued. “I could also keep the condo. We have some decent memories in the city and it couldn’t hurt to have a place out west. Y’know, if I have any jobs out there again. I’ve always wanted to be bi-coastal. That’s kind of my dream.”

Chris eased him down onto the cushions until Darren was flat on his back. Then he straddled Darren’s thighs. “Well, who would I be to deny you of that, then?”

“Exactly, but I can think of another dream that might be just as important.”

“What’s that?”

“Having sex on this couch while Harry Potter plays in the background. What do the kids call it these days? Netflix and chill? Is that still a thing?”

“Yeah I’m pretty sure it is, you senior citizen. It’s not really Netflix but since I care so much, I’ll make your dream come true.”

“My hero,” Darren declared.

Then Chris bent down, meeting him for another kiss, and all conversation was left behind. 

Still, Darren had an important decision to make: buy, sell, or both? 

There was yet another riskier option as well but he wasn’t sure if their budding relationship could handle it; he could move in with Chris. He wanted to do that eventually anyway and he wasn’t getting any younger. He also didn’t know how Chris would take it. Usually he didn’t mind risk but if the result was losing what he had found, would he chance it?

\----

He decided on playing it safe for once. Well, sort of. He stayed with Chris for two weeks and then deliberated on what to do for about a month. He finally settled on keeping his Los Angeles condo but renting it to a friend who needed a place to stay when his lease expired. Then he would search for an apartment in New York and crash with Chris. However if they survived the trial period of living together, Darren was going to propose the possibility of moving in permanently. Maybe he’d buy or rent a place anyway just to have his own private studio, but that was the backup plan. The priority was hoping that Chris would go with letting him stay.

So as soon as Darren helped his friend move in, he left some of his old stuff behind and visited Chris once more. This time, however, they didn’t have an expiration date looming. It was beyond anything Darren could have imagined.

They woke up together every morning and took a shower (sometimes together and other times separately). Then Darren honed his breakfast making skills while Chris checked his emails, made phone calls, and worked on some last-minute changes to his novel that was going to come out in a couple of months. After that, they’d have breakfast if it was edible. Otherwise, Chris would get bagels or some delectable pastry from a nearby bakery. 

Once they finished breakfast, Darren would see apartments with a realtor and pay attention half-heartedly to all the features. The places were astounding but they didn’t have what he really wanted, which was Chris.

He would come back to Chris’ place in time to work on songs for the Starkid production, scheduled to premiere early the following year. Then he’d occasionally discuss his progress with Joey, Lauren, or whoever else was available. He’d work on his own stuff after that and get in touch with his new agent so he could book venues to play. He was itching to get back to performing music for a crowd because there was nothing like it. He also wanted to audition for acting jobs but he wanted to take a break for a while and continue to focus on music.

Then he and Chris would talk about their days over takeout or Chris’ homemade dinner. That was how the summer played out, so domestic and routine, though Darren wasn’t bored with it as he had been with his ex; instead, he reveled in sharing it all with Chris. But one day in early September, after their meal and before they both resumed whatever tasks they didn’t finish during the day, Chris grew suspicious.

They sat at the table with their empty plates and Chris’ fork clanked down.

“So what’s going on with your apartment hunting, Dare?” Chris wondered.

“Oh, um, okay, I guess.” Darren shrugged. “Nothing has spoken to me so far.”

“Really? I figured you’d be tired of it and just pick something by now. It’s almost like you don’t want to leave.”

Darren reached for Chris’ hand across the table and smiled. “Well, you can’t exactly blame me when I’m treated to your gorgeous face every day.”

Chris blushed and squeezed Darren’s hand. “It has been a nice change to see you and know that you’re coming back to me.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t fuck up a good thing then.” Darren smirked before he kissed Chris’ hand. “Because we get to fuck around whenever we want.”

Chris groaned. “Of course that would be the first thing you think of.”

“It’s definitely a perk.”

“It is,” Chris conceded, nudging Darren’s foot under the table.

“But if you want me to leave and put an offer in somewhere, I can do that. I want us to work and if you need space--”

“I’ve had too many years of space, Darren,” Chris interrupted. “Honestly, it has been an adjustment having you here but I’ll deal with it if it means we’re together. I--I care about you and this is all I’ve ever wanted.”

Darren’s heart sped up with the joy that they were finally on the same page after so long. 

“So is that a yes?” Darren asked. “Can I keep my stuff here?”

Chris nodded, his eyes watering. “Yes. You can stay here too, I guess.”

“Thank you. That’s very generous of you, baby.” He chuckled as he stood up and crossed the space between them to hug Chris.

“I’m--I’m a giver,” Chris said, his voice breaking.

Darren kissed him and let go for a brief second to jump onto his lap. “Yeah, well, since you’re so much of a giver, I’d like to give something to you.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Mhmm. I’d like to show you in _our_ bedroom.”

Chris’ face lit up with a grin. “Okay. Lead the way.”

As Darren hopped off of him and dragged him down the hall, three important little words rang through his head and threatened to escape. But he let his actions demonstrate how he felt then instead. Soon enough, he would show his feelings in an even bigger way.

\----

First, however, Darren played gigs in small bars and clubs throughout the city for the next month and a half. He garnered a decent crowd due to his TV stardom and to a lesser extent, his long ago YouTube success (Starkid had a pretty good following by then and he talked about his association with them a bit in the press over the years). Plus he figured that people wanted to see if he actually had any musical talent.

Chris tagged along and waited backstage during the first few performances, unsure if anyone would publicly react to him. But after Darren convinced him that it didn’t matter and that most people probably wouldn’t notice, he stood in the front row, cheering him on. For the first time that Chris attended as part of the crowd, Darren added “Don’t You” to his set. He saw that Chris choked up and his eyes shone, clearly remembering the first time he had played it. 

Then Darren knew without a doubt that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Chris and he didn’t want to waste any more time. He surreptitiously searched for Chris’ ring size and paid closer attention to his taste in jewelry. He went out ring shopping one day while Chris was on the phone planning his book tour; he thought maybe he’d give it to him after the crazy traveling schedule died down, given that they also had to attend Lauren and Joe’s wedding in the midst of Chris’ tour. Plus Darren really wanted his brother and parents to meet Chris and he wanted to meet Chris’ family as well. He didn’t need their approval but he wanted to gauge their families’ reactions before they showed up around the holidays already engaged.

It didn’t turn out quite the way that Darren planned.

\----

He successfully bought the ring in the beginning of October 2017 and hid it for nearly three weeks. Then they celebrated the book release with a huge party in New York and drunkenly stumbled out of a taxi and into their home. Chris’ smile as Darren undressed him and kissed sweet praises into his skin left Darren almost unable to resist proposing. Instead, after they lied in bed half-naked, Darren let “I love you” slip out of his mouth.

“I love you too,” Chris murmured before they both thankfully fell asleep that night.

The next few days after that were filled with Chris promoting the book and Darren packing for their trip; Chris decided to kick off the tour in Ann Arbor and then fly to Chicago for another date right before Lauren and Joe’s wedding (Darren had already talked to Lauren soon after he replied to the wedding invite and explained that Chris would be his plus one. She wasn’t surprised but she did get the short version of how they got together, demanding a longer one later). Of course Darren would join Chris in Ann Arbor, the home of their alma mater, and he would tag along for Chicago before heading back to New York on his own. Then Chris would continue on to various cities throughout the country.

For some strange reason, Darren flew to Michigan with the ring in his pocket, too paranoid to leave it at home in the city (fortunately Chris didn’t notice when he took it out at the security gate and tucked it back in the box afterwards). It probably wasn’t the best decision, considering how Darren felt so proud of Chris that he wanted to cry at the theater in Ann Arbor. Plus the campus itself held so many memories that he almost dropped to one knee when they passed the apartment building where they first met. But he made it from the venue to their rental car without doing that; it helped that Chris’ publicist rode in the car behind them and she just wanted to get to the hotel. Besides, Darren would never give his and Chris’ private moment away to anyone by proposing out in public, especially since people might have been speculating about them.

He held his feelings in, until Chicago. 

\----

The tour date went well for Chris while Darren hung out at their hotel, relaxing for the night since the wedding was the next day. The ring stayed safely in Darren’s carry-on bag all night and throughout the following day when they got ready to attend the wedding. Chris looked so handsome as Darren watched him tie his tie that he gulped and nearly cried.

Chris asked what was wrong and Darren explained that he always became emotional at weddings. But he only felt even more overcome as the ceremony and the reception went on. Darren greeted the joyous couple and of course, danced to the more upbeat songs both with and without Chris. Then a slow love song played and he urged Chris to join him.

Chris reluctantly agreed, since he was less of a dancer than Darren and not usually one for public displays of affection. Still, Darren splayed his palm across the middle of Chris’ back and Chris curled his hand around Darren’s shoulders as the classic lyrics of “Unchained Melody” rung out.

_“I’ve hungered for your touch, a long, lonely time...”_

Darren squeezed Chris’ hip with his other hand and thought of how he had wanted him for so long and finally, he was in Chris’ arms and it was going to last. He was never letting him go. Moving in with him proved that but he wanted to solidify it even further. There, on the dance floor, he also couldn’t help picturing dancing like this while their family and close friends watched. It’d be after he promised to love and honor Chris as long as they both lived, which after nearly a decade, he was more than prepared to do. 

The song went on with, _“I’ll be coming home. Wait for me.”_

As Darren swayed along with Chris, he breathed in the familiar scent of Chris’ cologne, so welcoming after all these months of living together. He got to come home to him every day and lie beside him every night, a dream nearly a decade in the making that was finally realized. He was so, so in love and he needed Chris to know that.

He tucked his chin into the crook of Chris’ neck while the song mentioned time going by so slowly and time doing so much. For them, it really had. They lusted after each other, fell in love, grew apart, and reunited many times. But they had learned that they couldn’t live without each other. They still belonged to each other, then more than ever. Darren internally vowed to make it official as soon as he possibly could.

The song ended and Darren stayed there, shaking as Chris held on tight to him.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Chris wondered, rubbing up and down Darren’s back.

“Yeah, I--I just love you a whole fucking lot, y’know,” he said with a sniffle.

“I know. I love you too, baby.” His lips brushed against Darren’s temple. “Now let’s go sit before we’re stuck out here for the Macarena.”

Darren chuckled. “Yeah, that’s a good idea.”

As Chris lead him off the floor and to their seats, Darren caught his breath for a few songs and headed back out to dance with his friends. But the feeling from earlier still didn’t disappear, especially when he hugged Lauren yet again, who looked absolutely elegant in her lacy strapless white gown. 

“You’re going to marry him, aren’t you?” Lauren asked quietly in Darren’s ear.

“Yeah, I think so. That’s the plan.” He pulled back with a watery grin, lucky that Chris wasn’t within earshot. “I’m all set. I just have to pop the question first.”

“Well, it’s been, like, nine years. What the hell are you waiting for?”

“Good question. At least I finally got my head out of my ass and figured it out. We both have.”

“I know the feeling. So go,” Lauren urged. “Get out of here and do it. As much as I love having you and Chris here, I wouldn’t mind if you cut out early.”

“Maybe I will. We don’t have a lot of time with his book tour and shit going on.”

“I’d say good luck but I don’t think you need it. I’ve seen a lot of this crazy tale between you two kids and I think you’ve got this, Darebear. So go seal the deal.”

“Alright, alright. Fine.”

“And don’t forget to send me an invitation.”

“I won’t. Love you, Laur.”

“You too.”

“I’ll go get Chris and tell him we’re leaving so he can say bye. Don’t spill anything.”

“I promise.” She crossed her heart in the shape of an x. “I’ll see you soon.”

He kissed her cheek and returned the sentiment but she reminded him that they still had to cut the cake. So he and Chris stayed for that, cheering them on before Darren convinced him that they should leave after eating their dessert.

Chris eyed him curiously but Darren simply told him that this weekend would be their only time alone for at least two weeks; they should take advantage of it. Chris agreed and they said their goodbyes, Darren for the second time to Lauren. She winked at him and he winked back. At least Chris didn’t notice.

While they caught a shuttle back to their hotel, Darren clasped Chris’ hand on his lap nervously. 

Chris smiled and kissed his cheek. “Did you have fun today?”

Darren gave him a tight grin in return. “Yeah. The ceremony was beautiful, the food was delicious. The dancing and drinks were awesome. The company was even better.”

“I have to agree on all counts, though Joey seemed a bit handsy with everyone, especially Meredith.”

“Oh, I don’t know about the thing with Meredith but that’s pretty normal for him, if you remember.” Darren chuckled, a little more relaxed by the change in subject. “Our whole group is a little touchy feely.”

“Yeah, some more than others.” Chris smirked.

“You’ve enjoyed it, though,” Darren whispered in his ear.

“With you, yes.” Chris breathed out. “Save that for the hotel.”

Darren looked out the window of the van. “Oh, hey, we’re here. Perfect timing.”

As they exited the vehicle and walked hand in hand into their hotel, Darren thought it really was perfect timing to change everything.

\----

But first, Darren would have a little fun, to celebrate being with Chris and to ease his nerves for what he was about to do. Darren pressed Chris against the door and kissed him hard on the mouth. Chris kissed him back with equal fervor, his hands on Darren’s hips. Then Darren pulled away and took in the sight before him.

Chris was in a traditional tux, his eyes bright and full of love. Darren couldn’t help thinking of the night they first met and how beautiful Chris was without even knowing it. He made sure that Chris did know many times over the years and he would keep doing just that for as long as they both lived. There had been a lot of unnecessary detours along the way, but Darren was determined to put an end to that once and for all. He warmed up to that speech, however, praising Chris first instead.

“You look amazing in that suit, as always,” Darren offered, running his fingers along Chris’ tie.

“You too, but, um, if you’re going to say that it looks better on the floor, please don’t.” Chris laughed.

“How did you know I’d say that?” Darren teased.

“Because I know you.” Chris smiled.

“Well, maybe I was going to say something else. Maybe I wasn’t going to say anything at all.”

Darren loosened Chris’ tie and unbuttoned the top two buttons, fully exposing Chris’ neck. Then he planted his mouth on his favorite spot, low on Chris’ neck.

“Ohh, ohh.” Chris groaned. “Point taken.”

Darren sucked there for a few moments and punctuated it with a kiss. “I’d like to think that I’m not that predictable.”

“So surprise me then.”

Darren pulled back to look at Chris and raised his eyebrow. “You’re on, babe.”

He took Chris by the hand and led him to the bed, pushing him down onto the mattress.

“Yeah, this is totally not predictable.” Chris scoffed as Darren spun on his heel and turned in the other direction, walking toward his bag.

“Hold on.” Darren stopped in his front of his bag and unzipped it, staring at the small black box stored safely on top. Then he breathed deeply, his hands shaking as he turned his head toward Chris with a smile. “I’m about to knock your socks off.”

“I hope so because I’m dying to get out of these shoes.”

Darren chuckled and held the box tightly in his fist before he got up and crossed the room. Then he knelt in front of Chris.

“Not yet, Chris. Sit up.”

With his jacket tossed to the side, he did, his voice filled with alarm when he spoke. “What--What the hell are you doing?”

“Something I should have done a long time ago. But hey, here we are. I--I love you so fucking much, Chris, and I wanted everything to be perfect for this moment, so I was going to wait. But I realized that there will never be a perfect moment and you don’t need anything big and flashy. I don’t either. I just need you. So, here, not too far away from where we first met, and where I fell for you, I’d like to say that I want you to be my husband.”

He flipped open the box, which contained a silver band with black around the edges, simple but distinctive, like Chris.

“Oh, oh my God!” Chris exclaimed before he covered his mouth with his hand in disbelief.

“Look, I know we haven’t been together officially for very long and I wanted to meet your parents and Hannah first, but seeing Lauren and Joe and being in Ann Arbor again, I--”

“Come here,” Chris urged and pulled him up so they were eye to eye. “It’s okay. I--Yes, I’ll--I’ll marry you.”

Darren took the ring out of the box and slipped it on Chris’ finger before throwing the box on the floor. A grin spread across Chris’ face, which Darren kissed away. Darren climbed on top of him, never breaking their kiss until their hips aligned with each other, fitting together perfectly.

Relief and arousal flooded through Darren then at finally getting a shot at forever with Chris. His mouth found Chris’ neck again, working on that sensitive spot with the scar.

“Love you,” Chris quietly breathed out.

Darren replied with, “Love you too.”

Then he showed it with every kiss and touch that night, and as he pushed inside Chris, he felt it too.

After that, they barely slept; instead they took a bath together, whispering sweetly and talking about the future. Once they were dry and still naked, they tumbled into bed and cuddled, with Darren’s head on Chris’ chest.

As Darren lied there and listened to Chris’ heartbeat, he rested his fingers low on Chris’ stomach. But Chris broke the brief silence with a confession.

“You know I really hate you,” Chris declared before kissing the top of Darren’s head.

“Oh, really? Why’s that?”

“You ruined my plan, Darren.” He sighed deeply. “I had it all figured out. I picked out a ring and I was going to give it to you after the book tour. Or maybe after I met your parents during the holidays. Definitely before this year was over.”

Darren lifted his head to look up at Chris. “What?”

“I--I wanted to. I wasn’t sure. Like you said, it hasn’t been that long.”

“It’s been long enough.” He scooted up the bed a little and cupped Chris’ cheeks. “I would have said yes.”

“I know that now. It’s sitting somewhere at home. Don’t--Don’t try to find it. I’d still like to give it to you,” he said as he blinked back tears.

Darren kissed him on the mouth soundly. “I would be honored to wear it whenever you choose to give it to me, sweetheart.”

Chris nodded, letting the tears fall without a word.

Darren wiped them away with his thumbs and kissed his tear tracks.

“I’m yours. I’m yours,” Darren promised. “Always.”

He repeated the sentiment over and over into Chris’ skin until the sun rose and they drifted off to sleep, too exhausted from the day to stay awake any longer.

With that, Darren had hope that they would last.


	7. Let me Photograph you in This Light

He was right, but it wasn’t easy. After two blissful days, Chris headed off on his book tour while Darren went back to New York. It was nearly two weeks and Darren didn’t exactly sit on his ass; he didn’t have a steady job but he did have to tend to his own career. He worked on his own music and perfected the songbook for the upcoming Starkid musical, he played a few gigs, and even went on auditions for theatre roles. He caught up with friends and acquaintances who had made their home in the city and visited his brother Chuck a couple of times. It was nice to see Rosemary, his niece, talking and walking, although they chased after her as she explored every single shelf in the apartment.

Still, when Darren came home at night, his own apartment was empty, along with the space next to him in bed. It had only been a few months of living with Chris but it felt like much longer, so he curled up on his side of the mattress and sighed as he attempted sleep. He moved his head to Chris’ pillow and inhaled the familiar scent of his shampoo and hair products, already fading from their few days away from home. 

He held solace in knowing that Chris was happy, living his dream on tour and wearing the ring that Darren gave him as a reminder of their love. Darren trusted him and wasn’t wondering whether or not he held Chris back, like when they were younger. He believed in Chris and Chris believed in him; they would succeed by supporting each other and sticking around rather than misguidedly pushing each other away. Although the distance was difficult, Darren felt secure enough to stay by Chris’ side; there was no other place he wanted to be.

They texted at least once a day, even with their busy schedules, with funny observations, words of encouragement and love. But he also let Chris know exactly how he felt when they got the chance to FaceTime halfway through the tour.

It was nearly two in the morning in New York but Chris was out west in Las Vegas; he just got back to his hotel after the tour date and finishing up dinner. Darren was still awake too, fresh from a shower and settling into bed after working on and off all day.

The welcome sight of Chris’ smiling but tired face greeted him.

 _“Hey, Darren. I’ve missed you out here. Well, out wherever I’ve been.”_ Chris laughed.

“I’ve tried to keep busy but I’ve missed you too, sweetheart. This place isn’t the same without you.”

 _“I bet. But you’re behaving, right?”_ Chris raised an eyebrow teasingly.

Darren knew the question wasn’t all in jest, however, since it was the first time they had to endure being apart since their reunion. In fact, they had always broken up before they faced such a trial so there was probably a hint of insecurity underlying his joke. But Darren assured him anyway.

“Of course.” Darren smirked. “Unless you mean keeping our place in order because that’s totally fucked.”

Darren saw Chris’ shoulders fall just out of frame, relief clear in his expression.

_“Oh, I expected that. You’re the worst. Just make sure you get rid of all your takeout containers before I get back.”_

“Already done,” Darren promised.

_“It probably would be if we had a dog or a cat. It’d be a mess.”_

“Chris, are you saying you want to be a pet father?”

 _“Maybe.”_ Chris blushed and glanced away for a second. _“I confess that I’ve been looking into adopting from a shelter. But I know you’re allergic and the hypoallergenic options are not that cute, Dare.”_

“I could get medication if that’s something you’re serious about. It could be nice to have a furry friend someday, especially in times like this.”

Chris’ eyes lit up as he met Darren’s gaze before he replied.

_“Yeah, exactly. It would mean a lot.”_

It would mean more commitment but Darren wasn’t opposed to that. It didn’t feel like he was being tied down anymore, as it might have many years ago. Rather, it felt like Darren was where he belonged.

“Mhmm,” Darren agreed, the thought of someday making a family with Chris briefly crossing his mind.

First, however, Chris had to get home and give him his ring. Darren had been faithful to his promise of not looking; he had always been impatient but he enjoyed surprises so he honored Chris’ wishes.

Then Chris interrupted Darren’s musings.

_“Well, I should go, babe. I have to get up in a few hours to fly to L.A. I’m also doing some press before the tour stop.”_

“Okay.” Darren groaned. “I’m a little jealous. Remind me why I decided not to come again.”

 _“Because.”_ Chris bit his lip. _“You’d only be a distraction. This is a business trip. It’s not for pleasure.”_

“I could have made it pleasurable.” Darren winked. 

_“I know, and with that, I’m letting you go before this goes anywhere. I need to get some sleep.”_

“Fine.” Darren stuck his tongue out. “You’re no fun.”

_“I’ll be plenty of fun when I get back.”_

“I’ll be waiting, babe.”

A fond grin crossed Chris’ face. 

_“I’m counting on it. Love you.”_

“Love you too.”

_“See you soon.”_

Darren waved and blew a kiss at the screen before he hung up, his heart soaring with their brief conversation. It wasn’t like seeing Chris in person or feeling his touch but it was enough to sustain him until Chris returned. With all that they talked about, all the promises they had made and the promises that they would make, Darren was more than okay with the state of their future. They were headed toward a very bright forever.

\----

It only continued when Chris came back in the middle of November 2017. Much to Darren’s chagrin, Chris stopped their celebratory makeout session before it got too heated. But at least he had a good reason for it.

He dug to the bottom of the nightstand drawer and pulled out a small box.

“Damn it. So fucking obvious,” Darren realized from where he lied flat on his back on the bed.

“The best hiding place is in plain sight.” Chris smirked, his hair still wonderfully mussed and his face flushed from earlier. “Unless you accidentally found it while masturbating when I was away.”

“I thought about it.” Darren shrugged and pet the back of Chris’ head. “But it was only two weeks. I wanted to wait for you.”

“Aww. How noble and patient of you.”

“I tried. I actually succeeded too. Aren’t you proud of me?”

“Mmm. Yeah, Dare, I kind of am.” Chris kissed him briefly. “For that, I think you deserve a reward.”

Chris flipped open the box to reveal a dark green jade ring that looked smooth and rounded, almost like sea glass. Darren’s eye widened and he didn’t say anything at first.

“Um, I know it’s not traditional,” Chris started. “And I do have a more sophisticated one that I was going to use, but I saw this one ages ago in London and it made me think of you. I couldn’t bring myself to give it to anyone else. I know I could’ve waited until Christmas or your birthday but--”

“It’s perfect. Who the fuck needs traditional? Just put it on my finger, baby.”

Chris blinked back tears before he took the ring out and stored the box back in the nightstand. 

“I know this is kind of a formality. But I’m going to ask anyway,” Chris declared. “Will you marry me?” 

“Fuck yes.”

As soon as Chris slid the ring onto Darren’s left ring finger where it belonged, Chris kissed him on the mouth long and slow, much like how he would treat Darren the rest of that night. Chris stripped him down and opened him up, like so many times before, with so much care and sweetness poured into it.

While Chris fucked into him, Darren’s eyes watered with all the love and affection he felt for his soon-to-be husband. Chris was so beautiful that he wanted to hold onto him and he would get to do exactly that for the rest of his life. When they finished, Chris cleaned him up so tenderly that the tears threatened to spill from Darren’s eyes again.

Chris absently rubbed the damp washcloth low on Darren’s stomach although he was already clean. 

“You know if it’s going to make you cry, I can give you the other one,” Chris remarked dryly.

“Shut up.” Darren playfully smacked his arm. “It’s gorgeous, like you. So I’m keeping it.”

Chris threw the washcloth on the floor and laughed. “Fine. But you’ve reached your quota on cheesy lines for the year so you’re done with those.”

“Christmas is almost here, babe. I make no promises on that.”

Chris groaned as he flopped down beside Darren and then turned on his side. “Guess I’ll have to live with that then.”

Darren turned as well to face Chris. “Yeah you will.”

Darren stuck his tongue out before he took Chris’ left hand and kissed his ring finger where his engagement ring rested. 

“You’re stuck with me, sweetheart,” Darren murmured against his skin.

Chris beamed at him. “I’m--I’m okay with that.”

“Good.” Darren smiled brightly in return and gazed down at his own ring. “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Dare. I gave you that because I wanted to.”

“Yeah, um, you said--you said that you saw it in London.” Darren kept his eyes on the ring, not wanting to look at Chris. “Was it when we--when we broke up? That second time, after your birthday.”

He didn’t want to bring up the past anymore but he was curious after remembering what Chris had told him earlier.

Chris was silent for a moment before he spoke solemnly. “Yes. I even wore it for a little while after I bought it. I--God, this is ridiculous. It sort of reminded me of your eyes, but a little brighter. In a certain light, they kind of have a green tint. And that stands out even more when you get really happy. That’s how I wanted to remember you.”

Instead of saying that Chris should have told him that back then, he decided to focus on the positive.

“You don’t have to worry about that anymore, because I’m here and I’m staying. You’re never getting this ring back, Chris.”

Chris only replied with a soft kiss. Then he took Darren’s hand as he snuggled closer, the cool metal of his ring brushing against Darren’s warm skin.

That ring, and soon another one to join it, was all he needed to showcase his love to Chris, not some fancy ceremony or a breathtaking venue with hundreds of people around. The most important person knew how he felt and in that moment, it was enough.

\----

Still, it would have been nice to let their family and friends know how much they meant to each other, so they resolved to plan an intimate gathering that would be held next fall somewhere in the city. But first, they figured that they should actually meet each other’s families. It started with Chuck and his family, the weekend before Thanksgiving.

Chuck still debated whether or not he wanted to make the trek out to San Francisco with a three-year-old in tow. His wife would come too, of course, but he thought Christmas might be better. After Darren greeted his brother with a hug, he lamented that they’d miss each other, since he was going there for Thanksgiving and then to Chris’ family’s house for Christmas.

“Yeah, speaking of Chris, why haven’t I met this guy until now?” Chuck gestured to Chris, who stood next to Darren awkwardly. “My little brother gets engaged and doesn’t tell me until a month later? And I don’t even get to meet the guy until then? Seems a little fast, even for you.”

“Trust me, it’s not. It’s a long story.” Darren chuckled and looked over at Chris, who was barely containing his laughter. “I wanted to wait until Chris was with me. He’s been away on business and for a little while, he was the only one with a ring.”

Darren flashed the new addition to his ring finger and Chuck narrowed his eyes in confusion.

“That’s a long story, too,” Chris chimed in and extended his hand. “Nice to finally meet you.”

Chuck smiled and took it, shaking Chris’ hand firmly. “You too. Darren mentioned you when he moved out here a couple months ago but I didn’t know you two were that serious.”

Chris dropped his hold and smiled back. “It’s been a whirlwind but in a way, it hasn’t. We met in college and fell out of touch for a while. Then we started talking again this year, and the rest, as they say, is history.”

“Ahh. Well, anyone that gets Darren to move closer to me is pretty awesome in my book. Plus, every time I see him, he gushes about how happy he is here.”

Darren adjusted his glasses and looked down bashfully. “Hey, I’m right here.”

“It’s true.” Chuck shrugged. “Lucy’s out with Rosie, by the way, but they should be home soon. We should do brunch somewhere. I need some greasy diner hash browns to combat all the organic shit we’ve been buying the last few years.”

“That sounds good,” Darren replied. “You down, babe?”

“Yeah,” Chris agreed. “The more, the merrier. I’d like to meet my future niece and sister-in-law.”

With that, Darren realized that Chris was going to be a part of his family and he couldn’t wait to make it official. Darren grabbed Chris’ right hand and squeezed it, feeling the imprint of his ring, a promise of their future. He just hoped that Chris got along with everyone, or the afternoon would be awkward. 

Luckily, Chuck and Lucy understood Chris’ acerbic wit and their brunch went smoothly, at least among the adults. Rosemary was a bit fussy, barely entertained by the coloring page that the wait staff gave her. 

Chris saved the day by picking up one of Rosie’s princess figurines and making up a story about how she ruled the kingdom with the mighty blue crayon as her scepter. He said that Princess Rosie didn’t need a man by her side to tell her how to handle things; she could do it all by herself. Of course, she was too young to understand the message but she was entertained by the voices that Chris used for the princess, the horse figurine, and the king and queen.

Her face lit up and so did Darren’s, with the vision of Chris and a child in front of him. While Chris explained his job as a fairytale writer to Chuck and Lucy, Darren once again thought of building a life with Chris, possibly with their own little humans someday. Until then, Chris would make an amazing uncle. And maybe they would get a cat.

\----

They wrapped up that year meeting each other’s parents. Thanksgiving went well; Darren’s mom and dad greeted Chris with open arms and after dinner, they asked when the wedding was. Although they hadn’t discussed it yet, Darren had a date in his mind, some time in September to commemorate the day they first met back in college. But Darren simply blushed and said he didn’t know.

Before dinner, the elder Crisses got the short, PG version of the history of Darren and Chris’ relationship; both Darren and Chris explained that their engagement didn’t come out of nowhere, but rather had been nearly a decade in the making. Most importantly, Darren told them that he was happiest whenever he was with Chris, especially during the past few months he had been in New York.

Darren’s mother said he didn’t have to explain; it was clear on his and Chris’ faces. Darren and Chris simply smiled at each other, while Darren told her that he was damn lucky.

“You got that right,” Chris echoed. “But seriously, I’m lucky, too.”

It was a pleasant but mostly quiet dinner, just the four of them since Chuck and his family weren’t there and their extended family often came for Christmas instead. Chris talked about his job and professional goals for next year, including publishing his new book and finally getting his screenplay produced. He even shared that maybe he’d like _The Land of Stories_ to become a film series, much like Harry Potter.

Darren remarked how great that was and how he hoped Chris would achieve all that. Then he went on to discuss what he wanted to do, aside from marrying Chris. He would love to get back to theatre and get a job on Broadway, see the premiere of the Starkid production for which he wrote the music, and maybe do some music of his own. Of course, nothing was a done deal, except for Starkid and Chris. Darren said that was all he could ever ask for.

After that, Darren offered to help clean up the dishes and joined his mom in the kitchen, leaving Chris alone with his father. He squeezed Chris’ hand as he got up and whispered, “Good luck,” in his ear. He had a tearful but insightful conversation with his mama as they rinsed the dishes and loaded the dishwasher.

She asked Darren if he was sure, since she knew his tendency to rush headlong into a lot of things without always deliberating on the consequences. She told him it was okay to lead with his heart and that it was one of his best qualities, but she also wanted him to be careful.

He said that he was the one who asked Chris and that he was never more sure of anything. 

His mama didn’t give him much advice except, “Always make time for him and be good to him. Don’t take him for granted.”

He swore he would live up to that, his eyes watering as he hugged his mother and thought of how much he and Chris had already been through. After he turned on the oven to warm up the pumpkin pie and one of his mother’s special Filipino treats that he loved, he realized that Chris must have had a similar talk with his father because Chris looked at Darren and mouthed, _“I love you.”_

“Love you right back, babe,” Darren murmured before he kissed Chris on the cheek.

They had their delicious desserts while Darren’s mama and papa talked about their own wedding day, including a few stories that Darren had heard many times and a few that were brand new. They all laughed to the point of tears.

As Chris listened intently, Darren watched on; he knew he didn’t need his parents’ approval but he was glad that he pretty much had it. 

Darren brought Chris to his childhood bedroom to sleep for the night, which had been a guest room since the summer after he graduated college (all his old stuff had been moved to the attic or put in storage). But it was still weirdly satisfying to take his future husband there and fool around like teenagers, with hushed giggles and breathy moans. 

They ended the night with a kiss and stayed wrapped up in each other until the morning. Darren remembered Chris’ low voice telling him, “Thank you,” before he fell asleep.

But Darren wanted to thank _him,_ for agreeing to marry him and sacrificing his Thanksgiving to meet his future in-laws with no guarantee of how it would turn out. Since it went well, it furthered Darren’s hope for the future.

\----

However, he still had to meet Chris’ family. After Darren finally showed Chris around his hometown the day after Thanksgiving, they returned home to New York for a few weeks. Chris set up the artificial tree and they decorated it together. They bought a few new ornaments that would be theirs while Darren added some that his mother gave him and Chris hung some of his own. Of course they decorated their apartment too, complete with a new stocking for Darren hung on the living room bookshelf next to Chris’, even if they might not fill them; they knew they wouldn’t be in town since they planned to visit Chris’ family.

But Chris thought of changing his mind and staying in the city, claiming they should start their own traditions as a couple. Darren knew Chris didn’t enjoy Clovis and figured that’s why Chris was avoiding going back. Although he wouldn’t have minded seeing the place where Chris grew up, he understood. So he suggested the alternative of hosting the Colfers in New York.

Chris agreed; he reasoned that maybe they’d go there for one of the holidays next year. Darren hugged and kissed him then, knowing that he had so much more to look forward to.

Although Chris’ parents and Hannah had been to the city before, they came a few days before Christmas to enjoy the sights and sounds of the season. Chris paid for three nights at a fancy hotel and they stayed at the apartment for Christmas Eve and Christmas night before leaving the next day.

They arrived late the first night so Chris let them settle in and they visited for breakfast the next morning. As Darren and Chris waited by their apartment door to meet them, he noticed that Chris sighed heavily and his hands were shaking. Darren rubbed his shoulders and told him to relax.

“Hey, I’m sure it’ll be fine, babe,” Darren assured him.

“Probably. It’s just--It’s the first time they’ve ever met anyone I’ve dated and he happens to be my fiancé. They haven’t had to deal with my ‘lifestyle.’” Chris put air quotes around the word. “Not since I came out. I’ve had boyfriends but not anyone I wanted Hannah to get too attached to.”

“Well, she can get attached to me because she seems like a doll from what you’ve told me over the years.” Darren leaned forward a bit to kiss him on the cheek. “What about your parents?”

“They’ve accepted and loved me even if I wasn’t what they expected. Hannah, of course, doesn’t care either way. But it’s a lot for my mom and dad to handle, y’know? The first guy they meet and I’m marrying him.”

Darren smiled and spun Chris around. Then he kissed Chris’ engagement ring.

“That’s right. You are marrying me, no matter what. I love you and you love me and that’s what matters, okay?” Darren said, cupping Chris’ cheeks.

Chris nodded. “Yeah. I do love you. A lot. I can do this.”

“You’ve been through much worse. _We’ve_ been through much worse. We can do this. They’ll love me.”

Chris shook his head and chuckled before he kissed Darren again. 

“I sure hope so,” Chris murmured against his lips.

Then Chris jumped away from him as a knock sounded on the door.

Darren patted him on the shoulder. “Remember, it’s your place, babe. And they love you. They want the best for you.”

Chris grinned before he opened up the door and greeted his parents and Hannah. Chris’ sister hugged his middle tight while his parents waved at Darren.

“Is this Darren?” She looked over and asked once she let Chris go.

Chris looked over too. “Yeah, this is Darren. He’s my--my fiancé.”

“I know that part, silly.” She glanced up and down at Darren and then back at Chris. “Good job. He’s cute.”

“Thanks, Han. I think so too.”

“Gee, thanks,” Darren chimed in. “I’m more than just looks.”

“I’m sure that’s true. You are a rich TV star too.”

Chris and his parents laughed at that; thankfully, Chris seemed relaxed from then on as he hugged his mother and then his father, while Darren continued bantering with Hannah.

“Former TV star, by the way. The show ended earlier this year,” Darren told her.

“So how did you meet my brother?” She wondered.

“We can talk about that over breakfast, Hannah. Mom, Dad, as Hannah so kindly said, this is Darren.”

Chris’ dad shook Darren’s hand and Darren kindly said, “Hello.”

Then Darren greeted Chris’ mom by gently taking both of her hands in his and offering a polite smile; he figured a hug was too bold. His tactic worked because she blushed and smiled in return.

When the five went out to breakfast at a nearby diner, Darren sat next to Chris, of course, and Hannah sat on Chris’ other side while Chris’ parents sat across from them. Darren let Chris explain how they met each other in college and that Darren was a few years ahead of him, so when Darren graduated, they lost contact. Then they struck up a friendship and a relationship just recently.

“So were you just friends the whole time and then you fell in love? Is that what happened?” Hannah questioned in the middle of their meal.

“Not exactly,” Darren answered, “but Chris explained it pretty well. After I finished working on the show, which filmed in Los Angeles, I moved out here and we got to know each other again. Then I just knew that I couldn’t let him go.”

Chris’ mother and sister cooed while Chris took his hand under the table, clutching the thick green ring.

That was the first sign that things were going well and they only got better, or actually slightly embarrassing, for Darren at least. Mrs. Colfer confessed that she was a fan of the show he was in and she had faithfully watched it before he even starred in it. She said that the show was getting a bit boring but that his character brought a lot of life to it and that his journey was so sweet to watch. When Eric married Javier, she had hope that her son would get married someday too.

“Well, thank you,” Darren told her. “I’m glad you found it inspirational. It was great to be a part of something with such sociopolitical relevance and I’m proud to forever be associated with that as part of my career. I’ve heard so many nice stories like that. Turns out I actually have a hand in making your dream a reality in more than just an abstract way.”

“I sure hope so. Smart, talented, handsome, and famous. He is quite a catch, Christopher,” Mrs. Colfer said.

“Your son is quite a catch to be honest,” Darren countered after a bite of his pancakes.

“He has grown into a fine young man. He’s done alright for himself,” Chris’ father responded. “But, um, I know how private he is, even if he is a respected author. Will your notoriety be a problem going forward?”

Darren shrugged; he had been so wrapped up in Chris that he hadn’t thought about that since the show ended. It could be a problem, but only if they let it. Sure there were the occasional paparazzi, fans asking for pics, and social media speculation that Darren had been dating someone new. He allowed them to keep guessing, and as with Michael, he never confirmed or denied his relationship or his sexuality. Instead, he kept it as private as possible and whether or not people wanted to support it was their choice. All he knew was that he was blissfully happy.

“Not too much,” Darren said to Chris’ father. “I know how to handle it. But if any reporters do call you after this, don’t answer their questions. I try not to talk about my personal life too much.”

Chris’ father’s eyes widened but he agreed, as did his mother. Chris’ sister, however, put a different spin on it. 

“Does that mean you’re ashamed of him?” Hannah asked.

Chris stiffened beside him and Darren answered carefully.

“No, not at all. It’s just that your brother is special to me and I don’t want anyone to misunderstand that or to treat either of us differently because of it. What we have is between us. I would feel that way in any relationship regardless of who the person is. But I love Chris and I’m serious about him so it’s even more important for me to not talk about him if I do get asked. I like to let my actions demonstrate the truth and he knows how I feel from that. There’s even a slight risk in us being here in public, but I did it for all of us so we could have a sense of normalcy and I could meet you guys the way that Chris wanted.”

“I appreciate your honesty, Darren,” Chris’ father said. “And if it’s not a problem with my son, it’s not a problem with me.”

Relief flooded Darren at fielding the question so well and appeasing his future father-in-law’s concern. Darren wasn’t really sure if Chris’ father liked him but he felt hopeful about it.

“It’s not too much of a problem,” Chris added. “Honestly, there have been a few instances where people asked for pictures of him or of us. Darren usually obliges them with at least a selfie and a hug, but it’s not like we pose together or anything. I always say that I don’t get enough sunlight and my pale skin won’t show up in pictures. It’d be like posing with a ghost. Usually if it’s a fan of mine, I’ll sign something or say something in one of my character’s voices and that makes them happy.”

“Oh, you have fans?” Hannah teased.

Chris stuck his tongue out at her. “Yes, to a lesser degree than Darren, but they still exist.”

Conversation then turned to Chris’ latest projects, which his family excitedly listened to and asked questions about. Darren was thankful that the seriousness of earlier suddenly dissipated. Chris’ mother asked Darren about his career and he coyly said that he had a few things in the works. With that, they finished their breakfasts and the Colfers insisted on paying for the meal. 

“Christopher, you’re paying for our hotel and hosting us for a couple of days. It’s the least we can do,” his mother reasoned.

Chris didn’t argue.

“So, what’s next?” Hannah wondered as they walked out. “Can we do something without being mobbed by either of your fans, guys?”

Darren looked at Chris with amusement. “There might be a few tweets and people snapping pics but I think we can handle it.”

“If you see anyone with their phones out, tell them to get my good side,” Hannah told Darren.

“I sure will,” Darren confirmed with a laugh.

\----

It was a freezing Friday morning and schools weren’t on Christmas break yet, so the streets weren’t any busier than a typical weekday in New York. They decided to take a taxi to Bryant Park and went ice skating. Well, Darren and Chris went with Hannah while Chris’ parents enjoyed hot cocoa and watched.

Hannah skated with them for a little while until she felt steady enough to be on her own. Chris wobbled a bit, looking at her as she skated away.

“Whoa, there!” Darren exclaimed, reaching out to steady him. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I should ask you that after that grilling at breakfast by my father. You handled it beautifully.”

“I tried,” Darren replied. “I don’t think most people usually prepare for that kind of questioning. I haven’t thought about that shit as much since I moved here. I’ve been kind of busy with you.”

“That’s true.” Chris grinned, which morphed into a frown as he skated forward a bit. “It’s a unique situation, but um, it won’t be an issue, right?”

Darren followed Chris and rested a gloved hand low on his back. “Like I said to your dad, it’ll be fine. I’ll address it publicly if I need to, but until then, we just keep going the way we have been.”

“What happens when we get married, Dare?”

He leaned in close and whispered, “We’ll have lots of sex.”

The blush on Chris’ cheeks was evident. “Darren, my parents are twenty feet away and I’m being serious.”

“I’m being serious too. How do you feel about only seeing the inside of our hotel room on the honeymoon?”

Chris groaned. “We have to get married first.”

Darren looked at him with concern. “Is it that much of a problem for you?”

“I’m not sure. We never talked about it, Darren. We haven’t been together that long and we haven’t had to deal with it until this year.”

Chris skated to the edge of the rink, a short distance from where his parents sat, but luckily, they weren’t within earshot.

Darren chased after him. “And it hasn’t been that bad, has it? If people are whispering when they see us, it’s about me, not about you.”

“Oh, so this is all about you?” Chris snapped.

“That’s not what I meant. I’ve never been upfront about my personal life in public. There are all kinds of bullshit rumors, especially after my ex. So any heat that our relationship gets, it’s on me. But I’ll take it because you’re worth it,” Darren proclaimed fiercely. “Nothing’s changed since college except that I’m not dumb enough to let anything get in the way of you and me. My career has cost me you before and it won’t happen again. I’m going to marry you. I’ll do it right fucking now, Chris.”

Chris glanced over at his parents and then his blue eyes widened as he turned back to Darren. “Every time I think you’re done surprising me, you always come up with something new.”

“Does this mean you’re done being mad at me?”

“For now. I’d kiss you but Han and my parents.”

Darren grabbed Chris’ hips over his coat. “We just survived our first big fight since we got back together. I think that warrants a kiss. Besides, it’d be good practice for the wedding. Unless you plan on hugging me when we become husbands.”

“Oh, just shut up.”

Chris pecked him briefly on the lips and Hannah whistled as she skated by. 

Darren rested his forehead against Chris. “Sounds like someone approves.”

“Yeah, yeah. My family loves you. Don’t rub it in.”

“They do?”

“Yes, even my father. He was just looking out for me and he made a valid point.”

“Which you definitely expanded on, but I think I made myself pretty damn clear. You’re going to be my husband and I don’t care who the hell knows it.”

Chris pulled back, beaming at him. “Then after the holidays we’ll start planning it. Deal?”

“Deal.”

Darren couldn’t help kissing him again, not paying attention to whoever may or may not be watching. He passed the test of getting along with Chris’ immediate family and addressing an issue with his relationship with Chris. The rest of this family visit was going to be a breeze.

\----

It pretty much was. Darren, Chris and Hannah had their own hot chocolates after ice skating that day and they briskly walked a few blocks before taking a taxi up to Radio City Music Hall. Darren bought tickets for everyone to see a Rockettes show for that night. 

“I’m marrying your son,” Darren offered to the Colfers, and then to Hannah, “and your brother. It’s the least I can do.”

Mr. and Mrs. Colfer thanked him profusely while Hannah hugged him after they got out of the cab and arrived at their next destination: shopping. They browsed a few department stores, where Chris and his dad looked at the merchandise but huffed about it. Meanwhile, Darren offered opinions on everything from outfit ensembles on Chris’ mom in the women’s departments to trying out the couches in the furniture sections with Hannah. Eventually, Chris must have realized how much fun they were having because at the fourth store, he modeled ties for Darren by holding them up to his coat. Chris’ dad even smiled at that.

Chris bought some ties, cufflinks and dress shirts for himself, Chris’ mother purchased a blouse and Darren surreptitiously got a few presents for everyone in the family. After that, Chris hailed a taxi for his family so they could get ready for dinner and the show. Then he got one for Darren and himself.

Chris puffed his cheeks out as they entered the cab, a last blast of cold air escaping. “You made quite an impression. They definitely like you even more now.”

Darren smiled. “Awesome! I’m going to be the best fucking son-in-law and brother-in-law ever.”

“We’ll see about that but you’re off to a great start, Dare.”

“I hope so.”

The Colfers had a lot more fun after that and so did Darren. They had a nice dinner that night before the show, and Chris’ family raved about both events, thanking both Chris and Darren for a lovely day. Saturday consisted of wrapping presents and Chris and Darren frantically shopping at the last minute for Christmas meals. Then they had to learn how to put it all together; Darren came up with the backup plan of having breakfast for dinner if they failed miserably at it. The Colfers joined them for a meal out that night and then they browsed the festive window displays of the department stores they had shopped in the day before. Chris’ family spent that night at the hotel and checked out on the morning of Christmas Eve. Chris decided that his parents would take the pullout sofa bed in the combination office turned makeshift guest room while Hannah would sleep on the couch in the living room. 

Once that was settled, Hannah, Chris and their mom baked sugar cookies, apparently a family tradition when Chris was growing up; Mrs. Colfer confessed she still did it with Hannah ever since. Hannah stuck her tongue out at Chris and he returned it. Darren’s heart warmed at the opportunity to see them interact for himself. Since the formal introductions and the tough questions had been set aside, they could be together and enjoy their visit. For Darren’s part, he looked on and stole raw cookie dough from the bowl before they scooped it onto baking sheets. Chris scolded him and told him to wait until they were done so he did, feigning shame as he hung his head and walked away to chat with Chris’ dad.

“You’ve got a really nice family there,” Darren commented from his spot, a seat away from him on the couch.

“Thank you. I’m glad that Chris is successful and that Hannah is healthy. I still have to watch out for her every day though. I worry about Chris too, even if he’s capable of handling himself. ” He sighed. “So if you’re really in this for the long haul, take care of him, please.”

Darren thought of all the years he had spent loving Chris and how he had shown it. He might have been selfish in the beginning and hurt him, so Chris hurt him back. But he wouldn’t do that anymore. He wanted Chris in his life forever and he’d do anything he could to make that happen.

“I--I will, sir,” Darren finally answered solemnly.

“Even when he doesn’t think he needs it, especially then,” his father added quietly.

“Alright. I’ll keep that in mind. I love him and I promise to do right by him.”

“Good.” Mr. Colfer offered his hand and Darren shook it, hopefully sealing that vow.

He knew he was accepted into the family then and while he didn’t need Chris’ dad to like him, it sure felt great to know that he did.

Once the cookies cooled, Darren joined Chris, Hannah and Mrs. Colfer in decorating them and everyone helped eat them. They closed out the night with Darren busting out his guitar and sitting underneath the tree to lead in singing Christmas carols. Chris’ eyes and smile lit up like the star on top of their tree; Chris’ parents and sister were equally entertained, singing along in amazement.

After helping Chris’ family set up their beds, Darren and Chris retired to their own room.

“Wow. Bringing out the guitar and hosting a singalong. Way to lay it on thick, Dare,” Chris remarked as he got into bed.

“Hey, you loved it,” Darren replied from where he lied flat on his back next to Chris.

“Yeah, I did,” Chris said, snuggling closer. “But Hannah and my mom didn’t know you could sing so they loved it even more.”

“Well, I messed around with a guitar in my trailer at work and I filmed a couple of scenes, but they never used it on the show. Anyway, it looks like you might have some competition for biggest Darren Criss fan.” Darren laughed before he curled his arm around Chris’ shoulders.

“Guess I have to get in line behind our mothers and my sister.”

“Don’t forget my dad and brother.”

“Don’t remind me.” Chris groaned.

“Can I remind you that I’ve never written a song for any of them, sweetheart?”

“That helps.”

“C’mere,” Darren urged.

Chris scooted up to look at him, his eyebrows drawing together. “What?”

“I love you so much and I can’t fucking wait to marry you.” He grinned before pecking Chris on the lips. 

“Me too. I also can’t wait for my family to leave so we can enjoy each other again.”

“Trust me, we can make up for that, babe. Look on the bright side, it’s Christmas.”

“It is.” Chris kissed him again and grasped his hand, the one with Darren’s engagement ring. “Our first Christmas after all these years.”

“Wow, that’s right. And we’ll have many more.”

Though it wasn’t exactly guaranteed yet, Darren drifted off with Chris in his arms and he hoped it would be true.

\----

Their first Christmas together was nothing short of wonderful. In the morning, everyone opened their gifts. Chris gave his mother a scarf, a shirt, tie and tie clip to his father and he gave his sister an expensive charm bracelet. Darren bought earrings for Mrs. Colfer at a department store they had been to the other day, which she opened with delight and shock. He also got a nice watch for Chris’ father and a sweater for Hannah, which she had been eyeing when they were shopping. Chris’ parents thanked Chris and Darren graciously. Then Hannah hugged them both and wore her bracelet for the rest of the visit.

Chris gave Darren a University of Michigan tie and a few books of sheet music. He promised that something else would be coming but it didn’t get delivered in time, which made Darren wonder. But he thanked Chris anyway with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Darren got his fiancé a set of all the Harry Potter books, with each inside cover signed by J.K. Rowling.

“I didn’t meet her but I pulled a few strings and I know someone who knows someone. I promise it’s legit. I got them authenticated and everything,” Darren swore.

“I believe you. Thank you so much.” Chris wrapped his arms around Darren and whispered in his ear. “I’ll thank you more when they’re gone.”

Darren chuckled and said, “You’re welcome.” Then he addressed the Colfers and announced that he was making pancakes.

Hannah offered to help, which allowed her to say her peace about his relationship with Chris. After she reiterated her dad’s sentiments about treating Chris right and Darren assured her that he would, Darren mixed the pancake mix together and Hannah poured some in the pan. Apparently his answer to her was sufficient because she happily helped him cook the rest of the pancakes and set them on a tray. Then he made a pot of coffee and cooked bacon while Hannah sat at the table and watched.

Once the coffee and bacon were ready, Chris and his parents came into the kitchen. As Chris poured the coffee for his mother and father, Darren noticed wetness pooling in Chris’ blue eyes. 

“That, um, that bacon smells good. I hope Hannah didn’t bug you too much,” Chris said quietly while he added sugar to the mugs.

“Nah, we’re cool,” Darren assured him. “Are you okay?”

He sniffled and grabbed the milk from the fridge before he poured it into the mugs. Then he hugged Darren from behind and kissed his cheek.

“Yeah, never better. Let’s go eat.”

Darren didn’t ask what Chris had discussed with his parents but he took that to mean that Chris may have gotten the approval he was seeking regarding his relationship with Darren. 

So Darren turned in his embrace and kissed him properly before he answered. “Yeah. Yeah, okay.” 

“Are you two lovebirds done? Because I’d like to eat,” Hannah called from her seat.

“Yeah, Han.” Chris laughed. “Do you want some orange juice?”

“Yes,” she called from her spot.

Chris broke away from Darren and poured a glass of juice for Hannah. Then Darren served Chris’ parents their coffee and then their dishes with pancakes and bacon. Chris gave Hannah her juice and went back to get two glasses of water for Darren and himself. Darren told him to go sit and relax so he could be with his family so he took the glasses and did so. After that, Darren finished handing out breakfast and everyone ate while Chris joked about Darren managing not to burn anything. Darren playfully elbowed him. 

Then the conversation turned to the Colfers excitedly talking about how much they enjoyed this trip to the city, thanks to both Chris and Darren being such great hosts. Chris’ face scrunched up in a smile and Darren wanted to kiss him again but he didn’t. Instead, he joined in the discussion and asked how this visit was different from the previous ones. Chris dryly quipped that they were spoiled rotten but Chris’ father gave a more serious reply that Chris seemed happier. Darren’s own eyes teared up as he briefly squeezed Chris’ left hand and felt his engagement ring; he knew he made the right decision in getting back together with Chris because he couldn’t picture himself anywhere but here.

After breakfast, they relaxed for a bit before Mrs. Colfer offered to help prepare dinner. Darren knew that Chris wanted to refuse and do it himself or at least with Darren’s help, since the Colfers were guests. Chris told her as much but she wouldn’t take no for an answer and Darren wasn’t about to get in the middle of it.

So while Chris and his mom went out to the kitchen to start cooking, Darren once again entertained Mr. Colfer and Hannah with his guitar. They raved that maybe Darren should become a singer instead and Darren said he was working on it.

Then it was finally time to eat the dinner that Chris and his mom slaved over, the ham, which was the centerpiece of the meal, along with side dishes like mashed potatoes, corn and rolls. Although the food was delicious, Darren sort of missed his dad’s Christmas goose but of course, he didn’t say so. Instead he teased Chris like Chris teased him over breakfast.

“Good thing your mom helped you out. Otherwise you’d probably burn the place down.”

Chris just shook his head and chuckled while Hannah agreed with Darren.

“But seriously, it’s really good,” Darren added.

The meal went on fairly quietly, with someone occasionally asking to pass the butter or Darren singing a dumb spontaneous tune about how the potatoes were mashed and they were such a smash. Chris smiled and probably wondered how he agreed to marry an idiot like him.

But Darren didn’t care because he was so happy.

They talked for a while after that and watched some of the movie “A Christmas Story” airing on TV, Chris comfortably cuddled into Darren’s side on the couch; Darren welcomed it after Chris had been so careful during his family’s entire visit. As he threw his arm around Chris and rubbed his bicep gently with his thumb, he surveyed the scene around him. He was going to be a part of this family and he couldn’t be more in love.

Life was pretty great.

\----

Darren and Chris saw the Colfers off the next morning, with Chris hailing them a taxi. Hannah and then each of Chris’ parents hugged him. After that they took turns hugging Darren; Mrs. Colfer said she couldn’t wait to see him marry her son, which made Darren tear up a little, Hannah wished him good luck with handling Chris, which made Darren laugh out loud. Finally Chris’ father simply shook his hand and leaned in with a whisper, telling him to remember what he said on Christmas Eve about taking care of him.

Darren nodded and reaffirmed his earlier sentiment. Then he watched them take off toward the airport.

“See? Nothing to worry about, babe,” Darren remarked casually. “They all love me.”

“You charmed them with your talent, like you did with me. What a jerk.”

Darren took Chris’ hand and led them up the steps. “Yeah, and it worked pretty well because you’re marrying me.”

Chris smirked. “I can always reconsider that.”

“I can charm you in other ways.” Darren raised his eyebrows.

“Get upstairs and show me then.”

After Darren opened the door and raced to the elevator, he did just that. Chris followed and when they reached the apartment, they celebrated their privacy with handjobs on the kitchen counter. Darren cleaned them both up and brought Chris to bed, repeatedly whispering _“I love you”_ into his skin before he went down on him.

Chris kissed him on the mouth and returned the favor with a lazy handjob before they fell asleep for a nap. But then Darren startled awake with a loud knock on the door. He quickly threw his boxers and a shirt on before he got up, hoping it wasn’t an issue with Chris’ family or Darren’s family here in the city.

Luckily, it wasn’t bad news but rather it was delivery men announcing a delivery for a Darren Criss. Darren didn’t remember purchasing anything recently but he thought back to what Chris said the day before, about something for him not arriving on time. So he signed for it and then a bunch of men hauled in a massive box labeled Steinway that was tall and narrow but really long. The guy he gave the form back to asked him where he wanted the piano while the other men stood in the living room.

Darren told him to hold on and he walked down the hall to the bedroom before he jostled Chris awake.

“You bought me a fucking piano?” Darren exclaimed.

“Wh--? Huh?” Chris wondered, rubbing his eye. Then he sat up in bed and cursed. “Oh, shit. I was going to get the door when they came. It was supposed to be a surprise.”

“Well, you can’t because you’re naked and they’re here. Where do you want them to put it?”

Chris yawned. “In that empty corner of the living room, opposite the tree. ‘S a baby grand by the way. You always said you wanted one.”

Darren grabbed his face and said, “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to. You’re going to be my husband. Besides, it goes with the sheet music.” Chris chuckled.

He kissed Chris soundly on the lips and murmured, “I love you so fucking much.”

“I love you too.”

“‘Kay. I gotta go talk to the movers. Go back to sleep, sweetheart.”

“Okay.”

Chris lied back down and Darren rushed out into the living room, apologizing for the wait and his appearance. Then he informed them where he wanted the piano and they put it together right before his eyes. He thanked him and doled out a huge tip to each man for his service before they all left.

He reverently ran his hand along the open lid, wondering how he got so lucky. While Chris still slept, the beginnings of a melody rang through Darren’s head so he sat down in front of the keys and played; it was nothing like the smaller spinet piano in their office, which was gorgeous in its own right and more than suitable for writing music. But this was black, shiny, and so elegant that Darren felt like he barely deserved to look at it. Still, that day marked when he started writing a new song for Chris, that symbolized all the love and gratitude he felt after reentering Chris’ life; it would be about adding a chapter to their relationship after he thought it was over.

Even if no one ever heard it but Chris, he’d be okay with that. The one thing he knew he would be sharing soon with all his friends and family was how much he promised to love Chris and that would start a new chapter to their story.

He couldn’t be any more damn excited about that.

\----

On New Year’s Eve, they drank champagne in their apartment. Darren played the piano and sung while Chris finished the leftover Christmas cookies. Darren stole a couple of bites and still sang with his mouth halfway full. Chris chided him but eventually got drunk enough that he didn’t care; he sat on Darren’s lap as the clock ticked toward midnight and joined in on the singing, a lovely sound that Darren was amazed at hearing again after so many years.

Darren kissed his neck, his cheek, and the corner of his mouth. Then he broke away quickly to check his watch, which chimed twelve o’clock in the morning, January 1, 2018. He turned his attention back to Chris, bringing their mouths together for a kiss that would lead to Darren straddling him on the piano bench and nearly falling over in a drunken giggle.

Darren brushed the hair back from Chris’ forehead and when Chris beamed at him, all the drunken nights they shared came rushing back, including the one when they first met. Darren knew then when he wanted to marry Chris.

“Babe, how do you feel about a September wedding?” Darren suggested. “You know, as sort of an homage to the month when we met.”

A rosy-faced Chris kissed Darren’s engagement ring and agreed, on one condition.

“What’s that?” Darren asked.

“We wake up the neighbors with our noisy piano sex.”

Darren laughed but when Chris told him that he wanted Darren inside him, he wasn’t laughing anymore. Still, he compromised and Chris spread his legs on the piano bench, a pillow underneath his ass while Darren worked him open as carefully as his eager, drunk, and in love self could. Then he grabbed the pillow out from under Chris and threw it across the room. He pushed Chris so he laid flat against the bench, his legs still wide open and perfect for Darren to fit between. So he slid the condom onto himself with messy fingers and fucked him, quick and dirty until Chris came first, barely touched and crying out Darren’s name. Darren held Chris’ hips so tight that there would be bruises the next day and thrust into his spent body, reaching his release with his name on Chris’ lips.

After they caught their breath, they took a quick shower together where Darren cleaned them both off, too tired for anything else. Then they headed to bed, with Darren murmuring, “Happy New Year,” as he settled into Chris’ arms. Chris kissed his forehead and returned the sentiment.

It really was a happy new year, maybe the happiest that Darren had ever had in his three decades on earth. He couldn’t wait to be even happier and start planning the wedding.

\----

But between both of their careers, it wasn’t easy. Well, mostly Darren’s. He could pull a lot of strings due to his television fame, but he also wanted privacy and he needed assurance that he would have it. He figured that a lot of people might not care about his private life anymore, although there were still those few fame-hungry people lurking among the public and wanting to leak any story regarding someone like him. He hated the word ‘celebrity’ and he hated being treated like one, like he was on display for the world to see. Still, it was part of his reality, which meant it would be part of Chris’ too.

So when they started visiting possible venues, tasting cakes at bakeries, and looking at wedding rings, Darren pulled a beanie over his head and wore his glasses. He had also grown a beard during the month of January, trying to appear as incognito as possible when he was out with Chris. 

But it was New York in the twenty-first century, with cell phone cameras and social media, where they couldn’t escape some recognition. There were mostly young and middle-aged women (and some men) cooing at them and asking for a picture with Darren. They told him how cute he was with his boyfriend and wished them both luck. Darren said thanks of course and graciously allowed them to get a hug and a selfie if they wanted. Then he’d talk with them and explain that Chris wasn’t his boyfriend and he was much more special than that. He asked them not to mention that part in any of their posts; he wanted to keep the details of his personal life private. Luckily, the fans agreed.

However, a week before Darren’s birthday, Chris frantically called him into their office.

“Dare, what’s this?” He asked, sitting at the desk and staring at his laptop screen.

There was a headline that read _“Former ‘Lifelines’ Star Tying the Knot with New Boy Toy?”_ along with a picture of them leaving a cake shop a couple of days before that.

Darren laughed as he leaned over Chris’ shoulder. “Ha! You’re my boy toy. And we are tying the knot, babe.”

Chris turned his head to look at Darren solemnly. “Is this going to be our lives now? Reduced to gossip columns and me being Darren Criss’ beau? I have a career too.”

“I know that. You can’t pay attention to any of that shit. I’m Darren and you’re Chris. We love each other and I’m going to marry you. Relax.”

“It’s that easy for you to ignore?”

“Yeah, because it doesn’t matter. They’ll move on in five minutes and talk somebody else, someone more important than me.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“I know them. I’m sure you’ve had to deal with PR a bit in your profession.”

“Yes, but not like this. No one cares about a children’s author with no social life. I mean, maybe being gay was a big deal to some people but that didn’t affect my image too much. I was still successful.”

“And so was I. We didn’t let it affect us as individuals thus far so we can’t do that as a couple. Besides, don’t you like being my boy toy?” Darren smirked.

Chris cracked a smile too. “If anyone is anyone else’s toy here, it’s you. At least if last night was any indication.”

Darren spun Chris around in his chair. “And what about New Year’s? And the night we got engaged?”

Chris blushed. “Those were good times, but tell me, Mr. Criss, does the world know how much you like to take it? How much you beg me to open you up? How you scream my name when I’m inside you? You may be the one who proposed and you may have fucked me, but I have you. I’m not anyone’s ‘boy toy.’”

“Got it.” Darren gulped and shivered. “My how you’ve grown since college.”

“Oh, and that’s news to you?”

“Not at all, sweetheart. You’ve learned how to take control of a situation, like you did just now. You flipped that story and you owned it. Like you said, you know the truth. So who the fuck cares what some asshole writes online?”

“Everyone else is going to see it, Dare. It’s out there for anyone to look at. We haven’t even sent out save the date cards yet. Thank God our families know or this stupid website would have broken the news to them. Is that how I’ll have to live? Looking over my shoulder to make sure no one is taking pictures? Are they going to sneak into our wedding?”

“They won’t. We’ll have something small. I’ll pay for security.”

“We’ll need security at our wedding?”

“We talked about this at Christmas. I told you everything would be fine. I meant it,” Darren assured him. “I fucking love you. You’re my fiancé, not my boy toy, if that makes you feel better. Some clickbait headline isn’t going to change that. I don’t want this to be something that you ever get used to, because it’s weird, but this might be a part of our lives at least for a few years. I’ve accepted that and you’ll have to as well. It’s not what you signed up for when we met, but it’s what we have and we can’t change that. Please don’t let it be a deal breaker after all the shit we’ve been through.”

Chris studied Darren’s face for a moment and sighed. “Come here.”

Darren sat on Chris’ lap and Chris went on.

“I’ve been called much worse, Dare, but I don’t know. I just--After I’ve worked so hard and accomplished so much, being reduced to that kind of sucks.”

Darren rested his forehead against Chris’ temple. “I know. I googled myself a year or two into the show and some of the things I read were not kind. I’ve stumbled across some shit recently that was pretty fucking horrible. Articles with a tiny grain of truth and some bullshit someone spun up from who they claim to be a reliable source. But I ignore it because at the end of the day, I have you. You’re wearing my ring and I’m wearing yours. That’s more important than anything. Other people can believe what they want but yes, you do have me. You’ve always had me, even when I didn’t want you to. And I think I have you too. So can we set this aside and deal with it only if really interferes with our lives?”

Chris groaned softly. “Why do you always do this?”

“Do what?” Darren wondered before he kissed the corner of Chris’ mouth.

“Make some big passionate speech that makes me wonder why I was even mad at you in the first place. Then I fall for you even harder.”

Darren grabbed Chris’ chin and turned it so they faced each other. “I have that effect on you, babe.”

Chris grinned. “I guess you do.”

Darren kissed him properly but then pulled back. “Hey, I have an idea.”

“Oh no, what is it?” 

“Maybe we should hire someone to plan this shindig. We want it to be awesome, right?”

“Sounds like a good idea, except one thing.”

“What?” 

“You’ll essentially have to come out, which I know you’ve never really done. Somehow you’ve kept the whole thing under wraps for years but that’ll be blown if a stranger finds out you’re marrying a guy.”

“A stranger that we’re paying, dear,” Darren reminded him before kissing his favorite spot on Chris’ neck.

“Ahh, ahh, stop distracting me. Are you going to do something about it?”

Darren nuzzled at Chris’ neck. “If I have to. Our marriage will be a matter of public record. So if anyone asks after that, I’ll tell them I’m very happy. I’ve always been open to loving anyone regardless of gender and I’m so lucky to have married my best friend. If they’re not satisfied with that, then they can think what they want.”

“Mmm. Okay. That’s up to you, Dare. Given the role you’ve played, I’m sure the LGTBQ plus community will welcome you with open arms.”

Darren brushed his mouth behind Chris’ ear. “Ooh, maybe I can do an OUT magazine spread after I release my EP and get a Broadway role. Maybe you can join the photoshoot.”

He was still working on his own music now that the songbook for the Starkid production was pretty much done; he even recorded a few songs and planned on releasing the EP independently if he had to. He was still looking for the right role to return to theater. But until then, he also had Chris.

“Okay, that’s pushing it,” Chris told him. “We’d have to discuss some things first if I ever agree to that, like getting that pet we talked about.” 

“I’m up for a little compromise. If you’re not in the shoot, I’ll have to talk about you a little bit, at least vaguely. That’s a fair deal. I already told you that I want a pet. I want everything with you.”

“Oh yeah?” Chris asked while Darren kissed along his jaw, his beard scratching against it.

“Uh huh.” He stopped briefly at Chris’ mouth. “I can show you an example if you’d like.”

“If this is leading where I think it’s leading, then yes, please.”

“As long as you’re willing to take a break from work and reading gossip about former TV stars and their fiancés.”

“I suppose but what if I miss vital information?”

“We can work something out,” Darren whispered before kissing him and sliding down until he was on his knees in front of Chris.

Chris clutched the curls on top of Darren’s head. “Good.”

As Darren enjoyed his fiancé, he couldn’t help thinking about all that Chris had said. Maybe it was time for him to set the rumors straight, regardless of his agent wanting him to stay coy like he had been. He’d just hire a new one who supported his vision, much like the wedding planner they’d choose.

The future shaped up to be bright.

\----

Darren fired his L.A.-based talent and PR agents the following week, hiring people out of New York who specialized in high-profile theater and Broadway talent. It was a risk for the agent to take him on but he convinced her to do it, citing his TV success and theatre degree; he even sang and played part of a tune for her. It worked and on the morning of his thirty-first birthday, he went on an audition for a theater role that he would eventually get.

After he left the casting agency that day, he tried not to get his hopes up. So when he got home, he celebrated by having breakfast with Chris and getting a blowjob at at the kitchen table. Chris wiped his mouth and asked for nothing in return.

“It’s your birthday, Dare. So happy birthday.” Chris grinned and climbed onto Darren’s lap.

Darren brushed the hair off Chris’ forehead and kissed his mouth, tasting the bitter remnants of himself. “Thanks, babe. If that’s your gift, I’ll take it. I’m more than okay after what you gave me at Christmas.”

“Please, I’m not just giving you a blowjob and breakfast. Granted this might not be as extravagant as Christmas but I wanted to go low key, even if it’s the first year we’re actually together for it.”

“That’s right. It is. Wow. What a difference a year makes.”

Chris’ eyes sparkled. “Mhmm, my soon-to-be husband. I’ll be right back.”

He gave Darren a quick peck before he raced down the hallway and returned with a medium-sized box, thin and wide enough to hold a shirt.

Darren’s eyebrows drew together and he shook the box as he took it. “Huh. If this is what I’m guessing it is, you went really low key.”

“Just open the damn box,” Chris said as he stood in front of Darren.

When Darren ripped the wrapping paper off and opened the box, his eyes widened, noticing a navy blue sweatshirt with faded maize yellow lettering. “Is this--?”

“Your old hoodie from college. I stole it when I visited you on my twenty-first birthday. I was a jerk and I stuffed it in my bag when you weren’t looking.” His shoulders slumped and his eyes cast down as Darren looked up at him.

“I wore it on the plane to London,” Chris continued. “It still smelled like you then.”

“Hey.” Darren took the hand that had Chris’ engagement ring on it. “I thought I lost this when I moved out of my place. I’m glad to have it back and I’m glad to have you. Thank you.”

Chris held tight to him. “You’re welcome. Maybe I can steal it back from you one day.”

“We’ll see about that. No promises.” Darren smirked. “Didn’t know I had to call no take backs on my own gift.”

“There’s a first time for everything, Darren.”

Darren snatched his hand away and threw on the sweatshirt, still just as comfortable as it used to be. Then he sped down the hallway and yelled, “If you want it back, you’ll have to get it off me first.”

“Gladly,” Chris called before chasing after him.

Unlike the year before, it was a drama-free, sex-filled birthday that also held the promise of being with Chris. Darren couldn’t ask for more.

\----

The next few months flew by in much the same manner. February continued with their very first Valentine’s Day when Darren pulled out all the stops; he learned how to cook lobster and risotto, along with vegetables. They dressed in their finest outfits even if they only stayed at home. Darren bought a watch for Chris with the inscription, “Always yours, Darren,” with the date inscribed on it. Chris got Darren a chain to put his engagement ring on in case he had to take it off for work. Chris also playfully remarked how Darren could never keep track of his stuff so keeping the ring on a chain would help. Then they laughed, talked, had sex and ate cheesecake in bed to wrap up the night. 

But the rest of the month consisted of work for both of them. Darren read the final script for the Starkid production for which he wrote the songbook. He also booked time at a studio and recorded songs. At the end of the month, his agent told him he got a callback for the role he auditioned for on his birthday. Meanwhile, Chris kept working on his new book, recording the audio version of the final _The Land of Stories_ novel, and finally getting his screenplay produced.

Chris continued his projects in March and Darren nailed his callback early in the month. They kept planning the wedding, too, with the assistance of Colleen, the woman they hired. Darren also contemplated who would be his best man and narrowed it down to two options: Joey or Chuck. Joey had seen the entire evolution of his relationship with Chris and supported him through everything, but he loved his brother and served as best man when Chuck married his wife Lucy. So it was a tough call. But he chose Chuck by a very narrow margin so he could get closer to him again after living on the other side of the country for so long. Plus he wanted his brother to know more about Chris. Joey was definitely going to be a groomsmen though.

Darren asked him when he flew to Chicago with Chris for the premiere of the Starkid show in mid-March. They were at Lauren and Joe’s place for a small gathering afterward; Chris was chatting with Lauren while Darren took Joey aside and told him that they set a date for the wedding: September 8. He explained that it was close to the date he met Chris ten years before, but on the weekend. Joey commented on how sweet that was and that of course, he’d be in Darren’s wedding party (Later that month, Chuck tearfully agreed to be Darren’s best man. Joe Walker rounded out the groomsmen since he was a former college roommate and his relationship with Lauren inspired him to reunite with Chris).

Darren and Chris also told their parents and sent out save the date invitations in March. Chris chose his best person to be Hannah and asked Lauren and another college friend, Jenna, to be in the wedding party (Jenna lived with him for a bit when he moved to New York and she was with him the night he met Darren). They asked Chuck and Lucy if Rosie could be their flower girl as well and they were overjoyed. They picked their wedding colors, cerulean, a medium shade of blue, and steel grey; blue was Chris’ favorite and Darren thought a grey suit would look amazing on Chris (the colors also sort of reminded Darren of what they had each worn on their first real date, although Chris had worn shades of blue then while Darren had worn grey and black).

In April, they booked the venue after waffling between several places. They settled on a hotel in midtown Manhattan where they would also hold the reception. That way, their friends and family could book rooms upstairs and not worry too much about travel. Chris briefly thought of trying for a LGBTQ-friendly church or at least a pastor to officiate since he grew up religious, but it would only be to please his family so he decided against it. They picked a justice of the peace instead.

In May, they officially picked out wedding bands, white gold with dark blue sapphires circling the middle of them, and they narrowed down catering choices with advisement from their wedding planner. They debated cake designs too and celebrated Chris’ twenty-eighth birthday with takeout and eating cake samples that they took home.

In June, they officially picked out the meals they would serve and they sent out invitations to all their guests, a fairly small group of about seventy people. The rest of that summer included discussing wedding party outfits, planning the entertainment for the reception (a rotating band of Darren’s musician friends from Los Angeles), and the tough decision of finalizing the cake flavor and design. They chose a chocolate cake with strawberries and dark chocolate ganache, made to look like Hogwarts Castle, with Harry Potter’s glasses somewhere on the base to represent Darren and the invisibility cloak to represent Chris (sort of an inside joke to the both of them). 

Life didn’t stop either among the bundle of nerves and excitement of the wedding preparations. Darren rehearsed for his play, a dark family drama where secrets come to light after the patriarch’s death; he played one of the sons of the recently deceased man. It was much grittier than the medical show he starred in and he welcomed the challenge. It premiered a month or so after the Starkid production, and there were great reviews so Darren hoped it would last. On his off days during the spring and summer, he did all the aforementioned wedding stuff with Chris and their wedding planner, as well as putting together his EP for an independent release, hopefully by the end of the year.

Darren’s year was one of the busiest of his life, but so much was happening that he couldn’t complain.

\----

Meanwhile, Chris was also busy in his own right. He worked on his book and submitted the rough draft to his publisher in the late spring and planned for a fall release date. He finally got a studio to produce his screenplay as well and he stayed on the project as an associate producer. It would require a few trips to Los Angeles that summer but he would be around New York for Darren’s Broadway debut and the ongoing wedding planning.

Darren enjoyed his job in New York while Chris was away in Los Angeles but he did lament that yet again he couldn’t join him. It was after midnight in early August, Chris’ second trip away, when Darren arrived home after the show and called Chris.

“Hey, babe.”

 _“Hey you.”_ Chris yawned. _“Missed you.”_

“Missed you too. Wish you could be in the front row every night.” Darren sighed as he closed the apartment door and then toed his shoes off. 

_“You mean when you make out with that woman you’re cheating on your wife with?”_

“No.” Darren laughed while he walked down the hallway toward their bedroom. “You’re well acquainted with the taste of my mouth, sweetheart. There’s no need to be jealous. I meant the part with the existential crisis where I realize that I’m exactly like my father. That’s some emotional shit.”

 _“That is a pretty good scene. It’s amazing to watch you work right in front of me again and on such serious material. It’s a far cry from Harry Potter. That’s for sure.”_ Chris yawned again. _“And I do miss the taste of your mouth. She has been experiencing that more than I have the past few days.”_

“Thanks. Yeah, you’re right but I’m loving every minute of it.” Darren beamed with pride at Chris’ praise. “We can rectify that soon enough. I’ll kiss you all you want and everywhere you want when you get home. Deal?”

_“Mmm, yeah. Deal?”_

“Awesome! I’ll be counting down the hours. Long day?”

_“Yeah, I just wrapped up dinner with the director and some other producers. They wanted to change my script and I told them no way in hell. I’ve worked on it for years.”_

Darren flopped down onto his side of the bed. “Unfortunately that’s the business sometimes. So what happened?”

_“They threatened to pull me from the project and I told them, ‘Fine. I don’t want my name on it if you’re going to change key elements of the plot.’”_

“Whoa. How did they feel about that?”

_“They backed down and agreed to keep my story as is. They must have been intimidated by my steely gaze.”_

“You are pretty fucking fierce when you’re determined. I love that about you.”

Darren heard what sounded like rustling bed sheets before Chris spoke again, his tone serious.

_“You know I love you, too, right?”_

“Yeah, of course.” Darren’s eyebrows drew together in confusion. “What’s wrong?”

_“I just--I’m glad that we live in New York and not Los Angeles. And that you weren’t with me.”_

“Why? What happened?”

_“There were people with cameras in the airport asking me about you. Not fans, Darren. Paparazzi. It’s been a year and a half since the show ended and I wasn’t even with you. You said they’d move on.”_

Darren scratched his head. “Maybe things are slow this week. Maybe they heard your awesome audiobook for your last novel and you’re super famous.”

_“People know my name. They don’t always recognize my face, Dare. Video conferencing sounds amazing at this point.”_

“How bad was it?”

_“Not like high school but not exactly pleasant either. They wanted to know if we set a date. I wasn’t aware you were even talking about it in the press.”_

“I haven’t been, except for what I told you I’d say, that I’m happy. Between my bio in the Playbill where I mention you, the ring on my finger, and the sightings of us, I’m sure they figured it out.”

 _“What about when we fly out for our honeymoon? Will they be there then?”_ Chris asked in a huff.

“Hon, we’re flying out of New York. No one gives a fuck, especially since we’re hopping the red eye overseas. We’re going to your favorite place, just the two of us. Then we’re going to my favorite place, remember?” Darren reminded him, hopefully conjuring memories of a few months before when they finally decided where they’d go.

_“Yeah, London and Italy. But we’re also stopping in Paris in between.”_

“Uh huh, and I’m taking you to this remote bed and breakfast in the Italian countryside where we’ll be the only guests. No paparazzi, unless you count me wanting to take photos of my gorgeous new husband.”

_“Stop being so charming. I wasn’t kidding.”_

“I’m not kidding either, Mr. Colfer. Or should I say Colfer-Criss? What are we doing about last names?”

 _“Nothing if you don’t listen to me,”_ he said sharply.

“Ouch. Sorry. I’ll bring it up later. Did they hurt you, Chris?”

 _“No, but I tripped and almost fell getting away from them. I’m sure they had a field day with that.”_ Chris chuckled wryly.

“Aww, my poor baby. Want me to kiss it and make it better?”

Chris didn’t take the flirtatious bait, apparently still too frustrated to engage in banter with Darren.

 _“No. I want them to go away,”_ he responded fiercely. _“How did you handle it?”_

Given that Darren dated his costar and the rumors always swirled as to whether or not they were actually together, those vicious sharks jumped at the chance to attack him on that and on coming out. He’d always blow them off with a smile and compliment their snazzy sneakers or sunglasses.

“Um, kill them with kindness, I guess. It wasn’t easy though. You can always ignore them.”

 _“Right, because that always makes bullies go away,”_ Chris remarked dryly.

“True, but eventually, they’ll stop caring and they will move on. Or most of them will, at least.” 

_“That doesn’t help us now, Darren.”_

Darren thought about how he could fix this, even if the situation wasn’t entirely under his control. People were going to recognize him, and also Chris by association, so if their locations got out on social media, they might be followed and get asked the same questions until there were answers. There weren’t many of those that Darren was willing to give, except maybe one.

“Well, I want to wait until after the wedding and the honeymoon, so you’ll have to wait too. But there is one thing I can do.”

_“What?”_

“Get ahead of this thing and officially come out as your husband in some magazine or something. Or I can just tweet about it.”

_“Oh my God. You would do that?”_

“I told you I would do something like that. Why the hell not?”

_“Because they’ll only want more.”_

“And I’ll be controlling what I give them. I don’t have to tell them everything about us. Besides, it’d be nice to publicly support you more often.”

_“Tell me this: will more people come to my book signings for a glimpse of you?”_

“I don’t know. That’s their deal. We don’t have to always talk about it with everyone else. It could be like it has been, except more. I thought this wasn’t a problem for you.”

_“It kind of is, Dare.”_

“Well, like I told you before, this is our reality and we’ll deal with it. Together. I won’t do or say anything if it makes you uncomfortable. And I’ll tell Colleen to hire extra security. I’ll get some fucking members of the Secret Service or the CIA if I have to.”

 _“Thank you. Good.”_ Chris laughed, obviously in a better mood. _“I always knew you’d be famous one day. I just didn’t think it would be my problem.”_

“It is, for now at least because of me. I’m your problem forever and you’ll have to handle it.”

 _“Ugh.”_ Chris groaned. _“What’s the return policy on you again?”_

“Don’t know. I think you lost the receipt ages ago so you’re up shit’s creek with that one.”

_“Darren?”_

“Yeah?”

 _“I really do love you a lot,”_ Chris told him honestly. _“I wouldn’t tolerate this otherwise.”_

“I know, baby. I love you too. Our problems are different than they used to be but we have each other now.”

There was a brief pause and a sniffle before Chris answered him.

_“Yeah, we do.”_

“There’s still one problem. When you get back, we’re getting our marriage license. Then we’ll meet with the JOP that’s performing the ceremony. Are we changing our names? Because I think Chris Colfer-Criss has a ring to it.”

_“We are not talking about this over the phone.”_

“Holy shit! You’d basically be Chris Criss. That’s like Chris squared. Bet you never thought that would happen.”

_“Oh my God. I can’t believe I agreed to marry you. I’m going to hang up soon.”_

Darren practically heard Chris rolling his eyes. But he definitely knew then that Chris wasn’t angry anymore; he was probably smiling so Darren kept going.

“Wait, I’m not done. I’d be Darren Criss-Colfer. I would pretty much have your entire name attached to mine. That’s pretty fucking rad.”

 _“Good night, Dare,”_ Chris replied with fond exasperation.

“Good night. Love you.”

_“Love you too.”_

“This conversation is so not finished by the way. Just wait until you get home.”

_“Whatever. Good night, bane of my existence.”_

“‘Night, dear and loving fiancé who I’d be sticking my tongue out at if you could see me.”

_“I’ll be home soon enough. Do it in person. See you later.”_

“Fine. I will. See you soon, babe.”

He hung up with Chris, glad to end on a light note, even if the name change was still a minor consideration. The larger issue was much more serious and complicated. He hoped they could deal with it and that it wouldn’t tear them apart. 

\----

But in a way, it would. The last few tasks to care of for the wedding went smoothly. They agreed to keep their own last names, since it would be easier professionally (Darren still kind of wanted to change his legally if only to sign his name as ‘Darren C.C.’ as a reminder of his commitment but he decided against it). However, they’d have to discuss the matter of their future children at some point if they had any. They also agreed to be introduced after the ceremony as the Colfer-Crisses. Darren didn’t mind coming in second to his new husband.

Darren wrapped up his Broadway run on September 2, 2018, the Sunday before the wedding. That way, he had six days to fit in all the traditional pre-wedding festivities like a last minute tux fitting, the rehearsal dinner, and of course, the bachelor party. The walls of commitment were closing in and his heart raced with the thrill that he’d actually get what he wanted this time. Neither of them were running anymore.

He didn’t want a crazy celebration for his last night as a single guy, since he wasn’t too much of a partier anymore. So while Chris stayed home with the girls from the wedding party for his bash, Darren reserved the back room of a bar in Brooklyn for his small affair. He enjoyed the occasional drink and had been inebriated a few times in the past year, but he didn’t get as crazy as he used to during college, or even in his early to mid-twenties. He didn’t need to do it anymore; he wasn’t floating along, searching for something because he had found it in Chris.

After more than a couple of rounds of drinks, he told his brother as much.

“I--I really love him, bro,” he admitted from where they sat at the bar while the other guests milled about, drinking and chatting. “It wasn’t what I imagined as a teenager but God, I’m fucking ecstatic to spend the rest of my life with him.”

“I’m familiar with the feeling,” Chuck said after a swig of beer. “You know, you really enjoyed boobs back in the day. At least I thought you did.”

“I did, when I got to touch them.” Darren chuckled as he swirled his glass of whiskey. “But I enjoy Chris much more. He’s the one. It just took me really damn long to realize it.”

“So he’s worth all the scrutiny you might face? Since you didn’t come out for you know who.”

“It was different then. So much pressure. Too much. With Chris, there was drama but it was more about both of us getting our shit together, not the media bearing down on us. After everything we’ve been through, I think we can handle that.”

“Can you? I think I saw a few lurkers when we got out of the cab. How is it going to be at the wedding?”

“I’ve thought about this. Chris and the wedding planner have too. We’ve got it under control.”

“Good fucking luck. The band’s gotten some notoriety but not that much. I wouldn’t wish the fame part of the industry on anyone.”

Darren sighed. “You should be more famous after I begged them to use one of your songs on the show.”

“Whatever, dude. I’m glad you’ve been successful. It just sucks that there are consequences.”

“Wow. I thought you were a happier drunk. I’m getting married tomorrow. It’s not all bad. That other stuff is bullshit as long as I have him.”

“I’m glad you feel that way. But you know I gotta worry about my little brother.” Chuck patted him on the back. “I’ll be around if you need to talk about anything.”

“Somehow I don’t think I’ll be doing much talking during the next few weeks.” Darren smirked.

Chuck let go of him and took another sip of his drink. “Okay. You can stop there. I didn’t need to know that.”

“Fine.” Darren elbowed him in the ribs. “Thanks for the concern, though. I might need your advice with all this marriage stuff too.”

“No problem.”

“Love you, bro.” He got up from the stool and hugged his brother tight. “Now let’s go party the night away before I have to head back to the old ball and chain.”

He was kidding, of course. He was more than excited to continue his life with Chris and to finally make their relationship official. It was time for another new chapter of their lives to start.

\----

The wedding day didn’t go as smoothly as planned, however. The wedding party arrived to the hotel on schedule and Darren assumed all the guests were assembled as well. He got ready in the room that they booked for the night, tying his cerulean tie with shaking hands, while Chris was in someone else’s room getting ready. 

They fell asleep together the night before after Darren stumbled in around three in the morning and kicked out Lauren and Jenna, who still lingered. Lauren yelled at him to leave and told Chris that he shouldn’t see the bride before the wedding. Darren stuck his middle finger out at her and kissed Chris with a hard smack on the mouth before the girls left and he and Chris went to bed. He realized that the next time he kissed Chris, they would be married.

Darren stared at his reflection in the mirror: the suit that matched the shade of his tie, along with his light grey shirt and black shoes. Then he focused on his clean-shaven face and the hand with the engagement ring on it, which would soon be joined by another ring. He thought of the decade that had brought them to this day; they had been apart longer than they had been together but Darren knew that this was what he wanted. He survived without Chris for so long and for a while, he convinced himself that he could be happy. But he truly wasn’t, not until Chris crashed into his life once more a little over a year ago. For him, there was no one else that ever measured up and Chris clearly felt the same way or he wouldn’t have asked for forgiveness that day.

Darren was so glad that he did, or he probably would have never flown to New York to see him. He would have never heard his voice whispering sweet promises into his skin, he would have never learned the smell of his new cologne, he would have never felt his kiss and he wouldn’t have known what it felt like to be buried inside of him, with Chris crying out his name. He wouldn’t have gotten down on one knee and asked Chris to be his husband. He wouldn’t be standing in a hotel room, getting ready to marry the love of his life.

Tears welled up in his eyes until he could barely see and Chuck stepped into his sight line, with a hand on his shoulder.

“You alright?” Chuck asked.

Darren shook his head as he grabbed the handkerchief neatly tucked into his pocket. “I’m really fucking happy. I never thought this would happen. Not with--Not with Chris. I can’t believe it, man.”

“Believe it, Dare. It’s happening. It’s not all easy but it will be amazing. That I can promise you.”

Darren wiped his eyes and chuckled. “That’s what I’m hoping. I just want this day to be over so I can be with my husband.”

“You’ll have more than enough time for that after the ceremony. By the way, I can’t believe you’re walking in before Chris. I would have thought that you wanted to make an entrance.”

“Nah, I’m the one who asked him so I figured it should be him. Plus I wanted to save the best for last.”

“That’s the perfect answer.”

“Okay. Let’s do this.” Darren grinned but then he patted his pocket nervously. “Oh shit. Do I have the rings?” 

“I have the rings. That’s my job. You gave them to me last night, before we got drunk. Relax.”

“Yeah, relax,” Joe Walker called from the other side of the door.

Chuck opened the door while Darren stood behind him.

“Because I’m about to deliver some killer advice,” Joe added. “Take it from me, I’m almost through the first year and me and Lo are rocking this whole marriage thing.”

“Talk to me in six years and after you’ve had a kid, bro,” Chuck told him. “I’ve got you beat.”

“True. Props to you, dude.” Joe held his fist out towards Chuck and Chuck bumped it.

“But go ahead, have at it,” Chuck suggested.

Joe joined the two of them in the room and he wished Darren luck. Then he advised him to calm down and enjoy the day. He also said to remember to breathe when he first sees Chris and to take in every detail since this would be gone in a blink. It was only one day but it was an important one that he would never get back.

That last sentence would ring through his head for a long time afterward, since what happened in the following hours would change the outcome of their entire day. But Darren didn’t know that then. All he knew was that he needed to get downstairs. So they all left the room and headed to the elevator. 

When the doors dinged open, a frantic Lauren in her blue strapless dress dragged Darren into the elevator. Joe and Chuck followed.

“Well, hello to you too, babe,” Joe said. “You look great in that dress.”

Lauren quickly kissed the air near Joe’s cheek and uttered, “Thanks. No time. Hey, Chuck. Sorry but we have a crisis situation. Defcon 3, which means it’s still fixable. Chris is freaking out. He wants to talk to you.”

“How many Defcons are there, Laur?” Joe wondered.

Lauren narrowed her eyes at Joe. “Five. Exactly five. You should know this.” 

“Nailing the marriage thing, huh?” Chuck asked Joe, who only huffed.

“Shh,” Darren hushed Joe and Chuck before he turned back to Lauren. “What’s wrong? Is he alright?”

“I don’t know. He’s pacing and he mumbled something about flashbulbs in airports and nearly breaking his leg last month. I don’t see what that has to do with getting married but he said you would know.”

Darren resisted rolling his eyes at the situation. He told Chris that he had the issue of anyone crashing the wedding under control and he meant it. Along with the lawyer who looked over all his business contracts, he asked the photographer, the wedding planner, the hotel staff and anyone else working at the event to sign a nondisclosure agreement so they weren’t allowed to talk about the details of the event. However, he’d reassure Chris if he needed it.

“I know what he’s talking about. I’ll talk to him.”

“Oh thank God,” Lauren exclaimed, glancing at the elevator buttons. “Only one more floor.”

Soon after that, the doors flew open and Lauren told Joe and Chuck to wait downstairs and find out where Jenna was. They said they’d look for Joey, too, since no one had seen him for the last ten minutes. She gave Joe a peck goodbye before leading Darren down the hall to her and Joe’s room, where she and the girls of the wedding party were getting ready along with Chris.

They stopped at her door and Lauren knocked.

“He’s here,” Lauren informed him. “I don’t think you should see him though. It’s bad luck.”

“Then why’d you bring me down here?” Darren asked in a low voice. Then he spoke louder. “Han, is he still in there?”

“Yeah,” Hannah answered through the door. “He’s a ninja but he can’t climb down ten stories.”

“Sometimes I wish I could,” Chris remarked dryly, loud enough for Darren and Lauren to hear.

“Are you thinking of running out on me?” Darren questioned. “Do I have to come in there?”

“Maybe Lauren’s right. Maybe we shouldn’t see each other yet,” Chris responded.

“Babe, I couldn’t even legally marry you before this century,” Darren reminded him. “I’m pretty sure that tradition doesn’t apply.”

“Why mess with it though?” Chris countered.

“Because you said you wanted to see me,” Darren replied.

“I said I wanted to talk, Dare, not see you,” Chris shot back.

“Okay. Well, at least come closer,” Darren offered. “If you’re going to continue being ridiculous, I want to make sure you hear me and maybe you’ll start thinking rationally.”

There were footsteps and then the door opened a crack, where Darren saw a sliver of one of Chris’ eyes and part of his face.

“Can’t hear that well through a door,” Chris said.

“That’s true, my superstitious sweetheart,” Darren agreed. “Now, can you tell me what’s going on in that pretty little brain of yours so we can get this show on the road?”

“The vultures are here. I saw them on the way in. How are we going to leave?” 

Lauren looked at Darren, who mouthed that he would tell her later.

“We’ll figure it out. It’s called a diversion. Or we can escape through a different exit,” Darren reasoned. “We don’t have to leave until tomorrow.”

“They’ll camp out. I know it,” Chris stated with determination. “They want a shot of us together.”

“They already have some,” Darren explained. “Let them take one more.”

Chris exhaled deeply. “How much are they going to take, Darren?” 

Darren’s eyes flickered across the tiny piece of Chris’ face that he could see. “Why is this such a problem for you?” 

“Because I don’t want to be on display just because I’m with you. Why isn’t it a problem for you?”

“I guess I’ve had more time to adjust.” Darren shrugged. “Although, like I’ve told you before, it is a strange circumstance. More than strange. It’s fucked up. But we’ll deal with it. We can talk about it more tomorrow, baby, because in half an hour, I’d really like to marry you.”

Chris considered it for a moment, his face solemn before he gave Darren a grin that seemed a little off. He wished he could see Chris’ body language to know for sure if he was really okay. 

“I want to marry you too. But only you, not Darren Criss, the former TV star and current Broadway darling. The guy who serenaded me in college and swore that he only wanted me, even when I didn’t listen. The one who begged me he would stay and later proved it by moving himself into my place and proposing. The one who can do a lot of other stuff that I won’t mention in front of my sister.”

“Gross,” Hannah commented in a muffled tone.

Darren laughed. “That guy is here in front of you if you want to open the door.”

“Aww,” Lauren cooed. “If I wasn’t already taken, I’d marry the both of you right now. Darren is great. Get it together, Chris. Move your ass downstairs.”

“Okay. Okay. Fine,” Chris answered. “It’s not time yet. I will when I have to.”

“Good,” Lauren said, discreetly slapping Darren a low five. “I’m making Darren leave now.”

As Lauren pushed him down the hallway, he thought that their conversation was enough to assuage Chris’ worries.

But maybe it wasn’t because the next time he saw Chris, it was in a way that he never imagined.

\----

Before the ceremony, Darren waited outside the large banquet room with Lauren, Joe, Chris’ parents, and his and Chuck’s parents (the wedding planner was there too to help facilitate the events, along with security who roamed the first floor in plain clothes). Rosie, who held her basket of flowers, looked adorable in her blue dress, even with Chuck running around, attempting to wrangle her. Jenna showed up about ten minutes after the rest of them, ruffling her hair and adjusting her dress. Her lipstick looked slightly smudged.

“Sorry. Had to go to the bathroom. Am I late?” She wondered as she fixed the the ankle strap on her high heel.

“No, since we haven’t gone in yet,” Lauren answered. “Joey’s running a little behind schedule too. Would you happen to know anything about that?”

Her eyes shifted away from Lauren’s curious gaze. “Me? What? No. Why would I know?”

Then Joey came from down the hall toward the hotel entrance and public bathrooms, adjusting his tie and the fly of his pants. 

“Hey, are we ready to do this thing?” Joey asked with a smirk.

Joe looked between the two of them. “Looks like you’re ready to do something. Or someone, I should say. Oh wait, you just did.”

Jenna blushed but threw her hands in the air. “What? We’re both single. I’m allowed to enjoy myself.”

“Chris and Darren aren’t the only ones who are allowed to get laid today. Am I right?” Joey reasoned, holding up a hand in the air for someone to high five.

Jenna smacked Joey’s hand after a moment and said, “Exactly.”

“Speaking of Chris, where is he?” Darren wondered anxiously, glancing toward the elevator, which was down another hall and around a corner from their group. Then he looked in the other direction toward the bathroom. “He was supposed to be here five minutes ago.”

“I’m sure he’s fine,” Darren’s mama assured him. “He probably needs to work out a few jitters, honey. It happens to a lot of people on the wedding day, even if they love the person they’re marrying. It’s a big deal.” She looked over to her husband, who smiled.

“Your mother is right,” Darren’s papa said. “We were both nervous wrecks that day but it turned out okay. We’re still together and we have you and Charles.”

Darren rocked back and forth on his tiptoes and took a deep breath. “Okay. Yeah. Okay.”

He looked toward the elevator once more and turned toward Chris’ parents. “Should I text Hannah?”

“Give him a couple of more minutes,” Mrs. Colfer told him. “He was always a late bloomer.”

Darren sighed and paced away from everyone else. What if his dreams weren’t going to come true? What if he rushed Chris into a reunion that they weren’t ready for? Maybe he should have waited to propose. These thoughts raced through his head over and over for the rest of that day. 

But temporary relief flowed through him when Hannah came around the corner and sped towards them, even if she was unaccompanied.

“Where the hell is he?” Darren asked her as soon as she was close enough to hear.

“Little ears, Dare,” Chuck chided him, tilting his head toward Rosie.

“Sorry,” Darren stage whispered. “So what’s up, Han?”

“He’s down the hall taking a breather. He needed some alone time and I let him have it,” she explained. “He’ll be ready. You should just start in a few minutes. He has to come in last after all of us anyway.”

Darren trusted that Chris had changed enough in the last seven years that he wouldn’t walk out on him without an explanation. So he accepted Hannah’s words and nodded to Colleen to get things started.

Colleen acknowledged him with her own head nod and handed the bouquets of blue orchids and white daisies to all the women in the bridal party. Then she went into the banquet room and moments later, the instrumental piece that Darren wrote began playing from a piano in the corner (he composed it in early January while he and Chris discussed the wedding date).

Colleen came back out and then told them, “Okay, the JOP just went in and he’s waiting. You guys know what to do. Joey, Jenna, you’re up.”

They linked arms, smiled at each other, and disappeared through the doors. A minute later, Lauren and Joe followed them. Chuck crossed the hallway to where everyone else was and handed Rosemary off to Colleen; the coordinator rested a hand on one of her little shoulders and knelt down to help her add more blue and white petals to her basket.

After Chuck joined arms with Hannah, Darren gave them one last look and glanced down the hall.

“It’ll be okay,” Hannah soothed. “He loves you.”

“Yeah. She’s right. He’ll follow you,” Chuck agreed. “See you out there.”

Then they went inside, with Darren and Chuck’s parents following. Their mother smiled at Darren one last time before they walked through the doors.

Chris’ parents stood in their position next, Chris’ mother nearest to Darren.

“I can go find him if you want,” Chris’ mom offered.

Darren’s eyes flickered toward the hallway and then the back exit about fifty feet away from where they stood. “No, that’s okay. Just go.”

Chris’ parents nodded to him, Mr. Colfer adding, “Good luck,” before they entered the room.

Colleen then whispered to Rosie and nudged her toward the door. Then she walked through the door as well.

Darren cursed, dread coursing through his veins; he knew then that something had to be wrong. But Colleen urged him to go inside and that she’d rush to find Chris. So he went inside and held back his tears as he walked down the aisle, all his guests looking on with smiles and tears of joy. He hid his nerves well as he stood and waited with Chuck right beside him, the music that made him think of Chris still playing in the background. Minutes ticked by and whispers lingered among the guests.

Chuck squeezed Darren’s shoulder wordlessly. A few more minutes went by as Darren’s musician friend played a different piece to stall. Darren raised an eyebrow at Hannah, who stood across from him. Hannah shrugged and then Darren raised both eyebrows. She was about to walk back down the aisle and exit the room in search of Chris. Then Colleen came in and said something to the officiant, whose eyes narrowed before he nodded.

Darren looked between them but didn’t get an answer. Colleen turned to Hannah, who grabbed her phone from her mother and then tapped at the screen. Hannah looked up at Darren, worry etched on her face. Darren sent a questioning gaze to her and Colleen. The wedding planner quietly said that she couldn’t find Chris but Hannah was on it.

Hannah waited a couple of minutes before she leaned in toward Darren and said, “He’s not answering.”

“You know he forgets sometimes. He gets distracted easily,” Darren explained. “Does he even have his phone on him?”

“Yeah. It’s in his jacket pocket on vibrate.”

“I’m gonna go call him,” Darren answered quietly.

Hannah tried to stop him with a hand on his arm. “Darren, wait, you can’t just--”

But Darren shrugged her off, jogged back down the aisle and out the door. As he stood in the hallway and pulled his phone from his jacket pocket, he heard the officiant announcing to the crowd that there was a slight delay.

He dialed Chris’ number with his heart in his throat, much like a few other times over the years that they had known each other. He hoped Chris would pick up his call this time.

It rang and rang and rang until it went to voicemail.

“Jesus, Chris,” Darren mumbled as the voice message beeped. 

“Yeah,” Darren started angrily. “Tell me you’re at home and you freaked out again because this is too much. Tell me you’re sitting there waiting for me and you’re not packing your stuff and leaving the life we built here over the last year. I’d like to believe you wouldn’t do that.”

Then Darren took a deep breath and continued more calmly. “Chris, sweetheart, if you can’t do this right now and you want to take a step back, that’s okay. We’ll just go on our trip, regroup, and revisit the options whenever you feel up to it. Just please answer this message. Please don’t leave.”

He clicked the end button, gripped his phone tightly in one hand, and ran his other hand through his hair. He looked down at the back of his hand that held his phone and his engagement ring that rested on his finger for nearly a year, seemingly mocking him then. Did the promises they made to each other that whole time suddenly vanish in one panicked moment? Did Chris just abandon him and make him a fool yet again? It was so much worse now that he had a captive audience, most of which didn’t know the history of his and Chris’ relationship. When shit got real, they both chose themselves and ran. Maybe Chris was still like that and he hadn’t changed.

Darren stared at the screen of his phone every few seconds, but to no avail. Seconds became minutes. There were ten long minutes before Chuck burst through the doors with a look of concern.

“Dude, what’s going on?”

“Honestly, I don’t even fucking know. He hasn’t replied to my voicemail. I let him fucking have it, bro. But I--I got soft at the end. He has a tendency to run. I should have known. I should have just enjoyed a long engagement or got married at city hall, or--”

“Dare, stop. He agreed to marry you. He agreed with all the plans along the way. If he did back out, it’s on him, not you.”

“But what if it is? He was worried about some shit and I tried to talk him down. I thought everything was okay. What if I didn’t do a good enough job?”

“Don’t beat yourself up. I’ll go ask if any of the staff or security saw anything,” Chuck replied before he hugged Darren. “It’s going to be okay.”

Darren nodded, even if he didn’t believe his brother’s words.

While Chuck searched for a security guard, Darren waited and waited. Five more minutes passed, and then ten. Ten turned into fifteen. When twenty minutes went by, Chuck returned, ready to inform him about what happened, but Darren’s phone rang. He would have been relieved but it wasn’t Chris. It was a number that he didn’t recognize with a New York area code. So he picked it up.

An unfamiliar high-pitched voice greeted him formally.

_“Hello. This is Christine from the trauma department at New York Presbyterian Hospital. Is this Darren? Darren Criss?”_

“Yeah. Yes, this is he,” he answered, his free hand shaking. “What is this in reference to?”

_“A Chris Colfer had you listed as his emergency contact. You’re his fiancé. Is this correct?”_

Darren’s stomach dropped, his anger and disappointment replaced with fear as he confirmed her question.

“Yes. We were supposed to get married today actually. What happened?”

_“I’m afraid I can’t tell you over the phone. Please come in as soon as you can.”_

“Can you just tell me if it’s bad? How bad is he? Please,” Darren begged.

_“If you come in, either myself or someone on staff will let you know the extent of his injuries and his most updated condition. I don’t want to explain that to you now when you could be here and things will have changed by then, sir.”_

“Okay. I understand. I’ll be there as soon as I can,” Darren told her in his best professional voice that he reserved for formal business calls and tried not to break down.

“Shit,” Darren cursed as soon as he hung up.

“What? What is it?”

“He--Fuck--He--He’s in the hospital. They wouldn’t tell me what happened. Just that I--I should come in as soon as possible.” He still clutched the phone in his hand, as if it held further answers than what he was given.

“Oh my God!” Chuck exclaimed. “I’ll go get his parents and Hannah. I’ll take care of everything here.”

Darren stared at him blankly, different moments flashing in front of him: the night he first saw Chris, grimacing into his red plastic cup, Chris’ wild blue eyes blinking back at him after their first kiss, the similar look of shock on Chris’ face when Darren showed up at his door in New York, and then the grin when Chris said yes to marrying him. All those memories could have been it for them. He wasted too much time being away from Chris for stupid reasons and he could have been slipping away that instant.

But then Hannah and the Colfers appeared.

“Okay. Where are we going? Which hospital?” Hannah asked, her voice fairly steady for such a catastrophic situation, while Chris’ parents stood there, their faces gone pale.

“New York Pres,” Darren told her without hesitation.

“Alright. Let’s get a cab pronto,” she answered, leading the charge through the hotel lobby and out the front door. The sun beat down so brightly against the pavement that Darren could barely see as he tried to hail a taxi along with Hannah.

Five or ten more agonizing minutes flew by before a cab stopped for them. Darren wasn’t sure what time was anymore as he kept waiting on the fate of his fiancé. He only stuffed himself in the cab between Chris’ parents and Hannah while he vaguely listened to Chris’ sister rattling off their destination to the driver.

He realized that they were probably only a few blocks away from where they wanted to be but that meant nothing in New York. It just meant more time stuck in traffic, contemplating the severity of Chris’ injuries and the particulars of how it happened. He absently twirled the dark green engagement ring on his finger, his mind retreating to the darkest places as he imagined his beautiful Chris, bleeding and alone.

Then he thought of a question that Chris had posed to him through the door earlier that day.

_“How much are they going to take, Darren?”_

He wondered then if this was related to the paparazzi that Chris had worried about. Maybe he didn’t ease Chris enough and his concerns became reality, or maybe it was simply an unfortunate accident.

Either way, he was about to find out. 


	8. In Case it is the Last Time

Now, Darren finds himself racing through the doors of the emergency room, explaining to the nurse who he is. He thinks it’s the one he spoke to on the phone, although he can’t be sure. It’s clear from her face that she recognizes his name from the television show he was on, but he isn’t worried about that. As he approaches Chris’ room, he’s more concerned with what he’ll find when he arrives there.

The Colfers trail behind him and the sight before them makes Darren blink back tears, if only for the sake of Chris’ family. Chris is in a stark white hospital gown, barely a contrast to the color of his skin. There are tubes attached to his wrist, a clip on his finger, and a mask over his nose and mouth. There’s also a bandage on the right side of his forehead that’s saturated with red and a long scrape marring his entire right cheek. The steady beeping of the monitors are Darren’s only form of solace, providing proof that Chris might just be in a better condition than he looks.

“Wh--What happened to him?” Darren somehow finds the words to ask the nurse.

“Are you his family?” She returns, undoubtedly addressing all of them.

Darren glances toward Chris’ sister and parents before he nods. “Yes, we are. I told you I’m his fiancé. This is Hannah, his sister, and their parents.” He gestures with his head in their respective directions. “What’s wrong?”

“He came in with some head trauma, a couple of broken ribs, a broken ankle, and a lot of minor cuts and bruises. Apparently he was hit by a pickup truck while he was crossing the street. He was saying your name, Darren, before he passed out. With his head injury, we can’t be sure of when he’ll wake up.”

Darren briefly wonders when Chris left the hotel and walked outside to cross the street. How did he escape the security posted around the building? Was he really going to run out on their wedding? If so, why didn’t he tell anyone? He tries not to let doubt and fear overwhelm him once again since the only person who can answer him is lying damn near lifeless in a bed in front of him. So he settles on asking the nurse something she knows he can tell him.

“The--The mask,” Darren starts. “What’s that for?”

“The broken ribs are affecting his breathing. We’ll know more as soon as we can get him down for a CT. He’ll get an MRI too so we can check out the severity of his head injury.”

“Oh. Okay. And when will those be?” Mrs. Colfer asks.

“Not for another couple of hours, I’m afraid,” she informs them solemnly. “If you need anything, let me know. And if he wakes up, press the button above his bed.”

“Alright. Thank you,” Chris’ father answers. 

“No problem, sir,” the nurse says before she glances over at the monitors and then leaves the room.

Darren rushes to Chris’ side, carefully laying a hand on his left cheek, while Chris’ mom stands on the other side.

“Chris, sweetheart, I need you to wake up. You--You can’t leave me. Not like this. Not after I finally found you again. We’re supposed to spend the rest of our lives together. I love you so much. I just--You need to wake up so I can tell you. Please, please wake up, baby.”

He takes his hand away from Chris’ cheek so he can squeeze Chris’ hand, the one with his engagement ring on it. The silver glints in the harsh light, a glaring reminder of what they are to each other and how far they’ve come. Darren can’t lose him like this, after all their stops and starts over the years. They’re finally in the same place, both emotionally and physically. They’re so young and their life together has barely begun. He’s not ready for it to end.

\----

Darren and Mrs. Colfer stand there for what feels like hours, although it could have been less, while Hannah and Mr. Colfer sit in chairs off to the side. Chris is still lying there, his chest rising up and down but his eyes remaining closed. Darren’s hand is clammy from holding onto Chris for so long and his legs are threatening to give out, but he doesn’t care. He can’t leave him.

“Darren, take my chair. You should sit,” Hannah urges. “It’s been three hours.” 

“You too, honey,” Mr. Colfer says to his wife. “We don’t know how much longer it’ll be until he wakes up.”

Mrs. Colfer simply shakes her head and so does Darren.

“I’m fine,” Darren tells them. “You guys should go eat something. Let your family know what’s up.”

“Maybe we should, Han,” Chris’ father answers with a sigh and turns to his daughter. “Want to see what’s down in the cafeteria?”

“Not really,” she replies with a groan. “I hate hospital food. We should go to McDonald’s. I think we passed one on the way in.”

“Okay,” Mr. Colfer says. “McDonald’s it is, unless anyone else objects.”

Darren and Mrs. Colfer don’t protest at all; Darren shrugs while Mrs. Colfer shakes her head again.

“Alright.” Mr. Colfer gets up and crosses the room to his wife. “I’ll get you some tea, dear. What do you want, Darren?”

“I’m good,” he says, staring at Chris, who at least got the bandage on his head changed in the last half hour.

“Dare, he would want you to eat,” Hannah reasons. “We’ll get you a burger and fries. Eat it or don’t eat it. It’s your choice but we’re going to get it for you.”

“‘Kay. Sure, thanks. That’s cool.” He lets go of Chris’ hand for a second and turns it over so Chris’ palm faces up. Then he delicately traces the veins of Chris’ wrist, feeling his pulse beneath his skin.

He’s still breathing. He’s still here, Darren reminds himself.

“Maybe you should come with us, Mom,” Hannah suggests. “Get some fresh air. Give Darren some time alone with Chris.”

Mrs. Colfer looks at her husband and daughter, and then at Darren for a long moment before she speaks. “I guess I can do that,” she says to her family and turns to Darren. “Let us know if anything changes.”

“I will.”

As Mr. and Mrs. Colfer head toward the door, Hannah pushes her chair toward Darren and then follows after them.

He chuckles wryly once the Colfers leave. “It’s my fucking wedding day and I’m about to eat McDonald’s, if I even eat.” He pulls the chair a little closer with one hand and sits, his eyes flitting across Chris’ face. “We should be laughing and dancing. I should be shoving cake in your face and kissing the chocolate off, not listening to these damn monitors and wondering when or if you’ll wake up.”

He sighs and kisses Chris’ hand. “But this was going to be our day. I can’t leave you.”

Then a knock sounds on the door before it opens to a young man in scrubs with a stethoscope around his neck. “Hi, I’m an intern. My name’s Patrick. I’m here to take Chris down to CT. It’s been backed up today so we got to him a little late.”

Darren stands up. “Can I go with him?” “Do you have other family here, sir?”

“Yeah, I’m his fiancé but his sister and parents are out getting food. They should be back soon. My family and our friends are a few blocks away actually. We were supposed to get married today,” Darren explains as the man steps closer and then grips the bed rails.

“Well, you should stay here so you can tell his family what’s going on. You don’t want them to worry when they see that you’re both gone.”

“I guess you’re right. Do you think he’ll wake up soon?”

“That’s what we’re trying to find out.” He stares at Darren for an uncomfortably long minute before his eyes narrow. “This might sound a bit rude but do I know you from somewhere? You look so familiar.”

“I, uh, I used to be on TV. My name’s Darren.” He nearly laughs out loud. “I actually played a doctor on this show called _Lifelines._ I could use that guy right now. He’s way smarter than me.” 

Patrick’s eyes widen and his mouth drops open. “Oh yeah, now I remember. You made out with your really hot boss but then you chose that nurse guy. You married him, right?”

“Our characters got married in the final season last year, yeah.”

“Huh. That’s cool. You know, my nephew looks up to you. He’s twenty and he just came out. He always thought you were cute. I’m not gay or anything but I can see the appeal,” Patrick tells him. Then he flushes bright red. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry if that was inappropriate given why you’re here. I mean, Chris--You’re getting married and--” 

“It’s okay,” Darren reassures him and tries not to snap at him, considering his inconvenient timing. “It’s not the weirdest encounter I’ve ever had, believe it or not.”

“Same here.” He reaches over and shakes Darren’s hand. “Anyway, I need to get this guy downstairs so he can eventually get out of here and you can get married in real life.”

“I hope so. That’s the plan.”

“The attending said if his oxygen levels were okay that I could take him off that, so I’m gonna go ahead and do that. His vitals look good too. The machines can stay here.”

“Oh, okay.”

The doctor disconnects the machines and wishes Darren good luck before he wheels Chris out the door. Darren thinks he might need it.

\----

The doctors don’t give him many answers after they get the test results back except that Chris’ head wound was worse than they originally thought. They also aren’t sure if he’ll be himself when he wakes up. The nurses try to stay positive but Darren can tell that most are just offering platitudes to make him feel better. The Colfers cancel their flight home and Darren offers to pay for their return flight and extended hotel stay. For five long days, Darren stays with them by a still-unconscious Chris’ bedside (he thinks that the staff afford them the privilege because of Darren’s status but this time, he won’t complain about it). 

It’s late on the first night and Darren’s nodding off in the chair with a crick in his neck. Then Chuck stops by with their parents and Lucy while visitors are still allowed; he tells Darren that everyone who stayed at the hotel after he announced what happened had a decent time. They all wish Chris a speedy recovery while Lauren, Joe and several other out-of-town guests pledge to stay in the city a couple of days longer so they can see how Chris is doing. Darren thanks his parents, Lucy, and Chuck for the support. He also thanks Chuck individually for taking care of all the wedding stuff. After his brother reassures him that it’s no problem, he asks for one more favor, to pack up his and Chris’ stuff and bring it back home in the morning (thankfully, all of the inappropriate items were still safely in one of his bags).

After barely sleeping and staring at Chris until the sun rises, he calls the hotel from the hospital while the Colfers are in the lounge getting coffee. He drops his name unabashedly just so he can check out without going back there. It’s unorthodox and he hates doing it but he doesn’t care about appearances when the man he loves is basically in a coma. He also hates canceling their honeymoon and getting sympathetic apologies from the travel agent when he explains his situation. He kisses Chris’ forehead after he hangs up and promises him an amazing trip one day.

That afternoon, Lauren and Joe come down, offering hugs and encouragement to Darren, as well as Chris’ family. Lauren declares that he and Chris will get their happy ending because they deserve it; they’ve been through too much not to. Darren wants to believe her.

Joey offers similar sentiments on the third day but he frowns when he sees Darren still in his wedding outfit, albeit with his jacket and tie removed, the top two buttons of his shirt undone and the sleeves rolled up. He hasn’t bothered going home to shower or change; he can’t, even if the Colfers plan on sleeping at their hotel tonight. Chris is stable, but that doesn’t matter; Darren can’t leave him and let him wake up alone. Joey jokes that it’s a good thing that he brought extra clothes although Darren will be swimming in them since he’s so tiny. 

Darren manages a laugh at that but it quickly morphs into tears, maybe because of the kind gesture or maybe because he’s barely slept since he’s been here (he knows deep down that it’s because Chris would have teased Darren in the same way and that he should be doing it now instead of lying in that stupid bed). In any case, he accepts Joey’s offer with a tight embrace. He’s grateful that Joey also hands him deodorant and a new toothbrush with toothpaste. Joey stays for a few hours and buys food for the Colfers and Darren, though Darren barely touches it.

Starkid friends from college pour in the day after that. Flowers and cards come in too, as well as some of Chris’ family members. A few of them stare at Darren and he’s not sure if it’s due to how ragged he probably looks or if they wanted a closer glimpse of a former TV star. He figures it’s most likely both but he’s too exhausted to care about either. He still needs Chris to wake up.

It’s early in the morning on the fifth day, after the nurses and doctors make their rounds but before the Colfers show up from their hotel. This is when Darren pleads some more to the one person who can’t hear him.

“Come back to me, sweetheart. Chris, I don’t care if you’re not you. I just want you to come back to me. I swear I won’t leave you. I can’t. I’ll get you the best care. I’ll put some stuff on hold until you get better. I want you with me, at home and awake. I want to see you smiling at me, I want to laugh at all the jokes you make when we’re watching some dumb reality show. I want you to tell me how much of a jerk I am for wasting so much time not being with you all these years. I promise I won’t bring up how you left me in L.A. right before you graduated or how you left me before we were about to get married. As long as you don’t leave me again, baby. If you’re with me, we’ll figure it all out. I just--I can’t fucking--”

He breaks off, tears falling as he holds Chris’ hand in both of his. He sniffles so loud it thankfully drowns out the constant beeping of the monitors. But it also drowns out the small voice coming from the direction of Chris’ bed.

“Dare,” Chris whispers hoarsely, his eyes blinking open to the bright lights of the room. Then his eyebrows draw together. “Wh--What happened? Why are you crying? Where am I?”

“Oh, thank God.” Darren looks up and sighs deeply when he hears him, grateful that Chris remembers who he is. “Baby, you were in an accident right before the wedding. You’ve been in the hospital for five days but you’re awake now. You’re okay.”

“I--I--What?” Chris asks, trying to sit up, but he inadvertently pulls on the tubes and wires attached to him. 

Darren nudges him back down, gently pressing his shoulder with one hand. “I don’t know all the details but um, apparently you were hit by a truck. You scared me for a little while there.”

“I don’t--I don’t remember. I can’t--I just remember pacing in the hotel and then I think I left through the kitchen or something but I don’t remember, Darren. Why can’t I remember?” Chris says frantically, attempting to sit up again.

“Stay there,” Darren urges. “You can’t get up. You hit your head, sweetheart. You might not ever get that memory back. One of the neurologists told me it’s called retrograde amnesia. If that’s the only thing that you don’t remember, that’s okay. I’m so glad you’re awake.”

“Oh my God.” Chris grimaces. “My leg.”

“Does it hurt?”

“It feels heavy. What happened to my leg?”

“You have a cast on it. You broke your ankle. Does anything else hurt?”

“My side kind of hurts,” Chris answers.

“That’s because you broke two of your ribs. But, um, there’s this button you can press with your thumb and it’ll give you more morphine. Be careful with that.”

Chris presses the button in his right hand and lies back down.

Darren hates seeing him in pain, awake and aware, but he’s here. He’s alive and he knows who Darren is. His eyes fall shut again.

“Chris?”

“Mhmm,” he replies drowsily.

“Just want to make sure you’re still with me.”

“Don’t think I can go anywhere,” he utters dryly.

Darren laughs and wipes his tears away. “Right. I’m gonna go get a nurse and call your parents.”

Chris opens his eyes again in alarm. “Parents. My parents are here?”

“Yeah. They stuck around for you, babe. They might already be here.”

“Why were they here again?”

Worry courses through him as he squeezes Chris’ hand. “The wedding. Our wedding, Chris. We were going to get married, remember?”

“Right. Wedding. Marriage. Are we married?”

“No, honey. We aren’t. We were going to, but um, you’re hurt. You were in an accident. You’re in the hospital,” Darren explains carefully.

As Darren turns to leave and let the nurse know that Chris is awake, he hopes that he’s just groggy from the drugs. But first Chris grips his hand.

“Dare?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry. I should have--I should have married you. I got--I think I was scared, but I’m not anymore. I love you.” Chris smiles weakly.

“I love you too.” 

He smiles back and kisses Chris’ left cheek, below the cut just underneath his eye. He wants to know what Chris means but for now, he leaves it alone. They can talk more when Chris is well. At least he still has a chance to find out. 

“We’ll get through this, okay?” Darren adds, hoping his words ring true.

Chris nods and Darren lets go, in search of a nurse. Darren races to the nurses’ station about ten feet away and tells one of them the good news. But he also tells her that Chris seems to be forgetting details that Darren just mentioned.

She says they’ll keep an eye on that and run a couple of tests. Darren takes the opportunity to call Hannah, who says that she and her parents are on the way.

He informs her that Chris is finally awake but he doesn’t share his concerns yet, since they might mean nothing. Instead, they celebrate in the hospital when the Colfers arrive; Darren even hugs Chris’ father.

Chris falls asleep that night, still in the hospital so Darren stays overnight. The Colfers depart to their hotel late at night and Darren schedules a flight home for them for the next afternoon now that Chris is out of immediate danger. It’s going to be a long road to recovery, but Darren will be there every step of the way.

\----

It turns out that Chris had been somewhat out of it the day he woke up because of all the drugs and only a little because of the head injury. He stays a few more days for observation, during one of which Darren actually goes home for a bit, if only to shower and change his clothes. It feels good to be clean and know that Chris is okay but it’s eerily silent without Chris clicking away on his laptop or humming along to whatever Darren is playing on guitar or piano.

As Darren walks by the piano in their living room, he itches to write something new, with all the emotions he’s experienced in the past week or so. But he won’t, not until Chris comes home.

The staff continues to monitor Chris over the next few days and inform him that he’ll need physical therapy for his ankle and rib injuries; he should also avoid strenuous activity for at least six weeks. They prescribe him various pain medications and Darren tells the nurses and doctors that he’ll make sure that Chris takes them at the appropriate time. Darren promises to take care of whatever Chris needs.

“Darren, I can’t ask you to put your life on hold for me. You have your album and whatever other stuff you want to do,” Chris reminds him as he hobbles into the apartment on his crutches after they come home from the hospital and fill his prescriptions (Darren also bought some food at a nearby market). 

“Will you just let me help you?” Darren urges, walking into the door after him and setting the prescription bags on the counter. “In sickness and in health is what I signed up for.”

But Chris keeps going until he reaches the couch and stops, unsure of what to do. He looks at Darren. 

“We’re not married yet.”

“But I still love and support you. I was ready to marry you, Chris. I want to take care of you.” He offers his arm for Chris to hold onto.

Chris stares at it for a moment but then hands his crutches to Darren, who gingerly places them on the side of the couch. Darren puts his arm around Chris’ shoulders and helps him sit down. After that, he grabs his legs and lifts them so that Chris stretches across the couch. Darren finds a throw pillow and sets it under Chris’ injured ankle as well.

“Thank you,” Chris says.

“Do you need anything, babe? Water, some food? I know you didn’t enjoy that hospital shit. The jello wasn’t even decent. I know because I tried it.” Darren laughs.

Chris raises an eyebrow at him. “You would steal food from an injured person?”

“Only a bite.” Darren shrugs. “Do you want food or not?”

Chris shakes his head. “Just get me my laptop.”

“Really? You got out of the hospital three hours ago.”

“Yeah, after missing a week and a half of work.”

“That you would have had blocked off for our honeymoon. You didn’t miss that much.”

Chris narrows his eyes at Darren. “How dare you. I missed five days of my life. Five days of lying completely helpless in a bed where nurses undoubtedly had to bathe me and turn me so I wouldn’t get bed sores. Five days where I had no idea what happened to me or where I even was. Five days I could have spent with you if I didn’t stupidly run away. So yeah, I missed a lot.”

“I’m sorry,” Darren apologizes, squatting down and resting a hand on Chris’ bicep. “It was hell for me too. I didn’t know if you were ever going to wake up. And you couldn’t tell me how you got there or why you ran in the first place.”

Chris’ face goes pale and he glances away from Darren. “Can we talk about this later? I’d like to catch up on my emails.”

“You--Your what?” Darren shoots up in disbelief. “Seriously? I’m trying to talk to you and you want to check your emails? That’s what you’re worried about?”

Suddenly all the fears that Darren felt on their wedding day came rushing back. Did Chris get too overwhelmed at the idea of marrying him? Did the commitment bother him? Did he want things to stay how they were, with them together and happy? Was Chris going to abandon him completely? Why else would he have left the building? Darren’s stomach turns at the possibilities but he asks Chris a couple of questions anyway.

“Do you--Do you not want to marry me, Chris? Is that why you’re avoiding an explanation?”

He gulps and swallows. “I--I love you, Dare. I don’t--We just got home. I’m supposed to be avoiding stress.”

“And discussing important things with your fiancé is stressful?”

“A little, yes. I’m not going anywhere for a while. We’ve got some time for important discussions,” Chris reasons.

“Exactly. So you can tell me what you were thinking when you left me, waiting for you in front of all our family and friends. Do you remember that much? I know you’re hurting right now. But knowing that you left--That hurts me too. I mean, after you left me in L.A., you can’t imagine--”

“I’ve changed since then,” Chris interjects sharply. “You have too. You’re a spectacle, which means I am too. I--I was worried about our future. I thought I saw a camera in the lobby. I remember leaving through the kitchen to get some air and process what was happening. Before I knew it, my feet were moving and I was walking down the block. Then, after that, everything is blank.”

“So you were running away, weren’t you?” Darren accuses, his heart beating so loud that he swears he can hear it.

“Not from you,” Chris says. “From the whole day, from the show that our life could become. I don’t want to be under a microscope that we can’t escape. I wanted to come back and explain everything, I swear.”

“When? How? I thought we resolved all this. We talked right before the ceremony. Maybe the real problem here is that we rushed this and you weren’t ready--”

“I am. I want to be with you. I do,” Chris declares. “We’ve been living together for over a year and I wouldn’t have agreed to marry you otherwise. I guess the paparazzi thing was a concern at first but I let it take over because I didn’t want to think about the other stuff.” 

Chris sighs and continues. “I just--I was afraid, okay? Afraid of what would happen if we didn’t last. So no, it wasn’t rushed. I was about to get what I wanted since I was eighteen and this time, I was going to stand in front of our friends and family and let them know that. I was about to put my heart on the line not only for you but for everyone we care about. I had a selfish moment and I ran. But now I’m paying for it. So can we please stop fighting about this?”

Darren contemplates all that Chris has said. Chris does love him, which Darren already knew, but he was running away from the commitment, an all too familiar position for both of them. He thought they had grown from that but maybe the pattern of leaving each other and returning had become so ingrained in them that the chance at a lasting relationship is still foreign territory. Maybe they still need to navigate how to really be with each other.

“No. I told you that I wasn’t leaving this time,” Darren finally reiterates. “You promised me you wouldn’t either, several times.”

“I know that. But I’m not going to do it again. I’m sorry I ruined everything.” Chris blinks, his eyes glinting with unshed tears.

Darren wants to forgive him but he can’t yet, not when their problems run deeper than he ever thought. He kneels down to Chris’ level and softly rests a hand on one of his wrists, briefly glancing down to Chris’ engagement ring.

“An apology doesn’t make it okay, Chris. I love you and I want to be with you. Are you sure you want to be with me?”

“Yeah. Yes. I’ve never been more sure of anything.”

Darren looks at him dubiously. “Then we should try to figure out why you ran out on our wedding and nearly got killed in the process.”

“Okay. I’ll do whatever you want, I swear. I made a mistake. I just--Please, don’t leave me.”

“I told you I wouldn’t. I’m keeping my word and I hope you do too this time.”

Darren kisses his forehead and brings him his laptop as he asked. Then he busies himself with making lunch for the two of them, trying not to let his anger reign over everything, as Chris types away on his computer. Just a few days ago, he would have been thankful for the sound, and he is, but now it’s accompanied by the stinging knowledge that Chris still doesn’t trust him.

He’s still going to take care of Chris because he’s not about to break his promise to Chris’ father. But he’s not going to be happy about it. He puts Chris’ computer on the coffee table and serves a sandwich to him. While Chris eats with the plate carefully balanced on his lap, Darren sits in the chair next to him in the chair and eats too, albeit silently. Usually, they’d fill the space with lively chatter but Darren can barely even look at him.

Chris sets his plate down on the table, picks up his laptop and types some more. Then Darren throws the dishes in the sink and walks over to the piano, an angry melody flying from his fingers and onto the keys once he’s at the bench. This is the gift that Chris gave him because he wanted Darren’s dream to come true, where they celebrated their love for each other after the clock struck midnight of the new year, and where Chris agreed to help plan the wedding that he decided he didn’t want. It killed him that Chris didn’t just talk to him and instead made an issue out of something they couldn’t control, like Darren’s notoriety. 

Darren hopes that they can fix this and move forward. Otherwise this could be the end of them for good. 


	9. Epilogue

After Chris hops down the hallway on his crutches and goes to bed, Darren plays the piano late into the night, soulful ballads of his own making and darker compositions by others, until his fingers can’t move anymore. Then he finally collapses into bed, listening to Chris’ steady breathing. He aches to hold him and remind himself that Chris is okay and alive, not unconscious and hooked up to monitors. But he doesn’t want to hurt Chris’ healing wounds and he doesn’t want to rip open his own.

Darren offers to help Chris out of bed and Chris declines, making it all the way to the bathroom before Darren hears curses of frustration. Darren sighs and assists Chris in undressing and moves the body wash, shampoo and conditioner so it’s within Chris’ reach. Then he turns on the water and helps Chris into the shower, careful not to get his cast wet or press against his chest. It’s a delicate balancing act, much like the rest of the days during Chris’ recovery.

Darren helps Chris get dressed and gives him his medication along with breakfast, after which Chris does his first deep breathing and coughing exercises of the day; it’s something he has to do every two hours until his ribs heal in order to prevent a lung infection or even worse, a collapsed lung. Then Chris goes to the couch, takes out his laptop and types, or he chats with the movie producers. Meanwhile, Darren strums on his guitar and scribbles out lyrics of frustration for two hours, until he checks on Chris to make sure he’s doing those breathing activities. 

Darren catches up on his own emails and lets Chuck know of Chris’ progress but he avoids talk of how Chris got this way and why Darren has stayed with him. He loves him and wants to trust him again, although how can he when Chris doesn’t trust him?

In between all the physical therapy, doctor’s appointments and Darren planning his next career move, he suggests counseling for he and Chris as individuals and together. If they want to get through this and spend the rest of their lives together, they’ll need to seriously work at it. So during the second week, Darren starts seeing a psychologist and so does Chris.

After a few sessions, Darren learns a lot about himself and how he acts in relationships, including how he’s treated Chris over the years. They’ve had established patterns that they couldn’t just move on from after a few conversations and one year of living together. Chris needs to fully forgive Darren for the past and not let it paralyze him, and Darren needs to forgive Chris for leaving him, both recently and when they were younger.

It isn’t easy when they start counseling together. Though they have known each other, and loved each other, a long time, the past year had essentially been their honeymoon phase, a whirlwind of romance and marriage plans, while only sometimes communicating their issues. When they attend sessions with each other, they build a foundation for how to listen to and react to those issues better. Most importantly, they agree not to substitute sex for communication and not to engage in sexual activity before they get married. 

Near the end of October 2018, neither of them are far from perfect, both separately and together, but they’re in a better place than they ever have been. They agree to continue counseling, though as soon as Chris gets his cast removed and his injuries have healed, they decide to get married at city hall, on Halloween of all days. They’ll have several witnesses at the ceremony and then a costume party at their apartment. 

“It’ll be fucking sweet,” Darren proposes when they leave counseling the sixth week after Chris is out of the hospital.

Thankfully, Chris agrees, promising to bring up any concerns before the actual day; he also tells Darren that keeping the ceremony small makes him feel less pressure than he had before, which is definitely a big step forward in communication.

Finally, the rest of their lives can start and Darren can’t wait.

\----

They invite their parents and Hannah out to the city a couple of days before that to visit and break the news. Hannah gently hugs Chris and Darren tells the Colfers how nice it is to see them under better circumstances. They’re all out at dinner, along with Chuck, Lucy, and Rosemary; once their orders are taken and they all have drinks, Darren happily announces his and Chris’ wedding plans.

Hannah stares with her mouth open for about a minute while the Colfers and everyone else do pretty much the same, until Darren’s mama speaks. 

“That’s, um, that’s lovely, dear. What a wonderful surprise,” she says politely. “I’m glad you invited us out for it.”

Chuck glances over at her and then back to Darren, raising his eyebrows at his brother. “Are you sure about this, Dare?”

Darren looks over at Chris, who smiles. He takes Chris’ hand on the tabletop and looks at Chuck. 

“We’ve been working on some stuff and we’re not fully where we need to be. But we’re getting there,” Darren replies.

“I know you might not trust me,” Chris pointedly tells Chuck. “I understand that but I won’t run out on your brother again.” Then he gazes at Darren. “I’ve discovered a lot of things about myself and like Darren said, we’ve worked on stuff. I’m done running. It literally almost cost me my life and I’m not doing it again.”

Chuck scoffs. “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

“Charles,” his mother chides.

“What?” Chuck turns to his mother. “Why am I the only one who’s bringing up how bad of an idea this is? At least this soon after last time. It’s only been a month and a half. Marriage is a big deal, as most of us at this table know. I just don’t think you guys should rush into it.”

Darren respects his brother’s opinion; he’s older and definitely wiser on this subject. But Darren has waited so long for this and it’s getting more and more difficult to kiss Chris at night and simply stop, when he remembers how Chris’ body feels on top of him and underneath him. He craves Chris’ touch against his skin and the taste of him on his tongue. Now that Darren is getting over his resentment and Chris is in much better health, he wants to be with him in their bed. He knows it won’t fix everything but God, he needs it.

But he also wants to fully commit to Chris because he’s as emotionally ready as he’s ever been. He’s grown since college and he knows how much it destroyed him when he left Chris. For him, there’s no one else, even if the negative outcome of Chris leaving would absolutely devastate him. So he’ll take a chance with his own heart this time.

Darren grips Chris’ hand tightly as he answers Chuck. “Thanks, Chuck, I totally get where you’re coming from but I’m going to marry him, whether you like it or not. I’ve loved him for nearly a decade and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. We may have had our issues and maybe we still do. But whose relationship doesn’t? So yeah, it’s going to happen and I’d really like you to come. Please.”

Chuck studies Darren’s face and takes a sip of his water before responding. “I’ll have to think about it.” Then he leans over to look at Chris’ parents, who are sitting on the same side as him. “No offense to you, Mr. and Mrs. Colfer. You too, Hannah.. I’m sure Chris is a decent person. I just don’t know if it’s the right move right now.”

“None taken,” Hannah replies before her parents do. “I’m a little uncertain about this too, but I love Chris and Chris loves Darren. Your brother has made his feelings pretty clear as well. And it’s happening so you might as well show up.”

Chuck clears his throat. “I, um, like I said, I’ll think about it.”

Rosie sits in her chair at the end of the table, scribbling away on her paper placemat, until she looks up at Chuck. “Daddy, are Uncle Darren and Uncle Chris getting married?”

“Yeah, honey, on Halloween. That’s what your Uncle Darren says.”

“Ooh, can I be their flower girl again?”

“That’s up to them, sweetie. It’s their ceremony so it’s their decision.”

“Please, please, please?” She begs Darren and Chris.

Darren leans over Chris to look at Rosie and then back at Chuck and Lucy. “If your parents are alright with it, you are more than welcome to dress up and carry a basket of flowers. But it’s gonna be a little different than last time.”

“Okay! Daddy, can I? Please, please, please.” She drops her crayons and bangs on the table a few times. “I’ll be so good, I promise. I’ll even skip trick or treating.”

Chuck looks at his daughter and then to Lucy, who’s next to him. 

“Whatever you want to do, babe. I’ll support you,” Lucy tells him.

“C’mon, Daddy, please!” Rosie continues.

Chuck sighs. “Alright. You can do that, sweetheart,” he says to Rosie. “You don’t have to miss trick or treating.”

“Yay!” Rosie claps her hands. Then she gets up from her chair and hugs Chuck. “Thanks Daddy!”

Chuck glances over Rosie’s shoulder and gives a tight grin to Darren and Chris before his daughter lets go and runs over to them.

“Thanks Uncle Darren! Thanks Uncle Chris!”

“I guess we’re going,” Chuck says as Rosemary hugs Darren. “Can she wear the same dress?”

“She can wear whatever dress you want her to,” Darren replies and mouths, _“Thank you,”_ while Rosie hugs Chris.

“Okay. Guess we’ll see you guys on Halloween,” Chuck informs Darren and Chris, the reluctance clear in his tone.

Darren’s earlier words weren’t an empty threat; he never needed his brother’s approval or anyone else’s to be with Chris, but he damn sure wanted it. Even if Chuck doesn’t accept it quite yet, he’ll have to eventually, because nothing is getting in the way of his relationship with Chris ever again.

After Chuck’s protest and eventual compromise, they finish dinner that night with very little fanfare. Chris’ parents quietly congratulate the both of them. Mrs. Colfer hugs Chris tight and whispers something in his ear.

“I know, Mom. I am this time, I swear,” Chris assures her.

Darren’s eyebrows draw together but he doesn’t ask what she said. He figures it’s private and if Chris wants to tell him, he will.

Hannah quietly tells Chris something as well and Chris laughs out loud.

“Thanks for the offer, Han, but I don’t think I’ll need it,” Chris answers.

Again, Darren leaves it between them as he hugs his own parents goodbye and they each wish Darren and Chris good luck. Hopefully, they won’t need it. All Darren really needs is Chris and this time, he knows he has him. They’ll get to permanently seal their promises to each other in a decidedly less flashy way and somehow, Darren couldn’t ask for anything better.

\----

Darren and Chris decide on heading down to the city clerk’s office the middle of Wednesday morning on Halloween 2018 to beat the rush hour traffic, not that it makes much difference since the streets are filled nearly every waking hour. But it does give them some time to wake up, enjoy each other and eat breakfast.

Darren rolls over in bed around sunrise while Chris lies on his side, facing away from Darren and still snoring. Darren blinks awake, a bundle of nerves knotting in his stomach as he tucks his front snugly against Chris’ back. He resists the urge to grind his hips until Chris wakes up, staying true to the no sex stipulation that their counselor set for them. Instead he nuzzles at the base of Chris’ neck and then lightly brushes his lips there. Besides, in a few short hours, he’ll get to do much more.

Chris will be his husband. His heart swells as he thinks back to his college years and even his twenties, when he was a kid more excited at the prospect of change rather than commitment to any one place or person. When he met Chris, he didn’t exactly alter that philosophy but he knew there was something different about him compared to everyone else. So he tried to hold onto him with varying degrees of success, sometimes letting him slip away altogether. 

But he figures now that maybe their paths were meant to veer away from each other and cross once more. He had to learn what he should have known so many years ago: being with Chris is as inescapable as a snowfall in Michigan in December, the bright sun beating down in California year round, or a crisp autumn day in New York. No matter when or where they were, their relationship would be inevitable and now he’s done fighting it.

He hopes Chris feels the same way.

Then Chris hums and stirs, pushing back against him as if he’s read Darren’s mind.

“Morning, sweetheart,” Darren murmurs with a kiss to the back of Chris’ head.

“Mmm, morning.” Chris groans and Darren can tell that the tone is seeking something that he can’t give him yet. 

“Ah, ah, ah,” Darren scolds. “Not yet, future husband. I’m sticking to that rule that we have, remember?”

“Since when have we ever played by the rules? They’re made to be broken.” Chris rolls his hips backward, teasing Darren.

“Fuck,” he exclaims. “You--You rebel. I’m being serious.”

Chris reaches back, sliding his hand along Darren’s hip. “Me too. What’s a few more hours here or there in the grand scheme of things? We’re going to be married for life.”

“Exactly,” Darren states as he grabs Chris’ hand and pins Chris down onto his stomach, while Darren lies on top of him. 

Darren’s arousal rises with Chris’ ass so close to his groin; he’s wanted this for so long that he could just rub against him and come in his boxers, like he had with Chris once before ages ago. But he sighs and stays where he is.

“So what’s another few hours when we’ll have forever?” Darren proposes.

“Not convincing enough. I miss you,” Chris mumbles into the pillow.

“I miss you too but I’m not going anywhere, babe” Darren reminds him, rolling to the side to avoid temptation.

Chris turns his head and smiles. “Neither am I. Guess you’re right. I’ll wait a little longer.”

Darren smirks. “Only because you know that I’m worth it.”

“You are,” Chris says solemnly.

Somehow, Darren believes him.

They lie in bed and trade slow, lazy kisses and touches for a while, careful to avoid the spots they know will make it lead somewhere further. Then they strip off what little clothing they have on and shower together. Darren’s eyes linger across Chris’ body like he’s seeing him for the first time and Chris grins wickedly.

“My eyes are up here,” Chris reminds him after they step inside.

“I know. Your eyes are gorgeous. The problem is that the rest of you is too,” Darren answers.

Chris shrugs as if he agrees when he reaches for the body wash and squeezes some into his hand. After that, he faces Darren and lathers the substance along his own feet, his legs, his arms, his neck and chest and then further down to his cock.

“Tease,” Darren tells him before he licks his lips.

Chris raises an eyebrow. “No one told you to look or to shower with me.”

He watches Chris rinse off and puts some body wash in his hand, massaging Chris’ shoulders, the back of his neck and then down his back until he reaches his ass.

Chris turns his head. “Now who’s the tease? You’re so close to breaking the rules, Dare.”

He kneads at the tense muscles of Chris’ lower back. “Oh, I intend to follow through later, dear. Don’t you trust me?”

“Oh, ohhh,” he moans as Darren nearly grazes the top of his ass. “I do, but you have to stop.”

“Why?” Darren’s lips ghost along one of Chris’ wet shoulders, now clean under the spray. “I’m just helping out my fiancé. It doesn’t have to go anywhere, unless he can’t control himself.”

“Dare,” Chris warns.

Darren can’t resist running his soapy hands over Chris’ ass, pressing his palms against it for a moment and almost pulling his cheeks apart. Soon, he might bury himself in that tight, perfect heat and his cock twitches to life at the thought. But then he turns Chris around to rinse him off and look into those bright blue eyes, now darkened with lust. He knows that gaze and has had to stop himself from giving into it before, when Chris wasn’t ready to follow through on it. He is now, of course; however, Darren still won’t give in because he made a promise.

“I’ll be good now, I swear,” Darren vows before cupping Chris’ face and kissing his mouth softly. 

Chris chases it once he breaks away, his lips landing on the scruff of Darren’s jaw with a sigh. “The one time you’re no fun, Dare.”

“I’m sorry. You try cleaning your fiancé’s naked body and not doing more than that.”

“I’m up for the challenge, after I wash my hair.”

Chris grabs the shampoo and then scrubs it through his hair. While he’s rinsing, Darren snatches the bottle from his hand and puts some shampoo in his own hair. Darren places it down on the tub and Chris moves aside to let Darren rinse. After that, Chris conditions Darren’s hair and then his own.

Chris takes the body wash, squeezing some into his palm before he puts the bottle down. He gently runs a hand across Darren’s neck, and then joins it with another hand along his shoulders and down his arms before moving on to his chest. Chris bites his lip as his hands trail lower down Darren’s stomach. He pauses and Darren steels himself, staring into Chris’ eyes rather than anywhere else.

Then Chris squeezes more body wash into his hand and continues, cleaning Darren’s cock and balls and reaching around to his ass. Chris kneels down and Darren focuses on a spot on the ceiling rather than the delicious sight before him. He feels Chris’ hands on his legs and feet as his dick reaches a painful level of arousal.

He takes a deep breath and suddenly Chris maneuvers him toward the spray, lukewarm water raining down on his skin until he’s all clean. Darren thanks him and Chris grins before pecking him on the cheek and jumping out of the shower.

A minute later, Darren hears the door creaking shut, evidence that Chris has left him. Darren’s tempted to follow him but he knows what would happen if he did, so he stays in the shower, thinking of what Chris might be doing. No doubt he’s also imagining what they could have done if they broke the rules and it spurs Darren on to reach for the body wash once again and stroke himself purposefully. It doesn’t take long for him to spill all over the shower and let it rinse down the drain. He stands there until the water cools in case Chris really did have the same idea. Then he turns it off, steps out and quickly runs the towel through his hair. After that, he loosely wraps the towel around his waist and slowly makes his way toward the bedroom.

He opens the door to find Chris with a flushed face, his hands resting on his lap, which is covered by a towel.

Darren chuckles as he walks into the room. 

“You good, babe?” Darren asks.

“Yeah, but I’ll be better later,” Chris replies, flopping back onto the bed.

“I know the feeling, hon.” Darren pads over to the bed and cups one of Chris’ cheeks. “So I take it you’re ready to get going?”

Chris beams at him and then kisses Darren’s palm, a little below where his ring finger lies. “Yeah. Let’s go get married, Dare.”

They change into new outfits that they shopped for as soon as they set their wedding date: a navy blue suit, a white dress shirt, and a dark grey tie for Chris, and a dark grey suit with a navy blue shirt and a silver tie for Darren. It was an homage to their old wedding colors while also adhering to the tradition of having something new and something blue (Darren’s old things are his black dress shoes and cerulean and grey striped socks from the wedding and his borrowed thing is a pocket square from his dad. Chris still has his tie from the wedding that he’s using as a pocket square for something old and his something borrowed is a clean pair of Darren’s briefs from his drawer. Chris claims it still counts).

After they finish getting ready, Darren walks over to their front door, pockets his keys, his wallet, and then his phone. He stands there, breathes out and waits for Chris to join him. A minute passes by and then another. But Chris appears next to him after that with a folder in his hand and an apologetic smile.

“Sorry, babe. I was just getting the documents we need and texting Hannah to make sure that she and my parents are meeting us there. We’re all set to go.”

Darren sighs in relief. “Good. I should text Chuck and my folks to check out what’s up with them.”

Before Darren can reach for his phone, Chris hugs him, the folder still in hand. Apparently he could sense Darren’s tension. 

“Don’t worry. I wasn’t going to back out. I wouldn’t do that to you again,” Chris assures him. “I love you too much.”

Those words make Darren relax even more as he inhales the cologne on Chris’ neck and then pulls back.

“I love you too,” Darren says and gives Chris a peck on the mouth. “A whole fucking lot. Can we go now?”

“Yeah. Yes, we can. Do you have your ID?” Darren asks.

Chris nods. “Yeah. It’s in my wallet that’s in my pocket. The marriage license is in the folder. Relax, Dare.”

“I’m trying,” Darren responds, bouncing on his heels. “Let’s go get hitched.”

A thrill runs through Darren, not based on fear or anxiety, but rather excitement. He really is getting married to Chris and nothing’s going to stop them.

\----

Well, nothing except the two hour wait after they sign the necessary paperwork. Darren’s parents show up soon after Darren and Chris, followed by the Colfers, and then finally, Lucy and Chuck, with Rosie in tow.

“You still have the rings?” Darren asks Chuck nervously as they wait.

“Yeah, even though I still think it’s a bad idea.”

“Thank you for reluctantly supporting me anyway,” Darren says. “And for having a kid that you can’t say no to.”

“She loves Chris too, even if I don’t right now.” Chuck sighs. “You better hope this doesn’t bite you in the ass.”

Darren’s soon-to-be husband is sitting across the hall from him and Chuck, chatting animatedly with Hannah while their parents talk to Darren and Chuck’s parents (Meanwhile Lucy sits with Rosie on her lap next to the Crisses). Chris shows no sign of distress or wanting to flee at all, so Darren calmly answers his brother.

“It’ll be fine this time. He’s still here, isn’t he?” Darren remarks, subtly gesturing with his head towards Chris’ direction.

Still, Chuck laughs wryly. “Yeah, but how long will that last?”

“It will last. We’ve screwed each other over enough for one lifetime, maybe more than that. He had his reasons for leaving and we’re finally moving on from that. This is the next step. I’m sure of it,” Darren swears.

“Fine. God knows I can’t stop you when you want to do something. Remember that time our cousins tried to give you a makeover and I told you that you’d look stupid?”

Darren chuckles. “Yeah, but I went through with it anyway. Those butterfly clips looked pretty rad.”

“And now there’s photographic proof that’s probably spread all over the Internet.” Chuck smiles. 

“Awesome! Now another one of my supposedly bad decisions will be a matter of public record forever.” Darren looks at Chris, now standing near and talking to his and Chuck’s mama. Then Darren looks back at Chuck. “I know you think it’s a mistake, doing this so soon, but it’ll turn okay.”

“You don’t know that, Dare.”

“Maybe not. But I’m taking a chance because I love him.”

“Well, then I’m going to tell you the same thing I told you at your bachelor party: good luck. You’re going to need it even more now.”

As Chris waves and grins at him, Darren hopes that that won’t be true. 

So he crosses the hallway and fills the rest of their wait holding Chris’ hand, not caring who sees. Soon the whole world will know how much of a lovesick fool he is for Chris and they’ll be married. Even if it’s a terrible decision, it’s the one he’ll regret the least when it comes to Chris. At least he’ll know he did all he could.

But it does work out. The official calls Darren’s and Chris’ names and they enter the room along with their family, where another official asks who the lucky couple is. Darren and Chris stand before him and hold each other’s hands. Then they state their names while their respective families stand on either side of them.

The man giving the ceremony smiles at them quickly before introducing the vows and telling Chris to answer both of his questions with, _“I do.”_

As Chris does what the man says, Darren can’t help the tears from welling up in his eyes. All the dreams he’s had since he got back together with Chris nearly a year ago (maybe even longer, he admits) are finally coming true. Chris is making his promises and now he’s going to keep them.

Darren startles out of his thoughts when the officiant asks him the first question of his vows, if he will take Chris as his husband. Then Darren shakes his head and laughs.

“Oh. Oh yeah, I do.”

Chris’ eyes narrow at him curiously. But he listens as Darren repeats “I do,” again to answer the question about loving, honoring cherishing, and protecting him. Chris gulps then, his beautiful blue eyes shining.

“Now, do we have the rings?” The official wonders.

Darren turns to Chuck, who fishes the rings out of his pocket and hands one to Darren and one to Chris. The officiant speaks to Chris but Darren can’t hear anything he’s saying; the world narrows only to Chris as Chris nods and stares at Darren.

“I, Christopher Paul Colfer,” the official says. 

“I, Christopher Paul Colfer,” he repeats.

“Take you, Darren Everett Criss,” the man recites.

“Take--Take you, Darren Everett Criss,” Chris stutters out.

“To be my husband,” the official announces.

“To be my--my husband,” Chris says brokenly, gazing at Darren with so much love in his eyes that his breath catches in his chest. 

Darren recognizes that gaze from the night that he serenaded Chris back in college and his heart feels like it’s about to burst out of its chest. His pulse quickens and his body freezes, thinking of all the events of the last ten years that had lead them here. If he hadn’t woken up and gone to that party senior year, if he hadn’t seen Chris across the room, if he hadn’t fought so hard to see him again after that night, they certainly wouldn’t be pledging to spend their lives together now. 

Chris slides the ring home on Darren’s finger right above his engagement ring and now the tears actually stream down Darren’s cheeks. He thinks he hears one of their mothers crying too or maybe both of them. However, he tries to concentrate on keeping it together so he can recite the same words that Chris had. His hand shakes as he says, “With this ring, I thee wed.” Then he places the ring on Chris’ finger, finally, after so long.

The official says something about love being the reason they’re here and how it will also take trust, to know in their hearts that they want the best for each other, and dedication, to stay open and learn and grow together even when it isn’t easy. As Darren grips the first four fingers of Chris’ hand, feeling the impression of the two rings, he thinks they’ve done all that and more. But he can’t wait to keep doing it.

The official goes on about faith, going forward despite the unknown, and keeping their commitment to each other, now and forever. Despite all the problems that Darren has had with those concepts in the past, he knows he will stay true to Chris and Chris will stay true to him. After trying to live without Chris, he realized that he couldn’t, and clearly Chris must have realized the same, or he wouldn’t be standing here today.

As the official announces them to be husbands, Darren notices the wetness in Chris’ eyes and knows without a doubt exactly how Chris feels about him. There’s no way that either of them are running out now. 

“You may now kiss each other,” the official tells them.

Amid clapping and Rosie’s excited squeals, Darren lets go of Chris’ hand, cups his cheeks, and brings their mouths together for a bruising kiss. Chris grabs Darren’s hips, pressing him closer and then slipping his tongue inside. Darren longs to go further until he remembers where they are and who they’re with. So Darren breaks away, resting his forehead against Chris’ own and murmuring, “I love you,” against his lips.

“Love you too,” Chris replies. “Always.”

Darren rubs at the tears that are now rolling down Chris’ cheeks and then hugs him tightly. He can’t believe how far they’ve come and how far they still have to go. They don’t have it all figured out but they’re closer than they’ve ever been and for now, that’s enough. It’s been a long crazy decade and hopefully they’ll get to share many more.

Now that they’re together permanently, it’s only the beginning.


End file.
